- This topic has 19 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 6 years ago by
.
- Posts
So this is something I had tormented over for years. Personally, I revealed Megan to my children about a year ago. The process went something like this: After talking to several friends and reading posts, watching YouTubes, and countless hours of soul searching, I came to the conclusion that there is no ideal time for everyone. Some people told me I should have told them when they were very young (current ages are 14 and 12) so that they would grow up thinking everything was completely normal. I had others tell me that I needed to wait until they were adults or out of the house because they would be mature enough to handle it. Well, it was too late to go back in time and I was concerned that if I waited until they were older, they would be upset with me for keeping this secret from them; in effect, lying to them every day. In a moment of clarity, I determined that if I am putting Megan out there and hope and expect people to accept me, I must also work on having my children get to know the real me as well. After all, aren’t I confirming there is shame and guilt with what I do if I continue to hide? I do not accept guilt and shame anymore for expressing myself. Anyway, I will reveal in a later rambling what happened after I told my children. For now, I would like to know if you have revealed to your children, and if not, why not?
Megan,
Great topic!!! I am on the edge of making that jump myself. Mine are 18 and just left for college, that one will be the most difficult. In the last two days my 13 and 16 year olds have given me examples of friends they know, one transitioning at the age of 12-13 amazing and my child was like they are still the same person what’s the big deal. My 16 year old had a friend that they caught not only in girls clothes but dancing to Katey Perry. My child closed the door and when the friend came back out of the room dressed male, my child said you can wear whatever you want it is just clothing. Am I ready to tell them, is this the time, very soon after a very important event for the eldest in a few weeks. Am I nervous, YES, do I think my younger two are not going to have a more than a little confusion that questions will answer. The eldest, I will let you know in a few weeks.
Great topic Megan and I can’t wait to hear others experiences! Peace!
no not yet, but i have a feeling my daughter and 2nd oldest son knows of my cross dressing. daughter seen a pic of me dressed up pretty. she told mom about it, daughter relies its his body not hers. my son caught me in a night gown getting a drink, i played like i was sleep walking and hoped he would not realize i was dressed in a night gown.. so telling them its too late for them. my daughter is 26, my son is 24. but if they ask me one day about it i will let them now i dress up as a female all the way from head to toe and feel happy about myself.
i have 2 adult sons ages 30 and 26 whom i have never told about my crossdressing.
i only came out to my wife of then 27 yrs just over 4 years ago.
it frustrates me that i can not dress openly at home for fear of
them coming in and catching me.
for the time being i plan on keeping my dressing a secret but do envy
those sisters who have had the courage to come out to their children
nope, not yet
I too have wrestled with this topic
My 2 girls are under 10 and I have not told them that I crossdress per say. They do know that I wear skirts et al…kind of hard not to notice.
They know that Dad isn’t supposed to wear a skirt et al but they realize that it is just a piece of clothing and love me for me. Hmmm… a skirt or a kilt. Have both. Wear both.
We even exchange clothes choices as I am partially color blind.
I too have wrestled with this topic
My 2 girls are under 10 and I have not told them that I crossdress per say. They do know that I wear skirts et al…kind of hard not to notice.
They know that Dad isn’t supposed to wear a skirt et al but they realize that it is just a piece of clothing and love me for me. Hmmm… a skirt or a kilt. Have both. Wear both.
We even exchange clothes choices as I am partially color blind.
So, one of the main reasons I had to tell my children was that I was starting to go out as Megan anywhere from once to four times a month. The wife was extremely nervous that the kids might see Megan one day by accident, especially since the kids were staying up later and later as they got older. We discussed just telling the kids and the wife seemed ok as long as I was the one to make the reveal. I was over feeling guilty and ashamed so I agreed that I would tell them. They listened closely as I told them that I was a cross-dresser, and most likely transgender. I gave an explanation of what this means and that no matter what, I was still their dad, and I loved them very much. They didn’t seem shocked or angry and appeared more interested in getting back to whatever they were doing before. Since then, they have seen and talked to fully dressed Megan on occasion, and for the most part see a watered down version every day. When I get home, I shed my male attire and put on something casual and feminine, like a camisole top and cute shorts – but no wig and makeup. Now it’s just what they see every day when I’m home and there have been no problems.
Yes i have about a month agoi called my eldest son ,he is 23 and newly graduated from College!. Andmy youngest son who will be15 in November .
I had made dinner and we sat down and ate.then i toldthem that a very hard “secret i had been keeping for at least 50yrs” they didn’t laugh they teared up as i was talking due to seeing “dad become emotional” it was beautiful and they said they love me and would stand by my side!!
