Do I want to be a F?

[Anonymous]

Hi Everyone,

For the first time in my life I have support as a crossdresser.  I have one female friend who has helped me for some time and recently I was able to come out to my mother and even introduce her to Michelle.  While she has only known Michelle for a short time, she suggested to me that I might be happier if I were really Michelle.. in other words I should transition.

It was incredible to hear that out of her mouth because I’ve dreamed about it for years.  I feel uncomfortable and awkward in my body and want to be shaped differently.  I look at all the different female body types I see and I long to be like any of them.  My friend Norma who has known about Michelle for much longer also thinks I should go for it.

I have more support to do this than I could have possibly hoped for, but I’m still scared and don’t know how to start.

I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I guess it’s advice from women who’ve been there.

[Rozalyn Richards]

Hi Michelle i can’t really comment on this as I’m just a crossdresser, but what i can say is that your mom is supporting you and your friend is supporting you too, and I’m sure all the girls will support you too, maybe it’s time to become the woman you want to be, I know it’s scary but everything in life is scary too, whatever you decide is what’s best for you X

Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀

[Allysa Grant]

Hi, Michelle. You have alot of support from here as well. Look into your options and see what is best for you. Weigh the pros and cons and then make your decision. What ever you decide we will be here for you. Hugs,  Allysa

[Deborah Sullivan]

It is wonderful that mom and friends are offering support and that is a big part of it but the easiest way to know is living as Michelle 24/7 for a few months.

[Marg Produe]

Hi Michelle,  I see that you are from NY and that may be a very accepting area to start in.  If you are not so sure of how to start I might suggest dressing a little or a lot each day and then just going about your business.  You have to do it to learn it.  For example, on a Saturday or a day off, just toss on jeans and a top and go shopping.  If you get looks ask yourself why?  Did you pull out a man’s fat wallet at checkout or do something else out of place ?  If so, remember to observe the other women around you without being a gawker.  Then keep shopping and get to a store and buy what would work.  Many times when you start out there just isn’t a lot of money so prowl the resale and thrift shops for the tools that you need to successfully become you.  This isn’t about frilly underwear.  That’s hidden and won’t be seen in the day to day world.   Also, don’t always wait to lean on a friend or companion.  If you’re dressed and want a hamburger, grab your bag and go out and get one.  And if you think “OMG, I can’t go out looking like this”  then again ask yourself why?  Were you playing fantasy woman and were dressed in an evening gown or being real woman in a Saturday sweatshirt and jeans.  As you do these small steps you will gain the confidence and skill to just “be a F”   I hope this helps.         Safe journey,  Marg

[Thea]

Hi!  I’ve dressed as a woman whenever I could since childhood.  Earlier this year it all just got too much and at long last I looked for help.  I now accept myself as a transwoman.  Where I end up on the journey I’ve started is yet to be seen, and I know it’s going to be a long one.  Accepting myself as being a woman inside though has been by far the biggest thing for me.  It may be of no help for you in your individual case, but these are the things that have really helped me  over the last six months.

1. Joining CDH.  Reading the posts, thinking about my own feelings and replies has really helped.  I’ve also made friends with a number of wonderful ladies (a number of whom have already “thanked” you!) and emailing them has been a huge comfort.  My counsellor (see below!) talks of a community of acceptance and these wonderful people have accepted me (despite my long rambling emails!) and I will be eternally grateful for their friendship.
2. I have read every blog/ upload about being trans I can, though the writings of Amanda Roman have been particularly moving.  She has encapsulated my doubts and fears (and certainties) and just reading that other people have been here before is such a relief.  You can read her uploads on the “Medium” app.
3. I’ve been lucky enough to have mentoring from a London based Clinic/charity for Trans questioning people.  Its been invaluable and shown me it’s OK to have doubts, It’s OK to be unsure how far I can go (there is no question of “am I trans enough?”) and that for me the most important thing was to discover who I really feel I am.  I’ve no idea if something similar is available to you but I’d strongly recommend it.  Having said that since it finished I have been speaking with a general counsellor (I checked they were OK with gender issues) and that too has been marvelous.

I’ve no idea if this is of any use: but I do hope so.  For me living in secret and in constant doubt was incredibly lonely, and now I really have friends I can talk to.  Its a long process: but I think talking (or emailing!)  really does help!  if it would be of any use please don’t hesitate to message me.

Very best wishes,

Hugs Thea

[Emily Alt]

Hi Michelle,

I struggled with gender issues for decades before I decided to transition in 2021.  The key for me was knowing there were no other options…..well, besides being miserable the rest of my life.  The process of getting there wasn’t easy.  I couldn’t have done it without the help of my awesome therapist and the girls I met on CDH.  Transitioning presents numerous challenges.  But if you are truly transgender, you will be happier.  The best advice I can give you is to find a good gender therapist and sort out what’s going on in your head.

/EA

[ChloeC]

Hi Michelle. Well, I may not be the best one to make suggestions, as I’m an admitted failed transsexual, but you now have a lot more personal support (besides practically everyone here!) and more than I would have ever hoped for, to at least start taking what I would think are small (or if you prefer, baby) steps. Get dressed and ask your girlfriends and/or mother over for coffee or some small gathering where you can ALL be just girls. Ask one or both of your friends if maybe you can go out to some place that is not crowded, where there aren’t lots of people, maybe a park, or a beach on a marginal day, or just for a walk on a path.  Or maybe then a coffee shop at an uncrowded time.  If you’re with others who are ‘natural’ (no, none of us are really natural, some are just better at appearing that way), you probably won’t get that many looks or stares as your friends can just stare back.  The point is to get used to being around others and being out.  The more you do those little things, I would think the more comfortable you will become. I helped raise…(and raise by myself) 3 children. They just didn’t get out of their strollers and walk away one day…much as they might have wanted to.

Hugs, ChloëC

[Dani Grand]

Every journey is a bit different and the motivation along with it. For some of us, it is just following an imprint that occurred long ago that is finally coming to light.

There have been plenty of great suggestions so far. And, it is wonderful that you have support. That is critical.

The only ‘add’ I can offer is this – it IS the road less traveled and thus it is bumpy. Once traveled, return is almost impossible. Make your choices wisely.

[Lauren Mugnaia]

Hi Michelle,

I am a trans woman, I knew I was supposed to be a girl when I was four years old and that knowledge has followed me all my life. I tried many things to take my mind off that knowledge as I grew up. Long story short, while recovering from heart surgery last year I came to the realization that I needed to accept the fact that I’m transgender and it was time to look into transitioning. I came out to all the people in my life, which was a difficult thing to do but necessary. I work as the site supervisor for security in a government office building. I came out to the admin staff and announced that I was transgender and was looking at transitioning to living as a trans woman. I was welcomed, accepted, affirmed, encouraged, and received as a woman and now live and work that way fulltime. I had also moved and needed to update my license and medical card. Both of those pieces of ID have a new photo of me as a woman, Lauren, and both have an ‘F’ in the appropriate box. I am now legally a female.
Only you know if this is something you need to do. I’ve known all my life and have now fulfilled a childhood dream from long ago.

Hugs,

Ms. Lauren M

[Leah]

That’s awesome you have the support of 2 ladies.  Wish there were more like them out there for us. Take it slow and test the waters. You will know how fast and when to proceed with your journey

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