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I’m just dipping my toes into the CD pool, and haven’t done very much – bought and wore panties and stockings a few times, quite a while ago, and then threw them away. More recently I’ve replaced my male boxer-briefs with “mens” bikinis and other styles that could be called panties if they weren’t shown in the mens’ department. I’d like to do more, but so far my most daring purchases are a ladies’ tank top, and a pair of “mens’ wide leg pants” that are basically culottes – when I’m standing still they look exactly like a flow-y A-line or circle midi skirt.
Part of my hesitation is because I don’t want to deceive my wife. I see how many have come to grief over that, and it’s not a road I want to go down. So everything is out in the open, but it’s also a little less flamboyant than I might otherwise want. She of course sees the underwear, since it’s in the wash with everything else. And she said to me, “you know, this tank top you bought is a women’s top,” and I just said “well, I didn’t find the mens’ department at first, but I did find this and liked it, so I just kept it.” It wasn’t a problem at all, for her or our daughter (grown, who was visiting).
Then the other day, as we were planning to go out with friends (a lesbian couple we’ve known for ages), I said I might need to go get a pair of pants because I only had this one pair clean, and they might be “too silly.” That would be the culottes. A little while later I just whipped them out and put them on in front of her, and asked her what she thought. Well she immediately said “oh, no, you can’t wear those out – you should just wear them here at home.” I noted how comfortable they are, and pranced about a bit. (They really are incredibly comfortable and airy.) “I like them, though,” she added.
Then yesterday, I went to pick up my folded clothes that had come out of the dryer, and found that one of her panties had found its way into my pile.
So my question is: how much do you think she knows/suspects? I haven’t told her that I want to dress fully en femme, and tbh I’m not completely sure that that’s what I do want – I’m just sort of finding my way a little at a time. I’d be interested in hearing about anyone else who’s had experiences like this, or insights into what a SO is likely to pick up on even without being told explicitly what’s going on. Or any thoughts you all might have about it, really!
Thanks!
Jayne
I think she knows and putting a pair of her panties in your clean clothes pile is a subtle way for her to confirm her suspicions -maybe she’s hoping you don’t say anything and wear them one day .
It also sounds like she’s quite open minded to you wearing feminine styles of clothing …. over time.
Well I just popped them into my drawer with the rest. Haven’t decided yet whether or when to tell her they got “accidentally” binned with my stuff. I’d kind of like to just wear them, but not sure if I dare.
Hi Jayne. Assuming you have given all the facts as you know them it sounds like she know that you like the feel of looks of women’s clothes. It sounds like she might be receptive to the idea that you would like to explore further more clothing to see how it looks and makes you feel, and that you would like her advice on clothes you should try.
. . SandySandy, I think you’re pretty much right. As I mentioned, I’m not sure I want to get all dolled up, in full. Right now, I’m just interested in wearing some girly things, and just see where it goes. I’m kind of interested in skinny jeans/jeggings and blouse-y shirts just now, so it’s pretty tame, all things considered. Well, maybe some actual panties would be nice, too. But yes, it would be great if this were something we were exploring together – maybe this year she might get me something girly for Christmas? I’ve been looking for opportunities to talk about crossdressing and gender fluidity in general, and pushing my personal envelope a little at a time, and I’ll continue to do that. But all in the open. I don’t want to have a stash of things that Have to hide from her.
That all sounds oh, so very familiar Jayne. And you seem to have a reasonable grasp on where you see this going. Take or better yet, make the next opportunity, to have that conversation. She actually has already demonstrated that she will explore this with you when she said, ‘wear these coulottes here, not out there, and I like them on you.’
Best,
Clara
Hi Jayne,
First, I firmly believe that husbands and wives shouldn’t keep secrets from each other, and if your wife discovers yours accidentally, the “secrecy” can cause more problems than the Dressing would. If you found a pair of her panties on top of a folded pile of your clothes, that is an open invitation to have The Talk – or at the least, a good excuse to bring up the subject. I would suggest you start by telling her this is something you need to do, to get in touch with your feminine side; and if she will permit it, you will accept restrictions on any part which makes her uncomfortable. You may be surprised by her level of acceptance…I was.
Hugs,
BettylouMy SO knows, cos she found out the hard way when I left some jewellery out whilst she was away visiting family. We love each other to bits, but she is a bit on the conservative side, so in short,, “She knows but does not want to know”
The next hurdle is when summer comes and she is informed about my recent completely hairless body. .. (Well except for what little is left on my head that is…)
Caty.
My SO didn’t know until I shared my secret with her. She was confused and needed time to think how she felt about my desire to transition. It’s taken her time to accept Debbie Lynn. It’s a slow process requiring my patience and respect for her feelings. Yet, she will invite Debbie Lynn to go clothes shopping with her or to fetch groceries. She won’t go to a restaurant or pub with her yet. Anyway, I’m glad I told her. Hugs, Debbie Lynn
I believe honesty is always best.
