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  • #488420
    Carmen
    Participant
    Registered On: May 10, 2020
    Topics: 3
    Replies: 1
    Has thanked: 3 times
    Been thanked: 44 times
    1. Feeling awkward about this all now. I know dressing feminine (not full time) is what I really want but it’s not accepted by my wife. I still underdress but I want to dress in front of her, I want to dress with her , I desire that part of a relationship with her. I am feeling shameful about it to the point I stopped shaving my legs chest stomach underarms and private area and grew a beard just to make me look more the part of what I’m expected to be, but that’s not what I want. I want that ability to express those feelings and share them with her. It’s really frustrating not having the freedom that some of you ladies have. I just don’t know if I should give up or continue this way. It seems pointless because either way it’s not me or what I want. Any advice ladies?
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    • #488479
      Samantha Jo
      Lady
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 55
      Has thanked: 166 times
      Been thanked: 282 times

      Hi Carmen

      There is nothing that I can add that has not already been said her but all I can do is wish you the very best of luck with the difficult decisions you have to make.

      Samantha x

    • #488459
      Katie Time
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 179
      Has thanked: 1213 times
      Been thanked: 981 times

      Carmen, it’s like I was reading my own story. The feelings,  the wants and desires. I see this same situation echoing across the site. Then I read how some spouses are totally supportive and understanding. I’m coming to the sad conclusion that if I truly want this that my relationship is probably not going to survive. At least in It’s current manner. So what are we to do? I’m not sure but I have to come to terms with how much this is a part of me. I sincerely hope your marriage can survive and adjust. 💕💋 Katie

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #488446
      Regi Kelly
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 1053
      Has thanked: 11175 times
      Been thanked: 4621 times

      Hugs, Carmen,
      You are in difficult situation, and Im very sorry for you,
      There are a lot, who will not accept, us, unfortunately, in my limited experience, this isn’t something that will go away(the needing to Dress), so, as Lisa stated so beautifully, sadly, it is simple but brutal, you will have to really think about this, and make your own decision, on what you do, be true to yourself, or make your wife happy.
      I wish you all the best, I sure don’t envy you
      Huge hugs, Regi👩💕

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #488435
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 1187
      Has thanked: 3828 times
      Been thanked: 5719 times

      It’s selfish to want only what you want – and that goes for ladies who do not accept cross dressing in their husbands, tell them to keep their body hair and any other unreasonable demand that wouldn’t stack up the other way around.

      Yes, marriage is about compromise.

      It is not about laying down the law for either party.

      The problem is not cross dressing.

      It’s attitudes and perceptions.

      Everyone has a right to self expression, and this should be worked on – your rights are not secondary to your wife’s desire to have a trophy husband who ticks every box and does nothing that might upset her.

      Some tension is necessary to drive a relationship, in my opinion.

      Like strings on a guitar, the right tension produces beautiful music, maybe using Western diatonic structures such as I, IV, V to build deliberate tensions in the harmony that drive to resolution in the final cadence.

      Not enough tension and the sound is unmusical.

      Too much and the strings snap.

      Cross dressing is a need for us, not an elephant in the room, and we should work towards this, respecting our wives feelings, but at the same time  respecting our own.

      Failing to do this is damaging to mental health and the relationship, in my experience.

      Yours may be different.

      I just think it’s important to make a stand for who you are, anticipating and dealing with the consequences.

      If you take no risks, you stay where you are and never move on.

      Love.

      Laura

       

      • #488482
        Michelle Trott
        Duchess
        Registered On: April 7, 2021
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 206
        Has thanked: 374 times
        Been thanked: 877 times

        Wow Laura. That is articulated so well. And I agree with you so that makes it better yet.

      • #488461
        Katie Time
        Duchess
        Registered On: April 3, 2021
        Topics: 24
        Replies: 179
        Has thanked: 1213 times
        Been thanked: 981 times

        Laura your words are truth. 💕💋 Katie

    • #488425
      LisaT
      Lady
      Registered On: January 31, 2021
      Topics: 57
      Replies: 671
      Has thanked: 582 times
      Been thanked: 3212 times

      Carmen

      Life is full of compromise and I’m guessing that your partner is accepting of your underdressing but doesn’t want the full femme Carmen. If I’m right you are a huge step forward from many Crossdressers who face the choice of stopping dressing or losing a relationship they value.

      The reality of life is we cannot have everything all our own way, at least not without being very selfish or alone. Had your SO wanted to be with a woman she would almost certainly not be with you and it’s your crossdressing that has moved the goalposts. Your choices are actually simple though brutal.

      1. Listen and come to a working lifestyle acceptable to both. This often includes elements of keeping some dressing away from her though she knows it happens.

      2. Dress fully and come out but be prepared to rebuild and seek new relationships where Carmen is accepted from the start.

      Be positive, concentrate on what you have and not what you are frustrated by. It certainly cannot help to throw your toys out of the pram and destroy every vestige of your cd lifestyle.

      Hugs

      Lisa xxx

      • #488431
        Carmen
        Lady
        Registered On: May 10, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 1
        Has thanked: 3 times
        Been thanked: 44 times

        Thank you Lisa for responding unfortunately she doesn’t accept my underdressing but has known I’ve done it in the past. Once I wore her bra in front of her during sex, I do have quite a bit of breast tissue and she was surprised how well it fit, but her response afterwards was she didn’t know if she should laugh or be angry. Before her response I was so elated that it was happening but then let down with her response. We did have a few difficult conversations about bras panties hosiery lipstick and things like that she had found I had but nothing led to her accepting. She does joke at times that my boobs are almost as big as hers and I imply about a bra but the conversation never goes in my favor. Yes your advice does make sense but difficult to be positive it has been a long time wrestling with trying and giving up. You responding at least for the moment gives me a glimpse of some relief. I just need to surround myself with  more positive people like you who can have an impact on me with life experiences in these matters.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
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