The sad part is their mother,my wife after all these years say’s she can’t/won’t accept this partof my/our lives .So the next chapter for my sanity will have to be addressed, but my children are beautifulJayme; I know what that means about the wife not accepting. I know several people who did tell their wives years into their marriages. Most were very difficult about it because, lets face it, trust has been violated. This is hard to overcome. One of the reasons I never told 2 of my wives was that very reason. The one wife who did know was ok with it but two things happened. She thought I was thinking differently of her in bed as someone else other than her, and then she took a boyfriend.
Of course, ideally it would be best to get that out in the open before marriage. That has problems too. You might not marry that one you love.
On the other hand, if you are going to open up well into your marriage, one thing that is important to let your wife know is, you love them very much and that this side of you they did not know is part and parcel of who they fell in love with in the first place. It is important to let them know that being open about this part of you should bring you closer together. You will need to consider ground rules that allow you to be your femme side from time to time and you need to both respect each other in this area.
Children are more flexible when they are younger. Waiting for them to be old enough to understand does not guarantee understanding. Dialog and exposure does ESPECIALLY of the adults can handle the issue AS adults and not warring parties. The longer you wait to tell your wife, the more difficult it will be to reach understanding.
Hi,
What is easyer to be a Dresser Trans or Other,
well i had been told by one of our sons 39, that he would rather i had been a dresser our other son 40 accepted though did loose it now and then because of what i am , our daughter 34 , would say to Jos why am i wearing female clothes , in answer Jos said well thats what she is going to do , we have 11 grandkids and theres 18 in our Jos and i family .i tryed to explain and i would rather have had some one else do it concerning what i am ,was not to be ,
Over 21 years ago i told Jos i was/am a female , and we had been married for 24 years at that time , we both went through …HELL…for 8 years , Psyhchologically Mentalatly and Emotionally . We came through that and stayed to gether for another 14 years to work out what we would do , Now Jos is a lovely woman and i wont accept any thing said about her other wise , a good Mom and over all we got on well ,
So Jos knew I am a female just born a little different , our kids have accepted that i am this way though Kaylyn 34 gave me a working over because she was / had lost her father such as he was ment to be, so she barreled into me for over an hour so we Jos and Kayln we had that time of greive she knows and accepts my difference and will allways call me dad and we are very close and have our daughter dad detail yet she has worked for me on jobs so as a family we have it together ,
With 11 grandkids im called grandad and thats as it should be our oldest is over 18 youngest 2 and one more due with in a few weeks ,So my difference is being an intersexed female with out my womb and male or female organs corrective surgerys so makes our / my life different and with its own issues with in family ,
i know its hard on Jos and our Kids had my birth certs said born intersex it would have saved a lot of hassel so 68 years later its female at birth , so not quite what i needed yet im happy with that ,
Jos and i had our marrage anuuld 5 years ago and jos has married a lovely man coming up two years ago , we all get on well and have a good contact ,
My advice is no matter the detail is from birth on show who you are and dont hide a thing about your self with your children bring them up knowing who you are and later answer thier ?s for thier age ,dont belittle them because they dont miss a thing and they can accept differences much easyer than leaving it till much later on in thier life,s
I did tell my two sons when they got older,My 18 year old was told first when he was 12 and then it was my 15 year old when he was 9.Both took it well,my wife and I taught them to love and accept people for who they are.They still love me as a normal dad that dresses fulltime now,this started 5 years ago.
I told my wife after about 10 years into our marriage, she was ok with it as long as I stayed in the closet. I was content with that for a while but as we all know, you cant keep a good women in the closet! I told my oldest daughter first, she was good with it but had no desire to meet Pippi. later I told my youngest daughter and she was ecstatic over it.She told me that it didn’t matter ,I was still daddy and she loved me for who I was and not for what I wear. We are now closer then ever.She’s my confidant best girl friend,heck we even go shopping together . As for the marriage, it ended three years ago but I’m doing good and Pippi is in control . I’ve even told my sisters and my mom so I’m really starting to come to terms with it all! it feels good not to hide in the closet anymore !!!
as to telling my children, I have told only one. The rest want nothing to do with me and that has nothing to do with my dressing. The one I told was because there was a possibility that he, and my two granddaughters might visit and I did not want them blindsided finding Rosaliy where they expect grampa/dad. My son lives in Florida so I let him know in email and followed up on the phone. At first he hit high C and demanded to know why I had to change. As the discussion progressed, he came to realize that it wasn’t his decision in the first place and that I was always this way before but he just didn’t know then. He and the grandkids are ok with it now. The rest of the family has no clue. In this area I subscribe to the theory that “if they don’t need to know, don’t tell them.” This has limited utility and only as it applies to people with whom you continuously interact. For those who don’t want anything to do with you in the first place, well they really do NOT need to know.
