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Have you came out at your workplace or still hiding in the shadows. Myself did come out about 2 months ago. Know the company work for the support the LGBTQ community. And have came out and support myself as well as about 20 other employees.
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I haven’t come out at work. The parent company supports the LGBTQ community but we were an acquisition in 2018 and the employees would not accept it. The one person I would confide in had a problem with pronouns (He, Him, She, Her, They). That would be the very least someone could do to show acceptance.
Seems like if the company accepts it and some decide to come out looks like the others can accept it or can find another job. Way I see it if don’t cause a safety factor for job duties all good.
Timely subject I think about often.
I plan to start HRT sometime this year. Obviously the changes will become noticeable at some point. When they do I’ll tell HR.
The culture at my work is pretty conservative. I expect I’ll lose the respect of most people I work with. They won’t want to work with me, and that will make my job very difficult.
Fortunately, I’m 2.5 years from retirement. And I’m not worried about losing my job. California law is on my side. But it could be a miserable 1-2 years once I’m out. I really hope I’m wrong about that.
Hello Donna….
I’m not out at work….we only have 8 staff and apart from the owners husband , we are all girls haha.
……I think a few of the staff may have some idea, but it’s never been pushed. I’m not sure the owners would go for it, they are quite old fashioned in their thinking. …..and I love my job so much, I couldn’t bear to cause friction….I’m sure it may come out eventually……I could even have a W.T.F. moment and reveal all……ooooeeer. …..it’s been close a few times before….lol…..but as I only work 6 hours a day, 5 days a week…Gracie gets all the rest!!!!!
Grace ❤️
Sadly no, the company I work for is really finicky and the store manager isn’t fond of LGBTQ individuals. Even if I would come out as a crossdresser, there’s a good chance I’d lose my job as the manager would schedule me less and less until I would either leave or be let go.
So since I need my job, I decided to just keep this part of myself hidden.Hi Donna, I’m out at work . I work for a major fast food restaurant in the UK so both companies policy and UK law protect me, not that I have any issues. There are multiple LGBTQ people at work and we’ve always been accepted. The manager, in fact most the management Aside from one,who treats me neutrally, have been amazing. I came out to her first at work she’s been so supportive.
Its odd I’m treated like one of the girls mentally, if that makes sense and asked to do jobs associated with men as I still have the physical strength and height.
Love Trisha
Hi Donna
I’m in uniform and only minimal make up allowed, so no real option in my daily routine.
I have put my name down for the Christmas night out for the first time in many years. Need some post Covid dance therapy. I am seriously thinking about it being time for Bianca to come out of the shadows, maybe, even just once.
❤️Bianca
Been retired now for 7 years, worked most of my life as a international truck driver, so always on my own so it wasn’t necessary to tell any one. But the company I worked for had 1 transgender and 1 cross dresser working for them , I used to talk to them and ask them about their lives but never ever mentioned I was a cross dresser also, perhaps I should have done, I live alone now and can dress whenever I like,
Yes. No. Maybe. I did tick no.
We own a little 100 acre farm. I’m often out an about femm doing bits and pieces. But – gotta wear protective clothing when welding, chainsawing, building etal. Same when I work off farm.
There are times i can work in a skirt at home. I love my painting skirt. (Denim skirt with paint stains.)
Hey Donna
The company I work for is very inclusive. We are often required to do online training sessions about understanding what it means to be inclusive in the workplace and how to accept diversity. However my Wife would never let me come out in the workplace and to be honest as much as I would like to be able to wear these wonderful clothes more often I do not think I am mentally ready for such a move.
I am not out at work. My boss mentioned to me the other day about the diversity training that he took, and how it included how to treat and recognize transgender individuals. One of my co-workers told me a about a Bi-gender freind and explained what that mean, little does he know. He also once asked me if I would wear a skirt? I told him if it would be accepted by everyone I would as I have the legs for it.
I think I would be accepted, but I love the image I have at work. The man in black. I always wear a black dress shirt and black dress pants.
My nails are about 5 mm long with clear polish, my brows are shaped, and I talk to all the girls about fashion and shoes, so it would not take much for people to connect the dots. I feel no need to come out, as I have no intention to go to work dressed in any thing other than my black on black uniform. I don’t wish to identify as a woman, I don’t want to change the washroom I use or the pronouns I use, so I don’t think there is a need to come out.
If I see someone I know out while dressed I won’t hide from them, but I am also not going to go up to them and start taling either.
Paula
Love and hugs
Donna,
Tough topic, at least for me and my situation….because it is the last source of guilt in my life regarding my crossdressing.
