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  • #678216
    Roberta Lane
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    Registered On: May 10, 2022
    Topics: 10
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    In my case,a resounding yes,yes,yes.I wanted to be a girl from the age of two onwards.For the most part, it was definitely a case of wanting to be female as opposed to thinking I was one.But having said that I have read that very young children do go through a phase of being confused about their gender.I certainly didn’t feel like I was a typical boy.Was never rough and tumble and had no interest in sport.The first female tendency I recall was asking for a doll.My mum who had already two sons much older than me actually bought me a doll.This was surprising as my mum didn’t want to bring any of us as sissies.I guess that she thought that me wanting a doll was a phase.

    Later tendencies I developed around about four or five was an interest in my mother’s stockings.This was in the mid sixties just before pantyhose\ tights were coming into fashion.I made a few vain attempts to try them on.Also envied the girls at my Infants school wanted to be like them and so wanted to wear ribbed tights like them,play with them and wanted to be treated like one of the  girls.I remember going to bed of an evening and would fantasise about being a girl on a regular basis.Like so many of us ,I would pray to God that I would wake up as a girl.Around that time I had a lovely dream where I was a girl called Barbera and wore a brown skirt.

    High school brought more frustrations.I was very jealous of the girls in my class who dressed so pretty in their school skirts with the knee socks and tights.The boys used to tease me because I sucked at playing sport.They used to call me girl.I didn’t like that outwardly but deep down I think I did.A case of protesting too much.I took up typing and shorthand in a classful of girls which increased the teasing.One of the boys in my actual year said I wanted to take up typing so I could be a sexy secretary wearing a mini skirt and tights when I got older.Little did he know that wasn’t far from the truth.

    When I was fourteenI went on holiday to London with my parents,sitting opposite us on the old corridor train was a very pretty girl wearing a  cute dress with lovely tights.Around about the same year I was waiting at a bus and was admiring the pantyhosed legs of a girl about three or four years older than me who was standing in front of me.She caught me looking at her legs.I wanted to be like her as opposed to fancying her.Oh, I could go on and on about my girly feelings in my teen years  and into young adulthood and beyond.

     

     

     

     

Viewing 26 reply threads
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    • #678762
      Kris Burton
      Lady
      Registered On: August 6, 2022
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      Well, I’m glad a at least a few of say you did not want to be a girl as you were growing up. For me, it was never even a question, I was a boy, and that was it – the thought of being or wanting to be a girl never even crossed my mind. It was quite bothersome at times being a boy and looking and acting as I did, not effeminate but shy – especially as related to sexual issues – kind of fat kid with no athletic ability whatsoever. Both my mom and dad were bothered by this, I guess they expected more typical boy-ness out of me and told me so, but my interests were elsewhere. Music was the big one for me and I would grow my hair long, taking on the look at least of the musicians and artists of the time. But through it all, always male, just not the stereotypic macho type. As a musical, artistic, kind of a hippie type at least in appearance I found some kindred spirits, but my sexual inhibitions and shyness remained well into adulthood. I was labeled “asexual” more than a few times. It was from this that I think my interest in CDing grew later in life , a alternate fantasy persona to answer those inhibitions and lost social/sexual opportunities of my youth. I’m sure a psychologist might have a different view on this, but I’m not asking and I don’t need a cure. That’s my read and it’s working for me!

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    • #678746
      Kim Ostrander
      Lady
      Registered On: September 24, 2022
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      I have wanted to be female for as long as I can remember. I began wearing my sister’s clothes before I went to kindergarten and began thinking about being a girl a few years later. My dad hated and disowned me and everyone at school treated me like I was gay. I got beat up a lot just for being me. I sat in class and looked at the other girls and wished I could be them and wear their clothes. I tried to be more masculine at times, but it felt fake. I have always been sensitive and in touch with my feelings and I always felt out of place around other males. I was so glad to graduate from high school and be out of that toxic environment. I didn’t know who I was then and it was all very confusing. I didn’t have many friends (nobody wanted to be seen near a faggot) and had no one to talk to. Somehow I survived it all, but I am glad that phase is over with.

