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I know im new to this and I’ve only been here for a few weeks but today I had a day where I just felt hopeless. I don’t have any clothes or outfits that fit right and I just feel generally ugly and stupid. Has anyone else gone though this and if so does it get any better? I love being shelby I just want to be a better shelby and it just feels like I’m never gonna get there.
Hi Shelby,
I think we all have those days. Most GG’s have them too. I think it might have something to do with the critical feminine eye looking at the girl in the mirror.
You will probably find a style that you love soon, and have trouble finding enough space to keep your pretty things!Yes it gets better!
💕Lara
Hi Shelby. YES! absolutely. I do not have the opportunity to dress every day so my time to really hone my look is limited. Generally, I feel much sexier than I actually look when I am dressed up. But that is the most important thing – how it makes us feel. I used to say on my Instagram profile “perfecting the art of felinity one day at a time” and that is the truth!
Take care – Tara
We all feel that way at times but ultimately we are only going to look so good compared to GG’s it is about how you feel and in the road to acceptance do you feel good, happy, relaxed as it is apart of who you are.
WELCOME TO CDH SHELBY! so glad you are here with us.
I have had this feeling for six decades and counting. I have tried to deny and repress, or simply ignore it. None of those things made the feeling go away. Conversely, I have tried to embrace and enjoy this part of myself. That came at some cost as well.
It seems the best I could do live with it by maintaining some balance and accepting with the ambiguities.
Please Shelby, don’t feel useless. I’m sure we’ve all been through the stupid and ugly times: I know I have! It’s so much easier to say than to do, but try to accept and love yourself, and be assured there are Many people out there who know what you’re going through. For me concentrating on the peace that comes with being Gabby stopped me worrying so much about what I looked like… It was what I felt like that really mattered. Take care and look after yourself, Hugs Gabby.
Shelby we all have started from where you are, and the best thing is to just have fun with it. I have been dressing for years and have had many times when it just didn’t feel right, I have purged my clothes many times and I’m having more fun with it now and finding CDH has been even more fun with reading the forums and picking up little tricks makes it even better.. Have fun and relax it will get better…….
I feel like that often. Sometimes I get dressed up and feel wonderful, other times I put on a much planned and waited for outfit and am sorely disappointed. We all go through that. Developing skill as a cross dresser helps with this. Being physically healthy is important to. Fitness and self care is an important part of feeling good. It’s also true that learning to accept yourself is essential. Even when we want to improve, the best way to make positive and healthy improvement is by first accepting yourself where you are.
So, yes, the feeling goes away, but it usually takes some work, both physical and emotional. It’s also important to accept that ups and downs in our emotional state are normal to a degree, and cross dressing can magnify that. There’s no shame in seeking out counseling or other kinds of help if you need it.
One thing about it, people here are pretty accepting. Wherever you’re at, there’s someone here that can understand.
Hi Shelby i think we all get feeling like that i know i do, sometimes things aren’t perfect when dressing up you can get the mix and match all wrong and this top looks bad with that skirt or pair of trousers or you can look frumpy in that dress, but the more you keep at it the better you can get at it, I sometimes wish i could do my makeup better X
Hugs Rozalyn X 💋
Hi Shelby;
I’ll bet we’ve all been there at some point. The best part is, there are so many choices in woman’s clothes that you can try so many things till you fine what’s right. Start out small.Go with jeans and shoes first, and work up from there. CD’ing doesn’t mean you have to go full bore dressing. Find what you are comfortable in and with.
Take your time and experiment! You will have fun!
Love and hugs,
BeckaWe don’t have a woman’s shape, so many times, things aren’t going to look as good on us as on a woman. Sometimes we need extra padding to hide a lack of hips or butts, or a corset to tuck in our belly and give us a feminine waist. You need to be sure you get the right size breasts to match your frame.
But you can also go the route of picking clothing that is more flattering to your figure. A wide skirt is going to make up for lack of hips. A loose untucked top helps to hide a belly.
If you wear a skirt and top instead of a dress, you have to learn what colors/patterns go with others. You also have to learn what colors go well with your skin tone, and what colors to avoid.
Finding a hair style and color that fits our face is also important. For me, the wig is what changes my appearance from male to female more than all the makeup. I know I usually have to wear a darker color (dark chocolate brown to black) to match my skin tone, and it has to have bangs or my face still looks masculine.
And sometimes we’ll wear something that we know doesn’t look good on us, but makes us feel good. Unless you have the confidence, you may just want to relegate those outfits (or combos) to wearing indoors. Accept it doesn’t look the best on you, but if it feels right, just go ahead.
I don’t have any clothes or outfits that fit right and I just feel generally ugly and stupid.
Just like every girl learning how to dress pretty. And no, the feeling to dress never goes away. The frustration will get better.
