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Hi. I’m Sandra and I was born and have lived my whole life in London, UK.
I only found out about Crossdresser Heaven a couple of hours ago when doing a Google search. My wife had suggested last night that I look for a group to join and glad I followed her advice. Things have moved on since I joined the Beaumont Society over 40 years ago (I let my membership lapse after a few years). CDH seems like a welcoming community and am looking forward to being a member.
As I said on my Profile page, I’ve had intense desires to put on female clothing since I was about 3 or 4 years old. It started with stockings and I asked my mother to give me a pair of hers! She gave me a pair (luckily my dad and older brothers were out) and I have a memory of her anxiously looking on as I tried them on and then looking relieved when I expressed my disappointment and gave them back to her. Of course, they were far too big.
Then when I was about 14, I had the place to myself for a few hours, and I tried some of my mother’s discarded stockings (kept for cleaning mirrors) and the thrill was amazing.
Over the following 6 or 7 years, I went through the familiar cycle of obtaining items, feeling guilty and ashamed, disposing of the items, then … you know the rest. As I got into my 20s, I started to get more of a range of items until I was dressing fully in my mid-20s (around 1980).
And now I’m approaching 68, I’ve been dressing fully for a long while but with fewer opportunities to do so since I got together with my wife nearly 35 years ago.
At the start of our relationship, she was shocked when I told her that I was a transvestite. She then tolerated it and after a few years has been more accepting. She has never seen me dressed, either in reality or in photos, and has always made it clear that she doesn’t want to. However, she is generally supportive. For example, when I came home with a vintage dress that I’d bought from a charity shop, she immediately observed that the neckline was too high. She was right. She then altered it. She’s also done other repairs and alterations for me.
I have only rarely gone out dressed. A couple of times in my 20s when a TV friend took me to Hyde Park in London. That was great. Then another three times over the last 18 months when going to a makeover service in London. Again, this was lovely. And wonderful to have photos from these outings when I felt like my feminine self and felt excited and relaxed simultaneously!
Then I did what I thought I’d never do. Having gained some confidence from Cindy at the makeover service and a new, lighter-shade wig on her advice, I went out alone from my own front door a couple of times in the last couple of months. The first time I only meant to walk around the block but I didn’t feel the terror that I had anticipated. With the winter-cold breeze caressing my stockinged legs, I carried on walking to the high street then went to Dalston Superstore (not realising that Wednesday is their Trans Night) and ordered a drink. I couldn’t find a place to sit or even locate myself. I was immediately rescued by a young TG called Samantha who effusively said “You look wonderful! Would you like to sit with us?”. I sat with her friend, Arthur, and a crossdresser called Amanda. So I had a lovely couple of hours with them.
From the point when I stepped out of my front door through to walking back before my wife got home from her evening out with friends, I had a wonderful feeling of liberation and that I was fully inhabiting my female self. And my female self was being welcomed and accepted.
My second evening out was also fantastic. By coincidence, Amanda was there again at Dalston Superstore and after a drink, she suggested we go up the road to meet her gay friends, Sarah and Keaton, at a Latin American tapas bar called Tipsy. Another lovely evening – I felt so happy. I was Sandra!
Sadly, my wife was disturbed on both occasions that I had gone out from our house – what if friends in our street, for example, had seen me? Good question! Not sure how I would have played it.
Anyway, great to be here. Best wishes to you all.
Sandra x
Hi Sandra nice to meet you and so happy you found and joined us girls here so get settled in relax and enjoy yourself here.. You know as a new sister and family member you are welcomed with open arms into our home as well as yours now also.. Girlfriend there is a wealth of knowledge here to access and learn from so look around and please ask many questions of these wonderful ladies here giving advice and telling stories about there journeys down the femme road they are on .. When you get comfortable with us please join in with a story or two about the life and times of Sandra as she travels down her own girly road in life.. Now girlfriend as for making friends here there are so many ladies here from all over the world like you but im across the pond from you in Montana USA.. Just a few miles away he he .. You can build long lasting friendships with us all and best of all we are just a simple click away from you .. Sorry for your wifes reluctance to support Sandra such fun as having a girlfriend to shop with and go out to dinner along with as well as a dressup night to get pretty.. Many ladies here are in same boat as you are then many as myself have very supportive wifes Who shops and enjoys the girly time we spend together..Once again Sandra nice to meet you and hope to see you around for a chat sometime ..
Stephanie Bass
Hi Stephanie
Thanks for your warm welcome to CDH.
Yes, it’s sad that my wife has absolutely no desire to share my life as Sandra, but as I’ve just said in my reply to Rozalyn, I’m lucky that she knows and accepts that I am a crossdresser and has helped out in several ways over the years – but always ensuring that she never sees me dressed.
Looks like there might be CD / TV conferences in USA – is that right? If so, I’d love to know what they’re like and would hope to eventually attend.
Love,
Sandra x
Hi again Sandra yes girl there are many thru out the year here as one just past in late march in PA that i attended with wife in hand for the second year .. Keep looking around as others coming in differant areas around the US im sure other girls can help there with dates and places as i would have to find them and let you know girl its a blast to go for a week and be Stephanie with my wonderful wife and have fun with other CDH ladies there going out on the town for dinner so much fun let me know if you dont get dates and places and will find out for you ..
Hugs girlfriend
Stephanie
Hi Sandra welcome to CDH it’s nice to meet you we are like one big happy family on here so don’t be shy come on in and join the family, I’m a mature crossdresser too I’ve been dressing most of my life since i was about 8 or 9 years old when i tried my older sister’s lingerie on I’m still in the closet to my wife, I’m a UK girl too I’m up in Shropshire, thanks for sharing your story with us it must be nice to be able to dress and see friends and go out to different places with them, I’ve only ever been out En Femme in the car and that was late at night and when my wife was away on holiday, I’m hoping that sometime this year i might be able to get a professional makeover and photo shoot that’s if my wife does go away on holiday, X 🎀
Hugs Rozalyn X 💋
Hi Rozalyn
Thanks for your message.