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      • #678773
        Lauren Mugnaia
        Duchess
        Registered On: November 1, 2021
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        Hi Kim,

        Your story is very close to mine, although my father didn’t hate or disown me, he was just disappointed in me as the first born son, who didn’t meet his expectancies.
        Thanks for sharing 🙂

        Hugs,

        Ms. Lauren M

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    • #678721
      Chrissy Tallflower
      Lady
      Registered On: September 23, 2022
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      Long story, but will keep it short-er.  Started out as an obsession with women, their bodies, their clothes.  I had access to a hand me down closet and I started dressing in undergarments from that.  I was in a very repressed household so sexuality (of any kind) was taboo to talk about.  Being gay or bi or anything other than straight?  Insert Hellfire talk.  So I did not readily recognize that I felt more than just male attraction, that I felt empathy and feminine desire.  I had zero perspective or insights.  So much fear, confusion and shame in those days.  It would haunt me for years, lead me down some darker paths and lead to self-punishing thoughts, fear I was going to Hell.  All that would eventually lead to me becoming atheist-agnostic and in complete rebellion of organized religion, but I was deep in the grips of a hating god for decades even when I made little rebellions along the way and kept coming back to desires that I tried to repress.  To this day sexuality isn’t something I feel all that comfortable with even if I know well my leanings.  Fear is the first response I have to intimacy and it is so deeply ingrained that I have to fight my way past it every time it seems.  In part I think that’s my upbringing, but also estrangement from people for lack of good outlets and self-hating as I tried to cut it all off just to avoid the suffering it always seemed to bring.  Only in recent years did I in any way consider dressing in public or to start chipping away at some barriers/fear in small ways at work.  I’m sure most already think of me as gay at this point on top of being counter-culture and non-gender adhering.  I mostly leave people to think what they want and am fairly happy with nonbinary in public.  I’m sure in good company I could go further in public.  I sometimes fantasize about moving away, starting a new and liberated life.  Primarily my job holds me back.  It keeps me in a social wasteland.  Why not move?  I absolutely dread finding a new job.  I hate working for people in general for all the stupid and conformity involved in work cultures and had to really struggle to get where I am today.  I think if I was much braver I’d start some business of my own with someone like me and we’d live a much better life for it and answer to no one.  But, that just seems like a dream.  I’ve had some men offering to whisk me away but that’s based on nothing more than fever dreams from online chatting, from people I have never met in person.  And I’m not a complete idiot.  It’s a total unknown.  I don’t even get intimate easy so how well would that even go?  I’d need someone to break down my barriers gradually or I’d probably lose it.  Lack of safe experience leaves me without any confidence in myself.  Funny how you can be smart enough to know what your problem is yet still paralyzed by fear for lack of support.  I think that’s what it boils down to.  I feel like if I took that leap any safety net would be pulled out from under me and I’d land hard.  I’ve had some brushes with disaster in my life, so Murphy’s Law is like my first law.  But as bleak as all that sounds, I keep trying to find understanding, compassionate, quality people nearby to learn and grow with!

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    • #678720
      Deborah Sullivan
      Lady
      Registered On: February 27, 2020
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      From early childhood I always loved the girl characters in the Disney movies and dressing and playing with my sisters Barbie dolls. By middle school I noticed the cute bows and hair accessories they wore and their outfits. By high school I wanted to be a cheerleader and tried on my sisters skirts when home alone. After high school I started showing my effeminate mannerisms and stepping out en femme

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    • #678715
      Brenda Stevens
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      Registered On: December 10, 2019
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      Oh YESsssssssss!! I didn’t have older sisters so starting school introduced me to girls on a continuing basis. Early on in my grade school years I really appreciated the things girls wore and just the way they acted. I loved the softness and the beauty of girls and felt I really didn’t fit into the way boys were. I loved sports but was not boy like in so many ways and I just admired girls so very much. I began experimenting with panties at about 10 and fully dressing as a girl at 20 and that has just been me ever since. I crossdress…but I really so want to just be a GIRL! Some things have never changed.

