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  • #471647
    Candace Baci
    Participant
    Registered On: October 19, 2020
    Topics: 52
    Replies: 116
    Has thanked: 408 times
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    It’s been 3 months since my Christmas Day dressed with my wife. For those of you who don’t know the story, my sister snapped a selfie photo her and me dressed as Candace ( Charlie s Angel pose). I framed and gave to my wife for Christmas and she chuckled. When she was showering Christmas morning I decided to get dressed up in my outfit I wore in the picture. When she got out of shower she looked startled but somewhat accepting. Anyway for 5 glorious hours I stayed dressed, we had coffee opened presents watched the Yule log it was wonderful. I didn’t want to open up on the holiday so I just let it be but most of you over the last several months have tried encouraging me to tell her since she most likely knows already. Of course the coward in me continues to hold back and in the meantime the angst and hurt grows. I know I need to have the talk soon but I’m just a wimp at this point who really needs strong encouragement advice and a push my from girlfriends here at CDH.

     

    Hugs and Kisses

    Candace

Viewing 10 reply threads
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    • #472514
      Polly Stewart
      Lady
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 933
      Has thanked: 1321 times
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      Hi Candace…

      I have lived my life up until now by the simple maxim… apologies to Nike… “Just Do It!”

      Polly’s done it! 🌹🌷🌸🌺💋❤️

    • #472499
      Layla Jones
      Lady
      Registered On: June 7, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 38
      Has thanked: 325 times
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      I no its hard but the longer you leave it the harder it will get, if Christmas is anything to go by you got this and it sounds like shes got you.Goodluck layla x

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #472481
      Regine Rich
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 889
      Has thanked: 8999 times
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      Hi Candace,
      As I have said before, I know it’s hard, But I do believe the best approach is just as Lisa said, Keep it simple, but do it, and get it over with.
      Once you say those two lines, explain how it makes you feel, that you aren’t gay(unless you are, and thats another story?) and how much you love her. Give her the option of you continuing, either with her acceptance and participation, or, as don’t see don’t tell, or her complete refusal.
      I really do think, after your Christmas day, you will be pleasantly surprised at her reaction.
      I am only advocating for get it over with, as this is something you are obviously struggling with, and once it’s done, you will have such a weight lifted from your soul, your beauty and serenity will only increase
      Hugs, and love, Regi👩💕

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #472333
      MelanieElizabeth
      Lady
      Registered On: January 9, 2021
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 120
      Has thanked: 256 times
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      Hi Candace . I think you are in a good spot. After your time together Christmas morning I think you know she isn’t going to totally freak. She has seen you that way already it’s not going to blind side her. I would be surprised if she doesn’t already suspect you like to cd. She’s probably waiting for you to say something to her about it. She’s might be as nervous about it as you. Just try to be honest and gentle with her and besides you don’t want her to find your stash of clothes on her own(if you have any) then she will likely se it as a betrayal. Then you will have to have a really awkward conversation.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #471724
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 2094
      Has thanked: 4170 times
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      Hi Candace,

      I’m sorry to hear your situation is still not resolved. You have come out to your wife, and she did not reject Candace…but you will not feel that she has accepted Candace, either, until you have The Talk and learn how much acceptance she is giving. She should be told that Candace is a part of you which you must express, but not in a way which will upset her. How much is too much? You need to know.

      Hugs,
      Bettylou

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #471699
      LisaT
      Lady
      Registered On: January 31, 2021
      Topics: 48
      Replies: 536
      Has thanked: 414 times
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      Please don’t send her a note I know the reaction I would have got from my other half and it wouldn’t have been good. I don’t think you can prepare a long statement just create the opportunity to talk about it and be willing to answer some difficult questions honestly. I certainly found that I discovered as much about myself as she did.

      “Can we talk.”

      “I like to dress in women’s clothing”

      Is probably all you need to say to set the ball rolling. The hard part is finding the right time to say it and handling the follow up questions and outcomes from those two simple statements.

      Hugs

      Lisa xxx

      • #472258
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 52
        Replies: 116
        Has thanked: 408 times
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        Oh Lisa thanks my biggest challenge is getting ting those two sentences out… Can we talk? I like to dress in women’s clothes !

        I really believe she knows but I’m so so very nervous!!

        Ugh!!

        Candace

    • #471695
      Clara Cross
      Lady
      Registered On: December 7, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 260
      Has thanked: 739 times
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      How about this Candace? “Honey, remember Christmas? I really enjoyed that. I’d like to do that again. What do you think?  Love you Dear.”

      Best to both of you,

      Clara

      • #472260
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 52
        Replies: 116
        Has thanked: 408 times
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        Oh Clara I love the idea it’s so simple yet for me I am so very very nervous!

        I know the sooner I get this out the better both her and I will be , it’s just a matter of me mustering up the courage .

         

        Ugh!

