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Wow you girls are going to get sick of me. I’m sorry but I just have so many questions.
Do all crossdressers end up adopting a female name and persona when dressed up?
How early in were you when you picked your female name?
Is your female persona drastically different from your male persona?
Thank you for you patience with me 💕
Hello Stephanie.
No, not all crossdressers end up adopting a female name and persona when dressed up. I never even thought about using a female name for myself… until I found the internet and in particular a chat room where I was able to interact with others. So while it is not needed, it is likely that somebody who gets online and uses any way or form of social media will end up using a femme name.
For me, as indicated before, it was only when I got online. Which was some 20+ years ago.
Personally, I don’t have a different male/female persona. It is all one and the same. However, when presenting as a woman I do certainly change the way I behave (walk, talk, move) but not the way I think or the decisions I make. It is only the same ‘ol me, but looking a lot better. 🙂
Gaby
Hello Stephanie,
My femme side only recently blossomed (for lack of a better word), so my wife and I are experiencing much the same as you.
When dressing was strictly a private thing, I was just “me”; no girl name. An identity was needed when I began to interact with others, and my male identity just didn’t fit the situation, so I adopted Bettylou. As Bettylou, I’m more patient and much more sociable than my male side – which I consider a good thing – but the two personas are the same; my femme persona is just more open to others. My feminine side (as my wife calls it) is something which was always within me, but was kept suppressed until something (not sure what) exposed it. Now that it’s out, my wife and I are both learning to accept it and to live with it. It’s not without problems, but I find that in some ways, it brings us closer together as I experience life from a feminine perspective.
BettylouHi Stephanie
For me the name only materialised when I joined CDH. Everybody else had one and it seemed like a bit of fun🤣
It is a perfect way for me to describe this part of me, which I now realise I had been stifling for a long time. A softer more feminine side for me to explore and let bloom, and express more openly, especially on this site. I use terms like ‘the Bianca in me’, ‘Bianca time’, this feminine side of me has taken name and become a part of me which I feel makes the whole ‘me’ so much more (if that makes sense).
I guess it also helps guarantee anonimity, and allow us to express ourselves freely on this site without worrying about those we may not wish to know from finding out.
love
B
Hi Stephanie, great question.
When I first started I did not have a femme name. And I was without a femme name for quite a long time. My mom always used to tell me that I should have been born a girl. About a year before she passed away four years ago, I asked her if I had been born a girl, what name would she have given me. Without blinking mom told me “Krista”. I immediately loved it and used it ever since. At one time when I was much younger, there was quite a difference between my male & female persona. Lots of testosterone in male mode (quick temper, stressed, aggressive driver, etc), and quite the opposite in femme mode. But over the years, the femme side had a very positive impact on the male side, and I’ve grown to be much more balanced in either mode. Stress levels have really come down, much less aggressive as a driver. But maybe it is because, now that I’m retired, I am in femme mode most of the time. And so much happier. Hugs, Krista.
Hi Krista,
I found out something recently about my parents and names. Krista, recently is two weeks ago. I was talking to my older brother and I asked him what my name would have been if I had been born a girl.
Now Krista, I was born in 1947 and parents did not know the sex of the baby until birth. Okay, they had my name picked out for me. They did not have a girl’s name picked out. They KNEW I was going to be a boy! I was speechless.
I like Jessica.Just plain Jessica
When I first began dressing in public and for parties, my name was Debbie Daniels. Then some girls began teasing me about how I always wore such nice pantyhose and had such nice legs. They began giving me name badges, calling me Panty Hose. Then on one name tag, the n was written small and it looked like Paty Hose. I liked that so I changed my name to Patty Hose. Then I added a P and became Patty Phose, kind of as a reference and abbreviation for pantyhose.
It was kind of a joke and often thought of changing it but never did.
I like when this topic comes up. Naming has never seemed important to me because I like to see myself as the same person all the time. I think it could only make me a better man and in an ideal world I would be able to wear whatever and look however without any risks. Some people call that « nonbinary, » but I just see it as « fair and reasonable. »
That being said, I have not dressed in ages. When I joined here I initially opted for a drag name and then settled for something more reasonable for the sake of discourse with the other ladies. However, when I do get the chance to dress in public again I am likely to opt for the simpler Dara just to not have to explain so much like the pronunciation of my current name or the complexities of using my male name.
I don’t feel any real attachment to my male name, if I had the choice I would have shown something else, but in terms of my dressing I see myself as « Chris in a dress » more than Apoife/Dara, the woman inside, yet there are reasons to adopt the latter.
Hi Stephanie,
When I joined CDH I felt I had to pick a female name. I liked the idea. There was a young lady at Starbucks whose name was Jess. I asked her if her name was Jessica. She said yes, but she went by Jess. I told her that Jess was very cool.