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    • #678705
      Alicen Thairms
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      Registered On: July 15, 2019
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      At about the age of 10 I wanted to be a girl,  how it arose I can’t remember but it stayed with me for about 3 months.  At some point the intensity of the feeling fizzled out and I knew I would have to make do with being a boy.   But the subsumed female side of me has been with me all my life,  the root of my crossdressing which started in my teens.

    • #678694
      Dawn Judson
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      Registered On: November 26, 2017
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      Does the Pope poop in the woods? Is a bear Catholic?

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    • #678687
      Julianna S
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      Registered On: July 29, 2022
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      Yes, absolutely, 100%. Ive wanted that all my life….i fought the feeling a lot, even tried to be a person i am not. This is just who i am.

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    • #678636
      Zoe
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      Registered On: December 13, 2020
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      I didn’t necessarily want to be a girl, but did try on both my sister and my moms clothes.
      I did always look at what women wore, wished i could try on their clothes, I’m sure a few ladies thought i was ogling them, but I was actually admiring their clothes.
      Then I started trying on my wife’s clothes. Now I have my own wardrobe.

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    • #678556
      April Sinclair
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 29, 2022
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      No I never wanted to be a girl but remember putting on my mothers shoes a few times and walking around in them when no one was around.I also remember go to a friends house a few times when I was 7 to 10 and half the time he always wanted to go out to the detached garage which half was converted into their laundry room and he would always put on his mothers bra and clothing that was out there. I never participated in it though but I am sure that helped create thoughts in me.
      I also remember going to the Elementary School Halloween carnival when I was 8 or 9 and another friend ran up to me dressed in a white lace dress with a hat along with a white umbrella looked like a southern bell type costume he looked 100% like a beautiful girl was calling me by my name. Finally he said who was and I was shocked could not believe it was him It was surreal to me how genuine he looked. He was like my sister had this in her closet and had the wig did my makeup and got me ready what do you think? I was like well you look like your sister to be honest she was about 6 years older than him and was extremely beautiful.

      Both these events help trigger something in me as I was tall and skinny and lacked confidence in talking to girls when I grew up didn’t know what to say to them but I was always awe struck by beautiful pretty girls for me I think not having the courage to be with them throughout Middle School and High School contributed to a fantasy of wanting to look like them if I could not be with them.

      I do enjoy being a man with typical man hobbies and desires but I have also learned to accept my dressing by no longer purging or hating myself understanding that it feels exciting, intoxicating, to transform and see the end result and although there is anxiety to go to events or functions dressed as a woman feels even better than just dressing private at home. It also feels better to not hide at home to let my wife know hey I would like to dress and sometimes she hangs out with me other times she dose not but I no longer feel isolated and alone with negative thoughts.

      Just a take of who I am and the gender test 81% male 56% female.

      Thanks April

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      • #678697
        Dawn Judson
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        Registered On: November 26, 2017
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        Wow! That makes you 137% human. 😉

         

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    • #678536
      Becka
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
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      In a word, yes! I dressed a lot but it was difficult.

      For a couple of summers however when in my late teens, I worked at an Opera house and it was fabulous! I was on a maintenance crew and I had the duties of cleaning the dressing rooms (men and womens) AND the costume shop! The women would leave behind all sorts of goodies in the dressing rooms and in the costume shop, were all the dresses and sheer nylons and nylon body suits, they would wear along with large dressing rooms w/large mirrors. Best part was, I was left on my own to clean these areas and they were in more remote levels of the opera house. I had so much fun down there!

      God was that great!
      🙂

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    • #678534
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: June 26, 2019
      Topics: 23
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      Loved being a girl as much as I could but did not want to be a girl, both in my childhood and teen years.

