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It’s funny, when I joined CDH, I couldn’t wait to progress in my crossdressing, because I now had lots of support and discussions of feelings out in the open with other girls who were just like me.
But, recently, I’ve been stalled out as to where I want to take this. I know I won’t quit, and I know I really enjoy it, but a feeling of just not wanting to put in the effort to dress has crept into my psyche. I can’t explain any event or anything that has brought me here, I’m just wondering if this has ever happened to any one else. I know that most everyone here continues to tell me that they continually want to spend more time dressing, so anyone have an explanation for the feeling that I’m having or has gone through this same feeling themselves? I’d love to hear about it.
Jennifer,
I can go days without the urge to dress. It is an hour or more of work to shave, moisturize, dress, and do makeup. So I only do it once a week. But when I see photos of you beautiful ladies on this site, I get the urge to see if I could anywhere near as good. Then there is the bucket list. Before I die I want to put on a wedding dress and have a blushing bride fantasy.
Kerri
I have got lazy since I came out. Unless I have somewhere to go I sort of throw on some casual clothes and some lippy. I think its because I dont need or have pressure to make use of the time when I am alone. Your crossdressing is about you, not what what you read here, its about what makes you satisfied and happy and leaves you in a healthy state of mind. So dont worry about it.
Jennifer,
I have read any number of similar comments over the years from CD’s so what you are feeling is very common. In your particular case, you just went through a couple of exciting months learning about clothes & makeup, building a wardrobe, getting to know other CD’s, getting to know yourself and then the most exciting of all – going out in public for the first time. It may simply be a case of a little letdown after all the anticipation and thrill of accomplishing all that starts to wear off.
As for your concern about where your dressing is headed, I urge you to not worry about that now and just see what develops as you progress along your journey. There are CD’s who are perfectly happy dressing once a week, once a month or just occasionally when the mood strikes them. I have become friends with a well-known, long-term member of the CD community who now only dresses once a year, at Keystone, and she is perfectly happy. Just continue to explore opportunities and accumulate experiences and you will eventually wind up somewhere that is the most comfortable place for you. That is what I did. When I first started going out, it was a handful of times per month and I had no particular goal in mind. Less than a year later I now live virtually my entire life dressed as a woman. That is where I’m most comfortable and you will settle into your own comfort zone as well.
Fiona
This feeling falls right in there with pink fog, spring fever, and all the other unexplainable feelings, moods, or inner yearnings we all go through. Nope, will never go away. If anyone out there explains it, it will probably be defined as temporary burn out. Not to worry, one day you will spot a drop dead gorgeous pair of shoes and suddenly you’ll be back.
When I first started, for more than a year about once or twice a week I would put on makeup, wig and all my clothes. Then it slowly stopped. I still wanted to be a woman, but getting all dressed up was a lot of work. I continued therapy and self help. I still like to dress up, but not as often. I have grown my hair out and love it. I have pierced my ears and love wearing earrings. I also epilate and try to keep my eyebrows trimmed and tweezed.
Hi Jennifer,
I can’t say I’ve ever had that issue. For me crossdressing has never been very far below the surface and If I can dress I’m all over it. But as a lot of the girls have stated we’re all different and you will find out where you are at comfortably as far as the desires to dress go. And that is fine, nothing to dwell on.
Trish 💖
Hi Jennifer, well, I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, when I’m able to dress, I feel very happy, comfortable, relaxed, almost at peace with myself. Now, I can quickly put on some items of clothing, however to do it right, would take some time, often time I don’t have. Unfortunately, I also know it can’t last. And that the more I do to dress – cosmetics, etc. I know it will take me all that much more time to change out and get everything put away appropriately. And then I get, well, not exactly depressed, but well resigned that I can’t continue. and saddened enough that the next time, well if I don’t have the time available I want or need, maybe I’ll just forgo it, for now.