Add support all around you. Find people (women are my favs) to help – get that pro makeup job and get tips. Same for clothes. Find women who know what to tell you and how to help you. FIND PEOPLE that will make you succeed and surround yourself with them. I don’t ask myself to do anything except show up. Women spend their entire lives perfecting it. We must take short cuts and get help.
as for me, the intrinsic shorted feeling absolutely disappears. I only do Halloween stuff. After I get my beauty treatments, and granted, I’m aiming way low for being in costume, It vanishes.
Shelby:
We are at a disadvantage. Those who are Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB) have the luxury of working to understanding styles, color coordination and accessorizing over a period of years. They are also aided by their mothers, older sisters, grandmothers and aunts. Often we are trying to go from 0 to 60 in a heartbeat and that is VERY difficult. If you are going to seek help from others outside of the community, you will have to out yourself. In seeking help inside the community, you will have to process and verify what you have been told. While some pieces of information that you learn will be really useful, others, not so much. So, before you tear off in some direction, make a good attempt to understand the information. It is entirely possible that good and insightful information may not apply to you. Also, remember that we are working remotely, so there will be some limitations there. It’s not like we are sitting in front of each other at Starbucks.
Regarding intimate items, go to a web site such as http://www.herroom.com. In addition to selling a broad range of bras, panties, shapewear, etc. they also have extensive information on how to measure yourself and translate that into the sizing of the garments. You will also need to buy a CLOTH tape measure. If you think you can get away with a steel tape measure, you are just fooling yourself.
The first thing to understand about the sizing of women’s clothing is that there is NO standardization. Assuming that a Size 14 in Gloria Vanderbilt jeans is the same as a Size 14 in JC Jenney’s Arizona jeans is not a good assumption. Also, often sizes vary within a manufacturer from one type of item to another. Some items are designed to fit differently. For example, a dress can be a traditional fit, which is relaxed a bit and not tight. It can be body conforming (bodycon) which fits pretty closely. Or, the item may be intended to be oversize, with is deliberately designed to be quite a bit larger with respect to the intended size.
Some manufacturers do a sort of mental masturbation with their sizing. “Usually” in dresses, blouses and jackets, I wear a Size 18. Now, that isn’t always the case, but it is a starting point. If you go to http://www.chicos.com, near the bottom of the page you will see a link for Size Chart. After clicking on that, the next page says “How Do I Find My Chico’s Size?”. According to their chart, they call a Size 18 a Chico’s Size 3.5. What they have done is play a bit of a game. Would you rather think of yourself as a Size 18 or a Size 3.5? However, I can often wear a Chico’s Size 3 or 2.5 because they have created an oversize jacket or blazer that is larger than the measurements from the chart. All the stores of any significance will have sizing information on their web pages in addition to information on how and where to take your measurements.
For shoes, there are also sizing charts. Shoes tend to be sized fairly consistently, but the design of the shoe can come into play. Open toe and open heels shoes are much more forgiving than completely closed designs. Also, scrappy sandals are a bit more forgiving if you actually need something a bit wider than a Medium width.
Good Luck!
Shelby,
The fact that you’re new to crossdressing is probably a shock to your senses. One’s first time can leave one with so many conflicting emotions. But, if you are feeling the urge, start slowly. Find a pair of panties that make you feel good. Build upon that. Maybe try some women’s jeans or sone leggings. Add a simple t-shirt blouse. Stick to basic colors. Each step along the way, take some time to enjoy being Shelby.
No one can change the way you feel about yourself. It has to come from within. This is true whether you are a woman, or a man, or a crossdresser. And the clothes have very little to do with it.
I hope you feel like the beautiful girl you are on the inside, soon.
Much love,
RaquelShelby,
I checked out your profile. It seems you have a supportive SO. If you do, you are so lucky. I hope she truly helps you and gives you positive feedback. If she does, then it all has to come from inside. You’ve got this , girl.
Much love,
Raquel
Dear Shelby
Try not to despair, it will get easier and it will get better, it takes time to find the clothes that suit you and you are comfortable with, ditto make up. And it takes time to enjoy the woman you would like to be. But the journey there is fun, particularly if you have a supportive group of girls around you and indeed a supportive SO. Take it slow and be patient.
Good luck
Hugs
ChristineOnce you start down the rabbit hole theres no going back. Just get a stash of everything, lingerie, dresses, heels wigs and makeup you need and start dressing. Then the fun starts.
You are not alone about these feelings shelby.
At the beginning most of us feel nervous Because of multifactor.it doesnt make sense to understand how or why we act and desire to be different then actual physical gender.
There is no simple answer to explain unfortunately.even by science..How it works?,why we have desires to be?etc
Who care isnt it?
Its like enjoying some activities or which color we like .you see there is no explain about why we prefer or do that.
Personally I recommend peacefully accepting what we feels inside would be more comfortable then fighting against.even if it just fetish or roleplay for fun.
As other ladies says keep it slow and discover step by step.Hope you ll be better soon.
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