Yes, it’s tough when you have to wait for your wife to be (reliably) out or on holiday to become your femme self fully. It’s very much like that for me too. My wife rarely goes out for a whole evening without me – and when her rare planned evenings out are cancelled, it’s a crushing disappointment for me. And as for holidays – never without me.
Still, I’m grateful that she accepts that I am a crossdresser and supports my arrangements when I go for a makeover or, as on one occasion recently, a waxing. She also gives me accessories that she no longer wants like handbags and scarves, and even some M&S knickers that she didn’t want once they arrived.
Love, Sandra x
Hi Sandra nice to meet you and so glad you found CDH. I’m UK based too, I live in Kent and am in my mid 60s. Its great that your wife knows you dress, even though it can be a bit difficult. Sadly mine can never know as she definitely would not approve or support me.
This is such a great site with some amazing and supportive people.
Happy to chat any time.
Love
Helen x
Oh Helen, sorry that your wife can never know. I imagine that you might feel lonely as your female self? I do, even though my wife does know and is supportive in practical ways. However, those two evenings out recently were amazing for me. I suddenly felt I, Sandra, was in the right place. Sad when each evening came to an end though, but I know how very lucky I am.
With best wishes and thanks for your message of welcome.
Love, Sandra x
Thanks Sandra. I guess I’ve been dressing in secret for so long now it never occurred to me that I might be lonely! To be honest now my wife is also retired I have to tke any chances I get to dress, which sadly can be few and dar between, a bit like you.
But for the very first time I’m going to meet a friend I met on here this week for a walk and a coffee. Very exciting but also very scared and nervous!
Much love
Helen xx
I hope your meeting for coffee goes well.
Sorry, I was probably projecting when I said that bit about feeling lonely. Generally, I don’t feel at all lonely, but my female self does feel lonely. When fully dressed and made-up, I want to be out and about and interacting with people as Sandra. So being locked away in a room, albeit with my beloved mirrors, feels more and more like I’m hidden away. I love being with people both as my male and my female self.
And yes, as my wife and I are both retired, it certainly means that I have far fewer opportunities to dress and that gets very frustrating.
Lots of love and enjoy the walk, coffee and company. I hope your nerves and fears subside so that you can fully be in the moment.
Lots of love
Sandra xx
Thanks Sandra. It’s a tough life sometimes isn’t it! I’m just grateful for the few hours I get to be Helen when I get the chance.
To be honest I am mildy envious of the girls who are brave enough to be out and about dressed all the time. I know that can never be me, but at least Im taking a very tentative first step on Friday.
Much love
Helen xx
Welcome Sandra. perhaps your wife will come round in the end. I am sure her concerns are not only for you but her as well as it is quite a hill to climb for her acceptance. Obviously if some neighbour does see this ‘other’ woman and asks questions it would be difficult. However you are getting out and already made friends which is lovely. It has taken you years to get to this point and in retirement you have to have a ‘hobby’ , a lot of partners aren’t too keen as to the choices and extent it is taken but usually come around.
Hello Sandra … welcome to CDH from another new UK member … your story is fascinating … I hope your wife will continue her support and I can understand her concerns … you have taken some very big steps in the last 18 months …
Adrienne xx.Thanks Adrienne for your kind message.
Yes, I suppose they are very big steps. A few years ago, I never imagined I’d go for a makeover, let alone go out dressed and certainly not alone from my own front door!
When in my 20s, I accepted and felt pleased that I wouldn’t grow out of being a crossdresser, but I thought it would become less of a compulsion as I grew older. Well, it’s just as intense if not more so AND my female side has become much more integrated with my whole being. To put it in building-block terms, it started out as sexual, then became sexual and sensual and in recent years it’s become sexual, sensual and spiritual. And all along, it feels like my male and female genders have become more melded.
Have just looked at your profile and seems like you in a very similar position to me in some ways.
Love
Sandra xx
Hello Sandra,
Welcome to our CrossDresser Heaven (CDH) site. So glad you have joined us here. Feel free to explore all that our site has to offer.
The Warmth, Compassion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
Please do make use of the forums and articles or public chat room and friendships offered here on CrossDresser Heaven.
At any Membership level, You can contact any of us via Private Message (PM). You can find that link on each member’s Wall under their Profile picture.
Also, you may find what you need from: The Help Center or our Ambassadors by using the links in the Top R/H Drop Down 3 bar Menu.
Here is a good link to review the membership levels and the privledges for each. Such as Private Chat (PC), Groups, Additional Photo Allowance, etc.
****** https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/membership-account/membership-levels/
Sandra Much of what you have said in whole or in part has similarities in many of our girls here. Meet with many of our ladies who are very much like yourself enjoying their feminine side here at a place with no judgments and very supportive atmosphere. Reading the forums here one realizes how offern we see ourselves traveling through similar situations and always discovering new journeys experience from others that possibility could lead us down those same paths. Meet with our gals and know we’re common in many ways. Dressing for me is so important in my self esteem and being here at Cdh help achieve it. What our appearances may show in our mirrors shouldn’t reflect what’s found deep into our hearts. We only live once so grasp what’s important to one’s self. Through my time here I’ve made wonderful friendships so enjoy your stay here and be true in who you are at a place that is supportive to all. Its very nice meeting you. Welcome..
Stephanie 🌹
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