      Childhood years were easy, always around females of all ages, family, friends, etc. who were more than willing to keep me around as a girl versus a boy.  Long story, but it was just an accepted thing that I was more female than male.  I much preferred being with girls, while I was wearing female clothing.

      Puberty and teen years brought huge changes.  While I still loved female clothing, somehow I began to view girls differently.  Lets say I was “attracted” to them.  When my voice began to change and I started growing facial hair, that really caused cross dressing challenges.  It was not that easy any more to be thought of as a girl.

      Two new people entered my life in puberty, a girlfriend and another cross dresser.  Interesting!   Because I found out there were other males who wanted to be girls and there were females who were attracted to males who wanted to be girls!

    • #678366
      Fiona Black
      Lady
      Registered On: November 23, 2019
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      Roberta,

      No I never wanted to be a girl when I was younger and still don’t today even though I’ve cross dressed to varying degrees all my life. I love dressing fully en femme and presenting Fiona to the world but I am perfectly happy just emulating women and being a cross dresser.

    • #678362
      Kim Dahlenbergen
      Lady
      Registered On: November 18, 2019
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      My early childhood recollections are really vague, beyond being intrigued by lingerie and at least one or two occasions of wearing a full slip in secret. Beyond that I recall the sense that I wasn’t being masculine enough in the eyes of my siblings, which lead to a concerted effort to act like a boy at all times, whatever that meant.

      The attraction reemerged in teen years, but was largely hidden. I feared others could somehow see in my what I felt in myself. And I feared that if I gave in, even just a little, that it would prove to be the proverbial slippery slope.

      Turns out that, when I finally did give in to the temptation later in life, it was very much that slippery slope and I found myself wanting to live something approaching full time as a woman.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #678361
      Michelle McQueen
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      Registered On: June 14, 2021
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      Yes… always! But due to circumstances I had to act like a masculine male or be scolded. I couldn’t wait to grow up enough to escape my caretakers which took 15 yrs of oppression. I’m happier today about my feminine side than ever.

    • #678329
      Chloe Grace Anthony
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      Registered On: September 1, 2022
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      I still fantasize about being a woman. Started at about 5 (my first childhood crush was on the actress who played the oldest daughter in Sound of Music). I wanted to be her, not just with her. That never faded. I used to catch myself watching the cheerleaders when I was playing football. No one knew I wanted to be one of them. Same when I started swimming.

    • #678324
      Kerri Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: April 22, 2022
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      I can remember in high school, I was on the wrestling team. During the wrestling meets I would watch the cheerleaders in their cute pleated skirts and wished I could be a girl cheerleader instead of a boy wrestler.

      Kerri

    • #678323
      Stephanie York
      Lady
      Registered On: May 22, 2017
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      I remember watching a comedy tv show from the 1960’s (The Munsters) In this episode Grandpa the mad scientist invented a potion you could drink that would that would turn you into a woman for a few hours. I often thought how wonderful that could be.

      • #678701
        Holly Marie
        Lady
        Registered On: August 8, 2022
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        I think Stephanie has hit the nail on the head here:  a few hours as a woman would not only be fantastic but would answer a lot of questions for a lot of people… though surely, you’d need a couple of weeks or so to get used to the sensation and see the negative points as well as the (many) positive ones.  Negative points?  Well… as examples; I’m sure we’ve all seen that menstuation isn’t fun for a GG, plus we’ll all have plenty of experience of seeing the sexism and misogony that is still – unfortunately – endemic in modern society.  I’m sure none of us would practice it – would we want to be on the receiving end of it?  I think that Stephanie should get in touch with her Fairy Godmother and allow us all to have a couple of weeks of genetic femininity – then hold a poll to see how many of us opted to return to having a Y chromosome……  Holly XXX

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        • #678723
          Chrissy Tallflower
          Lady
          Registered On: September 23, 2022
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          Ah, yes, the waving of the wand fantasy.  🙂  If I had a trustworthy genie give me that option…  I’d say yes in a heartbeat.  Negatives would be overwhelmed by the joy of it.  And I’d probably drive some people crazy after with my… antics:-p

           

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    • #678322
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
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      For me that question is a conundrum.

