- This topic has 39 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by
.
- Posts
Morning gals! This subject came up in my head the other day. I have an old work buddy I havent talked to in some time. He kind of became quiet after learning of my “life style” a few months back but just a few days ago contacted me to ask if I am still looking for work. ( I am still looking for good work ). He’s been working at this restaurant several months and out of the blue told me he could get me in there. Checking the website, I see that they just hosted their first ever Thursday Drag Night. So I think he apparently equates crossdressers with drag queens. Probably great for the restaurant to have staff engage in the show too, and that’s cool, except I DO NOT consider myself a “drag queen”. No offence to those who do (!!), but I prefer to be more subtle and try to blend in, not stand out. Now, I do appreciate him thinking of me, but I wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or a bit offended. Not that I wouldn’t be into it, but I couldn’t hold a candle to the ladies I saw in those Thursday night photos – they looked great. I’m just a simple crossdresser/ transfeminine girl who enjoys being me.
Do people in general equate all CD’s as (wanna be) Drag Queens? Is it derogatory? Are they right, are they the same thing in their eyes? I still (wrongly) have the stereotype of drag queens on a float during the Pride parade, or the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah I know that’s silly, but those images are still in my head.
Once again, I mean no offence to those drag queens out there – many of you look fabulous, but it’s not me.
Simply Stevie
Hi Robyn! That sounds right, but aren’t we all performers in a way when we dress? I get what you mean though, for them it’s not just an adventure, it’s a job. 🙂
Never underestimate the value of a prop, Stevie – you remind me of the time I used to act a bit more than I do now.
I had a scene where I finished the first act, centre stage, proudly holding a red rose to my nostrils, pinched between thumb and forefinger, with the pinky and ring fingers extended, snffing loudly and long, then delivering the line “Ah, the sweet scent of my fair mistress”.
During the first performance, this tender, emotional scene designed to send the audience into emotional suspense – would I reclaim my mistress or not – instead sent the audience into gales, guffaws, if not, hurricanes of laughter.
I had forgotten the rose.
(The above may or may not be a true story…)
Love Laura 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I view drag queens as sisters. In fact when I began dressing fully en femme in college, I started out with my interpretation of Daisy Duke in a dress. Then I began trying to push or enhance my femininity. Looking back, my makeup was often overdone and my hair kind of wild. Looking back, I think I may have looked more like a drag queen than a super sexy and feminine girl.
Still, today if I had an opportunity to dress at a drag show, I would jump at the opportunity. if I had the chance to work at the restaurant or club en femme or in drag, what ever they called it, I would jump at the chance.
Yeah Patty I’ve been thinking it would be a great opportunity to put myself out there during those Nights. If the place was closer I would probably go for it!
Hi Stevie I have always admired those who have the talent to get up on stage and entertain us. The cost of costumes, make up, wigs, shoes, accessories must be enormous .Where do you store all those wonderful clothes. I always enjoyed going to their performances. I think woman enjoy them more then men because they get to look at a over the top version of them selves . Some are wonderful comedians and karaoke singers. You have to be talented in order for people to want to pay to see you perform. I think they are wonderful talented people that enjoy entertaining and have done wonders for the cross dressing community by breaking down strict social barriers between men and woman. Most cross dressers are hidden and in the closet. These performers are open to the public for everyone to enjoy. If you have not gone to a Drag show please go I have gone many times fully dressed with other CDs and had a wonderful fun time. I wish I had the talent and self confidence to show off that part of me that enjoys being a fun woman.
Luv Stephanie
Stevie, I can see both sides of this one. But, personally, I don’t find drag belittling or degrading. Drag performers are, over the top costumes, makeup, etc, and they are definitely performers. Where as a CD, I’m just trying to look as normal as possible, and blend in. Both help break down gender barriers and help to normalize things and change culture as a whole.
If the pay and location were good, I’d love to find a job where I could openly express my feminine side and be accepted! And if I were doing so during a drag show, well really, all the attention is going to be on the performers, not a crossdressed employee. Come to think of it, in some ways, it would be perfect. Even for a CD who wasn’t out, they could dress however they wanted, under the guise of it being for the show. Hmmm, I wonder if anyplace around here would hire me to work the nights they had drag shows…
Birel
The average person knows nothing about cross dressing except what they’ve been fed by the media.
I had a fascinating chat about this very aspect, during the break in the drag show I went to last night.
A group of 6 women had invited me to share their table and be part of their party (I know – it all happens to Laura!), and one took a real interest, asking all the big standard questions. She even said that all she knew came from films, that Monty Python sketch and Rocky Horror.
