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Im Izzy my first day here with you all, from the bits I’ve read I think I will have found a nice place.
My story is possibly like many, a few weeks ago I hit my 59th birthday and wondered where my life has been and where it is going. I cannot really remember a time that I havent felt feminine (well except the many times I have forced the real me into the depths of my mind. Another one of the contradictions my life has been full of lol). Since being young I have when possible worn clothes that are the ones I wanted to wear, fortunately growing up I had two elder sisters so this always gave me a choice of what to wear, but only when I knew it was safe to do so. Those words “safe to do so” have been a big part of my life.
As I got older I fell into one relationship after another trying to be the male I was supposed to be all of them failing as I could not keep the pretense up, and no I never told any of them who I really am. I was never happy, yes I could laugh but not really happy. I did meet my wife and as we grew to know each other and fell in love with her I thought she would understand and be supportive so I told her about me, it did not go down well. I most likely didn’t handle the situation right didn’t explain well enough. So I went back to hiding, when she got a job working weekends it was great I had time to be me. In the end as all the others the marriage failed.
I have lived on my own now for a few years and felt more at peace with myself. Then on my birthday I realised I am still not happy, yes I am alive behind the closed doors of my flat but I have never gone out as myself, never told anyone about myself, never had friends who would still be my friends when I opened to them. I live in a small town and regretfully have to say the majority of people are staunch fast in their opinions of anyone who is and I write this as they say it “not normal” should be made a joke of, not excepted or allowed to make friends.
So I decided it was time to move forward as Izzy hence joining this group, I have so much to learn, so many questions to ask (hopefully not to many that will drive people up the wall), need the support of nice people I dont want to be alone anymore, not in the I want to live with someone sense more the I want friends who like me for who I am and I like them sense. I will be honest I am scared of the future but know somehow I have to face that to try and find happiness.
It has been nice reading some of the forums I believe I will be at home here
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