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  • #405470
    Sonia Pink
    Participant
    Registered On: May 18, 2019
    Topics: 4
    Replies: 61
    Has thanked: 248 times
    Been thanked: 235 times

    As I sit here typing this and have done so many other times , I think to myself , would you have been happier if you’d have come out when you were younger ??? . I came out to my first wife when I was about 30 , great you think ! But I still hid from everyone else , I didn’t dress very often and never took the opportunity to make the most of it !!! 20 years later I find myself regretting not doing more then and pushing myself forward. Maybe i wasn’t ready then ? Am I now ? Probably one thing that has always held me back ( maybe just an excuse) is that even I’m a little scared I don’t have far I want to take it ? How can I ask someone else to trust me ,when I’m not sure I trust myself ! Well I do hope 2021 WILL be the year I can muster the courage to get out clubbing ( at my age lol) . Long and short of it I really wish I’d have made more of my opportunities 20years ago .

    Sonia xxxx

Viewing 19 reply threads
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    • #410641
      MacKenzie Alexandra
      Ambassador
      Registered On: May 20, 2016
      Topics: 44
      Replies: 522
      Has thanked: 126 times
      Been thanked: 1065 times

      I don’t have regrets persay, but I am often curious how everything would have been different had I been honest with my parents and myself when I was outed as a teenager.  Instead I told them and the psychiatrist what I thought they wanted to hear. I was naive and scared.  I thought I was alone.  As a result, I buried my feelings or 20 years.

      MacKenzie Alexandra

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410635
      Rachel Williams
      Lady
      Registered On: June 16, 2019
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 189
      Has thanked: 475 times
      Been thanked: 534 times

      I don’t regret anything.  Life is too short for regrets.  I believe everything has it’s place and timing.  I just call the past dress rehearsal (emphasis on dress).

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410622
      Tabitha James
      Lady
      Registered On: November 25, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 6
      Has thanked: 1 time
      Been thanked: 24 times

      Yes, but the times were different. Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s coming out was a problem. I privately expressed myself even though my parents forbid it. Society back then just wouldn’t accommodate “gender dysphoria”, as it was termed. It wasn’t until the new century that I felt semi safe publicly in the Seattle area. I now live in the mid-west and that feeling of safety has again shifted.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410618
      Sonia Pink
      Lady
      Registered On: May 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 61
      Has thanked: 248 times
      Been thanked: 235 times

      Well I have to say so far I’m surprised!!  I thought people would mostly say how they wished they’re come out sooner and regret the time they spent hiding in the shadows !!  But this seems to not be the case , by this I can only think that we all ( well most anyway) will emerge when our wings are fully cooked , I really hope this is the case as I feel my wings have had a few false starts !!! Thank you all for your reply’s so far it’s given me hope in waiting !! Sonia xxx

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410488
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 1671
      Has thanked: 2957 times
      Been thanked: 5562 times

      My big regret is not discovering Bettylou some 20 years sooner, until after my retirement.  Time lost, which can never be regained.  The actual time between discovery, having The Talk, and going out into the world was fairly short – less than 3 yeares – but I missed out on so much……

      Bettylou

       

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410476
      Kitty Van Curen
      Lady
      Registered On: November 3, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 144
      Has thanked: 132 times
      Been thanked: 494 times

      Yes, although …it wasn’t the right time. It took a few more years and a lot more bad experiences to convince me to trust my inner-self. I now can’t stand the thought of the male I once was and ones like I used to be utterly disgust me. I’ve evolved. And I’m comfortable in that.

      Thanks! 🙂

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410459
      Jamie Taal
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 81
      Has thanked: 439 times
      Been thanked: 428 times

      As many have already said, I too do not think coming out sooner would have necessarily been better. Yes, in looking back anyone, including myself, could postulate and think that self exploration/self acceptance would have been better but at what cost? Coming out sooner would have changed everything I have now. Think “butterfly effect”. I would not have my loving wife, wonderful children, great friends and great memories etc. Also, taking a different path could have been worse. I avoid living in the past. I live for the future and chart my course going forward.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410435
      Paula F
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 7, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 788
      Has thanked: 5422 times
      Been thanked: 3074 times

      There were many times after our apartment complex’s Barbie group broke up that I wished I had someone who knew about Paula and would have been my friend.  I started to actually tell my sister several times from when I was about 10 until my mid-teens, but would always choke up and chicken out, turning the opportunity to something boy-stupid and then letting it go.  Those times came back with rapid clarity the day she did discover her secret sister though, and I was so relieved now that I was finally accepted by her.  But that came some 15 years after my coming out to the man who would become my first true crush/BF and then lover.  Vincent introduced me to many people after that in the gay community.  That started in mid ’75, and back then, all of us were all lumped into the ‘gay’ box, along with all the other derogatory labels and names, and you better not get caught trying to sort it all out publicly either.

      I made a lot of friends and acquaintances in the gap between coming out to Vincent and being ‘discovered’ by my sister.  But the greatest emotional day in my life was that day.  We both cried a river as I told her of myself and the secret life I had led outside of family and had some good laughs at things that had gone unnoticed about me as we grew up.  We were pretty close growing up, but I was the little brother as she matured and began becoming the woman she became.

      I was ‘out’ to a lot of people for 15 years before I stepped out of the shadows and let family see and meet ‘me’, and let them decide for themselves if I should accepted by them.  Now, after so many years I have come to see that whether they did or didn’t, I was still going to be the person I am.  Their acceptance was in my head, I thought I had to have that to be complete.  One person was all that I actually needed, and that person is me.  It just took a very long time to know that.