Even though I was dressed to stand out, in a fully sequined dress, these ladies were also dressed up – so the irony was that I blended right in – and they instantly got the difference between what we do, and what the queens do.
To them, it’s a job – I was hailed by the queens after the show, who had refrained from picking on me despite having “Easy target” written all over me, because they assumed that the girls had done it to me and I was thus a victim already!
There’s a patois they use, a certain style or framework that says drag queen, and the costumes are deliberately OTT.
So the lady in question asked first if I was gay, so I said no, it’s an option, as it is for traditionally presented men!
She asked about when I first knew, why I’d kept it secret, why I’d chosen to come out when I did, wife supportiveness, etc.
Having all these questions lined up – I’ve heard them from many people, but not all in one blast before – made me realise how little people understand it outside of our circle – and it’s not like we have all the answers either!
But people, especially women, get and love Drag.
Ru Paul has high viewing figures, like it or not, and only 4% of the audience (if you include me!) were men – and the girls were going wild – I got a lot of lovely attention, no “I love you, you’re my soul sister”, like I get in Brighton, but I was one of the girls, no questions asked – and, in a room full of women, I got what I wished for (but no sex, please, we’re British).
Seeing me there got the difference across to those ladies, and, once we shared pictures of each other’s children, we were all bezzie mates, gorge babes together, watching the drag queens, or rather, being scooped up into the performance.
It was a bit odd – one of the queens was wearing a dress exactly like one I tried on in a punky shop in Brighton, so, when she came on, I had a flash of deja view – she reminded me in appearance of the lady who had tried it on, then suggested I try it on too.
Not being mean – the queen was a similar height and build, with a shoulder length dark wig, and the spotlight didn’t pick her face out until the intro music stopped…
So I’m not really answering the question, am I?
The verbiage has begun, as it always does following an awesome outing… apologies in advance!
Love Laura
Laura I would love to be invited to join 6 ladies at a table and chat! Could you spread some of that luck around?
I really need to get out to a show.😁
Drag shows generally are pretty terrible – some karaoke, a few bad jokes and a lot of disgusting ones, and chatting with/roasting victims in the audience.
Yep, that about covers it!
Oh, amazing makeup skills and dazzling costumes too – and a certain je ne sais quoi – the essential mojo of a drag show that makes it buzz.
The reason I first went was to see how it’s done, and see if I could knock something up that might work, only for CDs.
Turns out it’s much harder than it looks, qu’elle surprise!
The biggest part is attitude.
Taking the audience to a place where drinking, singing silly songs, swearing and talking about sex is normal. Like most pubs and clubs, but with glitter.
I can relate to that!
My male side sets the expectations really low – I never liked those aspects of pubs and clubs, although the dancing was something I really got into. And there was never any glitter.
I can’t dance, but love to do it, and, on a darkened dance floor, no-one minds. On a well-lit dance floor, en femme, the ladies stare, you catch their eye, they smile, and suddenly they’re dancing with you. Every time.
I now also love to do my makeup, trying to incorporate new techniques each time, and raise my game – adding some shine to my wig was a great tip I got from a queen, but dang, getting eyes right is hard, hard, hard! A basic Smokey eye, no problem, but anything beyond that just looks like a very colourful black eye by the time I’ve finished.
Passing quips to anyone near by kick starts conversations like a Harley Davidson with a big roar!
As a CD in a drag show, the world is not only your oyster, but really, the mollusc of your choice – there are so many things you can get away with saying for a cheap laugh and conversation starter.
“I hate men who wear dresses” is a good one, for an instant laugh, as people take a good look and see what an outrageous lie that was, or, on seeing a particularly stunning lady, “Wow, I wish I could wear that dress” (careful!), “That dress looks even better on you than it would on me”, or my favourite from last night “If I had known people were going to dress so glamourously I’d have made an effort!”.
My attitude, which may not work for everyone is to try to pay a compliment – a genuine one, from the heart, whilst simultaneously drawing instant attention to myself – as an invitation.
A bit of a cheap tactic, in a way, but it’s gained me so many friends, I guess because I go straight in there and let them know I like what they look like. There’s no obligation laid down, as my expectations are that I am out solo.
But it works like a charm and, once the mutual appreciation society has calmed down a bit, you normally discover some genuinely lovely people.
And get drinks bought for you by attractive women, who treat you like one of the girls.
Who I always return the favour for.
Buying drinks, I mean… not that!
If you feel the need to go to a show, go.
Book a hotel near by, and turn up the glam – book a makeover while you’re at it. Get your eyes done, at least, with maybe a glittery razzamatazz.