      My first recollections at about five years old was that I wanted to wear girls clothes. I knew that I was called a boy and they were called  girls, we dressed differently and having no concept of the sex differences it was  just that they wore better clothes than I did. We studied together in the same class and the teachers were all women who I looked up to and respected. I liked what they wore and could see that I would like to look like them when I grew older. Of course it had to be that boys did certain things and girls did other things but I saw it as some kind of system in which we were put in. As I grew I realised it was quite a rigid system and difficult to break as my definition had been decided and it was frowned upon to stray. I kept my place but still had these yearnings to be like the other stream but I still didn’t want to be a woman nor felt I was in the wrong body. I would dream that I could wear pretty clothes and do the things a girl did and was also lucky that I could play dress up with my sisters and even be dressed for a fancy dress party and go out, so I knew that there were exceptions to the system which were approved of which confused me a little. As I grew I developed into wearing bras and a little padding to make the clothes sit right and look every inch a girl – It was easy for me to be seen as a girl with my small build, fresh looks and a head of blond curly hair.

      Of course in time the dreaded puberty came about and hormones changed the game, the sexual awakening! Growing up meant having a greater knowledge and understanding of what was being said and anything said about those that wanted to dress as girls was not pleasant and a threat to your wellbeing and prospects. The consensus was that it was wrong to do this. These were long dark years but that urge to dress never left and I would engage in dressing when the rare opportunity came up. I knew I wanted to dress as a girl and even present out in the world as a girl but still the thought that I wanted to be one never seemed to get my attention although it could be assumed I did.

      So through puberty and beyond I developed as a person and, in typical style of some of us, I wasn’t good at sports, never grew big and had a very soft and empathetic nature which meant I could get on and mix with girls easily. I wasn’t effeminate in that extreme but seemed to associate with girls better than the macho males. I still had this thing that I had to deal with trying to understand what it was and how to deal with it. Life was going a pace and this just festered away but as the internet started to wake up and as more information came from the media I started to understand what it was and start to develop this side of me and my circumstances seemed to head me down the road of being able to dress more and come out.

      So here I am today and  still haven’t outwardly said that I want to be a woman although am living, working and presenting as a woman all the time. There are those that knew me before and have been kind in accepting me and now a whole new array of people who only know the woman. No fan fares or introductions other than this is Angela, new friends, neighbors, colleagues and any one else sees and treats me as a woman.

      So to the conundrum, I am very comfortable with my body it has served me well, it works for me and those that I meet in presenting as a woman. Maybe I was just born with the right  nature and attributes but the wrong bits  so it seems logical that I couldn’t honestly say ‘I want to be a girl’  because I was already one and always have been.

      Discuss……

       

       

    • #678238
      Kimberly Ann Victoria
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      Registered On: September 6, 2021
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      I don’t know if I was thinking directly that I wanted to be a girl. But it definitely intrigued me especially after I started to wear my sister’s clothes, But I can’t say that I wanted to be a girl when I was young

    • #678236
      Jess Secret
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      Registered On: February 18, 2021
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      I definitely did! From an early age I was jealous of the clothes that girls wore, how pretty they looked and the way boys admired them, and I wanted to have the same girly feeling that they did when it came to those things.

    • #678233
      Marg Produe
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      Registered On: March 16, 2022
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      Hi Roberta,

      For me it was a no!  I just wanted to grow up like my big All-Star sports dad but it just couldn’t and never happened.  When I was about 7, I told my mom that I thought that I was made out of spare parts since I didn’t look like other children.  I couldn’t understand why people kept treating me differently.  In the end, I’m 5.5 weighing 122 lbs and  look almost exactly like my mom.  I  found out about my intersex condition 30 years ago.  After I finally understood what was going on in my body, I learned to accept and embrace it.  When I was a child we did not have the knowledge or access to information that we have today.  It would have been helpful.   Thanks Roberta for this thoughtful question.