As with every relationship from family to work and everything in between, communication is the key to success. If you want to FAIL, keep your mouth shut and you WILL.
I came out to my wife 8 years ago after 26 years of marriage. The last 8 years have been tough a couple of short-term separations she will not accept the cross-dressing but allows me to dress and go out. I do dress androgynously including underdressing daily. My two children were 21 and 17 at the time were ok with it providing it was not in their face. I now have told my sons fiance who is accepting and willing to go out with me shopping etc.. My best friends, pastor and his wife have been told along with my neighbors. All have no problem. My wife’s family were told by her during one our separations without my permission and do not accept or understand and will not. I don’t care and now avoid them. The last 8 years have been a work in progress, tough at times, she will not discuss boundaries and I usually find out when I do ,or dress in something she does not approve of. However, my clothes hang in the closet, are laundered with the rest including my panties and bras which was a big step for her. However since the hair removal we share a bed but for the last 6 months there has been no intimacy. She is not interested in playing with a bare chest
Dani,
Sorry to hear of the intimacy issues 🙁 it can be difficult I guess for a woman to accept that her husband is more feminine than she had realized/known at the beginning of the relationship(though of course that is part of what made you the person she was attracted to. Great that your kids are tolerant/accepting and fantastic that the one fiancee is willing to go out with you. Not an easy path we take!
Cynthia
I finally came to accept who and what I was at the tender age of 45 or so. After about 3 years of trying to find exactly how I would fit in this world with transitioning I came to a conclusion-the only way was to make the leap and get started. Is it a blessing that both of my children were adults (29 and 26 at that time) when I came out to them? I dunno, but I think for me it was. They were the first that I came out to, the only ones that I truly cared about getting acceptance from. Again, very blessed that they did give me that continuing acceptance. Granted it was the hardest on my Son, seeing and knowing his dad to be the manly-man his whole life and now going to become a woman. Very happy that today, 7 years later, I have great relationships with both of them. Now, we’re collectively searching for a way to introduce/explain me to my grandkids, the oldest being 5. I’m confidant that we’ll find a way, as I’m going to spend the Thanksgiving week with them all! I’m so excited for that!
I have 2 daughters, 14 and 17. I have not told them at my wife’s request although I want to. I’ve already shopped with them both, trying on dresses and buying skirts, however they believe it’s for Halloween. My oldest daughter did mention in a slightly strange conversation that we had while shopping that if I was transgender or a crossdresser she would still love me because I am dad. My eyes teared up as i held back the urge to confide in her. I believe my daughters are both smart and if they don’t already know then they suspect since my dress and outfits hang on the back of my bedroom door and I wear long nightshirts, gowns or robes every night and have done so for years. But for now, I am doing as my wife asks and not telling them.
Interesting that you bumped this topic up, Victoria. This is something that I’ve been working through in my head. My daughter is 15 and my son is 14. Deep down, I’m not too worried about them, but I am worried about who they may decide to tell. But I think I’ll be “out” to them sooner rather than later. If for no other reason, I’m tired of hiding my painted toenails. 🙂
2016_transitioning for transgender and transsexual women: Megan Grey original post:
So this is something I had tormented over for years. Personally, I revealed Megan to my children about a year ago. The process went something like this: After talking to several friends and reading posts, watching YouTubes, and countless hours of soul searching, I came to the conclusion that there is no ideal time for everyone. Some people told me I should have told them when they were very young (current ages are 14 and 12) so that they would grow up thinking everything was completely normal. I had others tell me that I needed to wait until they were adults or out of the house because they would be mature enough to handle it. Well, it was too late to go back in time and I was concerned that if I waited until they were older, they would be upset with me for keeping this secret from them; in effect, lying to them every day. In a moment of clarity, I determined that if I am putting Megan out there and hope and expect people to accept me, I must also work on having my children get to know the real me as well. After all, aren’t I confirming there is shame and guilt with what I do if I continue to hide? I do not accept guilt and shame anymore for expressing myself. Anyway, I will reveal in a later rambling what happened after I told my children. For now, I would like to know if you have revealed to your children, and if not, why not?
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Recent Comments