• This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Anonymous.
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    • #20953
      Anonymous

      Just having one of those days when I feel confused about life. I don’t know why I get like this sometimes when you sit back and take stock of yourself and is this it, is this what it all comes down to? I keep trying to tell myself I’m happy but it’s getting harder everyday. I do love my wife but she’s completely unaccepting of me and I would like to explore myself further as the woman I am. Getting dressed up just isn’t cutting it anymore, I want to be Heather completely because that is who I am. This body and the name Bryan are just a shell, I only think and identify as Heather.I don’t know I’ve had a lot of changes in my life the last few years: retirement, kids leaving home,a brain hemmhorage which really changed my perspective on things and I’m at a loss for what to do and where I’m going.I’ve ben to psychiatrists over the years and all they say is here take this little pink pill and you’ll be fine which is a crock an I’m not a pill popper. I know I stand to lose a great deal but I feel like Ive hit a crossroad and don’t know which way to turn. Has anybody got any advice for me, please help?Sorry to babble, thanks for being there LOL Heather.

    • #20972

      Heather:

      I know how you feel because at various times I feel the same way and as I discussed with you in the past have been dressing for almost 55 years and only came out to my wife 8 years ago,and since coming out I dabbled with natural hormones, got some breast development she found out and left for a while to figure things out. She has now left twice and came back twice and has been back for a year and a half. She is not accepting there has been no intimacy since July 2015. However she wants to work on saving the marriage, allows me to dress androgynously and underdress daily. This seems to hold the urge to dress fully. However, at times I want more but it is tough resisting the urge as I don’t want to wreck the marriage,my grown children’s relationships.I am out to my sons 24 year old fiance and she is Ok with it all, accepting and would like to go out with me shopping. I do love my wife want to save the marriage but, I to want more and don’t know what to do.I also stand to lose a great deal.The feeling for more,the confusion in my mind between the male/feminine I don’t know what to do.Counselling has gotten me to accept myself as is, stop beating myself up with guilt and shame but it is tough when your partner will not go to counselling.I too need advice and help.

    • #20985

      My response to both of you is something I live by. Follow your heart….my ex-wife (couldn’t save the marriage) did go to counceling with me for a wee bit. Somewhere we hit a wall. My happiness and sanity (I was getting completely knackered) are more important. Since coming out and exposing myself to all types of shame(At least that’s what I thought it was) I’ve been so much happier. I had to completely accept who I am, before I could expect anyone else too.

      I wish both of you the best of luck in the future.

      Cookie

    • #21006

      Hi Heather! Looks like you hit your own Brick Wall.  These paths that we choose in our lives sometimes can be difficult. I hope you find the peace you are looking for, and continue growing aspersions and as Heather. HUGS!   JESSE

    • #21023
      Anonymous

      Thank you all for your concern and thoughts, feeling better today but I’m still at a loss. I guess it’s time to make some decisions and get on with it.I talked to my sister yesterday and she is scared about this but says she loves me no matter what, which was nice to hear. I’m going to talk to my wife today and we’ll take it fro there.thank you all again, I’ll be talking to you a lot very soon. LOL Heather.

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