Do you need to be seen by others to validate your femininity, or you as a woman?

This poll asks if you need to be seen by others, men or women, it doesn't really matter, to validate your femininity, or to validate you as a woman.

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  • Yes
  • No
  • Other
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  • #662273
    Holly Morris
    Registered On: April 15, 2022
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    Hi ladies!

    Whether we conciously admit it or not, we all like to be seen and admired as women. Especially by someone other than ourselves looking in the mirror. After all, we spend a lot of time and energy transforming ourselves into our personal vision of what a woman should look like. So after doing that, it’s nice to be noticed. Whether that is by a man or a woman doesn’t really matter, it’s just nice to be noticed, treated and accepted as a woman. And if we’re out in public, that’s even better!

    Of course, that leads me to a question…

    Do you need to be seen by others to validate your femininity, or validate you as a woman? And if you’re not seen by anyone else, does that make you less of a woman?

    From my perspective, it doesn’t matter. For as  long as I can remember, I knew I was different than the other boys. It just felt natural to me to want to dress as a girl, and later on as a woman. Once I became an adult, I was closeted for years, decades even, but in my mind, every time I transformed myself into Holly, I was fully a woman. I didn’t have to be seen by anyone else to provide that validation, all I had to do was know how I felt and look into the mirror to see the woman that I truly wanted to be.

    Over time, I did come out of the closet and was able to venture out in public. Of course it was wonderful to be seen as a woman, treated as a woman, accepted as a woman. It gave me an emotional high every time that happened, but it didn’t change anything as far as validating my feminine side or me as a woman. I always knew who I was, so I didn’t have to be seen by others to be validated in my femininity.

    But how about you? Each of us is different, so what’s your perspective?



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    • #665379
      Genivieve Bujold
      Registered On: April 13, 2017
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      Holly, I “like” to be seen as a woman, but do not feel the “need” to be seen for validation.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #665375
      Registered On: April 18, 2022
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      I picked yes because we all want to be seen. Or at least have the ability to to go out with out judgement. Unfortunately most will never experience a night out due to being scare of not passing or not having the nerve to do it. It’s tough for a man to validate his femininity.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #662811
      Carmen Cruz
      Registered On: September 12, 2021
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      I answered yes, but it’s more about validation of a process and goal vs. validation of interally feeling like I’m a woman. I started from day 1 with the only goal in my head of “I think I can pull this off”… and I go out en femme most evenings to validate that I’m successful at my goal of not only passing as a woman, but that I can do my hair right, I can do my makeup well, I can dress the part, I can self analyze every component of that goal and figure out ways to consistently improve each part.

      I started out, from day 1, going out in risque clothing (even before the confidence). And while people do say it’s for attention, I agree it’s attention but for a different reason than what society sees. I absolutely want to hit people over the head and interact with me in public so I can determine if I’m meeting my goals. I also force myself into situations where it’s close and sustained interaction, so I can determine through it all if every component of that goal is working as intended.

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    • #662797
      Stephanie MacNeil
      Registered On: January 31, 2022
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      For me, it’s both.  For many years, I dressed only for myself (I was closeted), and I still put a lot of myself in my style and my choices. However, now I also dress for my wife, and her approval and comments are very important to me.  Spending time picking out an outfit and being meticulous with my hair and makeup and having her be pleased and understand the effort was for her is one of my greatest pleasures.

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    • #662743
      Caty Ryan
      Registered On: August 27, 2017
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      It’s nice to be able to just”go about my business” en femme, but I don’t deliberately try to attract attention to see if others are looking straight at me.

      I prefer to just “blend in” and if anyone takes any notice of the “mature well dressed lady”, I smile (behind my mask) and just keep walking.

      One way I might “stand out”, is I always wear skirts. Most women these days are in casual pants, so that may generate a few “looks”.



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    • #662582
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
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      Oh dear.  No,  not at all.  I am who I am whether someone sees me or not.  Don’t get me wrong, there are a couple of stores where the staff know me and always greet me with a smiling “hi Stevie, how are you hon?”  I Love that!  But, as Shania would say –  I Feel Like a Woman, regardless.  🙂


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    • #662576
      Registered On: March 23, 2016
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      I often feel an urge to validate that I am really me, a CD accepted in society.

      Going shopping en femme, buying women’s products openly, scanning the dress aisle even in guy mode, going for a walk in flats in male mode, pushing the DADT boundaries with my wife, sitting cross legged at home in f front of family, leaving feminine articles out.

      It’s all part of reaffirming that I am normal, I am a CD, I should be accepted. I do the trips out because I need them, they are fun, they are nervous, I gain confidence, I challenge notions people have, and I love any interaction.

      Pandemic and post, I miss going out the most. My favorite stores are mostly gone, I work at home from my usual CD roaming spots, family members are often home. There are pros too.

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    • #662488
      Kerri Smith
      Registered On: April 22, 2022
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      After many years of dressing in private I decided to get out.  At first it was just driving in my car. But then I found myself pumping gas with people around while dressed.  Then lingerie shopping at Kohls while dressed.  I’ve had both good and bad experiences.  Being called Ma’mm a couple times.  Being laughed at by a couple girls in a mall was a low point.  Being complimented o my cute outfit at a cosmetics store. Standing in line enfemme to buy a pair of cute heels in a shoe store with no one paying any attention to me was fun.  So I guess if you dress nice an act feminine nowadays most people treat you like you are a woman.


