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Hi girls
I notice that many here take different approaches to help deal with the inner side of cross dressing.
Some, like me, split their inner selves into female and male. I do this because it helps me look at myself more critically without getting involved in internal arguments like “I shouldn’t be doing this” vs “I feel a need to do this” and so on.
I used to find that kind of thing upsetting, and caused purges, rifts with my wife and so on – many of us have been there!
So splitting my inner self has been helpful – but I also think that a more simple balanced approach of “This is who I am” is possibly more relaxing and unifying.
So what do you gals think?
Which do you tend to adopt – and what pros (and cons if you like) can you see with either approach?
Do you have a different way to look after your inner self/selves?
Looking forward to your replies – make them as light or deep as you like!
Love
Laura
Oops – I manked up the poll a bit – please ignore the yes/no at the beginning of each option.
The only positive/negative connotations that are interesting are how you girls personally feel.
I’ll see if I can edit it on my PC later. The mobile version doesn’t seem to let me.
#blondemoment
Laura
My male persona and I have boundaries. He has his time of day and I have mine. As long as we respect those boundaries, neither of us will get hurt and we’ll be able to enjoy a long life together to the fullest. But we also have to be able to compromise when life gets unpredictable. In many ways it’s like a marriage.
Hello Laura!
This is quite the important question. I think that most of us grew up learning and thinking that the idea of a man wearing women’s clothes was wrong, sinful, perverted, etc. So it was only natural that we thought that we had to bury deep inside of us our thoughts, feelings and desires about it. Some going to the extreme of taking full macho jobs and hobbies so nobody would ever even think that they were “one of those”.
And many started thinking about that part of them as their femme side which they had to keep separated from their male side. For some it works with some success. Others end up becoming the alpha male, strong and assertive but also insensitive and rude and uncaring which turns into a delicate loving and friendly person at the contact of some silk lingerie. That can’t be healthy for them or those around them. Personally I found out that I don’t need to separate who I am just based on the clothes I happen to be wearing at the time. I’m just me. All of me regardless of how I may be presenting. True, there are changes in my behavior, voice, mannerisms, etc.
Having this balance has helped me a lot. I don’t need the clothes to escape from stress or anything else. But what works for me doesn’t have to work for others. When it comes to the human mind there is no such thing as “one size fits all”, and to each, his/her own.
Gaby 💜
Gaby, thank you, that’s a great answer.
It’s really great that you’ve combined your two sides into one – in a way, I see that as the ideal.
I have made the decision to go with split for now, because I really find it helpful to put feminine stuff I like and do into one box, and male stuff into another. As I’m only just “coming out”, there’s a lot of feminine stuff I have to learn.
I also use the feminine side to guide my male side, to stop me going over to the alpha – or encourage me, if it’s the right thing to do, backed by the right reasons.
I am certainly much happier since doing this, and also am making my wife happier – she has told me as much – so I am very curious to see what works (and why!) for other ladies.
Love
Laura.
I’m trying to avoid setting up “Donna” as an alter ego, as a way to avoid introducing the “other woman” aspect into my marriage, which I would like to keep, & strengthen. I may be naive as to the degree of help that may be, but it seems like the integrated approach.
Hi Donna
I don’t think that’s naive at all – seems entirely sensible.
There are 2 ways (possibly more) that the split helps me;
1. In my early years (at least 8), I would be relunctant to do “girl” things because I was not allowed to dress appropriately. Seems silly, but that’s a child’s mind at work. This extended into my teens, when I became reluctant to help around the house – in the 1970s, that was seen as woman’s work, and my father certainly never helped – he did man things like DIY, electrics and plumbing.
That’s the root I’m trying to pull up – and, as Laura, it works. I do far more housework than I’ve ever done.
By putting myself in female “mode”, or promising myself new underwear or shoes, I can do things like watch chick flicks and have face masks with my SO and daughter – things that daft teenage/childish hangover held me back from.
2. The happiness and confidence I feel as Laura is amazing, so I address my male self and tell him he can do things he thinks he can’t. Recently, I’ve been dressed for 3 short-term jobs (via telephone – I have yet to fully come out!) and got all of them with little effort – the difference really is that great.
It may not work for everyone – it’s not magic, but the results for me are so tangible that I’ll go with it – remembering that it’s essentially a fantasy.
I am fantasising about being a woman, but I am not one. Just a man who wants to feel like one from time to time!
Love
Laura
Hey Laura,
For me, it’s more of this is who I am. My masculine and feminine sides have the same likes, dislikes, opinions, and overall personality traits. I can’t really imagine being anything else than who I am. I feel like this also strengthens the relationship between my wife and I rather than weaken it. My wife is getting to see this other side of me and help me explore what it really is rather than having to meet some entirely new person.
Hugs!
Cate
hi laura. my answer is simple. fiona is nothing like her male psyche. two completely different entities with completely different outlooks. you have the male me, assertive, making decisions and acting responsibly then you have fiona who is sweet, kind but also relatively immature and stubborn sometimes. currently, the male me is dominant because of stresses going on at home. when things quieten a little then fiona will come through because I will feel at ease. when I am stressed I find it hard to relax and pursue my female side of me easily, if that sounds correct, it is kinda like a split personality, which me as a man has full control over. fiona is my way of trying to relieve the boredom of being an adult male and, I suppose, the responsibilities associated with it.
fiona xxx
As one of the more “mature” people on this site, I’ve had a little more experience on this subject.