Sometimes, that forgo-ing tends to last a little longer than I would like. And over the years, it all has gotten stronger, and at times it has felt less urgent to want to dress.
And sometimes I think well, if I could dress for long periods of time, more than the 4-5 days I’ve done on occasion, would that help me better understand myself. Go out and be in not exactly public places, but at least controlled locations like get-togthers. Like maybe several weeks, or so, and see how it is, how I would respond, what my inner self would say to my outer one.
I just know I’ll never have that opportunity, and sometimes, facing that reality, makes me question why I even bother. And then…some time becomes available and I dress again.
<sigh>
Hugs, ChloëC
I’ve got to be the world’s laziest trans girl. I’ll throw on my underwear, a pair of jeans, casual top, maybe a bit of jewelry, and off I go. Zero makeup. I still feel girly. I get gendered female often. I’d rather be out having experiences as my authentic self than fussing over my appearance. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy getting glammed up once in a while. I just don’t do it as often as I used to.
/EA
Emily, maybe not lazy, but more so comfortable as Emily that dressing fem casual and presenting as fem is enough for you to feel fem without makeup or or glam clothes.
Myself the only male clothes I wear is at my main job (I am a mail man). After I get home from work and shower I wear my panties, bra, forms, floral leggings and feminine top. No makeup or jewlry. Several times my 16 yo granddaughter, Emily, asked for a ride and I don’t change, just out as Cassie casual. When I go shopping or to my Torrid job it is makeup and often a dress. Another best is when I can go to one of the Churches, where I know Cassie is accepted. I am accepted there because they only know me as Cassie.. Cassie
I have definitely felt this way at times Jennifer. I find that dressing the way I like takes time and effort, and unless I have a new thing to wear it feels stale. Taking a couple of week break always brings me back to it with enhanced excitement. For me absence makes the heart fonder and I think you will find this true as well. Or buy a new pair of shoes or a dress and you will be dieing to get back to it.
I completely agree. I have even had weeks of thinking “hmmm so this is how it ends?” Only to find myself easing my way back into a cute outfit again…
Hi Jennifer, I am just like many others here too but I don’t see it as lazy but rather as realistic. I found that once I went authentic and full time years ago, I just lived a regular woman’s life. If you look at the majority of the women that you see in a grocery store you will probably find that very few are glam. They save that for the special times so they are just dressing for the day, comfortable and practical. When I get dressed each day I think about what I’m planning, so if I’m working on the farm cutting trees then it’s jeans, flannel shirt, T-shirt bra, hair in a bun, hardhat or baseball cap and high top leather boots. I don’t need to shave since I am hairless from the forehead down. All of this gets changed on Friday night when the pushup bra, low cut top, heels, makeup, tight jeans, jewelry and wig make their appearance. It’s all just the regular cycle of what is natural to me as an intersex person. Somewhat anticlimactic but nevertheless authentic. I remember a similar thought process when it dawned on me that I don’t need to glam every day. I just need to be me and fit into my comfort zone without being a public oddity. I think of it as sort of a plateau that I got to and didn’t realize it at the time. You’ve put a lot of work in to learn and now you can comfortably enjoy it when you want. So Jennifer, I think that you have reached a level also, which in a way is a level of success and not a setback. Don’t be disturbed, enjoy it. Marg
This. Marg said it so much more eloquently. Once you hit that plateau, you’re no longer proving yourself to you or anyone else.
/EA
Oh Emily, I thought that you were so much more succinct than I, but thank you very much anyway. Marg
It has happened to me before. You are right it takes time and a lot of effort that sometimes I just am not up for. I agree with several others taking a few week break really made me want to get back at it. For example after keystone I didn’t dress for almost a month and was completely content. Alex let me know when she wanted to come back out.
I like to think that we actually have some feminine genes that can cause feelings that actual women have. They often show depression, or sadness when different events trigger them. Add to this our not shown masculine feelings of unsureness or being inadequate and we encounter things we can’t understand.