When i started really dressing up, i thought about not telling my wife, because i knew she wouldnt like it. But i knew it would be worse if she found out on her own. So, i have tried to be as honest as possible. She still doesnt like it much, but its still better that we are open about it. She lets me borrow things, so that is fun, and we go out together sometimes too, so acceptance is better with time.
My advice would be to make time to sit down and talk about it. Really open up and explain your feelings. If you feel confused about it, say that. I dont know what kind of relationship you have, but opening up like that is inportant. Be sure to give her time to adjust. Remember that her desires and feelings are just as inportant as yours.
I hope all goes well!
Hi Jayne No one really know until you tell them. Your wife may have suspicions of something going on it also best just tell your wife the truth. There are so many good books written about cross dressing not so much how to books but more the WHY written by cross dressers. How to live with a cross dresser is a great book for the both of you to read. My wife found my clothes it was just a disaster for the both of us. Cross dressing, the need, desire is still very much a mystery to a lot of the experts that study the activity. Maybe you should take the time to understand WHY you would like to present your self as woman and then share that info with your wife. Its not uncommon as many would think. The last thing most wives think about in their busy lives is their husband presenting as a woman even sometimes. Maybe a bit of a shock initially. Find the book that you find best fits you and then let her read it Who knows what will happen after that. She may surprise you with a gift you were not expecting. I am sure she will not know where to begin the questions. All her questions are important to her. She is trying to rite her upside down world. Having her wonder what going on only leads to mistrust and wild imaginations. I am sure she has enough going on her daily life to worry about Good luck
Luv Stephanie
I totally understand where you are. I went through the same beginning. I wore mens bikini and thongs because i threw out all the few panties and hose i had when she moved in. I had no idea where i wanted to end up but i knew for sure i wanted to wear panties every chance i could. I started getting plain panties with a pouch sewed in so i could call them mens. Then more girly looking ones until i had pink satin and lace. One day i found a pair of panties i couldnt live without at pennies. She was skeptical about it so i said id sew a pouch in them. I did that for the next several pair. I started picking wide gusset panties so i didnt have to make pouches. Next i started getting a bodysuit or cami to wear under my clothes. I just love the feel of the slippery fabrics and the nautyness. This went on for quite awhile as we would check the clearance isles at the stores. I always bought her clothes and lingerie anyway so that part was normal. I also think its important to not leave her out. She likes new things too! I found some slip pants and sometimes hose. She would say that she doesnt wear these. This would leave it open for me to say id like to wear it under my pants for the good feeling. She understood how much i liked the slickeryness under my clothes. The cami is a beautiful thing because a slip or nighty is just a few inches longer. Then i started sleeping in some of them. Soon i needed longer and longer ones. There is nothing like sleeping in a floor length “cami”. Along the road i gathered quite a few lingerie and sleep items. And by this time i had quit using the pouch panties most of the time. She was a bit reluctant most of the way but generally understanding. The day i picked out a bra and panty set was a turning point. She thought id use the panty and pitch the bra but i didnt. She didnt care to see me in a bra so i was to do that when alone. This opened up a whole new avenue. She didnt care what i wore when she didnt have to see it. It kinna separated us for a bit because i tended to stay in my office of an evening instead of in bed watching tv with her. She didnt like thst so she let me wear things to bed now and then. She wondered why i wanted to wear a bra when i had no use for one. I said that it completed the look and feel. My first bras were A cups with a lot of padding built in. Some of my bodysuits and tedys had built in bras wisoft cups. I used that as an excuse to get silicone booster cutlets. They werent very realistic and moved around and fell out a lot. I asked her if i could order some breast forms. She thought it as crazy but said it was ok. There are so many out there and most are really expensive. I ordered cheap ones on ebay. I now have 6 different pairs ranging from c to e cup and in different shapes. When we see a bra that i like, i usually have a form to fit it. Eventually i even got some breastplates, strap-on forms, and vests of various neck lines, fillers and sizes. I rarly use them because i need her help getting them on lol. One day we were at goodwill and i found a pair of brand new black velvet, 3inch heels. I said the sexy girls always have on heels. They were size 11 and fit me perfectly. Every step of my progression made her fearfull that i would become something else and not want her. Im as straight and monogomous as they come. She trusts me and I her. 12 years together and I think were stronger for it. Now she lets me sleep or watch tv in dresses, garters, heels, tits and or anything i want. Sometimes she’ll even let me keep some on during love making. For about a couple years noe ive looked foward to cool weather so i can wear my stuff under my clothes. And when we go out of town shopping i’ll wear my forms under my Carhart or thick hoodie. I recently started wearing heels in the vehicle on those trips and sometimes girl jeans. Yesterday for the first time we went out of town and i was fully dressed for the first time. 2.5″ heel boots, jeans, tee shirt, belt, zip hoody, E cup forms and did my hair. All casual girl cloths. Even socks. She helped me feel so comfortable. She even bought me 2 pair of heels while we were out.
This is my road and it began quite similar to yours. Be open with your SO and take her feelings into account. Be sure to never let her feel unloved or loose trust. Stay true to yourself aswell. So far this has worked really well for me and my wife. I wish you the best!
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