      PaulaF

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410417
      Patty Phose
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 1494
      Has thanked: 1087 times
      Been thanked: 3826 times

      I’ve been wearing pantyhose, heels and bra since I was 4. I wanted all the clothes in my size but they were not available to me. I had to take what I could get. I really wanted dresses but had to wear shirt.

      At 17, I began wearing pantyhose, short shorts and platform wedges out in public. At 18, I finally was sable to get and wear all the wonderful clothes I wanted so much for so long. I went out in them as often as I could.

      If I could change anything, it would be having pantyhose with no runs or holes in my size, heels in my size, matching bras and panties in my size, my own pretty dresses and wigs when I was 4. I wanted the girly experience and all the wonderful clothes I loved and desired.

      I never actually wanted to be a girl. I wanted to look like a girl and experience being a girl. I would have loved the whole experience with the right clothes when I started out on this wonderful.journey.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410394
      Emily
      Lady
      Registered On: April 30, 2016
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 726
      Has thanked: 3905 times
      Been thanked: 2251 times

      I did in fact try to come out to a couple people earlier in my life with some less than positive results. It cost me 2 relationships. So, you can understand my caution now. I now realize that I am Emily and no person or no thing can change that. Coming out at an early age actually delayed my ability to be who I am sooner. Probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but me.
      Thanks for asking this. Interesting, thought provoking question.

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410388
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 701
      Has thanked: 8063 times
      Been thanked: 3847 times

      It’s easy to think, if I had come out when I was 20, that I would have transitioned. Who knows why things happen in our lives. Like others said I came out when I was ready. I am just glad that I did come out and didn’t bury, hide and deny my feelings of being my true self.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410367
      Emily Alt
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 410
      Has thanked: 333 times
      Been thanked: 1868 times

      No regrets here. I came out at exactly the right time – when I was ready. We are products of our environment. Who’s to say how things might be different? I choose to live in the present. I’m out. I own the change I want. Every day is a new day of opportunity.

      8 users thanked author for this post.
    • #410337
      Amber Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: March 27, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 14
      Has thanked: 44 times
      Been thanked: 113 times

      I live in the bible belt of America. If I would’ve knew I had support as a child, I don’t think I’d be a man today.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405527
      Leslie
      Lady
      Registered On: September 14, 2020
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 103
      Has thanked: 653 times
      Been thanked: 572 times

      Sonia,

      I know that I regret not coming out sooner. I was 74 when I did it. I know that I missed a lot. But the time since has been wonderful in so many ways that it makes up for a lot, I’ve met so many lovely and loving lady’s here and I have been learning to love this part of myself. So what the heck life is wonderful and has healed so much of me that I am grateful for everything. Even to the point that if I do look back at what was I realize how just how beautiful it is now.

      Though going out this morning in a skirt and thigh high in 36 degree weather may be something I will not include as one of my brightest ideas!  Tuition was a blast experience, I guess in a couple of meaning of a blast.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405518
      Leslie
      Lady
      Registered On: September 14, 2020
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 103
      Has thanked: 653 times
      Been thanked: 572 times

      Sonia,

      I know that I regret not coming out sooner. I was 74 when I did it. I know that I missed a lot. But the time since has been wonderful in so many ways that it makes up for a lot, I’ve met so many lovely and loving lady’s here and I have been learning to love this part of myself. So what the heck life is wonderful and has healed so much of me that I am grateful for everything. Even to the point that if I do look back at what was I realize how just how beautiful it is now.

      Though going out this morning in a skirt and thigh high in 36 degree weather may be something I will not include as one of my brightest ideas!  Though it was a blast experience, I guess in a couple of meaning of a blast.

      • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Leslie.
      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405508
      Leslie
      Lady
      Registered On: September 14, 2020
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 103
      Has thanked: 653 times
      Been thanked: 572 times

      Sonia,

      I know that I regret not coming out sooner. I was 74 when I did it. I know that I missed a lot. But I have been making the most of things now and having a great time of it.

      But I do know that there are so many things that I have done or haven’t done over the years that I regret. I can’t waist time dwelling on them it would just be a  waste of the time I can do things that I enjoy now. Take it from an old fart who has made the mistake already and hopes to not make it again.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405506
      DeDee Demore
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 18, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 22
      Has thanked: 415 times
      Been thanked: 84 times

      Same here Sonia, I have found some comfort in not regretting to much about the past, as you said ” Maybe I wasn’t ready then” so true for me also. I do not want to find myself in the same place two, five or ten years from now that would be unacceptable and very regretful. I often think how wonderful its going to be out as DeDee and yes clubbing. 2020 did fall flat for me but 2021 is looking to be a new fantastic year.

      Lets do this girl!

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405494
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 747
      Has thanked: 9 times
      Been thanked: 1966 times

      I don’t think it would have been helpful. It would have made my life much more difficult and more complicated…

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405488
      Rei Durden
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 791
      Has thanked: 4885 times
      Been thanked: 3205 times

      That whole hindsight being 20/20 is an exercise in futility.  Don’t beat up on yourself and just make one small step forward. Take it to the next level, push even just a little bit and see where your boundaries are solid and where there’s some flexibility.
      Make some choices now that future you would thank you for.

      I get it though, if I don’t know myself, how the hell can I expect anyone to accept  ‘me’

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405482
      Sandy Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 320
      Has thanked: 715 times
      Been thanked: 1434 times

      Don’t spend to much time in the past, Sonia.  Do use it as incentive to look into the future and where you might go.  It is tough getting over the fear isn’t.

      Sandy

      7 users thanked author for this post.
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