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Hi ladies!
One of the most frustrating parts of being a crossdresser, for me at least, is the number of times I’ve binged and then purged. Binged and purged. Over and over and over again, it seems. When I look back over the years, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve gone through that cycle. When I think about how many wonderful, beautiful dresses, skirts, blouses, pieces of lingerie, wigs, makeup, nail polish, shoes, jewelry, perfume, etc. that I’ve purchased and then gotten rid of, it makes me so sad that I could cry. And if I think about how much money I have literally thrown away when I’ve purged myself of all of those wonderfully feminine items, it’s even worse.
But I know that I’m not alone in that behavior, so at least I’m in good company, right? 😉
So the question is, once you came to the realization that you are a crossdresser, that you enjoy crossdressing, that your feminine alter ego really is a part of who you are and she will not go away, do you still go through those binge and purge cycles? Or have you now gotten past that so you can finally enjoy being the woman you want to be, buy the things you want, without having to go out again and again and repurchase everything?
Let us know!
Hugs,
Holly
Hi Holly
I went through binge and purge cycles in my 20’s when I was a lingerie only CD. It wasn’t only purging. I tried to join the military but my bad knees kept me out. Then I took up body building and became quite big and incredibly strong.
I also remember all those embarrassed shopping trips to buy pretty things as far from home as was practical. I would travel at least 40 miles from home to shop for things. I once even rode a bicycle 40 miles each way to buy some lingerie only to throw it away a few weeks later.
I pretty much stopped purging by age 30 but was still a lingerie only CD. I also had a few very pretty satin bridesmaids gowns.
Once I dressed fully at age 35 all the purging ended. After that the problem became I could never get enough outfits, shoes and boots. I ended up at one point owning 17 pairs of thigh boots. I would go to a bridal shop and have the satin dressed I designed custom made. The seamstress was great and she even made a leather dress for me.
Once I actually dressed and was out in the world living a life as Barbie purging was no longer an option. Not that I would even want to at that point.
I’ve never been through a binge and purge cycle. I mostly built my stuff up slowly, finding many items on clearance or on sale. Occasionally I would buy a couple of items at a time.
As for purge, I only had one half-purge. When my (now ex) spouse found my things, she tossed it all in the garbage. But since I was the one who took the garbage to the curb, I found it and retrieved about half the stuff, deciding that I probably wouldn’t use the other half.
If there is one thing I hope the younger CDs here can learn from us older CDs, it’s to never, ever purge. If you have a scare or are feeling like you want to purge and leave it all behind, just box it all up and put it in the attic or storage. Wait. I can almost assure you that you’ll be glad you did.
I have been through many over the years and threw out som very nice things that are considered vintage now and can’t be replaced. I am sorry I did it.But as of late I have been thinking I know we don’t know when we will go or if we even have a tomorrow. but if I can sort of plan I would like to purge one last time before I get too old. I don’t really want Debbie to be found out by my family so as to ruin me for them I don’t want to hurt them in any way or destroy my testimony so to speak if Im making any sense.
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The only time I purge is if I have lost weight and need clothes that fit or once a year I go thru and donate things that I haven’t worn at all. Plus new fashions come out and a girl only has so much room in their closet. But purging because I want to quit dressing…I’m way past doing that.
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Over the years I’ve purged too many times to count.
I’ve finally accepted myself and gotten mature enough so that I don’t purge anymore and my wardrobe has grown larger than ever. I may have to toss some things that are the least desirable just to have space but I don’t consider that purging.
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It’s been years since I’ve purged. Now I don’t really have a lot of things, mostly underdressing things so it’s not a huge deal to just stash them away until the next wave hits me. I’ve finally realized that “she” will be back and a quick session now and again keeps things in control. It took me a while to figure this out…slow learner I guess 🤣
Used to before the wife found out. Simply had too much stuff to hide. I regret it now because I miss a lot of the things I purged and they are irreplaceable (without ridiculous cost!). Now when I sense a need to get rid of extra items I remember what I had and miss and just get another storage box! (Although under the bed is getting crowded!) Lol!