So when I joined CDH I picked Jessica, and, of course, went by Jess. One of our sisters said Jessica was a better fit for me, so I’m Jessica.Just Jessica
Stephanie,
no worries about asking questions, I am glad you are as it shows that you are a caring wife that is trying to understand our need/desire to dress up. For me I did not really use a female name until the past few years. We all are a bit different, but having a female name helps with the illusion of our female persona.
Question, is it hard for you to call him by a female name? Could you use the female pronouns instead? I know for me, when I am fully dressed, having a complete package so to speak makes it better if that makes sense.
I am completely different when I dress Stephanie. I get to abandon my male persona if only for a brief time. It is such an amazing and beautiful rush for me to be Gigi. My wife chose my name for me the first time we dressed Gigi. She chose the first initial of each of my first and last name. P.S. We would never get sick of you. You can never learn without asking my dear.
Ask away Stephanie
I had only been dressing and aware of my femme side for about two years before finding CDH and because I didn’t interact with anybody before that hadn’t chosen a name. I chose it from a strong yet attractive role model.
As I generally see myself as two portions of the same being my mindset about things remains constant but I will say that because I feel better about myself, I exhibit less inhabitions in my actions (social interaction, dancing, etc.) when presenting as Olivia. My gf has no problems calling me by either.
Hi Stephanie,
I justed changed my femmen name from Sabrina to Dana. I needed a name in the beginning to express this overwhelming need to be femme. Now that I am 100%aware and accepting of me I needed a name to resemble that change. Dane to Dana. My female persona according to my wife is just more girly in my outward mannerisms. As far as personality I’m just me. Remember it’s not a split personality its love of everything femme. Over time his new femme side and male side will find balance.
Dana
❤️💋
Stephanie, hi.
I just had to put some thoughts down for you.
I am Sian. It isn’t the name my parents gave me but it is my name. It is the name I live my life with and my friends use to attract my attention. The thing is that Sian, the name, better reflects my personality, moods, feelings, thoughts, all the things that make Sian, the person, real. The rugby playing infantry soldier that I once was was never the real me. I know that now, I accepted that many years ago. He ‘died’ and I was in his place.
So it isn’t a case of adopting a feminine name when I am being feminine. I am the person I am. I identify as gender fluid. I cannot separate the parts of me so I embrace all of me all the time. It has cost me a marriage and some rejection but it has meant that I don’t use meds any more. I have also found some good caring people in my life.
I can’t even say that I would have transitioned had I been younger because what would I transition to. I am not a woman in a male body, I am not a man in a man’s body. I am not gender free, I am multi gendered.
Has any of that been any help to you? Your spouse may well be struggling as much as I did, and you will also be dealing with confusion and disappointment. I can’t tell you how to deal with that but i hope I have shone a light.
Bless you both. Kindest thoughts
Sian x
I’m into my 3rd year with Stephanie as my fem name and really knew this to be the most logical name. Basically started back in my teens where I enjoyed having long hair as it was the styles back in the 70’s. My mother really didn’t mind providing it was always clean , combed and never in my eyes. But like most young boys when ever I got into trouble around the house she would scold me by calling me as Stephanie and would say, ” if I had a daughter she would never do these things why do you”? . That kinda stuck in my head well forever really. Than meeting my wife a learning that her middle name you guessed it Stephanie and well my boy name is St..e so for what I saw all points were showing Stephanie maybe the best choice. But would seal the deal was after revealing my desires for women’s clothing when thinking of a fem name she suggested Stephanie so after all that Stephanie became who I am. As for flowers well I love flowers and do have many flower beds and many rose gardens so all seam fitting.
Besides It’s a name I know has always been part of me but only now see her as all who I am today…
Stephanie Flowers 🌷
My sister and her friend who first help dress me as a girl when I was 5 just added an ‘a’ to my boy name that day, and it stuck in my mind. I have been Paula now for most of 55 years. I did use Wendy for a year or so in my 20’s, being a favorite of mine, but could just never get used to it, so II went back to who I grew up as.
PaulaF
My sister and her friend who first help dress me as a girl when I was 5 just added an ‘a’ to my boy name that day, and it stuck in my mind. I have been Paula now for most of 55 years. I did use Wendy for a year or so in my 20’s, being a favorite of mine, but could just never get used to it, so II went back to who I grew up as.
I do try to keep the maleness in me in check, and I am very different from him. My male side does keep me fed and clothed and can be quite intimidating when angered by people who just don’t know better. I do keep that part of me under control as much as I can by underdressing and presenting as Paula as much as possible.
