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Hi Fiona, I’m assuming you are asking “When dressed en femme which toilet do you use?” So I answered that I use the Ladies Toilet when fully in female mode. But when in male wear, I use the men’s toilet – otherwise I’d definitely be causing a stir.
And another BUT, there has been times when I was dressed in male mode and going into the men’s toilet when I’ve been stopped and told that I’m going into the wrong toilet (at Costco, at hotels, at restaurants) – and that I should be using the ladies toilet. I guess I do a good job in passing (and without any makeup) even while dressed in male wear. It does drive my SO crazy that I’m so often mistaken for female.
Hugs, Krista
I wouldn’t even consider the gents if I’m femmed up – always use the facilities appropriate to your appearance.
Love Laura
Good Pole Fiona!!
Ahh heck, I just pull what’s left of it out and pee on the floor!!! LoL
Of course I use the ladie’s restroom! I would never consider using the mens!! However, where I live, many of the newer and larger establishments are now providing us with Unisex Restrooms, which I opt for when available….
As I usually present as a man regardless what I am wearing, I generally use the men’s restroom. This has been awkward if I need to wait for a stall which I use exclusively if I am wearing a dress or skirt. I do, however, use the women’s restroom if I am presenting as a woman. I have never had an issue using either as above. In either case, I take care of business and exit. As someone else mention, I will elect to use a family or unisex bathroom, if available, for inconvenience.
MacKenzie Alexandra
I will always use the ladies toilet or a unisex toilet when presenting as female. It just makes sense and is the safest option. Being discovered in the men’s toilet by a homophobe/transphobe could be quite dangerous. Of course common sense should always prevail. Be aware of your environment and avoid places you’re likely to be unwelcomed.
Emily
I went to a outlet mall fully dressed en femme that was futher away from where I was used to shopping. Ordinarily I wouldn’t be that far away from my home and I could wait until I get home to use the toilet. However this time I knew that I couldn’t wait until I got home and I needed to relieve myself I found the food court and saw a sign that said Ladies Room. Holding my head high I walked down the hallway and saw that there wasn’t a door just a open doorway that led into the ladies room. I stepped into the room and saw two rows of stalls some open and some occupied I went into a open stall where I relieved myself then went to where the sinks were where I washed my hands and touched up my makeup This was the first time I had ever used a Ladies Room and it was such a beautiful experience for me that I always use a Ladies Room when I have the need to Thank you for letting me tell my experience
This is a very simple yes.
Would a guy use the girls bathroom, or a girl use a guys bathroom in a “normal” setting? No.
So you, presenting as a female (real or not) should 100% use the bathroom labeled for said gender.
With this being said, use your manners and be and act lady like.
Here are some helpful hints:
1. Sit to pee, would a girl face the bowl and aim for it? No, so sit you butt down!
2. Act like you’re suppose to be there, because you are!
3. Don’t peep or gawk…Creeper!
4. If you are NOT alone, comment on their outfit, shoes, purse….Small talk.
5. I always bring a tampon in my purse…it’s not for you silly! But the poor girl in need of a life saver! Be that wing-girl, she will NEVER forget you!
6. Always, do a once over in the mirror. Wig, lipstick, overall look check. Check yourself out, it’s okay! Just a no judgement reset before you go back into the wild!
Hope this helps you!
-SR-
Usually the mall/shopping centers, etc. have a room for families for a parent of the other gender can either change a baby or help a toddler. I try to use them. Legal issue are too great for the ladies room and I would not be comfortable going into a men’s room dress en femme. But I try not to use public restrooms at all and attempt to avoid them for my home instead.
I use the gender neutral or family bathroom whenever possible and if not, the ladies….with caution. I will watch to ensure no minors have entered or ask my gf to check for me. I believe respect is earned and not demanded and I also respect the right of parents and their children to feel safe. I am not a deviant and believe the same of most of the ladies here that I know, but we all know that they do exist in society. The parents who’s kids are using those bathrooms do NOT know your intentions and may assume the worst. As a cautious parent and grandparent who takes them out, if I can tell you’re a man, you’re not going in the ladies room while they are there. Please tread carefully and on the side of caution ladies.
