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    • #658653
      Barb Wire
      Lady

      (In light of BillieJay’s musings and warnings about Internet privacy, I thought I’d share this).

      Dear Diary,

      I got BUSTED!

      Guess it was going to happen eventually. And guess what? I really don’t care. It’s MY life. Let THEM deal with it! I will NOT apologize for anything.

      So there.

      Um… but it IS a BIG deal. I mean, other people now KNOW!! And more are knowing everyday! Just look at all my Facebook and Instagram friend requests! Gee, I put on a skirt and some make up and I’m more popular than ever before? And when I put on my high heels and stockings, well…  CREEPY GUYS now want to date ME! I mean, some are cute, don’t get me wrong, but most look like capital ‘L’ LOOOOSERS!! Those guys should all go to JAIL! They look ICKY and middle-age and FAT! I bet they still live with their MOMMIES!

      What’s a girl to do?

      * * *

      In reality, I got outed by two cis people I know very well. They discovered me indirectly by a labyrinth of connected websites, Facebook pages and Instagram posts. No surprise, really. But they were surprised by my transfeminine desires, yet offered their support for my gender identity and expression. In fact, one said I look pretty convincing as a woman and I look really good too!

      I guess it’s easier to accept my outing since I am transfeminine no matter the chatter. I am who I am and proudly so! I suppose if I was much younger I’d be horrified, but now that I’m edging past 60 it’s now kind of a relief!

      What also helps me accept my outing is my community of family and friends of all genders and identities. Because of all your support and kindness, I can sleep well at night. So, a BIG THANK YOU!

      Love, Barb

      (Btw, the creepy guys above are very real, so I’ve fortified my online security settings. Now they don’t bother me).

    • #658666

      I am so sorry that happened to you Barb. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I love your attitude that people will just have to deal with it. As for creepy guys hitting on you on Facebook I know the feeling. Just today I made a post the read, “The next guy who sends me a photo of his **** will be placed under a Gypsy curse and will never get an erection again”.

      Barbie

       

      • #658679
        Jasmine
        Lady

        Damn girl if you got to go that far you handle that business

        • #658691

          At least I no longer threaten to send Lorena Bobbit after them anymore.

          • #658693
            Jasmine
            Lady

            Damn girl after you said that I am scared of you

          • #658700

             

            No need to be scared of me. I only ever shattered one persons mind and he was stalking a 19 year old girl. I never even touched him and I bet he is still in therapy 25 years later.

             

      • #658706
        Barb Wire
        Lady

        Thanks, Barbie!

        Funny… when I look at some these creepy guy’s Instagram profiles and I see who they follow or who follows them, it’s amazing how short “6 degrees of separation” really is!! One of my “upstanding” neighbours will have some explaining to do if her husband ever finds out about her other persona and interests. LOL!!!

        I think what scares me most are the algorithms that connect our dots. It was my hairdresser who got an Instagram suggestion to befriend Barb. We have no idea why since we have very different interests. I can only presume that some sort of facial recognition was used that connected Barb to him through my “cis” identity. Very scary!! It could very well be something as simple as my dog since he features in both of my identities. I guess another connection could be that no matter how much make up Barb uses or what feminine and slutty clothes she wears, she can’t hide the fact that she looks like that “other guy”.

        As for Ms Bobbit’s “occam razor”, sometime the simplest solution is the best! Good for her!

        Barb

        • #658717

          Sometimes I wonder when technology will become so advanced that nobody will ever have any privacy again. I wonder what Orwell would say about smart phones and social media.

          • #658726
            Barb Wire
            Lady

            “You stupid farm animals!”

            GO

          • #658951
            Amy Myers
            Baroness

            I’ve sometimes thought that Mr Orwell was only out by a few years!

            Amy

          • #659158
            Fiona Black
            Baroness - Annual

            Unfortunately we are very close to that point right now Barbie.

        • #658953
          Amy Myers
          Baroness

          A guy I know is on Linkedin and he gets all sorts of requests, though on there it’s seems to be more like demands, add so and so, to your network. How it comes up with people I’ve never even heard of. I suppose it’s like that 6′ of separation, someone I know, knows someone, who knows someone else.

          But it is all a bit scary.

          Amy

    • #658716
      Amy Myers
      Baroness

      Good and bad isn’t it Barb? I’m glad you are taking care of yourself and won’t be totally messed up by the outing of your feminine identity. Yes, it certainly is a big deal, but you have all of our support.

      I know it’s a risk I’m taking as I am more and more open about my alter ego’s life as Amy, but I also hate hiding an important part of me, so if something similar happens to me I hope I will also have fortitude similar to you.

