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I’ve always enjoyed womans cloths as far as I can remember. But I had always kept it A secret. Fast forward Married 2 kids. The wife Always let me wear panties but I always wanted to be fully dressed. So one day I Did it and showed her… she was accepting in words but not anyway did i know how she actually Felt. Till we hit a rough patch then anouther then anouther. Till she found anouther shoulder to talk to. I tried to purge it all and say I was done but she left anyways. “Life goes on”. Better if I was up front about it in the beginning… I dunno
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I am so sorry to hear this Donna and I am also all too familiar with what you’re going through. I am actually in the process of divorcing my first and only wife of 18 years (although we were together for 22), who I once loved and adored. She also knows about my gender fluidity and seemed to be very accepting but I cant help think it played some role. It certainly wasn’t the primary reason though as our marriage became troubled for several reasons completely unrelated to my gender identity/sexuality.
I also have a preteen son who is the best part of my life so that makes things even more complicated.
I keep hearing that its going to be better on the other side but I’m still waiting for that payoff. This stuff is really difficult, painful, and stressful so I hope you have a strong support system that can love and help you through this. I am blessed to have close friends and some family that I have been leaning on. I also have a wonderful therapist that has been great. I honestly do not know how I would be getting through this without them. These forums can help but I do think in-person contact and support from people we love and trust is absolutely crucial to get through these difficult moments. Humans are social creatures and we rely on each other for lots of things including emotional support.
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Registered On: December 25, 2021Topics: 5Replies: 32Has thanked: 79 timesBeen thanked: 203 timesDonna, From what I’ve seen in the CD spectrum, when a wife says she’s supportive, chances are it’s just a trap. Many, like my ex wife felt obligated to at least give it a shot and play the supporting role. But in the end, most women want a masculine man. It’s natures design. When we do things unnatural, things happen unnaturally. Like divorce.
Remember, this is just life. And there’s nothing you can do about 80% of it.
In my case, CD is more of an addictive hobby. I do it. I enjoy it. But can be in man-mode in no time flat if need be.
My ex, when this started coming about. Was actually the instigator. She bought me clothes, helped me with learning my make up and just about every aspect of it. Everything was rockin and rollin along, fine and dandy. And by the time her support started to decline, I was already addicted. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to look and feel more feminine. So I developed this stupid mentality that “This was me, and BY GOD, she was just going to have to learn to live with it.” Ha, well that didn’t work out very well.
I ended up having to sell the house. Move in with family for a year. Then a friend for a year. And not be able to dress up at all.
If I had spent those same two years, not dressing up, I’d still have my house and probably my wife.
Obviously, there was more to our divorce than just the CDing. But, I think it was my attitude towards CDing, that kept the lines of conversation closed. Because that was the main topic of ever argument, towards the end.I think you made the right decision to purge the fem stuff. It shows you cared and were trying. Good for you.
On the flip side, I’m back in my own place now. My collection of fem stuff grows and grows. And I can do as I please now. Is the loneliness worth being able to CD? Sometimes. Sometimes not. But again, this is just life. It’s not supposed to be perfect.6 users thanked author for this post.
Hi Donna
I told my first wife early in our marriage, she didn’t understand or accepted me wanting to wear ladies underwear then clothes. It was subject that was never discussed and when I tried to talk to her she rapidly changed the subject, this was an underlying problem all the way through our 20 year marriage, and it was only when we went to marriage guidance it came as a big shock that she put the entire blame to the break down of our marriage to my crossdressing, nothing to do with the affair she had with a work colleague. As a result it ended up with a bitter divorce.
Fast forward several years and time trying not to dress, the urge came back so again took the gamble to be 100% honest with my new wife, so one day I told her about my feelings and desire to dress as a woman, what a difference, she is totally accepting and supportive of my time as Samantha and is fully relaxed when I am dressed in front of her.
I know I am a really lucky lady and not everyone on here is in the same position however personally I think you done the right thing in telling her, if it wasn’t the dressing she would have found another reason to find a someone else’s shoulder to cry on.
Be happy and take care.
Samantha x
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Donna,
I told my ex-wife 10 years into our marriage that I was a crossdresser, she freaked and it was one more problem with a marriage that was problematic. We divorced 5 years later.
When I started dating I promised myself that I would be open and honest about CD which I have been.
I’m sitting in my living room wearing lipstick and a nighty looking at my pink painted toes. My current wife is upstairs. I was honest at the beginning and so was she. I love being Caroline and my wife loves Caroline. What a blessing!!
Hang in there
Caroline
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Registered On: September 29, 2019Topics: 49Replies: 853Has thanked: 2044 timesBeen thanked: 4088 timesGood thoughts from everyone here. Feel so bad for you Donna. I know when I got my divorce it felt like a piece of my very soul is ripped out also. I am reminded of a lot of this dayly as we still live in the same house, she upstairs and me downstairs.
If yu need to talk we will all be here to listen and care as best we can.
. . ..Cassie4 users thanked author for this post.
Thank you ladys
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Registered On: November 30, 2019Topics: 22Replies: 3462Has thanked: 49749 timesBeen thanked: 12329 timesHi Donna nice meeting you and so sorry about your wife and divorce it will get better .. As these other ladies here also i feel for you all as everyone had a divorce to contend with i hate to say it but i didnot im not bragging except to say it was a right choice for us met my wife dated for 6 months and was married that was 38 years ago came out to her just after marrige it will work girlfriends good luck and big hugs from ..
Stephanie Bass
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Registered On: November 5, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 543Has thanked: 2068 timesBeen thanked: 2544 timesHi Donna Ray, like the others here, I can understand a little of what you may be going through. My first marriage ended in divorce, although she never knew and I’m so thankful she didn’t as she would have used it mercilessly against me, probably even to today (52 years later!)
I’ve now been married 43 years, loving spouse, wonderful adult children and grandchildren, told my spouse very early in our marriage, but I keep my explorations to a minimum.
Hopefully if you do find another, you both may be able to work out an understanding. Or you can use this time as a chance to explore a little more of what you are and what you want for your future.
Hugs, ChloeC
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Registered On: July 14, 2019Topics: 50Replies: 1236Has thanked: 21441 timesBeen thanked: 3750 timesHi Donna,
Sorry to hear about your situation.
Life does go on. It is a big adjustment. I have one failed marriage myself but being CD had nothing to do with it. My ex will always be in my life at least a little since we share 2 children and 4 grandchildren. I am usually hoping she is abducted by aliens and taken to another galaxy to be put in an alien zoo.
Just concentrate on being a good parent to your children. Keep putting one foot in front of the other until the pain subsides. Be sure to reach out to us girls here when ever you need it.
Hugs,
Autumn
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Registered On: October 18, 2020Topics: 49Replies: 1378Has thanked: 19862 timesBeen thanked: 5703 timesI’m sorry it turned out that way, I know that had to hurt. My first marriage failed also, but had nothing to do with being trans. You will get past this, though it’ll take some time. And we’re all here for you! It can help having people who will listen, even if you can’t see them in person.
Bridgette
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Registered On: January 3, 2018Topics: 25Replies: 357Has thanked: 482 timesBeen thanked: 1406 timesI’m so sorry to hear about your marriage. As someone with two failed marriages under my belt, I know how painful and difficult it can be. But, I also know that life does indeed go on and, for some of us, greatly improves once single. Keep your chin up and focus on you! The best part of being single is being able to consider your needs first!
Hugs,
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