PaulaF
I actually picked mine when I joined here. But I learned years ago to pick an alias to pick a similar sounding name to your own especially the first syllable. So I liked the name Bethany. So I picked it. Theres not to much good feminization of my name. My last name works well as a girls name but I dated a girl for a couple years with the same name so I picked my mother’s maiden name so I’m Bethany Delaney. And I think of myself as Bethany most of the time anymore
Stephanie,please ask all your questions here ,after all,if you dont ask your questions,how will you find your answers.I picked the name Michelle many years ago because ,to me,Michelle says femininity and being a lady.My male half can and does have to be much more authoritarian in his demeanor at work with peoples immediate future on the line.My male side does also have an easier side at times when understanding is needed.My female side is less aggressive ,at times,behind the wheel,although Michelle does love a good speed run.Michelle can spend MUCH more time shopping for ladies clothes than my male side.Stephanie,there is a difference in our female and male sides but we are all in one.Not complicated,just different.Enjoy the femininity,its beautiful.
Hi Stephanie I’ve had my femm name for quite a while now ever since i started dressing properly in the last 10 to 12 years, i started dressing up when i was young but gave it up for a long time but it never really left me it never does it just goes to the back of your mind and reappears later in life, i just changed the last letter of my first name from a Y to a Z and then made it longer to Rozalyne, when I’m in femm mode as they say i seem to be a lot calmer person all my anger goes even when I’m driving i don’t speed or get angry with other drivers it’s just like I’ve flicked a switch on and all my worries have disappeared, we only learn by asking questions so keep asking them and we will keep answering them for you xxxxx
I never really had a set name until a few years ago. When I was still ashamed of myself and scared of people finding out I crossdressed I would just use a random name. As I became more comfortable with myself and realized it’s a part of me I can’t deny anymore I chose my name Erica Guy for two reasons 1. Because I have a female friend named Erica who is the most beautiful girl I know. 2. Being my name is Eric it was just a given play on words that I be Eric-A-Guy. LOL. My friend Erica is one of the few people that knows of my dressing and I asked what she thought of me using her name. She told me she loved the name and is happy to share it with me.
Hey Stephanie,
I chose my name when I was letting my inner girl to flourish. During those initial steps, I started playing The Sims 4 right after they decided to release features that made possible to create transgender characters. This prompted me to come up with a girl name and Daisy was born 🙂
xoxo
Daisy
i stole my femme name “Giselle” from a friend of my wife’s who was breastfeeding her baby when i first met her. She seemed the ideal example of a woman.
Hi Stephanie. No need to apologize, sweetie, we all had those questions at one time or another.
For me, I didn’t have a fem name until the late 1990’s. The name Rachel just popped into my head and I never felt the need to change it. Over the years, I’ve added to it. Also loved the name Karana from the book “Island Of The Blue Dolphins”, but too exotic for a first name for me. So I made it my middle name. Last name, I decided to use my male middle name and just add an S at the end.
I didn’t ‘choose’ a name until I was quite far along in my life as a cross-dresser, and I mostly originally did it so that I could write fictional stories with a female protagonist – the heroine’s journey. There has been a defined hero’s journey (by Joseph Campbell) for a long time, but only recently has the heroine’s journey been discussed. At that time, I was writing without knowing about it, but following pretty much the basic outline. And I was posting the stories in an appropriate online forum (sort of an RPG site based on the works of a popular author). I felt a male author would not be accepted as decently (btw, there was some sexism going on there). I left that forum after some years, and it has since been hacked and destroyed. I then joined another tg forum and took, like we do here, the name I now use. And I also have been using that name to write tg fictional stories which are posted on one of the popular sites, now for over 10 years.
I’m not sure how to answer that last question, as I am who I am, and that includes both parts of me and has for all of my remembered life. So, in some ways, my female persona is different than my male persona and in more ways is also the same.
The name I finally settled on didnt come until my mid 20s but I has always played with names but they never quite fit. Sammy was what I used for the longest time but it wasnt me. Charlie/Charley is me. Hence why I settled on Charlotte.
Preface: not sure if I’m adding to the thread or replying to the OP. Can’t find a help section to figure out the twiddly bits of posting here.
Ok my name, I’ve used several over the years and this is the most recent. I didn’t want a femimine version of my male name. I wanted something light, playful, feminine and alliterative. Something which rolls lightly off the lounge so to speak. My name is a play on a note I wrote to my wife a long time ago.
I had her close her eyes and hold her hands open, then I read;
“I hold these words like silver, and spill them, like stardust into the night, I love you, I love you, I love you.” When she opened her eyes I poured a handful of small metallic stars into her hands. She married me not long after that.
Oh and any information about posting here, please PM me I don’t wish to clutter up this thread.
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