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Hi Ladies,
I realize that this is not a fem topic. However, I’m curious if any of you ladies had or have facial hair?
I ask, because I have a beard and despite my desire to look completely feminine when I dress, I’m having a difficult time letting go of my beard. It’s this desire to present as fem, yet I’m fearful of letting go of my beard when I’m I am in guy mode. I think, some of it has to do with, preserving my facade as a guy, that I’ve created for all these years. Can any of you girls relate to this or have any thoughts or feedback? Have any of you ever had this sense of desire, yet confusion?
Hugs and kisses,
Eva
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Shaving the beard was the first thing I did when I made the decision to start dressing again – it had to go (I’m not feminine enough to work around that.) After the beard, the chest hair went, then the pubes, lol
I used to have a mustache and goatee. Then I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and needed a CPAP machine. Originally I had a strap that went on to my chin, which made my goatee hairs grow in a slanted manner. Off comes the goatee.
I get your wanting to maintain the male look when dressed in drab and if you’ve had the beard for many years, it can be hard to let it go. When I finally decided to come out to my wife about my desire to cross dress, I made a personal decision to shave off the mustache. My view is that if I’m going to dress up and wear make up, I want to present as much of a feminine look as possible. For me, that’s part of the allure and makes it fun. Hearing my wife give me positive feedback on how good of a job I did dressing and applying make up makes losing the facial hair worth it.
I had a mustache all of my adult life then I shaved it to see what AnnaBeth would look like. But it was such a dramatic change for me, I then grew a beard trying to deny AnnaBeth. After three years AnnaBeth re-emerged stronger than ever and I decided to come out to my wife, now I will never grow facial hair again. My wife told me she likes me without the beard anyway and several people have told me I look younger, so win win.
I don’t have facial hair, but I can empathize.
I had a friend in the transformation business, and she told me one time that when men with facial hair would come in and want to look feminine, but were unable to shave their hair, she would use a handheld Chinese style fan to hide the facial hair, and focus on the eyes and eye makeup for photos.
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I had a beard for many, many years and decided to shave it off after I fully embraced Jen. I don’t miss it at all and I like the freshly shaven look, anyways. I’d say shave off your beard and grow it back if the clean shave doesn’t work for you.
Hi Eva,
I have a mustache and beard and no immediate plans to shave either. I appreciate you raising this subject and in solidarity I’ve changed my profile picture to my real face.
While my facial hair is incompatible with passing as Wanda, I’m very happy with the amount of femininity I am able to express in public. It’s also the amount my SO is comfortable with me expressing so it all works for us.
I do like the idea of a fan for photos. In college one of our acting profs insisted the whole class learn to use a fan as a prop —- Southern Bell style, not Asian but still… Thanks for mentioning that, Alison.
You aren’t going to appear like a woman while sporting a beard. You can be a man without one.
Just get rid of it before the summer sun arrives.
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Madeline, perfectly put – thank you for simplifying it!
I have never had a beard and have never wanted to have one but I agree with Madeline’s comment – you don’t need a beard to be a man. You could always try alternating, as one of my girlfriends does. She sports a beard from time to time but when she wants to be really feminine, she shaves it off. If others get used to you swapping between having a beard and being clean shaven, it simply won’t be an issue for you to shave when you want to. xxx
Hi Eva, well, back the last time facial hair was in vogue (or the time before that or the time…too many times now) I grew a mustache and then a full beard. Never liked either at all but times being what they were… And put my dressing desires on hold. Then I took a short ‘vacation’ trip, shaved it all off, started more serious dressing and never looked back.
As others have pointed out, somehow it all keeps trying very hard to come back. So , like previous suggestions, if you really want to try for a more complete fem look, go for it. Those pesky facial hairs will still be there if you ever want to go back.
Hugs ChloeC
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Many thanks, girls! I really appreciate your thoughts and opinions. My new lavender bra is arriving today – I’m very excited! My plan is to shave my legs and underarms, so their smooth and girly, put my new bra on, with my blue dress and bask in the pleasure of my fabulous bra and my smooth legs! And hopefully, my inner woman overrides my insecurity of hiding my girlishness, under drab facial hair.
