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    • #764976

      Well, my wife has kind of accepted my CD. Couple years ago when she found my last stash of clothing she said she wasn’t going to fight it anymore. Said it is a part of me and to keep the clothes. Then my oldest child came out as transgender. Sense the coming out I found one of her bras in my dresser. She said it was to big for her. Big shock, didn’t know how to react. Just today she said I could have these 2 new dresses she bought that are a little big on her, plus she didn’t like much after trying on. So my issue is I don’t know how to react. I feel uncomfortable or uneasy about it. Going years with no acceptance to this is being hard to deal with.
      Has anyone ever had feelings similar?

      Thanks for reading and listening
      Christina

    • #764978
      J J
      Lady

      The bra and dresses are from your wife, correct? Does she have any issues with your trans child?  Are you just uncomfortable that your wife is now accepting that you dress?

      I am not sure what your issue is??? Would you rather she not accept you dressed? Or is it that she is giving you items? Had she found things previously and you lied and continued to dress? So many unanswered questions. Most would be happy to have an accepting spouse /SO.

    • #764980

      I would say your wife has figured out that there are not just two labels; male and female. Also that she is willing to adapt. I say count your blessings and ease into things. Let her set the pace and boundaries. You might even want to let her know that you are willing to let her do so. Each new level of acceptance will be exciting. The anticipation will have you charged for perhaps years to come. Have fun with your new relationship.

    • #764989

      Well simply take it and run.  Just say thank you and be appreciative of her acceptance.

    • #764994

      Time to have a Friday night hen party. There is no down side to this scenario. Open up to them and ask how they would feel about a coming out party .  Winner winner, tv dinner.

    • #764995
      Peta Mari
      Lady

      My wife knows. Is probably discomforted by it. But also understands.

      I do not feel comfortable dressing fem in her presence. Apart from wearing tights, a hair elastic, and toe nail polish. (We often go for pedicures together.)

      I’m her husband, not wife or girlfriend. I’m happy with my maleness. And my fem side as well. Occasionally we have gone shopping and looking and she has asked me if I’d like anything. Each time we bought some work jeans or flanny shirts. (I didnt really want or need anything else.) Occasionally I’ll throw some nail polish or lipstick into the trolly.

      She will also dye my hair for me. And likes the results of golden brown, or medium brown that we use.

      Maybe. Your disquiet is that your dressing is a private hobby, more so than a shared experience?

    • #764996
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess

      Hi, Christina. I think I understand where you are coming from, after a long time of no o or almost no acceptance now it sounds like full acceptance?? I would suggest going slow, If you push your fem side to much in the wrong way at the wrong time she still might go ballistic on you?? Tell her you love her and you might want to ‘push so me fem things further’, but you want to be sensitive to her feelings also!!
      .. Cassie

    • #764999

      It sounds as thought your wife is accepting your feminine  side otherwise why would she give you dresses and her bra. I can understand  your being uncomfortable now that she knows but take this as an opportunity to include her in showing you how to do makeup, dress, do nails, shave etc.. In time you will be comfortable dressed enfem around her as it is just a part of who you are. Have a girls weekend you may be surprised to find she enjoys having a girlfriend to dress with, talk to  and even go out shopping with.   The possibilities are endless, we all wish for a supportive SO consider yourself lucky so many of us don’t.

    • #765063

      Christina –

      When I first came out to my wife she wasn’t very accepting.  I could dress when she wasn’t home and only in the house.  Over the years she has come to accept my dressing.  It was a slow process and during that time we went for mani-pedi’s together and when I joked with her about getting color on my toes she said go ahead, she gave me some clothes that didn’t fit her anymore and had me try them on in front of her to make sure they fit.  Now we go shopping together (online and in person) and she will ask if Suzanne would like a particular item or needs anything.  There are also days when she says I should get dressed and we hang out for  the day as girlfriends.  She helps me with my make up and styling my wigs.  I would just go wtih the flow and let her set the pace with what she is comfortable with.

      XOXO
      Suzanne

    • #765064

      Christina –

      When I first came out to my wife she wasn’t very accepting.  I could dress when she wasn’t home and only in the house.  Over the years she has come to accept my dressing.  It was a slow process and during that time we went for mani-pedi’s together and when I joked with her about getting color on my toes she said go ahead, she gave me some clothes that didn’t fit her anymore and had me try them on in front of her to make sure they fit.  Now we go shopping together (online and in person) and she will ask if Suzanne would like a particular item or needs anything.  There are also days when she says I should get dressed and we hang out for  the day as girlfriends.  She helps me with my make up and styling my wigs.  I would just go wtih the flow and let her set the pace with what she is comfortable with.