      Marg

    • #678231
      Cece X
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      Registered On: April 8, 2020
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      No, I never wanted to be a girl but I was disappointed in my boyness. I was as skinny as a skeleton, I was lousy in every sport, I lost every fight I ever had, and I just did not have the bravado and macho personality of the other boys. I always wanted a boyness that did not involve throwing a ball or a fist. I might have been a better girl than a boy.

    • #678228
      Lisa Leigh
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      Registered On: April 20, 2022
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      Yes, since the age of 5. Being the 50’s-60’s my mother didn’t want to hear it from me about how I felt like a girl and wanted to be one. I too enjoyed playing with dolls and was chastised several times by my mother and sister for doing so, we lived on an Army base and it wouldn’t do my father any good if his son was seen playing with dolls. Had a childhood friend where we would but towels on our heads as long hair so we could pretend to be girls! His dad was a Major!
      But I use to watch how girls and women moved, walk, turned, even how they brushed hair away from their faces in a breeze. Then when no one was watching I would mimic them. Over the years I noticed what they wore, heaven for me was wearing a pair of hand me down pair of saddle shoes of my sisters. Little did she know I would be wearing more then her old shoes in the future.
      Like most I wasn’t the sports hero or tree climber. During summer breaks I wore shorts for having girly legs as I have never had hair on my legs and arms. I never had scraps and bug bites on my legs, so I was always teased. Once I grew up I was very interest in girls as to what they were wearing, under and above! My wanting to start wearing lipstick is where I was caught by my mother the first time, forget I still had it on when she got home. We had the talk again about not doing it and my father job and our housing.
      But it never stopped me. Wished I had enjoyed it more.

      Lisa Leigh

    • #678222
      Lauren Mugnaia
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 1, 2021
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      In answer to the topic’s question, “Did you want to be a girl in your childhood and teen years?”

      YES!!!!

      Let me pull a quote from the book I am writing about my journey into womanhood:

      “I have known since I was a very young child, probably around 4 years old, that something was not right, I always felt I was supposed to be a girl, I knew I was different than the other boys. I never liked rough play, I was not a competitive person and always envied girls even at that young age. I loved the fact they could wear pretty clothes, ribbons in their long hair, and pretty shoes. I had to wear rough feeling corduroy pants, starched shirts, woolen socks that made my feet itch, ugly shoes and a crew cut! I had no concept of why I was different but that realization was always there and hindered me in many ways. I was always very self conscious, and reluctant to make friends, because I was afraid they would know I was different than they were. I know now, what I had no concept of at that time of my life, I am a transgender woman.
      Few people have any idea of what a transgender person lives with. I grew up with the constant knowledge that I was effeminate, always torn by my feminine longings when I was expected to behave like the first born son and never succeeding. I used to go to sleep at night praying that I would wake up as a girl. Because of my feminine nature and sensitivity, and because I was on the small size for a boy, I was constantly a target for being bullied and teased while going to school.”

      My story has so many similarities to the stories I have read from dozens of my sisters, it is uncanny how so many of us can trace our beginnings to that same early age.

      Hugs, girls, big hugs, and maybe some kisses to help wipe away any tears,

      Ms. Lauren M

    • #678219
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 3925
      Has thanked: 56218 times
      Been thanked: 13891 times

      Hi Roberta yes as a very young boy/Girl at heart he he  i was my younger sisters caretaker as mom put it and she worked so i had to .. Dad was allways working and older brother was a daddys boy  so he didnt have to help so mom counted on me to help out .. I kind of fell into the girl scene helping sister as playing dolls and dressup with sister to help mom out and she knew how it was changing my boyish traits to girly ones so that took over me as my girly side with some help from mom making me a girl when dad and brother wasent around ..  So answer to your question was yes  yes and yes  ha ha ..thanks ..