Love and kisses!
Eva
I had a mustache most of my adult life (up until about 5 years ago). Now when I look back, I think it was all part of my suppression of my female side. Now that I am dressing more and have embraced my feminine side I can’t stand having any facial hair. I want to present as much as a female that I can.
With that said, there is nothing wrong with you keeping your beard. It’s about how you feel
Hugs, Liara
Eva
Had mustache all my life. Still do. Trim it down gradually. That helps you and others adjust. Then one day shaved it off for first makeover. Most people didnt notice for days, others just asked and I replied felt more comfortable while using CPAP machine while sleeping. Then grow back, keep trimmed and repeat.
Hugs GingerI am probably not the best help. For me it was pretty quick and simple to decide to just cut the beard. Even looking at laser for now.
There are a few things to grasp at. I know someone who uses a scarf they wrap around the bottom half of their face when they dress, but they get warm easily now. Ultimately I would say just to remember a beard can regrow.
Hi, Eva. That you for bringing this topic back to life on this forum.
I love dressing and I also love my facial hair and even wish I had lots more body hair. I do not intend to surrender one love for the other. I am fine with being a hairy, bearded lady. I dress at home only so the only person who sees me is in the mirror, and that person fully approves.
If I wished to present in public, I might have to rethink this, but I an not inclined that way. I would rather have facial and body hair than not, so this is how it stays.
Eva
I started growing a beard back when it was a radical thing to do and I’ve only shaved it off twice. First time was 35 years ago and the second was three years ago, when I tried to shape it into a Colonel Sanders and messed it up so bad I shaved it off as well as my mustache, which I have never shaved in my entire life. The first time I had a ZZ Top kind of beard and my wife after the shock of coming home and seeing me, begged me to grow it back, which I did. Since then it’s been a shorter trimmed beard so the second time I did it while she was away and it grew back before she came home and all I heard from it was ” must have set the trimmer a little close.” So here I am now, so wanting to shave it off so I can do the make up and go for the total feminine look and feeling. I’m close, so close that I planned to do it two weeks ago but some very old friends came to visit from out of town and stayed with us. I lost the nerve to do it. It’s silly because as I’m writing this I know that if it goes bad all I have to do is grow it back and if I like it, then every one who knows me will just have to get use to it, it’s committing no crime and harming no one. It just come down to me, do it or not. I’ll let you all know when I do, I think though that you’ll hear the gasp from where you are.
Wish you a clean shave.
Sherri
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Hi Sherri and thanks so much for the message!
I can relate to all that you’ve said. I should mention that I did shave my beard off last summer and then grew it back a couple months later. I didn’t like how I looked without my beard at all. As a guy, I look much better with the beard – which is one of the reasons I’m struggling to make the decision to shave it off again. Despite this however, I still want to look more feminine, but I don’t think I can do it. I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback from my posting, but I think I’ll keep it for now. However, after writing that, I’m not sure I will. We’ll see.
Eva
PS – I’ll keep you posted and I’d love to hear how you make out.
I totally agree! I really love my beard, but when I joined this community a few months ago, I made a vow to myself to commit and make some time to explore this part of myself once again, after several years of burying it down inside, and just underdressing as I could.
I made the commitment and put in the work to lose some weight, and when I got within my goal, I slowly started trimming my beard down and going with a shorter and shorter trimmer guard each week. Until I made the decision a few weeks ago to try a close shave.
For months now, I’ve had a weekend trip planned for this weekend, that will allow me to dress in private for two whole days. I wanted to be as complete a girl as possible, and bought a whole new makeup set.
Along my journey I knew I would have to shave, and didn’t want it to seem to come out of nowhere. My wife and kids would have questions. So, over time I’ve gotten used to my shaven face again, and so have my friends and family.