Going out is a special occasion – make it special and don’t feel self conscious, feel like part of the show (The queens love it – audience participation is half the job, and if they have a ready made victim, all the better).
If no-one else is dolled up, it’s because they haven’t made the effort – most will admire you for doing so.
Chattilly love.
Laura
Hi Stevie a lot of society just view both of us as a man in a dress, however we know differently Drag Queens are performers and we are not. I do like Drag Queens they do break the ice with people who see everything straight and conventional, for me convention should always be challenged. I believe the younger crossdresser’s among us are doing it now for us, they just accept people as they are because they are not bigoted.
Love Sarah
xx
Stevie….
I love drag queens..the colour, the glitz and the glam…..always trying to outdo each other dress wise.
but they are totally opposite to most of us…they are ” in your face ” performers who mostly want to be seen as outrageous. While they dress to earn, do they all dress off stage as well??
I love some colour in my outfits, but I cross dress purely for the absolute pleasure I get from it, and long term, not two hours under a spotlight…..sadly I’m not paid for dressing, but I can live with that.
Just my humble opinion…dahling💋💋
Grace xx
I believe drag queens move the needle of recognition for all of us but they also bring along baggage. They strengthen the perception that cd’s are gay. That is always one of the first perceptions and questions we ALL receive when we come out to someone. It is other’s perception because drag queens are their only reference point. As everyday cross dressers our goal is to look like an everyday woman. Our desire to blend in can’t move the needle of recognition for us as a group because passing or blending avoids recognition.
This is a twisted and difficult path for us. We admire the queens and appreciate their contributions to the rainbow community but we tire of the misconceptions they bring with them. We crave recognition but fear to raise our voice.
Yes, there are a thousand reasons to not come out publicly but I believe each cd needs to find her own, if only tiny, way to move that needle.
I am fully OUT and, although I am careful, I look forward to talking to any who want to learn. My desire to inform comes from three directions, my former male leadership experience, his experience as a teacher in that leadership role, and my current self who is out there and not shy.
I never try to change anyone’s mind but only lay out the facts (I tend to be very analytical, statistical and scientific) and leave the decision to them. It is important, although sometimes incredibly difficult, to not raise your voice or argue. Good people are curious and want to learn, teach them. Bigots only want to argue, present the facts and walk away. (Although I sometimes wish I could use a 2×4 upside their head. [no, not cool])
❤
Beth
Beth, I do agree they give recognition and exposure – mostly good – to the community and hopefully allows more conversation. I am more than happy to sit down and talk about it, explain it as best I can, and remove what ignorance I can from people. Tho’ you are right…. sometimes its like you need a 2×4 to get it through their heads! 🙄☹
Well I don’t see myself as a drag queen, they are true performers, often outrageously over dressed for performances. But it’s a paid living rather than what we do as a hobby for enjoyment or that we simply choose to live feminine lives.
Yes there is a lot of similarities, but with all groups there are different types and aspects to what we do. As with many different branches of things in life they are often lumped together under one banner , either by misleading information, or total ignorance of the subject in front of them.
Taking nothing away from drag queen some are absolutely fabulous and extremely talented and a joy to watch performing. I on the other just like to dress reasonably feminine just for my pleasure and share so of that pleasure of being feminine here. Lol Amanda xxI could never see myself as a drag queen either Amanda. I’m chuckling at the thought… I think there may be the perception that all crossdressers are wanna be Drag Queens, with no regard given to transgenders either way. You are so right, we are all clumped into a group due to a simple lack of education.
I worked with a guy who was a drag queen, he got us tickets to the show one night for free. I could not believe it was him! He looked fabulous with a capital F. He insists he is not a crossdresser but a drag queen, it is the only time he dresses and his hubby says that around the house he is just as male drab looking as the next guy. Then when I switched companies and got into management, I had a employee who used to go to another city to participate in drag shows, but he was overtly feminine to begin with, so that wasn’t a surprise, what was a surprise was when I caught him stealing from the till to pay for his airfares. he usually won enough cash he would replace he money when he got back but auditing him and then questioning him, he admitted his guilt to me. I told him quite honestly I din’t care what he did on his own time but stealing from the company coffers was enough to get him fired. I did see him in a show finally, and he was good. He lip synced perfectly, but again he insisted he was a drag queen, not a CDer.Both were very gay and I find that the “drag queens” are gay, whereas most CDers seem to be straight.
My perception is that we as cds, whether or not trans, want to blend, want to truly look female. The drag queens otoh, to me look like a charachiture of women. We’re straight more often than not, they’re nearly always gay. They’re performers, we’re just trying to blend in and not be seen as men in dresses. I don’t know, that’s my take. I don’t want to be seen that way.