      Stephanie Bass

      • #678225
        Саманта
        Managing Ambassador
        Registered On: January 21, 2018
        Topics: 700
        Replies: 1651
        Has thanked: 9654 times
        Been thanked: 5953 times

        🙂 hey i remember
        playing dolls and dressup too, Stephanie!
        Oh what an innocent thing it was back then,
        long before any of us were hormonal or anything…
        Often i wonder how things could’ve been different,
        if the shame & whatnot we felt later during puberty hadn’t
        driven us into the closet!  That very idea in
        particular, this idea that i could somehow
        open myself up and recover my childhood state,
        left an impression on me and has
        of course been a driving factor in my journey towards self acceptance
        😀 hi there Stephanie!

        • #678232
          Stephanie Bass
          Hostess
          Registered On: November 30, 2019
          Topics: 25
          Replies: 3925
          Has thanked: 56218 times
          Been thanked: 13891 times

          Wow Girl a double he he you are very good 😂😂😘

          2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #678234
            Саманта
            Managing Ambassador
            Registered On: January 21, 2018
            Topics: 700
            Replies: 1651
            Has thanked: 9654 times
            Been thanked: 5953 times

            lol thanks sister! 😅😅 love ya!

            2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #678218
      Aurora Eden
      Lady
      Registered On: June 29, 2021
      Topics: 34
      Replies: 219
      Has thanked: 1197 times
      Been thanked: 1151 times

      Hi Roberta,

      I had such feelings as yourself, although less consistent, from the age of eleven. Around that age until twelve or thirteen I used to mutter under my breath, “I want to be a girl.”

      By the time I was fourteen, I started to notice the girls in the way that boys do and I don’t recall wanting to be like them at that time. In my mid-twenties I had thoughts of being a girl which became more intense during my mid-forties.

      These days I notice women more in the way of wanting to be like them. Still kind of confusing really as some I really fancy and yet, at the same time, I would love to dress and look like them.

      Hugs,

      Aurora Eden

      • #678700
        Dawn Judson
        Ambassador
        Registered On: November 26, 2017
        Topics: 16
        Replies: 198
        Has thanked: 478 times
        Been thanked: 962 times

        I feel ya, Aurora. I was all boy when I was little– playing with toy cars & trucks, building forts, climbing trees, playing baseball. When I was 9, I developed asthma & couldn’t run & participate in more active play. I was a latchkey kid. Both parents worked. My sisters were out, doing their own thing. I was alone in the house, often scared. At age 11, I got bored & tired of watching cartoons. I started going through things in a hall closet. I found a copy of a magazine. I think it was called “True”. In it was an article, entitled, “My Husband Became a Woman”. For some reason, it piqued my curiosity. Coincidentally, my mom had left a pair of white high heels in that same closet. I tried them on & liked it. From there, my experimentation with women’s clothes grew.

        I guess I was pretty confused in that I still enjoyed doing boy things (maybe I should rephrase that ;-D ). Puberty only confused the situation more. I liked girls & wanted to date them, but I wanted to be one, too. How does one reconcile those feelings?

        I outgrew the asthma, when I was 14. Wanting to make up for lost time, I guess, I got more into sports. I developed a love for baseball & played Little League. I wanted to make my dad proud of his only son. I went out for the school team, but didn’t make it. I was still kind of rusty from the five-year layoff. The asthma had also left me smaller & weaker than other boys. I wanted to become more manly, but at the same time, wanted to be a girl. I wouldn’t say that I felt like I was being torn apart, but I was very conflicted, feeling like there was a tug o’ war going on between the masculine & feminine sides of me. The masculine side won. I eventually made the team & had a couple of steady relationships with girls in my teen years, but my inner girl was always there.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
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