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”Has anyone been confronted about using the ladies room, and how do/did you handle it? I’m about to make my first (ad)venture into the wide open public, and I’m very hesitant. I obviously don’t have a feminine voice, however, it’s not gravely either. It’s just a regular guy voice. Also, my face would probably be a giveaway too. Even though I dress nicely, I have no make-up or jewelry. Also, what about the hair on my arms? Should I shave it off, or should I simply wear a long sleeved blouse/dress? Ha, I sure wish I had another girl to go with me… Some of you know already my situation here.. and there are SO many things that could go wrong and get me into a WHOLE LOT of trouble. Needing advice on what I SHOULD do, and what I SHOULD NOT do. Thanks, Hannah.”
Hi Hannah I keep everything shaved down all the time I would say it’s personal weather you shave or not. Every time I have gone out I have made sure I haven’t needed to use the bathroom but the one time I did i did use the ladies room and no one noticed or said anything to me about it and I don’t think you would get in trouble for using the ladies room. I would shave your face though and makeup never hurts I hope that your adventure out is fun and goes well
Never confronted, but then again I don’t speak (I have a radio announcer voice). I just act like I belong (I do) but I also wear makeup and keep everything shaved. (My wife hates it)
Hannah Jeanne
I have only been out once when I needed to use the restroom. At the time, I was more concerned with being confronted by a few men who were waiting outside the restrooms than I was with being confronted in the bathroom by anyone. The experience, however, was uneventful, which actually did wonders for my confidence.
MacKenzie Alexandra
I use the bathroom almost every time I go out. Always a little nervous but never a problem. Go in, do your business, wash your hands and leave. Don’t make small talk.
Unless it’s very busy, I doubt anyone will notice your arms. But…. how hairy are they?
I have been out femme for a month. First advice, stop having these fears. As other people have said, be confident and act like that you belong, because you do.
Secondly, do what you can reasonably can to pass. That means shaving your arms, putting on makeup, and do other things you need to do. The voice is not something that can be easily changed overnight. If it is a concern, I would recommend checking out some YouTube videos that offer some advice. It will come around as a habit. What I keep in mind is to have my voice in a higher range, make it a little breathy, and make you sure you are modulating it. Don’t talk in a high monotone.
I used the women’s bathroom on a regular basis. Even at places, where I have used the bathroom as a man. I have had no trouble. It’s a public bathroom. Just like the men’s room, women just want to walk in, do their business, wash their hands, and leave. There will be no one standing guard making sure you should be there or not. I know there has been a lot of political handwringing over this issue. Actual incidents are few and far between. If you do come across someone who stops you from using the bathroom, there are resources you can use to make sure that won’t happen again. From lawyers to activists, there are people available that will make that business regret embarrassing you like that.
Yes indeed after sipping coffee at length at a favorite spot one needs the restroom.
Clearly I cannot use the male restroom especially since I just sat there the past hour catching the surreptitious ogle eyes.
No problems as yet with restrooms as I am fully passable but I am also not sure about local laws so I am super careful.
As mentioned above a confident strut and ownership of the situation makes all the difference.
As also mentioned above practice speaking in a breathless soft tone, or raise the octave level.
I tend to lapse back into my normal voice if the conversation stretches out.
When I meet a friend in public I need to keep my voice level low so that I can talk in my normal voice.
Don’t fear the ladies restroom……Ladies.
Barb.
I have yet to go out, but I think about some of the concerns you raise. I have also noticed over the years that not all women have hairless arms. I just shot a model who had noticeably hairy arms and it’s not anything I would touch up or mention. No need…it is who she is. I recall when I lived in Puerto Rico many years ago it wasn’t uncommon to meet women who did not shave their legs or armpits. In some cultures, I think you may encounter that attitude. I also enjoy a husky voice on a woman…it can be damned sexy.
I’ve been going out for several years and have used ladies rooms on a regular basis. But it’s never just to see if I can do get in there, it’s because I really need to go. That makes it a business trip, not a vacation.
First and foremost I attempt to be the best representation of a woman as I can. While I don’t pass as a woman, I sure as hell can do the very best I can to show I’m trying. The last thing I want to do is fit the stereotype of “A man in a dress” trying to get into the ladies room. I don’t need the aggravation and I don’t want to muddy the waters for any other T-girl who follows me.
Get in, do your business, wash your hands and check out your reflection to make sure you haven’t tucked your skirt into your underwear, touch up your lips and leave.
I’ve been in one of two stalls in a small restaurant restroom when a mother brought her young daughter in. I stayed planted until they were gone. I’ve waited in line at a busy casino restroom where there was a mother and her daughter. I didn’t start conversations and hurried as quickly as I could. No problems. Just be confident and remember, it’s a bathroom and things are much more interesting outside that place.