      XOXO
      Suzanne

    • #765094
      Angela Booth
      Hostess

      It can be disorientating but you could run with it, just talk things through as you progress so  everyone knows where they stand. I hope it works out well.

    • #765138
      Ellie Davis
      Managing Ambassador

      Hi Christina

      I’m finding that my reaction to this is a little mixed.

      Part of me wants to write an empathetic response and do a bit of hand-holding, since that’s my nature.

      Part of me wants to say ‘Wait … what?’, and give you a good shake.

      First, the empathetic bit. In your own words (from your profile), when your wife first found out about your crossdressing ‘it didn’t go well’. I could be wrong (and please shoot me down in flames if I am, I’ve got my big girl pants on) but until recently you’d continued to dress but hidden this from your wife. The fact that a couple of years ago she found your stash and said that she ‘wasn’t going to fight it any more’ suggests that she probably knew about the hidden dressing all along.

      Now, she is passing clothes on to you. To go from active hiding to what suddenly seems like complete acceptance is, I can see, disorienting. We humans are, by our nature, suspicious. ‘What’s she up to?’ ‘Is it a trap?’

      Now I could be wrong, but I think that it IS what it looks like.

      Your wife has realised that Christina is part of you. She knows that Christina isn’t going to go away. She understands that the best thing to do in terms of your relationship is to accept Christina.

      The other part of me, the one that wants to shake you, is still saying ‘Hold on … isn’t this a good thing?’

      On the face of it you’ve reached a point that most of us can only dream of. I understand that this is a dangerous assumption, since I’m only viewing your situation from extreme distance. But, honestly, look around at your situation.

      Doesn’t this seem like a good place to be at the moment?

      Currently, your wife’s acceptance might be grudging. ‘I don’t like it, but I’m going to have to go with it’. But you should appreciate her for giving some ground. Keep the lines of communication open. Talk to her. Thank her. Find out what her boundaries are before trying to push your luck too far. Go slowly. Recognise that she is being quite, quite wonderful.

      It looks like there may be a happy ending. I hope so 🙂

      Hugs

      Ellie x

    • #765141
      Natalie Dane
      Duchess

      Hi Christina,

      The fact of the matter is people can, and often do, change their opinion on a topic especially if they go from a place of ignorance to a place of understanding.

      One thing which strikes me in your post is that after your wife found your femme clothes your child came out as Trans. Has your wife been doing any research internet, books, scientific journals, which discuss and explain transgenderism?

      Part of me thinks that perhaps your wife realized your child was Trans before finding your clothing, and realized they would be a hypocrite if they accepted your child, but shunned you for expressing your feminine side. Regardless of where you sit on the Gender Spectrum you and your child are alike in some ways. I.e. gender expression/ gender identity is not aligned with physical characteristics.

      This is without question a challenging topic to bring up, but you may want to make time to check in about her feelings. Is she accepting you and your trans child for who they truly are, or are they making an effort to be ‘better’ about it? Either way, it seems that opening a door of communication may help bring clarity to the questions racing through your head.

      At this point it seems the worst that can happen is that your wife refueses to open up or simply asks to not talk about it.

      Regarding your trans child. Have you and your wife sat down and talked to them about their journey (and possibly yours)? Obviously, I don’t know the social dynamics of your family or if you’re child(ren) are aware of your dressing, but maybe having a discussion between the three of you exploring the gender spectrum would be easier?

      Curious to know more!
      Hugs,

      -Natalie

    • #765223
      Lea
      Lady

      Thanks for posting your interesting situation. People are so unpredictable, which right now is in your favor, yet could change too. I feel for you. It can be super confusing. And risky. Good luck. Hope it works out well.

    • #765225
      Mia Mor’e
      Baroness

      I think the best thing that you can do is thank her for her acceptance. In a real genuine way. And then maybe you can communicate with her, establish boundaries that are okay with her. Anything that opens up better communication and understanding between the two of you is a good thing.

    • #766375
      Becka
      Lady

      I know the feeling, have dealt with nonacceptance, now more acceptance and I’m wondering if I can take this to the next stage and wear more, something she has not seen like all my very femme shoes.

