Should I go to Pride parade dressed as Dala?

I was thinking about dressing and marching in the SF Pride parade(cancelled). Then I became worried that I wouldn't be welcome. I've heard that there can be mixed reactions to Crossdressers, and they don't know I'm Bi/Gender-fluid on appearance. And my Spouse(woman) would probably be with me... Am I overthinking this?

  • Yes 88.61% 70 votes
  • No 11.39% 9 votes
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  • #354092
    Rayna Carlian
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    Registered On: March 4, 2020
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    I was thinking about dressing and marching in the SF Pride parade(cancelled). Then I became worried that I wouldn’t be welcome. I’ve heard that there can be mixed reactions to Crossdressers, and they don’t know I’m Bi/Gender-fluid on appearance. And my Spouse(woman) would probably be with me… Am I overthinking this?

    I have read that the Trans community in general gets treated like the step-child of the LGBTQ world. So far as to say, I’ve heard gay friends talk about trans folk the same way I’ve heard straight people talk about gay folk.

    I’m totally spun around on this and thought that you all might be able to help.

    Thank you Lovelies,

    Dala

     

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    • #357439
      Rayna Carlian
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      Thank you Rachel! I agree and appreciate the feedback. Next year for sure!

      Thank you!

      Dala

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    • #357258
      Rachel Plain
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      I marched in the Sydney Mardi Gras crossdressed with no issues. Allies march as well as anyone, and I know as a visible crossdresser I have helped trans friends in their journey, so feel that even small things like marching can make a difference.

      And it’s an amazing experience being in a parade! (How often do you get to crossdress in front of 300,000 people, plus a live television audience?)

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      • #547344
        Karen Spudet
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        Registered On: July 24, 2021
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        For me I  would have fun in a parade. But where I am not out to some family the TV coverage mite become an issue for me.

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    • #355332
      Birel Galanodel
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      Hi Dala, had the event not been canceled, I think you should have gone. There would certainly be other crossdressers there, who likely would have greeted you or started conversation. As far as crossdess vs. trans, my approach would be to just stick with the questioning label, still trying to figure out who/what I am. I think the vast majority in the LGBTQ community would be accepting of people in any stage of their personal journey.

      I actually had a similar idea before the big pride event here was canceled too. I’ve never been out in anything blatantly feminine, so I wanted to run the Pride 5k in a running skirt. Maybe next year.

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    • #355169
      Rayna Carlian
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      I want to thank everyone that took the time to vote and reply. I truly appreciate it.

      I was curious as to why 3 folks voted No, I was hoping that there would have been a comment to explain not going to Pride dressed.

      Again, greatly appreaciated!

      Dala 😉

       

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    • #354877
      Bobbi Watt
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      Registered On: February 17, 2020
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      Yes go dressed we need to get out and be seen and be proud of who we are we support gays and love them and its time they support us. I was taught to treat people the way you want to be treated. I hope in my live time that we can go out any where and just be treated the same as every one else. Dala having a wife support you is nice go have the best time of your life

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    • #354817
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      Registered On: November 10, 2019
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      In general, and beyond Pride events, I come in contact with many lesbians and gay men. I’m part of the same organizations and committees, but there are hardly any trans folks and crossdressers that I interact with. There are various reasons for this.

      Aside from social outings, it is doubtful that crossdressers would show up dressed for political meetings, activist groups, civic groups, charitable groups, etc. It seems logical to say that their world is not built around being their femme identity outside of the crossdresser community. Nothing wrong with that. It is just a different set of priorities.

      As far as the trans community goes, my personal circumstances are very different from most. Many younger ones are struggling with employment, housing, healthcare issues, being forced by their parents to leave home and whatever else is associated with trying to live an authentic life. I am fortunate in that things didn’t come together for me until late in life. I came out a few months before I retired, so coming out had no impact for me personally or professionally.

      For older trans folks, careers may be jeopardized, divorce and/or family issues come into play and other things that can make transitioning extremely difficult. I was able to choose the timing of my coming out. I won’t go into the full story at the moment, but in October of 2015 I came out to 200+ people including my 2 kids (both grown and on their own), 7-8 close friends and my, then, department manager. I took advantage of an unusual set of circumstances and didn’t look back. Doubtful that I would recommend this to anyone else, but it worked for me. For many, they have to be occupied with keeping themselves afloat and that leaves precious little time and effort to pursue external interests. So, rarely are people like me replicated in the activities in which I am involved.

      However, last year I became involved with the lesbian community and that has gone well. It wasn’t planned; it just sort of happened and it has a very nice feeling to it. It also aligns more with my personal history of being more comfortable in the presence of women compared to men. But, that is to be contrasted with my experience with gay men. When people understand how I identify, all too often the conversation gets bent around to drag queens. Personally, I have nothing against drag and have always considered it to be an interesting and fun form of entertainment. But, attempting to fabricate a relationship between what drag performers do and what trans women do, and their respective mindsets, is totally bogus and really chaps my a++.

      There is also a parallel between lesbians and trans women in that a number of gay men don’t think very much of either group. Gay white male privilege at work…

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      • #429767
        Polly Stewart
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        That was a very good response to a particular question of mine! Thank you so much for that.