I was at a Home Depot and they have a transgender bathroom. I was in male mode and I used it. When I came out A guy coming out of the mens room asked me whats wrong with me loudly and I just told him that nobody use’s it and it is a h##L of a lot cleaner then the mens room Right back loudly. He backed off and never said a word. Then a employee came to me and apologized for him.
I have never encountered a problem using the ladies, I have passed a couple of ladies when exiting but nothing was said, one lady smiled. As when on my road trips as ‘Clara I park close as I can to the ladies more of a safety thing than a get in and out quick, just got in the car and driven off. But I will avoid the ladies rooms where I can see there are a lot of people about or kids.
It is a balance. There was a comment about local laws which will probably reflect the attitude of a lot of the population in those areas so that has to be a consideration for you to ponder as some areas can be less tolerant than others. I am thinking of your safety here which is important for all of us. As for yourself do you look acceptable against passable, there is a difference as, to me, passable is mixing with the public on a one to one. Acceptable means that in a crowd you aren’t under close scrutiny and can move around and using your voice isn’t really an issue. So the rest room, if it is necessary, is just one thing you need to do without close scrutiny as it is quite quick and you will be hidden by a door while doing your business. Of course there are places that have single use cubicles for all, maybe check that out before you go. From your profile you say no one knows so it will be yourself that can decide whether you look right and any things you can do to hide masculinity, as this is what you appear to want, is the best way so if you can shave your hands and arms then that’s an option. I believe Mac Kenzie Alexander dresses but doesn’t hide her masculine face, maybe she can comment?
It’s good that you are thinking things through and I hope you enjoy your experience.
Hi Hanah, thanks for the post. I can only relate my experiences. I am lucky that I’m a a passable girl so that makes it a lot easier. I do a lot of travelling to Vancouver so a lot of the times I just use a gas station’s women’s toilet. But I’m not adverse to using the ladies room where ever I am. One time I was shopping in Walmart and had to go so I walked to the ladies room and there was a female employee standing at the entrance. As I walked up I just gave her a big smile and she smiled back and in I went. Another time I really had to go and stopped at a coffee shop went to use the ladies but it was locked. So I went back to the counter and asked if I needed a key and the girl said no, I’ll buzz you in. So I walked back wondering if the men’s or women’s door will buzzing and sure enough it was the women’s. I smiled as I went in. The big thing if you’re going to do it you have to have confidence in yourself and walk in like you own the joint. If you are nervous and tentative it’s a dead give away. So at the end of the day if you’re not comfortable doing it…..don’t, and last but not least pee sitting down.
Trish
As stated a few times above it’s important to be confident in one’s presentation, even if there’s a good chance someone will see through you.
Own your femininity.
Also need to be careful when there are children in the restroom in some states or towns.
I have been out for a few years and I regularly use female restrooms with only one problem so far.
Recently at a regular upmarket restaurant bar I went into ladies room when all of a sudden a guy started shouting loudly that there is a man in the ladies restroom.
He was also holding the door open and calling out to his daughter to get out of the restroom.
Daughter was totally confused and shouted back that there was no problem.
I was in a stall but I decided to abort my mission and get out to face whatever was going on outside.
All this happened within a minute or two but by the time I had my panties back in place etc,the guy and his daughter were disappearing from view.
A manager apologized profusely as I am a regular customer and they know me well at the restaurant.
All ended well and the furore quickly died down.
I assured them there was no problem from my side but that episode made me more aware and careful when using the ladies restroom.
It also reminded me that we are still dealing with people out there who are either ignorant or bigoted or both.
The guy had obviously been watching me all along as we ate.
I have been out in public regularly for more than a decade and, when the need arose, used the ladies rooms. In all those years and in places ranging from the mall and Starbucks, to bars and even small town restaurants and fuel stops along the interstates, I have never had one, not one, negative experience.
I think the only people fixated on trans people using bathrooms are politicians looking for attention.
One time, several years ago, I was using the lady’s room at a government office to freshen up a little. A very polite young lady commented that I probably should finish my business quickly. Nothing else was said.
Another time, I was using facilities at a local community college. Nothing was said but, on my departure, I saw a young lady talking to a security guard who followed me around for a while.
I’m in the UK. I use coffee shops as they tend to have unisex toilets. They might have one toilet and a disabled toilet. On the rare occasion that I do use the female toilets, I just go in, do what I need, wash my hands and leave. No one has ever said anything directly, though I did once hear someone one say to another “Was that a man?”
Cerys
Guess I’ll have to dive in here, I’m transgender, a trans woman, and I work in a government building as the site supervisor for security. Most of the staff know that I’m a trans woman and I use the ladies restroom multiple times each day. The women I work with tell me they view me as another woman, and I’ve never encountered a problem. I’ve actually had some rather lengthy and interesting conversations with women while I was there.
I also use the ladies room if I’m out shopping or in a restaurant and haven’t had any confrontations.
Hugs girls,
Ms. Lauren M
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