This is a cautious issue, but when enfemme, it would be more of an attention getter if one were to use the Men’s, instead of the Ladies.
Manners and minimal voice use, and as Olivia mentioned, careful if there’s kids around.
My last time at the mall, and I had to use the ladies, I had an interesting experience. Now my real age is 66, and most don’t take me for that, and then with makeup, I likely look 50 something. So, this young woman, mid 20’s perhaps started talking to me, as she was washing her hand vigoursly. She was working on a store display, and got some pine sap on her, and was having trouble getting it off. Sadly, I didn’t have anything to help her with. I’m thinking that she was taking me for a Mother figure, and I have a daughter about that age.
A bit scary, as I certainly didn’t want to be made, as I was on my way out at the time, but it all seemed to go well. She thanked me, and wished me a Good Day.
Amy
I always use the one that is aproiate to the way I’m dressed at the time, when I first went out en femme I was a Mexican eatery and went into the boys room and although there was no one else in there I felt really out of place. Ever since then I use the ladies when I am out en femme and feel much more comfortable when I’m in there.
The first time i went out en feminine i needed to use a public toilet , bath room to you girls .
Here in New Zealand we have what are called uni sex toilets , that means any one can use them . they are a single cubicle , and are completely private .
And yes , i was a good girl .
Rhonda .
My 1st choice would be a private unisex or family bathroom, but failing that, yes I’d use the ladies room when presenting myself as a woman.
Michelle,
The situation hasn’t happened for me, yet – but my answer would be the same as yours.
Hey Girls,
Interesting topic. I live in Northern Ireland, where we LGBT rights and treatment are somewhat lagging behind the rest of the UK. It’s not illegal, but you could get into a lot of bother if caught. At the moment I tend to use the disabled toilet if there is one to avoid any difficulties. I have a visual impairment, so can get away with that. Once I improve my make-up skills, I will venture into the Ladies.
Hugs,
Isabel
Hi Fiona
Well there’s no way on earth I’m going to set foot into the gents in a dress, wig and heels!
The rule is to always use the facilities appropriate to your appearance.
The ladies almost always has a picture of a person in a dress.
Kinda begs a question, when the gents has a picture of a person in trousers… rather sexist and inherently untrue reinforcement of gender stereotypes. 😏
Love Laura
On my second outing as Paula, I was at a large shopping mall. I had been there for some time, had eaten dinner in the food court. I felt the need to use the facilities.
I walked for a bit to see if I could spot a gender neutral washroom. no luck. I went to the ladies, No line, and empty stall. While in the stall many women came in. I finished up, exited the stall walked to the sink washed my hands, and exited without incident. I was terrified the entire time.
I did peel the nail off my thumb while pulling my jeans down, and had to find help to fix my nails.
I am not sure how i will act next time out.
Paula
This topic comes up often in the support group I am a member of (Sigma Epsilon/Tri-ESS), mostly from new girls just joining the group.
The experience of our group is if you are presenting as a female, then you use the ladies room but with certain rules which have been learned from long experience.
1. Try to be confident-looking, you are not doing anything wrong. Looking nervous invites closer scrutiny.
2. When in the stall, ensure your feet are pointing outward. Ladies sit, so their feet point outward, unlike a guy who stands facing the commode.
3. Do not stare at women in the ladies room.
4. Do not speak with women in the ladies room, unless spoken to. Then be brief.
5. Do not linger in the ladies room, touch up lipstick, check hair, adjust clothing/straps, then get going on your way.
I cannot recall the last time I had an issue with anyone. Maybe once many years ago, a woman wanted to know if I was a man. If I recall, I told her I was a woman today, just wanting to pee like any other woman. She seemed satisfied. I employed the tactic of answering her but starting to walk away at the same time. Nonverbal language for “I am too busy to speak with you.”
I often communicate with people out in the public, about cross dressing, but I never do it in or near the ladies room.
I have had rent-a-cops in malls look at me. I just look back and smile at them. Many of them are old overweight guys and may be just interested in big ladies. Remember, we are not doing anything illegal by using the female toilet facilities.