        Love //Polly

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    • #354768
      Wanda Full
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      Registered On: February 25, 2018
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      Hi Dala: The LGBT Community is one of the most loving and accepting as one I have ever known. As a Trans Woman, I have been to many Pride Events and meetups and have received nothing but love. While it’s true there may be a perceived hierarchy in the LGBT Community, I have never been affected by it. This may be in part due to my proximity to the NYC Metro area. Yes, Trans is at the bottom of the ladder, but Crossdressers are lower yet, so may I suggect representing yourself as Trans when at events, especially where overall acceptance may not be as positive towards Crossdressers. How can anyone tell? There is no secret handshake….

      Depending on where you are in the world, you must be the judge of your situation. Be aware, and don’t get lost in the Pink Fog. Enjoy your journey and be a good human.

      Hugs, Wanda

    • #354752
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      I’ve attended/worked Palm Springs Pride and represented our local trans organization for 3 years and my 4th year, last year, I was the Volunteer Coordinator for Pride. Here the atmosphere is pretty good. Hard to gage specific viewpoints, but likely crossdressers get lumped in with the trans population as viewed by the general public. I suspect that many in the general population don’t know enough to make a distinction…

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    • #354696
      Stevie Steiner
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      I have to say this has me a little flummoxed.  Being a lone wanderer through my journey I didnt pay enough attention to this subject.  The one world I thought Crossdressers would be welcome, and even there we are frowned upon?  I understand all groups have their negative people, but I thought the love of being ” free ” would bring much more unity than division.

      Was going to go to Toronto Pride (canceled), and still will go post-pandemic, but I’ll have a slightly different view now.  Nothing negative, just a bit different.

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    • #354678
      Deborah Sullivan
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      Dala I have been to SF pride on several occasions and you have no need to feel that way. Once in drag with two other queens and another time in gender fluid mode ( in boy clothes with makeup). and had a great time. There are crossdressers present and lots of them. Its true the gay community does look down at cds when socializing or at their clubs but not at this event hon. Go and enjoy

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    • #354608
      Anonymous
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      I think going to the pride parade you can dress however you want if you want to be a woman be a woman it’s almost like Halloween in a sense good luck

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    • #354518
      Leonara
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      “We just want to be accepted to be WHO we are!!

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    • #354341
      Jay Upton
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      Registered On: November 28, 2019
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      Sadly, being oppressed does not necessarily lead to a greater understanding and desire to help other oppressed or marginalized groups. So yes, there are still some people who are not accepting. That said, there are still more people who have a live and let live attitude and I think there’s more acceptance from the gay community than there is across the population at large.

      So, I think you’re overworried, but having some worry about it is not at all unreasonable. There’s definitely a chance that you would overhear someone making a bitchy comment, but I think you would be able to go around without overt trouble. There’s also groups that attend, so there’s a very good chance you would be able to meet new people.

      I’m bummed that Pride is cancelled this year. It’s a lot of fun.

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    • #354230
      Paula F
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      +Dala,

      You are probably overthinking a little, but it can be warranted.  Yes, in some places, CD’s are the red headed step-children of the LGBTQ+ mix.

      Now, you should not pay much credence to what other’s at Pride say.  Everyone there is there to celebrate their individuality and acceptance of themselves and other’s.  The one’s who have a problem with other’s they can’t accept just can’t see that the very problem is with them, not you.

      Love and accept yourself first, then your spouse, lastly, show the other’s your own level of acceptance of THEM.  Maybe they will get the message without having to be hit over the head with it.  Have fun and just be you.

      PaulaF

    • #354108
      Araminta Purdy
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      Overthinking, perhaps, but not wholly inappropriately. Many people take these issues too seriously (including myself) and tend to react in a manner less than ladylike. One does need to be aware of potential conflict at all times. Part of the price for advancing gender freedom.

      Still, we do need to have this conversation at sometime. the time for hiding and subterfuge is rapidly passing. So, be prepared (as BP advocated) but one hopes that you will not need to prepare for anything unpleasant.

      You could contact Pride organizers and there must be a cross-dressing group in TO. Ask!

      Araminta.

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    • #354100
      Alice Underwire
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      Registered On: September 16, 2019
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      Hi Dala,

       

      Here’s my opinion.  You’ll need to weigh multiple factors and make your own decision.

      You have a valid point that CD’s are considered the orphan child but if you are a member of a local organization who has been invited to participate join them in the parade.  If you have friends who are marching join with them and be proud of who your are (no pun intended). Most legislation applies to cross dressers with equal rights so embrace that equality.

      By all means take your spouse with you.

      Again just my opinion.

      Alice

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    • #354099
      Stephanie Kennedy
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      Registered On: March 15, 2019
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      Hi Dala Your definatly overthinking this one. Go and have fun Dress the way you want. You are a part of a very large community. Look up past pride days. No one cares if you are a Cd trans gay or whatever.Just have fun and learn.You just have to pick a fun cute outfit.It is a day to celebrate who we are without shame or guilt luv Stephanie

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    • #354096
      Amy Myers
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      Registered On: February 11, 2019
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      Dala;

      I’m not sure that’s a choice I can make for you. Yes, I’ve heard the same things about crossdressers vs full trans vs other LGBTQ folks, but have never personally run into that. I’m sure it is out there though.

      My thoughts are that from outward appearances, you would likely be taken as trans, and you would be with a woman, so chances are you would be alright. A guess only on my part.

      I live near Toronto, and they have a very large one, and I was thinking about doing something similar for this year, till everything got cancelled, that is.

      The other point is the more us crossdressers are out and about, as ‘dressers, the more we can gain acceptance, but it is a fair point that no one really wants any abuse or harassment. We just want to be accepted for what we are, like everyone else.

      Amy

       

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