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So, last year while my Wife and I were in the kitchen I joked that I’d like to try a pair of her thongs on, little did she know I had already and was instantly hooked but didn’t want to keep it to myself. I slipped away and came back, black thong nicely fitted. At first my Wife pulled my trousers forward at the waist and smiled like it was a really cheeky thing to do. I thought “great, she’s not that bothered”. But, my Wife barely thought about it because she thought it was just a joke.
I kept nervously bringing it up during conversation and my Wife would casually shake her head or give me that school teacher over the glasses look.
Eventually I went about ordering knickers, thongs and briefs for us both and she did seem OK but obviously a little weirded out when I separated mine from hers. She would however also laugh and joke when I would go through her draw right next to her, neatly organising underwear and claiming what she never wears. Again, she never specifically said what I could keep, just half heartedly shrugged her shoulders.
I secretly tried on underwear and tights and tried to stick to things she never wore, I even tried to convince my Wife tights would keep me warm as I worked from home, knowing we can’t remember the last time she wore them. She would quietly laugh it off. Speaking personally my Wife has had no libido for over ten years, I do believe my search for satisfying myself may have taken me here, because I would never dream of being disloyal to my Wife. But I still feel like a fraud and a pervert while people are genuinely going through gender change etc.
Looking back I don’t remember being attracted to underwear when I was younger, I just knew I hated my shorts.
We since fell out over the matter as my Wife told me how weird it is for me to want to wear womens underwear and asked if I am gay (I’m not gay but there are things I’m attracted to I probably shouldn’t mention here).
I let it go for a while, even binning my favourite items in a moment of upset, I threw away satin briefs, high-waist lace thongs, microfiber thongs (oh my they are just incredible) and more.
We have since moved into my Father in laws house and taken over ownership, we struggle, not financially but for different reasons and my interest peaked again, I went as far as putting my thoughts on a message to her because I articulate better that way, explaining those horrible bed shorts cause twisting and I felt great wearing a thong to bed (I can’t sleep naked, I wake up too much feeling a bit…you know), but just as she was ready to talk she contracted covid and is now recovering.
Needless to say I certainly own my priorities as I have two children. I’m discreet in what I wear but feel I want to now talk to people about what’s going on. Is it just a fetish? Will I suddenly take this further than expected? Why am I even having these desires?! I admit I recently put on (with a squeeze) a satin night dress and thong and laid on the bed, only to quickly pull off the dress and tell myself it didn’t feel natural, just sexy.
I believe folks out there are legitimately going through a change or have done and I need to know if I simply have a fetishism I can walk away from or if I should embrace it to what ever degree I am comfortable with.
Lastly, I apologise for the length of this intro. I’m reaching out to a community I hope will in some way provide comfort.
Thank you
James
Welcome to the site James, always great to meet another UK member.
You have come to the right place. I remember when I joined, the relief to know that I was not alone! There are hundreds, thousands, with the same feelings as you. I guess it’s just so many of us keep it hidden in our daily lives, to keep others happy, not cause disruption.
Why do we do it? Well why not?
What are we doing that is so wrong? Chipping away at societal and gender norms and stereotypes, to be who we want to be. I remember watching a talk from a person who identified as trans who said the hardest thing in the world to be is yourself. Especially as a husband and father we put others first, need to be who we are expected to be, not necessarily who we want to be.
I have been here a long time and come to realise that the membership here seems to be roughly representative of society as a whole. Most seem to be heterosexual males, some are gay, some bisexual, bigender or identify as trans, etc, and that is the way it should be. We are one big happy family with something in common-we love feminine stuff and are claiming it, and feeling fabulous.
Anyway what I am trying to say is cross dressing doesn’t mean you must be gay or want to be a woman, a misconception many wives and partners draw. Many here will empathise and sympathise with the situation with your wife. I hope she can learn to accept this part of you. Needs lots of time, chat and reassurance you are also still the person she married.
Hope you stick around.
❤️B
PS I love a thong as well, hate a VPL under anything tight.
Welcome James!
James,
You have nothing to apologize for. Your letter may have been long but it was very well written and easy to understand. I sympathize with you. I just told my wife several weeks ago that I wanted to be a cross dresser. She was shocked but supportive and understanding. But I think she also feels like she may lose me which I’ve tried to reassure her that she won’t. I don’t believe that your feelings as you’ve described them are weird or wrong, just different than some guys. And if that’s the case you came to the right place! You may want to talk with a therapist about your desires to put your mind at ease and they may even do couples counseling. Welcome and I hope you can have fun.
Hugs, JillHi James,
Welcome! There are a lot of resources here to help. My first foray into crossdressing came when I was much younger but I can understand where that question is coming from. Ultimately you will have to provide your own answers but hopefully CDH will help provide context. I too struggled with the ‘is it a fetish or something else’ question (for many decades). In the last few months I was provided the opportunity to occasionally explore nearly the full scope of what I want/need and it’s caused me to re-evaluate my memories and history. I’ve reframed some childhood events I thought I understood from my relatively new perspective and realized it was all more complicated than I told myself for so long. I guess I’m saying that you’re on a voyage of discovery and the answers might not come fast or easy and may also change over time as your understanding evolves. Figuring out where you are currently on the curve between a guy playing with panties to, at the other end, a woman trapped in a man’s body is a challenge and a moving target for many of us. Also the gap between those two extremes is vast and there is lots of room for everyone at all points.
Good luck on your search!
— Abbie 🥰
James thankyou for sharing your experience I enjoyed reading it..welcome your now part of a wonderful place to express yourself to who you would love to be. Where you may feel your desires are only you know where this journey may be going. Some will transition while others are at the other end of the spectrum, they just enjoy wearing the clothes. I’m still exploring where I am. My wife much like yourself and after years I still seeing her reactions towards this and slowly she warming up but not without her agreements. I think she wishes I don’t but she also sees how much it means to me so slow is what is needed and never taken granted. Sorry about your wife’s lack of acceptance but many do experience this as it is a troubling ordeal but be asured you have that support and help from everyone here . Relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. Very happy meeting you and welcome.
Stephanie 🌹
Hi, and welcome!
First off, if it feels sexy, it’s not “unnatural”, feeling sexy is a very natural thing. You already tried “walking away” yet came back to it. I think most of us on here have. I know I have. I tried several times to walk away as you call it. I purged (got rid of) my lingerie many times in the past and it has never worked. Crossdressing, regardless of how much, or if it’s underdressing (wearing panties and maybe a bra undersell male (drab) clothing or wearing a complete outfit visible to all who look, is for most of us, is a need. We need to let our feminine sides out, to be who we are or want to be. It is not a fetish per say. Even if it was/is, that isn’t wrong. I believe you are dealing with guilt/shame issues over this. Most of us have been there. Let your self be. Life is fleeting enough. Take care, don’t over think it. Just be you.
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