Jennifer you are not alone on this. I to have felt the same way. For me, questions arise and can really drive you crazy. I can be a crazy roller-coaster. But as you say, I know it is not going away and I am accepting this and moving forward in a non-consistent rate. 😊
Being a sporadic CD’er I will admit that there were times when the opportunity presented itself and I decided not to dress. Yes, sometimes it does seem to be a bit too much of an effort to get into at the time.
When that happens I’m often left to muse about the fact that I even have that choice while GG’s don’t.
Well as a cd I hear what you’re saying but not sure if I’ve ever had these feelings. In saying that I don’t get to dress everyday but do wear panties and a bralette daily. My day usually starts with morning coffee in my pantyhose and a jean mini. I’m out to my wife so dressing around her isn’t a problem but to relate to what your saying I do find that at times I’m very content just wearing my under things with a denim skirt, top and pantyhose. Maybe a little splash of perfume but no makeup, wig, forms or heels.
I too am in that mindset. I think my feelings are brought on by excessive busyness in my daily life, and not enough bandwidth to focus on Gemma things. In two months my three girls will graduate, and after the summer we will be empty nesters, at which point I hope to make more Gemma time, so I don’t feel desperate to dress right now. I know a time is coming when I can explore those feelings and so I’m not worried. Be had to wait for long periods (usually years) between opportunities, so I’ve become accustomed to suppressing those feelings. Within the next years, I’m hoping that will all change and I can make more time to explore and experience.
I’m no analyst, but I’ve often found there is a dissociation between what I want to do (ie. my conscious self) and how I am actually feeling at the moment.
The issue I have is that I often have no control over the latter. So, even if the opportunity presents itself for me to dress and I haven’t been able to for quite a while, sometimes I just don’t want to. I can’t explain it, but it feels like a chemical/emotional thing – almost like a depression that creeps into place over time.
My solution is to go with the flow and not worry about it. Some people are on a journey, some aren’t – but even if you are, there are bound to be ups and downs along the way.
Take care,
Katie
Of course. There are times when I just don’t feel motivated to get dressed if all I am doing is staying home. But I suppose that would be true for many activities in daily life.
at other times, I am strongly motivated to bet made up and dressed up, even though I have no plans to go out. At those times, I do it just because I want to.
Two sides to the same coin, I suppose.
I think this is normal. When you begin, you’re really excited and because it can take a while to get out the door for that first time, it feels so powerful and so much fun. As you get more used to it, that initial excitement wears off. I think that’s ok. I think taking a break from dressing up can make it a lot more fun. I usually don’t get to dress in the summer, and after the break I always find some of those “beginner” feelings coming back.
Whatever your experience, I think it’s important to not feel like there’s some kind of standard or expectation. If you dress up once a year and just look at yourself in the mirror or lounge around the house, that’s fine if that’s all the more you want. If you like going out for drives in the evening a couple of times a month, that’s fine too if that’s what you enjoy. If you like to go to work a couple of times a week en femme and enjoy it, that’s ok and not any more “real” than anyone else’s strategy.
Sometimes, when we share our stories and experiences, or read the experiences of others, we can get the idea that there’s some kind of standard or right way to do this. If you want to dress up and go out, then do it. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. From personal experience, I don’t think most of us ever have to worry about those peak feelings disappearing forever, but the experience certainly changes with time. It’s normal for our emotions to change and fluctuate about everything.
Most importantly, everyone is welcome here, no matter how you dress up.
I just wanted to reply to everyone of you who took the time to reply to my post. You all have convinced me that what is happening to me is a very normal and regular thing in our lives. For a while there I was thinking that I was alone in my thoughts, but as usual you have convinced me other wise. I am indebted to all of you for your help. I was feeling pretty down about this, but now I’m feeling really good, thank you again.