Thankfully I quit purging my fem clothes in my late twenties. I had been to a psychiatrist and psychologist both and found out that Trish was a part of me and she wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon so the purging ceased and I finally began to enjoy who I was and Trish was a much happier girl as was her male counterpart. I still cry over the gorgeous outfits that I had thrown away.
Trish
Before I met my wife and was living with my parents, I never purged at all. I had alot of vintage type clothing like women’s aerobic body suits, spandex leggings, and some nice one piece swimsuits.
When I met my then g/f (now wife), I still had my collection. But when we decided to buy a house together, I had to start packing up my wife from my parents and move to the new place. I purged. All those classic clothing gone.
I thought I could stop Wendy from coming up in our new place, and for a while I kept a lid on Wendy. Eventually she had to come out to play and I started to buy stuff again. With limited spaces to hide her stuff, and running into medical issues, I eventually purged again.
It was a horrendous cycle, binge, purge, rinse and repeat. I eventually introduced Wendy to my wife, and the bing purge cycle stopped. She was supportive of Wendy so I no longer had to binge purge.
Now, I just “purge” to make room in the closet for new stuff I want. So I did to a semi purge of clothing that no longer fit or no longer wear. Those types of purges I am ok with as it keeps my wardrobe clean, I get to keep Wendy’s stuff in the open, and it allows me to put new stuff as I get rid of the old stuff.
I’ve actually never purged even stuff that I had when I was younger the only thing that comes close to that is one time when I was still living with my parents I was maybe 19 20 I had to go away for business and when I came back I had a bag that I kept all of my stuff in like kind of like a suitcase and the whole thing it disappeared and that was heartbreaking but when I tried to address the issue nobody ever wanted to talk about it so I just let it go and moved on from it
No. I do get rid of things that are no longer appropriate for my age.
Keeping in mind that we have a public life and a secret life, I do have/keep sexy lingerie and such for myself, but my public life has become more sophisticated.
I want to be accepted as a mature, classy woman.
This is not binging, it’s evolving.
Hi Holly, I’m very happy to say that I’ve never experienced a binge and purge cycle of my female clothing. Have I gotten rid of clothes? Yes but because all my closets and chests of drawers are too full. So my rule now is if I buy something new, something old (in poor condition, no longer fits, or just out of style) gets donated to Goodwill. I already have more female clothing and accessories than my wife.
I guess in terms of purging, I’ve been getting rid of my old drab clothing over time. For example, if I buy some new femme jeans, I’ll donate some old drab jeans. And since I retired over five years ago, I’ve been getting rid of my old office clothing (drab dress shirts, slacks, suit jackets, ties) and filling the closet space with skirts, tops, dresses, etc.
Hugs, Krista🐶I purged in a major way two or three times. My wife has packed all my things into garbage bags a few times as well, but I was able to recover everything both times. My most recent purge was my favorite, because I got rid of some cheap things I wasn’t wearing after committing more money to my wardrobe (I have a ridiculous amount of things). I must admit I also love donating items to goodwill that I know other women will wear one day. But in terms of shame purging, I have drawn the line that this is a part of me and that I like to see my friends hanging in my closets even when I am not wearing them.
In earlier years, I purged only because I was running out of space to hide my stuff (swimsuits in my case). During those years, I’ve either had people that would come to my place, or relationships. In the more recent years, I’ve been living completely alone and almost never get anyone else visiting me at my house. That said, I am able to keep my stuff hanging in closets or even draped over towel racks in my bathroom.
Like you, I went through a few cycles and deeply regret not only the money “thrown away” but also the loss of a good number of items I think I could now use and are not easy to find in any of the shops.
Nowadays, I keep everything I acquire in my special storage space – whether they are being used or not – in case at some point in the future they come in handy again (or can be matched with a new acquisition).Holly, I’ve purged my feminine stuff a couple times in the past. But it never lasted long before I would start collecting a new femme wardrobe. So eventually I just accepted that these feelings and desires are here to stay. When I came to that realization, I threw out all my male under things and never looked back.