      Certainly being here for the last few years is one factor which has helped my confidence immensely as well.

      Creepy guys, I’ve been hit on too, not here but another site I’ve been on has had one or two. Sheesh.

      Amy

    • #658754
      Angela Booth
      Hostess

      Well barb, you raised an eyebrow in your opening there! I have one page connected to the friends who know but I have nothing in my other persona as I cancelled them, but those algorithms also have a memory and for a while I got friends I may know connected to my old page and am sure they got one from me. I worried for a while but no one connected the two. However if they did would I care? Not really. I am long in the tooth now and it has taken me a lot of years to get where I am and am damned if I will care about it anymore. If it happens I will say ‘So what’! I will deal with it if it happens and so would the other person.

      Life’s to short and I will sleep well too Barbs.

       

      • #658787
        Barb Wire
        Lady

        Good for you, Angela!

        I think what allows me some peace is that my various FB and IG posts include support for the trans and lgbtq+ communities and any cis person I am connected to supports them as well. So, I doubt I’ll get any grade-schoolish snickers, but instead get much support if and when my cat is all out-of-the-bag. So to speak… TBC!!

        Barbs 🙂

         

    • #658801

      Hi Barb and Everyone else,  I’m so sorry to hear about all of these outings, intrusions and problems.  They certainly can make a mess of a personal life and they are quite hurtful.  I’m glad that you were able to weather the storm.  As someone who worked in systems, I will say that I believe that there is no such thing as a safe place on the net.   Just like neighborhoods, some places are more safe than others but that still doesn’t mean that you will never be carjacked or harmed.  The advancement of facial recognition apps, forever memory and powerful mining programs now make privacy impossible.  Fifteen years ago I was on planning and damage control committees predicting these events.  These programs get more intrusive each day.  So my personal feeling is that everyone is at risk and will be ultimately outed, harassed or connected either on purpose or by accident.   With that chilling thought in mind I just minimize my contacts and try to be ready for the expected event.  I’m not afraid but know that through stupidity or malice people will mess with my life and I may have to deal with it if I participate in anything net related.  No secrets here but nor do I wish my life to be more complicated.  I compare the net to stock car racing….lots of action and excitement but the real possibility that some damage will ultimately occur.

      Thanks for sharing your story with all of us.           Marg

      • #658817
        Barb Wire
        Lady

        Ooo! I love your discourse, Marg!

        I just started watching a several-part documentary on Netflix called, “Web of Make Believe – Death, Lies and the Internet”. The first episode is about “swatting”, the practice of sending SWAT teams by hackers to your home as retaliation for a negative comment posted on the Internet.

        I do try and keep my Internet comments bubbly and effervescent, so I never say anything to those creepy guys. I just remove them permanently as best as FB and IG will allow. So far, so good…

        Barb

        • This reply was modified 1 year ago by Barb Wire.
        • #658966

          Oh my Barb!  I never say anything bad when I’m near the microwave and I keep a foil hat over Alexa.  But in all seriousness, when I was in data mining meetings 15 years ago I felt an eerie foreboding about where security was going while most of my colleagues were cheering.  After all, there were riches to be had in information and the gold rush was just about to start.  Oh, and I actually had a picture of The Lone Gunmen from the X-Files in my office.  Some people liked it but others hated it.

          Sounds like you’re doing ok handling the crazies.

          Safe Journey,  Marg

    • #658809
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador

      Sooooo, Barb is popular with all the wrong people, eh?  Sorry to hear you are getting creeoed out dear.

      Okay, as you know I’m out on fb too,  yet I still seem to get spammed by hot young chicks from dating sites.  And no, I have not been visiting them!   Obviously my message ain’t getting through too well on FB, must be doing something wrong 😅

      Stevie

      • #658813
        Barb Wire
        Lady

        Well, I certainly wouldn’t consider you “wrong”, especially when you throw on that black outfit you once showed me, my FB friend!

        :B

        • This reply was modified 1 year ago by Barb Wire.
    • #658790
      Barb Wire
      Lady

      Camantha! Sup, Girl?

      Yes, the world still needs MEN!! But my idea of a man is Keanu Reeves, Robert Mitchum and Trenton Ducati, NOT some balding, middle-aged sloth who piles-up pizza boxes like they’re Super Bowl trophies!  Ick…

      I must admit, I’m kinda interested in how things develop. Seems that some of Barb’s FB and IG activist friends do have indirect ties to my cis friends on the other side.

      It really is a small world!

      Barb 🙂

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