I have absolutely been in this place quite a few times. Early on in my crossdressing I would purge what few clothes I had and say, “ well that was fun, but it seems to have passed”. As I’ve gained in maturity both as an overall person and especially as Emily, I have come to realize that these times of not wanting to put in the effort are quite normal. Thankfully, I no longer purge my things. I just tuck them away in their proper places and wait for the feeling to pass. And it always does.
I think it’s a very normal thing in all aspects of life. We go through seasons where a particular thing just doesn’t bring the same joy it used to. Well done you for reaching out and asking the question!
Jennifer, I’m so glad that you started this forum topic, and so happy to read everyone’s responses. Because the feelings you describe are exactly the same ones I am feeling right this very moment. I am currently taking a pause from crossdressing, one that will probably last more than a month. One reason is practical — I am going on a trip to Las Vegas in early May, and planning and going on this trip will require a lot of my focus. But there’s another reason. I have hit somewhat of a plateau, where crossdressing doesn’t seem to be as much fun as it used to be. When I first got back into crossdressing, it was easy and exciting. Easy, because at first all I did was put on a bra and panties, put on a dress, shoes, and wig, and it was off to the races. Now, getting all glammed up is a big production, what with makeup, shaving various body parts, taping, and all the shape-wear. It has gotten to the point where the “chore” of crossdressing has started to outweigh the fun. So I’m taking a break. How will I feel in a month, when I get back from Vegas? I’m not too worried about it. It’s been eleven days since my last crossdressing session, and I’m already starting to miss it a little. The itch is always there under the surface, it grows when you don’t scratch it, and I fully expect that in one month I’ll be ready to dive right back in with relish. But it is so reassuring to learn that my current feelings are normal, that others have had the same feelings and experiences that I have. So thank you, Jennifer. I feel a lot better about things.
This is a great (and somewhat) timely topic! I’m sort of there right now! Even in the mode of dress I implore, it’s exhausting at times! Not to mention, I still have to “sneak around” so the SO doesn’t see everything. She would flip. On another note however….
….I recently had to take a short trip in which I had not choice but to dress in drab, everyday. That was so “easy” in comparison. I was reluctant as usual and not looking forward to it, but it did not bother me at all.Now I’m thinking, “to what end am I going to carry this on?”. I don’t like the thought but have even gone as far as thinking “there is no way I can get rid of all my clothes (and shoes) now.” And replace them again with all guy clothes. My SO would flip!!! She’s already upset and doesn’t like me to go shopping cause I’ll come home with more jeans or shoes, etc. Keep in mind she does the same and it’s not an issue.
Lastly there is that, the SO. I’m so tired of not knowing when I may cross a line. I pointed something out recently and she firmly said “no, no way you are wearing anything so feminine!”. If I were a bad person I would have told her to “FO” right then and there. I’m so tired of people telling me, dictating to me, what I can or can’t wear!
So tough, but it comes down to personal choice, effort and endurance. If it really does mean that much to us, we will prevail. Just know it may be a battle against ourselves and others.
Hi girls,
I’m in the same boat as Emily and Marg, I’m a trans woman, I live and work full time as a woman. For me, working Monday to Friday at the reception desk in a government building, my presentation has to be as good as I can make it. And that means skin care, makeup, clothing, hair, nails, and my speaking voice.
So sometimes, when I’m getting ready, it feels more like a chore. It’s just part of my everyday life now, and sometimes, like the old song says, “The thrill is gone.” On those days I will ramp up my look a bit, try a new eye shadow or lip color, or wear a new top or earrings. Fortunately it doesn’t happen often and I still get immense joy and satisfaction being Ms. Lauren every day!
Hugs, ladies, lots of hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Hi Jennifer,
As others have mentioned, I think the interest or urge to dress ebb and flow depending on your natural hormone and stress levels. As for myself, I recently started dipping me toes back into dressing after a 7-8 month hiatus. It feels good to dress again. I love the way I look, but I do wish I had more clothes to better express myself!
-N
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