      I’m afraid that will put us back at square one. But who knows! When out shopping she knows I’m looking at shoes for me, and when looking at blouses she outwardly asks, “is that for you or me?” I mentioned this past weekend I didn’t have a necklace to go with what I was wearing and she replied saying she did, and I was welcome to use it!

      I want to wear skirts, shoes (heels possibly), and bras, but I have to things slow, if at all.

      Tough decisions. We have already drifted because of my grooming and dressing, no intimate relations what so ever. Better than 3 years. Don’t want to make things worse.

    • #766831

      My wife was a little hesitant at first, maybe she didn’t want me to know she was okay with it.  Today I dress about 2 times a month and wear panties almost every day.  some of my clothes she bought for me and shoes that were ounce hers, more important than my Crossdressing is our marriage, we love each other, enjoy spending time together,  the clothing is optional.

      Erika

      • This reply was modified 10 months ago by Erika King.
    • #767054

      Sounds like the “love conquores all” theme is working. My wife has always known how I like to dress and often buys me things. It is a great life. Full disclosure from the start is my recommendation for everyone.

    • #767062
      Rhonda Lee
      Baroness - Annual

      Congratulations on sharing a problem most would love to have!

      Seems to me that only a real female can answer your questions, and the best one to confer with is your wife. I’d heap thanks and praise on her, let her know how thrilled you are that she is reaching out to you, you want to be revealing to her, and are sensitive to her feelings and how to support her, but confused in view of past negative vibes, and want an honest discussion to better understand where she is coming from. This is necessary not only for you but for the two of you to know how best to deal with your trans daughter’s issues. It sounds like she wants to play on your team, and nothing could be better than to share all of these experiences, determine the boundaries and the areas where you truly want the same things. Offering a bra and dress is about as major as it gets, so enjoy your newfound acceptance and do everything you can to retain it!

    • #767392
      Jessi Jane
      Duchess

      My wife has known for many years at first it was, “you need better clothes” or “I’ll have to get you something that fits better”. Although she had never seen me fully dressed. I guess she always worried about catching me dressed because after knowing she would always let me know when she was coming home. Fast forward about 5 years or so, we’re talking on the phone. I’m home alone and completely decked out. Unbeknownst to me she had to drop her mom off close to our house. I almost panicked thinking she was coming home but she said she was headed back to work. Well she lied about that part suspecting I was dressed up she was finally ready to face me, She came home. She parked where our cameras wouldn’t see her car and notify me. So she just barged in and caught me on the couch. She said she realized she wanted accept this knowing how much it means to me. She’s not ready for Jessi on a regular basis but I do tell her about the days Jessi will be home when she’s not.
      So now I’m conflicted with my feelings. On the one hand its a relief she said she wants to except but she once seemed okay before only to flip out and almost divorced. So I feel like I’m even edgier about her knowing in fear of another freak out.
      Every so often I’ll ask her about her feelings and ask her not to keep her feelings hidden but to please talk to me about them.
      One thing for sure is I’m tired of hiding out. So Jessi is making the most of it.

      • #767909
        Lisa
        Lady

        Jessi,

         

        I know exactly what you feel. I also feel edgy, and not sure how she’ll react one day versus another. Like you, I’m tired of hiding and I love being who I am.

        Lisa

        • This reply was modified 9 months ago by Lisa.
    • #767858

      There’s this feeling that constantly staggers me: the accountability of getting what you wanted. Once you achieve it, whatever that is, you feel that you need to keep it or deserve it. And that’s where I really struggle. My advice to you is: enjoy it! Don’t think about it. Take one day at a time and I’m sure you’ll find that’s exactly what you needed. You deserve it, honey 😉

    • #767962

      I must say I envy the fact that your wife accepts your dressing. My wife never will. I’ve been sneaking around dressed more and more when she leaves the house. As I age I feel like I’m on a collision course

    • #768092

      Perhaps now is a chance to have discussions with your wife and your daughter? I wonder how your wife reacted to your daughter’s revelation.

    • #768248
      Becka
      Lady

      This is happening with me too at this time. Recently my wife appears much more relaxed than before.

      Just last night she was browsing shoes on line and telling me about all these styles I should look at, as they were/are having a big sale.

      The one thing she may not know about (but she has to know or at least suspect), are the panties and more femme flats I have. A little at a time I figure, and just take and accept what comes. I dealt so long with the nonacceptance that I’ll just take what I can get, if anything.

      Love and hugs,
      Becka!

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