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  • #413559
    Philma Bierstein
    Participant
    Registered On: May 28, 2020
    Topics: 48
    Replies: 168
    Has thanked: 1517 times
    Been thanked: 1016 times

    Good evening ladies!!!

    I just replied to a new friend who said their SO was concerned with someone making comments or being aggressive while she was “out”  & about.  My wife had the same comment when we first talked, and actually used the same term “Momma Bear” when it came to needing to defend me.  Here’s what I wrote:

    “My wife brought up the same concern about being protective if I was “clocked” while dressed and someone made a comment. I assured her that I am the superior smart-ass, and can take care of myself. Like I said in a recent post – I walk like a lady but fight like Muhammed Ali. I can snap back a scathing comeback that would put any would-be offender in their place. The nice thing is, that the general public is very much on our side on this… the VAST majority of people support us expressing ourselves, and living our best lives.

    So GET OUT SHOPPING ALREADY, honey!!! 😘. You deserve it! Haven’t you kept this all inside too long?! We only live once. Go get it!!

    …and report back by posting a great story about your experience!! 😀”

    Smooches & all the love,

    ~Philma

Viewing 8 reply threads
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    • #414008
      Rachel Cross
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 192
      Has thanked: 1153 times
      Been thanked: 1098 times

      sometime you run into a smart ass who says some mean things. just ignore it. if he knows it bothers you he probably wont stop. if he sees a don’t phase you he’ll probably stop. most people are on your side. i had guys tell me if anyone gives me a hard time let them know and they will fight for me. i tell them i can take care of it, but i’m sure they would jump in to help. i’m not totally passable and probably never will be, but that doesn’t stop me from going out. if something happens, head for a store for safety. they always have cameras. or look for a group of people. they will usually help out a girl in need. never head away to someplace where they can get you alone and out of site. the only people i ever had any problems with are drunk. when you get drunk you get stupid and don’t care what you say or do. hold your head high and go outside. be confident in what you do and say. i’m sure you will get more positive comments, than negative ones.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413972
      Amanda Burton
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 853
      Has thanked: 6700 times
      Been thanked: 3248 times

      Cindy Lou. sweetie, I would say looking at your profile pic, your lucky to have a beautiful feminine face. You make up is expressly done, and if you dress to these standards I think you will encounter to much confrontation. If you are shy and suffer the ability to deal with negative comments or worry about them before hand, then start to venture out slowly.” Small steps at a time” is a great yard stick to work to. My advice would be dress conservatively, so as not draw to much attention to yourself, if you drive that’s a great way to get out and get some dress time. In public try a big town or city, the more you become just another face in the crowd, the more you will find many people aren’t really looking at you. This is a great confidence booster in the early days. Avoid known areas of high concentration of drinking areas, as this is often the areas where conflict occurs. Confidence will come, but I best advice is to just walk away. I have two daughters and I tell any girl learn self defense moves, sure can be handy with a few direct hits. If you have close friends to go out with, then safety in numbers is always good. Good luck sweetie, remember many girls on here can vastly help you through experience, and support never be to shy to ask, as they will be only to willing to help. Love Amanda xx

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #413985
        Cindy Lou
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: November 18, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 427
        Has thanked: 1833 times
        Been thanked: 1980 times

        Thank you Amanda, there’s a lot of good advice in what you wrote. Unfortunately, while I do have good taste in clothes, my photo is enhanced a lot through Faceapp, if I actually looked like that I’d burn every scrap of male clothing I have left. As for passing unnoticed, I don’t believe I have much chance from the neck up due to masculine features and I doubt I ever will, I’ll just have to ignore negative comments and avoid trouble spots as you suggested.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413769
      Cindy Lou
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 18, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 427
      Has thanked: 1833 times
      Been thanked: 1980 times

      Understanding that most people will have either a neutral or positive experience when going out dressed, and many of those that unfortunately encounter some fool will find that they didn’t have much to worry about in the first place, since most fools are harmless. What worries me, and is a comment I have yet to read in posts that encourage us to ‘Get out there’, is what if you cant handle it if or when a negative incident occurs when out dressed. Much like yourself Philma, I do not suffer fools gladly and am very quick with a comeback. I do suffer from depression and anxiety, and my chief concern is a negative incident throwing into a downward spiral. They can be very damaging and take a long time to recover from. Through medication and avoiding situations that may lead me to spiral, I have managed to largely avoid heavy depression, but eventually I’m going to have to fight my own self defense instinct if I am ever to get out there. Anyway thanks for reading and if you’ve got some advice I’m all ears.

      • #413900
        Robyn Devine
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 24, 2020
        Topics: 13
        Replies: 516
        Has thanked: 1617 times
        Been thanked: 2228 times

        Cindy Lou

        That’s actually a really good question!  What if you can’t?

        With all respect intended, I dont have depression or anxiety, so I cant claim to know or have “quick” answers.  Have 2 daughters and an EX who struggle with anxieties etc.

        As a veteran we had to learn to push thru those fears and anxieties.  We didn’t have much choice.

        Aside from seeking out a counselor/therapist who deals with those, my advice is this –

        Use the simple question of WHY?  Use it up to 5 times, or more if you need to, to get to the source of your fear or anxiety.  Finding the source of “WHY” does a negative or vulgar comment send me spiraling.