I think three or four years ago North Carolina passed a law that one had to use the bathroom which conformed to your birth sex. If I recall, a couple of our support group girls were from NC, an they said the law was just being ignored, and it was never enforced.
My state, Georgia, had one state legislator propose a similar law, and he was laughed at by almost everyone, plus he lost reelection. Now we have a female legislator who is trying to pass several anti-transgender laws, but she is making zero progress and is viewed as a hateful person.
If there is a unisex or family bathroom, I might try for that first. But if presenting as female, and I have to go, I will use the ladies room.
If I’m out for a long time, I sometimes try be a bit dehydrated so I don’t need to use the toilet as much.
However, I do tell people that there was this one time that I used the men’s room while dressed as a woman.
I was driving home en femme after dropping my daughter off at college. It was about a 10-11 hour drive (including stops to stretch, eat, and yes, use the toilet). At the last rest stop, I got out to stretch and use the rest room. This is a very small stop along the interstate, with some vending machines and two bathrooms only, along with some place where you could walk around outside.
I quickly went inside, and I heard a male attendant cleaning the bathroom. I had to go badly, so I quickly went into the room marked ladies, and quickly got into the stall and did my business. But sitting there I asked myself, isn’t this the men’s room? I had used this rest room in the past, and it dawned on me from the location that this is where the men’s room should have been. When going out, sure enough I saw urinals.
I realized that there was only a single male attendant, and that he needed to clean the ladies room as well. So what happened was he temporarily switched the men’s and ladies rest rooms so he could clean the ladies room. I came in while he was working in the ladies (or temporary mens) room and so used the mens (which was temporarily a ladies) room.
So it really wasn’t unusual that I used the mens room while dressed. But the opening line does get attention and bring out people’s curiosity, allowing me to tell the story.
I have never used a mens’ john dressed as a woman. In he beginning I figured that men punched harder.
Harietta has never had any problem using the proper loo for a lady. She’s had some compliments. Some clearly because women did not “clock” me and others because they are impressed with my look.
Consider that there is actually more privacy in a ladies’ privy.
Tip: pack a tampon or sanitary pad in your purse….I have been asked…twice and have nothing to offer. I just shrugged.
And there is almost no pee on the floor or the seats!
Harietta, I do carry a pad in my purse, and my wife saw it, and asked whatever on Earth do you have that for? Being an out of work comedienne, I said, well you know in case “that time” comes on suddenly, she was of course not amused, as it was her pad I had!
Then I explained the real reason, just so could help another lady out if she was in need!
I also bought some alcohol wipes, as one time a young lady was scrubbing here hand very hard to try to get some sticky stuff off of her hand. She was working on putting a store display together for Christmas, and had got some pine sap on her, and was trying to get clean. Sadly, I could not help her out, but went and bought some in case something like this ever happened again.
Amy
HI Girls ,
I know this is an older topic but always a pertinent one for us.
I was out at a mall for the first en femme last week and I was worried about using the bathroom.
I didn’t have to go but I shopped at a target as I think they have a family bathroom.
On a side note I don’t know why it is such a big deal.
I do but I don’t.
If its a single bathroom and the ladies has a line and my wife has to go bad she will go in the mens and have me watch the door or just lock it.LOL
Patty
IMHO, our American culture makes it a big deal. During my Navy active duty years, I traveled extensively throughout Asia and lived for years in Japan. Most of the time there is no such thing as a male or female toilet. Men and women use the same toilet facilities. It is never a problem and no one gives it a second thought, except for the occasional foreigner, who might be caught off guard as to what local customs are.
Until recently, it has been “dangerous” to use the mens room as myself, and illegal to use the ladies room as either self. So whenever I went out I made sure not to need a toilet, or to be aware of where the nearest isolated, or unisex toilets were.
Now that it is legal, I will be using the mens when dressed as a man and the ladies when en-femme. I also intend to start shopping en-femme locally so that I can better judge sizes and appearance instead of trying to hide and sneak dresses into the mens changing rooms. In fact, today, I intend to make my first shopping trip locally as Jemma and insist on using the appropriate changing rooms.
