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First time out – out
I had a week to prepare.
Nerves were in well abundance.
My partners did a wonderful job getting me ready – everything from wardrobe to make-up to talking things through. The day before “the big night” I went and got my eyebrows sculpted (waxed) so that they didn’t look as masculine. It was the first time I had admitted to someone other than my partners that I was a crossdresser. The nerves bundled tightly but thankfully we did our research to find a trans/CD-friendly salon who not only did a great job – but her reassurance was beyond anything I could hope for. She was genuinely happy and excited for my first big outing and I was so happy with the outcome.
I had to work a bit before I could start getting ready, so things got rushed in the small amount of time I had. Everything from using a hair removal product for my arms and chest – to painting my nails and skin prep. Ugh! Lesson learned: ensure you have plenty of time to do all that you need to do because you will be late!
After I got all dolled up. My face freshly made up – I kissed my partner lightly – took a couple flattering selfies of us together and I was off with my other partner to the big night. There was a local community support meeting before a drag show later in the evening. Butterflies – were well represented. (Eep!)
We arrived early and before anyone showed up. It was a good thing because we could sit and chat a bit – easing those butterflies a bit – then cars started to arrive. (Eep! Lump in throat)
The one good thing about coming out in winter time is the fact that it gets darker earlier – thus I could remain in pretty good incognito while in transit to the location. Now getting out of the car would be a different matter …
Stepping out into the cold night’s air – my black shiny leggings reminded me that they were the only layer of protection I had. My cute mary jane shoes and trouser socks donned my feet. The steady line of folks started to make their way inside. My stylish green top was accentuated by my breasts – which was an entirely new experience for me having a successfully passable bust line. I wrapped myself tightly in my jacket – partly out of embarrassment but mostly because I was cold! Partly because I was still getting used to the idea of letting Belle completely out.
I had a couple of friends who were in attendance so it was good to have some familiar faces there. In all, it was a larger than usual group which they were all excited about. We all went around the table to introduce ourselves and for the first time ever – I openly acknowledged Belle in the presence of people I didn’t know. As scary as that was, the group was incredibly welcoming and I felt at home. I felt accepted. I felt the affirmation and support of those around me – and it felt great! The group wasn’t just TG/CD folks but also their allies – friends, family, significant others that also benefited from the experience of coming and talking, discussing things through.
By the end of the meeting, I felt at peace. I felt a sense of belonging. It felt amazing!!
The meeting ran a little late. My partner and I touched up our make-up (squee!) as we then made our way to the drag show.
Walking half a block in the cold … dressed … feeling the weight of eyes – whether they were looking at me or not. My own insecurities were the thing holding me back for so long – and I had to face those demons head on.
… and I did.
Entering the venue, my breasts fully protruding, it was no mystery that I was crossdressing that night – because I still have my facial hair (for reasons that I can explain later) and I lacked a proper feminine wig. I was as close to be made up – even though I fully acknowledged being a dirty drag. I was good with that because I had to start somewhere.
As we settled with our friends from the meeting towards the stage of the venue – I got the courage to take my jacket off – proudly displaying my newly discovered bosom and most of all – not caring who saw, who was critical or who thought otherwise. The thing is: no one really cared – even though they may have done a glance or two to see exactly who I was and what was going on with the way I was dressed. It was liberating and terrifying at the same time. I felt at home though – being able to dress openly and outwardly – “loud and proud” as they say. With my bright green nails adorned by fishnet gloves – I was in heaven.
The show was absolutely amazing as I saw queens and kings fully decked out dancing and lip syncing to popular hip hop. The clothing changes were fabulous and their talent was incredible! I couldn’t help but dance in place with my partner and our friends – as the night just kept getting more awesome as it went on. I was flirted – and I flirted – as Belle – and it was beyond anything I can imagine!
After a long trek to bed – the entire experience, from make up to dress up to meeting and drag show was totally worth it.
Some lessons learned:
– If there’s a local group in your area – reach out to them. Even something an hour or so away can make a huge difference to taking those first few steps out there if you can.
– If you can reach out to someone – even just for coffee – then that can go a long ways for you to feel like you’re not alone. You’re not alone. We all thought the same thing before we find a friend or group that can make a difference.
– Always make sure you have enough time to get yourself prepared. Time will FLY.
– Be smart. Be aware. Don’t get caught up in the pink fog – where we start making bad choices and decisions that can have really bad results. Be smart, be heady. Know the area you’re going into and what steps you need to make to protect yourself. Keep in mind that there’s a lot of insecure, trans/CD-phobic folks out there that will prey on us because they think we’re weak. Be aware of your surroundings and the type of people around you.
– It’s okay to get looked at. It’s okay to be flirted on. But be smart. Be safe.I woke this morning positively aglow. I know I’m one of the lucky ones. I don’t take that for granted. Not everyone here can do what I did – and for that, I wish I could afford that opportunity to all the girls on here. You, we all deserve that – at least once if not more frequently than you may be able.
Don’t give up hope.
Yes, it seems impossible – but after locking Belle away for 40 years – the impossible seemed to happen.May it happen for you as well.
Fabulously told Belle , what a magic experience , hope there’s many more 🌹🌹 Tiff
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