N. Birel
I used to purge clothes when I was ashamed of my crossdressing. The most expensive thing I purged was a pair of high heeled hooker boots that I wore one time. Now that I am living alone, I keep my feminine wardrobe intact and it’s available when I feel femme.
Kerri
I voted NO, why mainly because the last time I did everything went. Not only my clothing collect, shoes, wigs, dresses, but also digital media got hit as well. I was going out of business sort speaking. Got diagnosed with cancer and didn’t want anything left behind to surprise anyone. So it went.
now 99% of my panties, bras, stockings and other items are in my dresser or nightstand. If my wife hasn’t seen it, I wouldn’t know why? We even have a matching bra and panties set! The words cross dresser, or dressing has never been brought up. But I know I have limitations with her and most it stays with in lingerie. She has protested with seeing me in a dress. So now I don’t hide it from here and no reason to purge.
I’m pretty new to all this, so I have not really hit that point yet – I’m having way to much fun to even consider such a thing. Being a late bloomer I have experienced none of the guilt ans shame that has plagued so many of us, and my wife is supportive, so my situation is almost ideal and free of the kind of stress that might lead to such an action.
I can see one day I might want to make a donation to local goodwill of some outfits i do not like or don’t wear, but I’m not there yet, and that wouldn’t really be considered a purge would it?
I am at the point where every couple of months I cull through my stuff and send stuff I don’t/won’t wear to a charitable thrift store.
I’m not going to stop shopping, and my drawers and closet are bursting… I don’t need more, I need better quality/fit/style
Hi Billiejay and Holly
I am new to this and I voted yes but not because I am denying being a crossdresser and hopefully the binge buying has changed.
When I came out and got over my denial I found so many wonderful things in all different styles especially in lingerie and lounging. Being tall and broad shouldered but in good shape “I wanted them all so I could be and feel feminine”
But sadly almost everything I bought either looked terrible and made me look silly because of my manly size and figure or just didn’t fit because I do not have a female figure. Most of my stuff I purchased ended up in Thrift Store drop boxes. They were beautiful and nice items but just not made or meant for me.
A sad realization that I will have to stick to conventional women’s clothes but find they are far more expensive and so very careful when it comes to style and sizing.
My mainstay now are my panties bras nylons and leggings and a few skirts that go nice with my nylons and leggings
I will never give up feeling and wanting to be a female but at this point I don’t think that will happen unless I hope for difference being female in my next life.Sara
Hi Holly,
Well, the closest selection I can make is that I’ve gotten past it.
The reality is that I’m getting older (I don’t know about the rest of you all, but I surely am). And as such, I’m downsizing everything I can think of, although probably not as fast I should. It’s mostly my ‘manly-man’ clothes, especially those I really no longer care to wear. My SO keeps buying me items just a little slower than I can weed out my regular wardrobe. Same goes for all the STUFF we have around here. Maybe some people live by the credo – whoever dies with the most stuff, wins, but I definitely don’t. I have no desire to burden my spouse (if I go first), myself (if she goes first), or my adult kids (and I’d probably die if any of them go before I do!), or anyone else with all the stuff I have which includes my feminine attire. Well, maybe a limited number of…SURPRISE! but as little as possible. (ha!)
So, I’m slowly reducing that limited wardrobe, such as it is, but with hardly a thought of purging. THAT is all behind me.
Hugs, ChloëC
Hi Chloe. Yes, I definitely agree with the “less is more” credo and am also trying to get rid of stuff across many different areas of my life.
Hugs,
Holly
Since coming out for good to my wife last week, no more purging. I can hang up clothes in my closet and start developing a diverse wardrobe. Several bras, tops, dresses,skirts, etc. WOW. I am so going to love this shopping spree!!
Well. Rather subdued and we just chatted calmly for a bit. Then a couple days later tears, yelling, quite upset. All were totally understandable to me. My biggest mistake was not coming out immediately. Now we are just processing so no big shopping spre yet. I am still hopeful.