        Here’s a make believe example

        1. Why… does a negative comment affect me so badly?  Because Im sensitive.

        2. Why… am I so sensitive?  Because I have low self-esteem/poor body image.

        3. Why… do I have poor body image?  Because Mom said no one will ever love a fat girl.

        AHHH!!!  Like I said, I dont claim to know, just offering a method on how to get to the source or “root” of the problem or anxiety.  Once you know the root of it, then it can be worked on and improved upon.

        This could be a discussion thread of its own.  Same thing if a situation were to escalate to more than words.  A sensitive subject for some…but its a reality.  Crazy people out there.

        Robyn ❤️❤️🤗

         

         

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #413983
          Cindy Lou
          Baroness - Annual
          Registered On: November 18, 2020
          Topics: 10
          Replies: 427
          Has thanked: 1833 times
          Been thanked: 1980 times

          Thank you so much for taking the time to tackle a very difficult question Robyn. While I do suffer from anxiety which usually accompanies depression, its the depression part that is virtually impossible to control, medication does help but various events can trigger a depression spiral anyway. Tbh Robyn, I’m not sure there is a better answer than the one you’ve already offered, “As a veteran we had to learn to push thru those fears and anxieties.  We didn’t have much choice.

          I’m on proper medication so its never going to be any better than this, eventually I’ll just have to step out the door and hope it doesn’t cost me too much if it goes bad, while simultaneously hoping that it goes well which could vastly enrich my day to day life. I suppose in the end  this is just my cross to bear, which I guess is no worse than someone fearing the walk because it could cost them their job.

          3 users thanked author for this post.
          • #414194
            Bridgette VonSmirff
            Lady
            Registered On: October 18, 2020
            Topics: 13
            Replies: 221
            Has thanked: 4323 times
            Been thanked: 1019 times

            I do have some experience of and with depression. What I can tell you about the chances of going out is take little steps like many here have said at different times. Take a short walk, do it at times when there are few about if it makes you feel safer. Go out in the car for a drive, do it at night nobody will notice. If you feel up to it, go through the drive thru. Little things that will help you feel safer going out there. And come back here and talk about it, share your feelings about it. You’ll feel braver with a little time and a few little trips. The fear of what might happen gets smaller with these little successes. Hope that helps.

            4 users thanked author for this post.
          • #414198
            Cindy Lou
            Baroness - Annual
            Registered On: November 18, 2020
            Topics: 10
            Replies: 427
            Has thanked: 1833 times
            Been thanked: 1980 times

            Thank you, Bridgette, I will certainly keep it safe. For me though its not so much the fear of what might happen but the fear of how my brain will respond if something does. Ultimately I’ll just have to go for it and hope for the best.

            3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413759
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
      Topics: 50
      Replies: 1429
      Has thanked: 6653 times
      Been thanked: 7923 times

      Hi  Ms Leather Jacket

      I get out quite a bit, and it does cross my mind sometimes….if a guy came on to me in the street….who would be more surprised….

      be warned….this cute girl bites!!

      Imagine his embarrassment, when he wakes up in hospital.!!!

      a policeman taking his statement..” what’s the last thing you remember sir”…

       

      mmm well, err , but, so, I was insulting this blonde and…..it all went dark !!!!

      Smiles, grace💋💋

    • #413633
      Amanda Burton
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 853
      Has thanked: 6700 times
      Been thanked: 3248 times

      Or just have a pig roast.  ( hey, I like pork )

      Stevie

      I thought it was going to be about bourbon Chocolate biscuits, till I put my glasses on Auntie.

      Pork and apple sauce, yummy

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413632
      Patty Phose
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 1507
      Has thanked: 1100 times
      Been thanked: 3882 times

      One of my major concerns when going out into the real world as Patty was encountering someone I might have to fend off. Fortunately that never happened.There has been a few times I’ve been followed and one time by a guy in his truck. I figured at some point he would just drive off but he didn’t.

      I finally decided to make a stand against him at a Police Precient. I drove into the parking lot. He didn’t follow me in and finally drove off. Other than that, pretty much all my outings have ranged from total non event to very exciting and thrilling.

    • #413631
      Lee Ann Rakers
      Lady
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 525
      Has thanked: 813 times
      Been thanked: 1703 times

      Bourbon? What kind?

      I like Buffalo Trace and Elijah Craig.

      Lee Ann

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #413750
        Philma Bierstein
        Duchess
        Registered On: May 28, 2020
        Topics: 48
        Replies: 168
        Has thanked: 1517 times
        Been thanked: 1016 times

        Tonight was Makers Mark.  I like most bourbons, but fancy the wheated types a bit more.  I also like them hot (like me!), and neat (also like me!).

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413622
      Amanda Burton
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 853
      Has thanked: 6700 times
      Been thanked: 3248 times

      You can’t educate pork Philoma, sometimes you just have to walk away.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #413564
      Robyn Devine
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 24, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 516
      Has thanked: 1617 times
      Been thanked: 2228 times

      LOVE IT!!  ❤️😁

      Thats actually true.  A lot of people don’t mind.  Especially if your simply going about your business.  Most of us love and want peace.  Not to mention those 3 or 4 inch heels can make for some serious pain if you use them right!  👠

      EXACTLY!!  Life is far too short!

      Robyn 🤗💋

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
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