When I’m out dressed as a woman I look, feel and act like one as result I am a woman. So of course I use the ladies toilets! I feel like just another woman using the facilities. I realize that there may be women in the stalls next to mine but I don’t see it as weird or as a man in the ladies room. I get my business done, wash my hands, check my makeup and hair and apply lipstick if needed. I have never had any issues while using the ladies room because the women’s restroom is the one I feel comfortable and identify with when out dressed as Patty,
I choose other, because it would depend on my confidence level at the time and where I was at, how crowded it is.
If crowded and I had to really go, the men’s room because there is usually a line.
If only a few people, then I would try the ladies room, otherwise wait till I get home.
All depends on how the situation presents itself.
-Gloria
If I really needed to go whilst out femme, I would use the ladies.
But “prevention is better than cure”. So when out a/. as much as a relaxing coffee as I watch the world go by is a nice idea, it’s a surefire recipe for the above to occur in very short order. b/. I therefore only have sips of water from a bottle I keep in my car.
c/. “If all else fails”, I always have a “wide mouthed container” in the car, find an isolated spot.. (eg car park in a local park) and do what I need to do and get outa there very quickly.
Caty
i think that this is a great question and one that i always debate in my own head. i answered other as if out in public, that is not at a CDTS event, i usually try to wait until i am back at a private location (hotel or home). At a CDTS event i always use the ladies toilet and chat away with the other girls. Out in the wild if i have to go i will try to find a single occupant ladies toilet or a coed toilet (more and more of those these days). i will usually be confident enough when dressed to always use the ladies toilet and think it is less awkward anyway than going into the Men’s in a dress and heels.
suzette
Hello Fiona
Grace always uses the ladies when out and about, for two main reasons….someone seeing grace going into the men’s room is really going to attract unwanted attention…secondly, once in the ladies, you are in a cubicle, so highly unlikely to offend anyone anyway..
Huggs, grace 💋
It all depends on how I am dressed when out in public. I am very seldom in male drab unless I have to stop to pick up something at a store on the way to or from work. When out in public as Paula ( most of the time), I always use, in this order, what they call the ‘Family Bathrooms’, mostly for privacy, then next is the ladies room and I have never had a problem doing so, except a few odd looks when exiting. The men’s room is THE last resort. Growing up and living in Texas, before the last 20 years or so, it would have been almost dangerous to use the men’s room when out enfemme, except at the gay clubs.
I have really never had a problem, but have heard a few younger children ask their mom’s about me as I was leaving, and mostly an admonishment for that type of question, or being told not to stare or point because it was rude. Not enough mothers will do that though, which is a shame really.
PaulaF
My wife and I met friends at a wine bar. We were sipping wine for 2 hours. At some point, you have to go…
My wife went with me. I kept my head down(figure of speech since I was 6’3″ in my heels).
We went in, took care of business(seated, of course), washed our hands and left without dawdle.
No fuss, no muss…
😉
it doesnt matter. or does it? i’ll use either one. ill use the mens room just to see the look on there face while i use the urinal. its pretty funny. sometimes ill use the ladies room, but mostly the mens room. the ladies tell me the ladies room is messy because ladies dont sit on the seat. they hover.
Being I haven’t been out en-femme I can’t speak from experience however,
To me it makes the most sense NOT to attract anymore attention than you might already have.
So common sense applies, if out en-femme
If Unisex – Doesn’t really matter does it? You got lucky! Lock the door and take care of business promptly.
Ladies room – If en-femme ABSOLUTELY! No other option to me
Mens Room – If en-femme…NO! NOT ACCEPTABLE! Verboten!! Unless you really want make it an issue, which my adivce is DONT!
Robyn
A very good question? & for me,,, it all depends I tend to feel it out first &,,, believe it or not way before I even go out for the day/ night I,, plan bathroom 🚽 strategies lol look to see if there’s handicap bathroom? Unisex? & or ??? Feel-it out??? &,,, by the way I also drive a R.V. So if it’s a new place that I go to,, I I don’t feel at ease I will just go to my R.V. & most of the time the owner/ if it’s a bar when they see me come in or out they kind of inquire? & I end up telling/ whisper to them about what’s going on lol,, they end up telling me it’s ok to use what ever bathroom I want to use
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