I accept I am a crossdresser and love it. However my SO is not quite so enamored with my femme side. Last purge (albeit not total. Kept some stuff) was February. Yes here I am a few months later.
My SO discovered my love of dressing rather unexpectedly and her head exploded. So we have talked about it some but she is not really open to real discussion. I think it was the shock of it. Haven’t had a great chance to really broach the subject again. Talking with therapist about it and hope I can address it with my SO again.
Ann
Several times in the past I have tossed everything, saying to myself that I am not dressing anymore. I have gotten past that. Now I periodically toss only parts of my wardrobe, thinking maybe I will dress less frequently, yet without the illusion that I will totally stop dressing. I always keep enough wardrobe to scratch the itch when it comes.
Hi Holly. My crossdressing is very much a private activity. I chat in forums, cam with friends, but I never meet. It’s a wonderful community especially having friends to share this side of life. That being said, at times I worry about being caught and purge I go…. but usually within a few weeks, I’ll buy a few things and then a few more. I usually hide them inside a dresser behind drawers. Pretty safe until it’s furniture rearrange time and I freak out…. one day, when kids move out I’ll probably bring it out into the open.
Hi all. I voted other because I have never binged or purged since commencing my cross dressing. I had a small fetish when stating where I did overindulge in the purchase of some lingerie and bought a couple of sets too many.
I may have had a break from dressing for family and personal reason, but I have never got rid of my wardrobe of clothing. Only updated it with the current fashions.
I used to purge like us all, but a while ago I realised this wasn’t something I could deny. I would sometimes try to cut back: packing everything away but not binning it.
Recently though I had a different experience. Since recognising I am somewhere on the trans spectrum, and coming out to my wife things have been difficult to say the least. It got to the point where I could see no future for my feminine self and tried to”mentally” purge. All thoughts of the feminine inside of me, dressing, behaving etc were selfish, stupid, pointless and banned.
I lasted a week, and then had a wonderful few days when for the first time ever I Really felt like a woman looking out of a male body, and really recognised myself as transfeminine and accepted the label. So the ups and downs continue, but they have changed!
Hugs, Thea
Thanks Thea
I am lucky in that I am single but it is stories like yours that keep me positive in my quest. I have found recently that even though I am a closet private dresser the worst thing I can do after I get dressed in one of my outfits is go and look in the mirror. In that moment the feminine woman I feel like is shattered when I see the man looking back at me so now after my shower and I put my panties bra and sometimes nylons or pantyhose and a nice outfit and for the rest of my day feeling like the woman of the house.
If I do have to go out for some reason then cover up with my manly clothes and run my errands but then usually time for leggings for lounging.
I agree with you also that I feel like a woman looking out of a male body and the mirror only exemplifies that so I stay clear of it as much as possible.Sara
Dear Sara, I do so feel for you! I went through a period of covering all the mirrors, and would never even consider taking a photograph. In a way concentrating on what it felt like was probably the right idea: to me it’s about feeling feminine rather than the clothes. I got a real boost today seeing myself in trousers and a poloneck: because it felt right for Thea. It’s taken me a long while to find an appearance that seems ok and represents the feminine in me, and now I love having photos. I will never be a young and beautiful woman, but I’m getting to be happy with Thea, a 62yr old with the effects of years of testosterone. And(some of the time) I’m much happier and more at peace!
Hugs Thea
I truly hope that I have gotten past this stage. I purged many, many years ago. Looking back, I was not in the right mindset. I am in a much better spot now and loving every minute of it.
Although I wish I’d started dressing years ago, I think I’d have gone through a few binge and purge cycles by now if I had. The urge to dress has always been in the back of my mind but my male ego always won out until last year, so in some ways I’ve been purging my femme desires for a long time. Whether or not I’ll actually end up purging clothes for real only time will tell, but at the moment the only things I discard are the cheap rubbish I purchased to begin with. I’ve moved on to quality ( pricey) underwear now, so let’s hope Amy wins out! x
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