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    • #662481
      Fiona Black
      Registered On: November 23, 2019
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      I answered no because I accept my femininity. But I have to admit it feels so good to be out & about and have most people you run across either see and/or accept you as being a woman. It helps confirm my decision to show Fiona to the world was the right one and it also helps validate that my efforts (with clothing, mannerisms…etc) are going in the right direction.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662479
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
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      Since I enjoy going out and interacting with people, I certainly get to be seen by people.
      Acceptance is a wonderful feeling.
      But it is not about validation. We are who we are, validated or not.

    • #662473
      Roberta Broussard
      Registered On: July 20, 2020
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      I like it but I don’t think that I need it. There is no point to being so fragile. I accept who I am and the way I look and try to go with it.


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    • #662462
      Mary Priscilla
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: May 23, 2020
      Topics: 2
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      Two part question. Yes, I am anxious to receive honest feedback on how I look and present myself as a woman from both male and female friends. I expect the comments to be constructive and, if applicable, instructive as I continue to evolve in my feminine persona.

      With respect to your question about still feeling like a woman when alone, not so much for the reasons stated above. Perhaps my response would change as I become more confident being Mary Priscilla in more than just a name.

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    • #662440
      Liara Wolfe
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
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      I said other. I don’t need people to validate my femininity, but it is wonderful when you are told you are pretty or you look so feminine.

      Hugs, Liara

      • #662652
        Carolyn Kay
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: August 25, 2016
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        Ok, I will say it again, you are beautiful!!!! lol 💋

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      • #662460
        Holly Morris
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        Liara, I completely agree!

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    • #662370
      Haley Ann
      Registered On: October 12, 2020
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      I said yes, and I think my desire to share her image both in person and through pictures “validates” my answer! Sometimes Haley’s presence is so strong, she appears many times daily through my expressions, my outward feelings…yet few get to actually meet her. She screams inside of me for acknowledgment, for recognition as a “real” person that exists…and many times sharing her through pics does bring a certain validation that others believe Haley is real and evidenced by the smile on her face, and that she is beautiful, and that she deserves to be recognized as a part of me. I know who I am, yet for some reason I think validation from others that I appear fem, and that they see my mom in me and not my father, and that they find me sexy and desirable,  is important to me.

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      • #662384
        Holly Morris
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        Haley, thanks for sharing. I can certainly understand that!



    • #662367
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
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      woman comes from within.
      the only validation i need is for my parking permit.

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    • #662363
      Jocelyn Beyoody
      Registered On: May 4, 2022
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      It took a few minutes, I had to look within myself. My most important part of the answer, how honest am I being to myself about myself, first and then truthful to all you ladies. That being said, I replied, Yes. Me seeing myself alone as feminine or as a women is equivalent to students in a class room not seeing a teacher. If the teacher is not given respect, validated as a teacher, they will not be able to teach within that class.
      I can act or look and see myself as what I believe I am representing. If no one else sees or treats me as such then I’m not.

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    • #662353
      Polly Stewart
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
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      I do what I do for me and none other… as an aside, it’s nice and fulfilling to be noticed by either gender but not necessary for me.
      I’m a woman now and being old enough, have mostly lost the desire for sex thereby not giving a **** for other’s notice.
      I dress for me and me only!

      Pugs Polly

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    • #662350
      Angela Booth
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
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      You can make that validation whether you are out or not. It seems a natural step to go out and about to have that validation endorsed by being treated as a woman should. It is also lovely to get unsolicited kind comments about what you are wearing or hair. Every woman loves that!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #662385
        Holly Morris
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        Angela, so very true!

      • #662369
        Diane Marie Rakers
        Registered On: August 18, 2019
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        I was my nails done the other day and a woman told me I had great hair. It felt very good.

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    • #662310
      Sharon Leys
      Registered On: January 27, 2021
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      Passing in public does reinforce myself-image as a woman-to-be.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662307
      Lauren Mugnaia
      Registered On: November 1, 2021
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      Hi Holly, I said no, before I transitioned, I always knew and felt that I was feminine. As soon as I was dressed, made up, coiffed and looked in the full length mirror…there she was, Lauren looking back at me. And what she told me was that I was a girl, and now a woman 🙂

      Lots of hugs,

      Lauren M

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    • #662284
      Cassie Jayson
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
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      Hi Holly, I answered Yes. BUT to start not so much. Before going out often I would feel very feminine, but after a while I looked at myself in the mirror and thought am I as feminine looking as I thought.
      Sometimes it is the small things. A few months ago a Wal-mart greeter said I had nice hair. This last weekend the person taking my order asked me what my maiden name was. It is my opinion that many more of usthan we think would ‘pass’ if we just relaxed,went out and acted our feminine best.

      . Cassie

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      • #662386
        Holly Morris
        Registered On: April 15, 2022
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        ” It is my opinion that many more of us than we think would ‘pass’ if we just relaxed, went out and acted our feminine best.”

        Cassie, you are sooo right!



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