Male me has thus far had a pretty good life, successful career, mostly good family life and a happy and productive retirement. In later life, he has found a wonderful soul mate, who sadly disapproves of Caty and will have “nowt” to do with her. But in all other aspects, she is just wonderful, so his female alter ego stays in the background until Caty gets the chance to emerge. (As in right now and it feels just plain wonderful!)
Tho having said that, he “underdresses” almost 24/7, ie whenever he can get away with it.
Caty has learned over the years that she is an integral part of who I am and once that realization came to pass, she has ended up with everything a normal female would have in her life. Clothes, shoes, make up, jewellery, “hair” etc etc.
Her confidence in going out in public has really come on in the last five years or so and she enjoys the limited occasions when this can occur.
Personality wise there’s not a lot of difference.Outgoing, friendly, both he and she have been told they are thoughtful. Assertive, yes, too many years running my own business for that to fade away…
Thus “on balance”, colour me happy in both personas!!
Caty
Hello Laura,
I find myself acting or behaving more femme, particularly when I’m alone of course. The way I walk and my gestures, etc. When I’m around my SO I am just “me”, although when we were out in the big city this weekend I was a bit more on the femme side at times.
I am leaning more towards that femme side of me creeping out a bit more. I’m sure people who know me will notice this, in particular my SO. From a physical standpoint, I shave and am smooth almost always now, in just about all areas, but this even has an effect on my inner/outer behaviors.
Tough choice to make, or not. I guess just being comfortable with “me” is okay, but that “me” could be something different than who you are or have been most of your life.
Do what feels right and good!
R
Hi Laura, it is an interesting question that you raise. I’m still trying to figure all this kind of stuff out. I’ve had a long struggle with depression and poor self image, and actually figuring out who I am and what I really want is something I struggle with.
Hugs, Rachel.
Hi Rachel, having battled with depression myself, I really feel for you, girl.
For me, a recent and significant victory was scored in tangible terms by accepting who I am wholeheartedly, flaws and all, signing up here and uploading a lot of my feelings and thoughts, and acting on them.
My wife is clearer on why I like to dress but is yet to fully accept – but that’s OK, as it’s taken me until now, so I don’t expect her to come to terms with it overnight.
That, to me, was a significant milestone.
I think Rebbeka nailed it when she said “Do whatever feels right and good”
But I really love all the replies from all the ladies so far – they give lovely angles and terrific perspective on an issue that’s been in my mind for a long time.
Love
Laura
I’m me. I have been since my teens when I saw that there is more to life than two small boxes marked “male” and “female”. I never tried to hide my feminine side with macho activities or behaviour. If people saw me as a tad weird or eccentric then so be it. As such now my outer shell is either to do what is necessary and/or to avoid confrontation (male), or to suit myself (female). I guess I am androgynous inside (with a desire to look ‘pretty’ as I am biased towards femininity) and having done many gender tests over the years (eg. Sage, Cogiati) that seems to be backed up.
Jasmine, I love your reply!
I want to head towards that “no boxes” world, but at the moment I’m finding the split personalities approach both a useful tool, and one heck of a lot of fun.
A new female world to explore, and an old male one to spruce up!
Love
Laura
Nice question Laura, it kind of hits where I got to last night. OMG I almost went to bed in drab. I had been out the night playing in a pool league, very rough and macho. I did okay as I can jump into my guy side when and if I want to. So when I got home I was debating whether to go femme, the guy side was more in control at first, then after relaxing a bit the femme side came out and I switched over. Once I did, I thought “what was I thinking about?” femme is so much better.
I have purged several times. It seemed right at the time as I was fighting with myself as to who I was going to be. It didn’t work, and then I think about the pretty things I got rid of that I would love to have back.
I know lots of the girls love to go 24/7 and God Bless Them, it would be a neat thing, but I guess I am about 55-60 percent femme so it doesn’t work for me. It isn’t easy but in todays world I just have to go with two different lives. Other than the need to keep my friends separate, it is the cognitive dissonance gets to me. On the guy side I have a lot of friends who like me, but it wouldn’t be the same if they knew my other side. On the femme side, I just really love it. It is so much fun just being and I have some really nice and exciting friends . Unfortunately I have to keep my friends separate as it would be like mixing oil and water if they were together, and some of my straight guy friends may even be mean to them.
In the end it just comes down to “it is what it is”. The balance comes from my femme side that is gentler, I think about what it will do to those around me on both sides and just let it go and have as much fun as I can. I think of splitting as a necessary part of be able to be femme.
Laura, this is a great question and interesting topic to me as someone who presents his male self the majority of the time, but loves to bring out her female self when she can. I still feel like my masculine side is more dominant than my feminine side (maybe a 60/40 split), but Brianna is still there and can’t be denied. As I get older, I’m not sure if my feminine side is growing more dominant or if I’m just slowly getting more confident to express her and perhaps someday the 60/40 m/f ratio will flip?
Anyway, as I said, this is a great topic and I love hearing what all you ladies have to say about it.
Hugs,
-Brianna
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