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Dear GGs. I could do with your insights. CD’s please don’t reply, I know all our stock answers already – I need a GG’s perspective.
I apologise for stumbling round the wording, it is difficult to put onto the page what I am internalising.
I am having trouble with the wording of the conversation I want to have with my wife. She knows I crossdress and always have. She was angry with me and it caused her a lot of anguish. She said she would never have married me if she had known.
She says she accepts the explanations I have given her, that I have a very strong feminine side and that’s why I like to dress. But she doesn’t want to be involved, or see me dressed, and we never talk about it. But it’s like the elephant in the corner of the room. Relationship wise we are getting on fine, she says she loves me and we hug and kiss etc. So on the surface things seem to be slowly improving, she seems to have come to terms with the situation. Its not a deal breaker.
I have accepted that I am transgender or at least bi gender, and my basic personality is (and always has been ) more feminine than masculine. I want to explain this to her, and reassure her that it is no threat to her or us. This is all leading on to why I feel the need to wear feminine clothes.
And there is the problem. I just can’t get the words together without it sounding like self justification. In my head it comes over as a fetish or a compulsion or addiction that I can’t control.
“Why can’t you just be happy with yourself and internalise being feminine? I have no problem with that. But why do you have to dress in women’s clothes? You know I don’t like it.”
What can I say that conveys that to be my feminine self I need to experience, to some degree, what it physically feels like to be a woman. To see my internal self in a mirror. To be able to go out into the world and breathe fresh air and be accepted as a woman? To live(albeit very briefly) as a woman.
As a GG does this resonate with you, be acceptable to you, enable you to be more understanding of why we are the way we are? Can you suggest anything I can say that my wife might find reassuring?
Does my explanation trigger an emotional understanding in you? Or do you see it as just self justification? Any suggestions, positive or negative, will be gratefully received, and help me move on to be more open about our relationship.
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