Bridgette
Hey Stevie, I personally equate drag queens as stage performers and trust me you don’t want me up there belting out a number. I did karaoke one night and they gave me $10 and a free beer to sit down but drag queens are probably the most public type of CD’s so a lot of people probably do put us all in the same category.
I like you try to blend in and look like a natural woman not going overboard. If you want to see me with the big hair you’ve got to go back to the 80’s for some Def Leppard and Van Halen times.
Take care, Heather.
PS I hope the job works out for you. Where is it at the Embassy?
Oh Heather, you make me laugh hon! I’m picturing you on stage looking like an 80’s Eddie van Halen but sounding like something…. bad, lol.
No, the place is up on the mountain, Fionn Macool’s. I should at least check out what they have.
Hi girlfriend, I thought you’d get a chuckle out of that and I was pretty sure you could associate with the big hair bands. Definitely go check it out, it can’t hurt right, let me know about drag night, that could be fun and we’re all ready for a fun night out these days, I know I sure am.
Take care and good luck, Heather.
I am not into the drag scene… although I did see one show when I was in Key West, Fl and the performers dispelled some of my misconceptions about drag queens. They were generally very feminine and convincing… all with great stage presence and voices. It’s the outlandish and overdone representations of women that I am not fond of…. but that’s just me.
My wife once called me a drag queen and I objected stating that I felt like a real woman when dressed….. but maybe I was outlandish in her eyes….. and probably not so convincing at that.
The change that has occurred in me since that exchange with my wife is that I now feel like a real woman even when not dressed.
Good Morning Stevie, super interesting topic and great comments by all who responded.
Got me thinking about the first time I was dressed en femme in public. Many of you know my story. I won (or lost?) a contest to dress up for a charity fundraiser luncheon. My Exec Ass’t who helped organized the event, her gay hairdresser was a drag queen. He did my makeup and lent me one of his sequin dresses. The makeup was a bit more overdone than I would normally do it – so it had the feel of a drag queen. So maybe my first time out as a CD was really as a drag queen????? Never thought about it that way. It was definitely a performance for the hundred or more who showed up at the luncheon. The idea behind it was to embarrass me, but they (my employees) didn’t know I absolutely loved it!!!!! And when the luncheon was over, I didn’t change out of the outfit and stayed dressed for the rest of the day. After work, I even drove home to show my wife who wasn’t thrilled about my look. That’s when she knew for sure that I was a CD.
But I agree with everyone’s comments, there is certainly a difference. All the Best to You Stevie, Big Hugs from NW Alberta, Krista.
I wonder if that was your friends actual thought??
Is it possible that knowing that you cross dress means you simply may be more comfortable around a show like that? I do like to dissect things too much.
Just wondering if there was an awkward way of reaching out going on here.
Benefit of the doubt you know?
People who know little to nothing about us will have there minds flying off in all directions before they ever get it. That’s not evil its just awkward.On that other note, I have done drag publicly once. I was actually quite good, I am more of a comic than a singer so it worked for me.
Its been pointed out already that Drag is different from Dressing and if you have done both then the difference is as obvious as a hard stick across the head.
Most Drag Queens although NOT ALL… are gay.
Most cross dressers although NOT ALL…. are straight (or bi)?.Drag is flamboyant and everything from breast size to makeup is exaggerated.
Doing drag is to become a neon sigh of attention. Its fun.
Dressing is relaxing pleasant and if going out, it is done for the opposite reason for Drag, its done to blend in.
I may do drag again, who knows. But I so much prefer my Kristine person to the drag person any day of the week.Kristine, I did think of that afterwards, thank you for bringing that up. What held me back is that I do know him somewhat – he’s a decent guy – but I know he is a religious person. Always makes me cautious.
Well wearing women’s clothing and makeup isn’t against any religion I know of so you should be good to go. Unless you mean many religious people are very judgemental . I think he would have thought the whole thing thru before contacting you. Its possible he is just reaching out to you. If he had strong objections he wouldn’t have called and wouldn’t be involved in that business. I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Don’t be insulted and take it at face value. Now I’m giving advice. Oh boy.
All the more reason to get out and talk about it to people – many are very curious, probably because as a group, we tend to be secretive.
Hence you can’t expect anyone to understand what we do if we never come into contact with them.
I get we all have reasons and boundaries – but there’s no reason why an open CD couldn’t learn a few jokes, sing a bit of karaoke and ride the tails…
Or start by being a “plain Jane” drag queen, giving that as the entry point.
Missus.
Love Laura
- The forum ‘General Chat “Life as it Goes On”’ is closed to new topics and replies.
Recent Comments