        Candace

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #471693
      Julie Shaw
      Lady
      Registered On: September 3, 2015
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 46
      Has thanked: 219 times
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      What works for me is setting a date. “I WILL do this or that on THIS day”. Havig the, all be it self imposed, deadline really helps me get the job done, whatever it is. My SO has known since before we got married (I wouldn’t let her get into it without ALL the info) She hasn’t been 100% supportive, but she knows and goes between joining in and letting it happen out of her sight. But there have been moments where I have had to ask her to join me on a Girls Night Out and the like. So having that deadline really helped me to get the talk started.
      Hope this helps, Sweetie.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #472263
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 52
        Replies: 116
        Has thanked: 408 times
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        Julie

        i have always been a goals driven person so I love the idea of setting a time table for myself I can only hope when the time comes I can muster up the courage to do it !!

         

        I know this is a few months away but I am going on notice that I  setting 7/1 as the end date for the conversation!!

        Thanks

        Candace

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        • #472503
          Julie Shaw
          Lady
          Registered On: September 3, 2015
          Topics: 7
          Replies: 46
          Has thanked: 219 times
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          I wish you all the best, Sweetie.  And when the day comes, jump in with both feet!  Stephanie deserves nothing less.

    • #471675
      Jasmine Secrét
      Lady
      Registered On: August 5, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 34
      Has thanked: 29 times
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      i completely understand! I’m trying to find the right time to tell my SO. We buy panties together (on sales, she asks me if there is anything I want), and knows I shave completely smooth. But that’s it. My friends here tell me she already knows. I’m not so sure, but, maybe. Find that right moment, quiet, calmly…tell her I guess. I’m looking to hear how it goes

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #472264
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 52
        Replies: 116
        Has thanked: 408 times
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        Good luck to you as well Jasmine!!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #471692
        Julie Shaw
        Lady
        Registered On: September 3, 2015
        Topics: 7
        Replies: 46
        Has thanked: 219 times
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        Seriously? She buys you panties and you THINK she MIGHT know? Be open – have the talk. It will feel SO much better, Sweetie.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #471664
      BigBangtheory
      Lady
      Registered On: January 14, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 176
      Has thanked: 53 times
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      I have to think that she knows and is just waiting for you to open up. She evidently is somewhat accepting if you spent five hours dressed in her presence and that is “opening up” to the fullest extent. Why torture yourself? It sounds like you have a wonderful wife that is loving and accepting. I am sure that she has questions so prepare your answers before the “TALK”! If she was totally against you dressing, your little Christmas surprise would have been a disaster. Have a honest and open discussion with your loving wife and you may be pleasantly surprised. My wife and I REALLY enjoy my girly time…… Stephanie

      • #472266
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 52
        Replies: 116
        Has thanked: 408 times
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        Steph

        You are so right how many wives would walk out of the shower on Christmas morning to find her husband dressed as a woman sitting on the couch and not freak out… a caring loving woman such as mine!!

         

        I’m just so darn nervous . Do you think another attempt to dress up and then have the talk as Candace would help?

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #472495
          BigBangtheory
          Lady
          Registered On: January 14, 2020
          Topics: 0
          Replies: 176
          Has thanked: 53 times
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          Hi Candice,

          I am not so sure that dressing again is a viable solution. Because it was Christmas when you were first dressed may be the reason for her muted response. Only exception could possibly be April Fools. I have read a lot of the great responses to your questions and glad that you are making a plan. I think Clara’s opening line is perfect and Julia’s setting a date gives you a specific goal. However, I would encourage you to not wait until July. The cat is out of the bag already and her curiosity may lead her to dig into the matter further. I would think that self disclosure would be better than being found out. So many cds and gg’s have discussed this very thing here on CDH and the common theme is the hurt and betrayal that is felt by the gg’s. I do hope that you and her can embark on a new adventure together with honesty and openness. Stephanie

    • #471658
      Genevïéve
      Lady
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
      Topics: 30
      Replies: 1197
      Has thanked: 10203 times
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      So sorry to hear you are feeling down Candace… If you can’t have the ‘Talk’ face to face with your wife… write a letter, send a text… you’ll be under less pressure, and you can take your time to get your thoughts and feelings out exactly how you want. It’s a good ‘ice breaker’.

      My wife and I were texting one day last July and I just blurted it out… so to speak. I’ve always found conversing via keyboard much easier than face to face.

      Love,

      Gen ❤

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #471665
        Stephanie Scott
        Lady
        Registered On: February 8, 2021
        Topics: 18
        Replies: 246
        Has thanked: 706 times
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        Gen/Candace,

        ”Writing it down” is very good advice I think. I’m terrible at in person confrontation, and it’s  very easy for me to “lose my place” in the flood of emotion so that it becomes a back and forth finger pointing exercise wherein I can’t remember some of the important points I want to make. If you write it down, at least you’ll have a “touchstone” in case peace talks break down! 😂 Then you can tell her, “hey, maybe this is a little too raw emotionally for us to work through in this sitting. So let’s take a break, and i’ll Ask you to read my CDing ‘manifesto’ ( 😝 ) and then we can circle back once you’ve digested my thoughts and feelings on the matter.”

        Good luck, and I’ll be praying for you. I admire the fact that you want to work this through with your wife.

        God bless,

        Steph

        5 users thanked author for this post.
        • #471704
          Jamie Peridot
          Lady
          Registered On: February 19, 2021
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 264
          Has thanked: 1549 times
          Been thanked: 788 times

          Yes Steph! I hate confrontation and always forget the points I want to make in the heat of the moment.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
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