My reward for all of this will come this weekend, after months of planning, hoping, dreaming, buying, weight loss, and exercise.
If I’m honest, now I am having some fear and doubt set in, but I am fully committed to see it through. I badly need this time, to allow Gemma to be fully realized! I look forward to sharing photos soon.
So, Eva, I completely understand and empathize with your fears. I hope you will find a way to move forward, as I have. – Gemma💋
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Gemma, hi and thanks so much for your thoughtful and candid reply. Like the message from Sherri, I identify, so much. Like I wrote to Sherri, part of my difficulty is that I think I look better as a man with my beard. Another major difficulty for me is I feel like I’m losing the image of this guy – who I’ve tried so hard to be, in an effort to shore up my insecurity of wanting to dress and of my fear of perhaps wanting to be a woman. I feel vulnerable without my beard out in the “real world”.
In addition to this reason and there are many, I have a longtime male friend who knows I CD who isn’t very accepting and who judges me in terms it’s not manly to CD. So that’s another factor in the battle to keep my beard.
I too have a goal of losing some weight, which I’ve been successful with. I really like your strategy, which I’m going to adopt, as well, in an effort to quell my anxiety and insecurity,
I know this has gotten longwinded, however I wanted to share more of my story, in appreciation to you,
Have a wonderful weekend and thanks so much for sharing!
Kisses and hugs!
Eva
Your friend’s problem with your dressing is exactly that, his problem not yours. I don’t remember the exact quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, but it was something to the effect of I refuse to give people permission to make me feel guilty. Do not give him that power to make you feel guilty. He is the one with issues, not you. You should be you, with or without a bread. I had a beard for a short time and even a few pictures in a blue teddy with it, and I kind of like them. My wife does not like beards so I shaved it, but it was fun and looked fine with my teddy.
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JJ hi and thanks for another thoughtful response to my post. I’m feeling better since my post to Gemma and less concerned about my friends judgement. I still feel a sense of shame and embarrassment, however, that’s in general thou, and not a feeling just associated with my friend. However, that sense of shame and embarrassment has greatly decreased. This site is wonderful! Thanks again for your wisdom and thoughts!
I know those feelings, as most of us here probably have had them at one time or another.
Of course there is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of, some of us just happen to like to wear clothes that ate designed for women. Others have different feelings and would like to be a different gender temporarily or permanently. Still, nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. We/they are just wired a bit differently. Some of us want to be accountants (now there is something to feel guilty😘 about), so what? It is just a different way to go about your day. Again, it is others who have the problem with us, which we then take upon ourselves and feel the guilt. It should be the other way around.
As a good friend of mine said when his daughter came out to him that she is lesbian…”and this affects me how? Oh, it doesn’t, so good luck to you and your soon to be wife.” We should all have such an attitude.
Sure, a lot of people, including many spouses don’t understand dressing, most of us who dress do not fully understand it, but that is no reason for guilt of shame, but just and oppurtunity to learn and educate.
Enjoy YOUR life and don’t let others take it away.
Eva,
I occasionally have a beard over the winter months. I guess not being out makes this a little easier, but when it gets towards Spring it will come off. Every year, I think I will use that opportunity to buy a wig and try on make up and see if I could ever pass at looking feminine, but I never seem to have the time.
Personally though, I wouldn’t worry. Just do what’s comfortable for you.
Katie
Eva
You Have to be comfortable with yourself, If you like the beard, kee pit.
I shave at least twice before I dress for the full feminine look. I see plenty of dressers that don’t fully shave and that’s them. I feel to show a complete feminine image I need to shave my body smooth and do the required exercise to keep m belly trim(much tougher to do now). In the end you have to be you.LesLee xoxo
I can definitely relate to your facial hair dilemma. I had facial hair for many years but when I decided it was time for Jill to venture out I knew it had to go my reward was my first time dressed at a mall after that I was hooked my face is kept smooth daily not even a two day scuff for this girl. Of course there where lots of questions from my wife and friends I just told them all it was time for a change WOW if they only knew.
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