My work is overtly and explicitly “supportive” via their policies, promotions and public statements, so you’d think it would be easy to come out, but the culture amoungst co-workers is somewhere between derisive and hostile to anything ‘trans.’ Management would be fine because they ‘have’ to be, it’s the rest of the workforce that is challenging. Easier to come out as a gay man than a crossdressing one, and therein is the source of guilt. At least at my workplace, nobody cares if a man is gay, but a part-time crossdresser? That is something that I think scares them, because they don’t understand it, and, because, IMO, that they can’t predict it (their ‘gay-dar’ protects them from being surprised much of the time, but they don’t have any ‘CD-dar’ senses so when one of those individuals pops up in front of them it’s a big shock). My co-workers and managers would be absolutely dumbfounded to learn that I was a crossdresser and it would so change how they interact with me that even thought there is zero chance that I’d actually lose my job, my job would become so different and so stressful that I choose to stay locked away in my current work closet.
And the guilt here is that I am, I believe, well-respected at my work, and if they could understand that everything about me that makes me that person that they so respect includes, and has always included, crossdressing, then perhaps a few of them wouldn’t be so afraid of it, would seek to understand it, and resultantly, remove some of their preconceptions and judgements about it – which would be a beautiful thing, and a step in the ‘public acceptance’ direction for all of us……….if the courage existed to do it, and the strength existed to suffer the consequences. Ashamedly, I don’t have it in me…
Marcellette
Thank you suppose why asked this question is was comparing it to a article seen other day in the Daily Mail Uk page welcome to read it here the link to it.
Transgender people reveal how they’re REALLY treated in the workplace
Daily Mail US on Twitter: “Transgender people reveal how they’re REALLY treated in the workplace https://t.co/iG6DK943Ua” / Twitter
I own my work place so there isn’t much chance I would fire myself. But it would be a disaster. I know the level of respect I have earned would plummet. And it would invariably cost me money. So there is zero chance of that happening. Can’t control how others would react even if I feel they are idiots
Absolutely not, unfortunately. I think if I did come out at work, it would be accepted and probably supported from the higher-ups. However, I think the not-to-my-face comments and jokes would make it unbearable for me to stay there. Honestly, I’ve considered looking for another job, and applying as openly non-binary right from the start, or even as Birel. But, for now, I keep my feminine side hidden at work.
Birel
For the ones that working do underdress with woman’s undergarments I know I did before coming out actually was caught that time when had to strip over a little chemical spill to be checked out if any burns or such. Now as for myself go to work in woman’s skinny jeans and woman’s top. some things can’t wear due to the safety issue. Plus wanted to check the policy at my job out. Think any job should allow it no matter where it is. See nothing wrong. If can do your job duties don’t matter if dressed as a woman or a man or vise versue.
thank you everyone so far for giving your opinion.
Donna
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Being closeted at home, I obviously haven’t come out at work. However, going with a hypothetical situation, the younger people I work with would either be accepting or wouldn’t care (which is the majority of our workforce), but the older people (including the people that own the company) wouldn’t like it at all, even though they would, grudgingly, have to accept it. That being said, I work for a VERY conservative client and would most certainly be asked by them to not be a part of their team any more. I would be relegated to working on projects, but having no in person outside contact with anyone. (Heyyyyyyyyy, now that I think about it… 🙂 )
I’m getting very close to retirement anyway, so I’ll just ride it out and see where my journey leads. Good topic for discussion, Donna. I’m SO impressed by you courageous gals that have come out to your family, friends and co-workers! You are an inspiration!
*kisses* tara 🙂
Thank you Tara
Hugs
Donna
Tara, that’s kind of my thinking too at this point in life. I’ve got a while before I can retire, but I have this dream that once I retire, maybe I could openly be Birel. I won’t have to worry about work people or my job then, and I could move to a new place and start over being openly, genuinely, me.
Birel
slowly and patience I am on my way with the HRT showing fem features on self and now coming out and not hiding self anymore been working more and more as female. Most of coworkers love seeing a strong woman lifting heavy ropes and securing tanker ships on the docks for receiving and delivery of gas and oil products.
I’m retired now but I worked in a very male environment, a steel factory with a lot of large neanderthals. It definitely wouldn’t have been a good idea to come out in there, not the most understanding bunch.
I think the comments have covered all bases in this topic as to consequences of coming out.
In my career ,before retirement, I could easily have done so. The law is on my side and the company 100% supportive and would have facilitated my change.
I believe that most of my colleagues would have been fine, if not, careful as any discrimination or negativity would have been a disciplinary matter. I had already told a chosen few and they associated with my female self outside of work.
For me it should have been a no brainer. However it would be the customer and those that I would have had to deal with on a day today basis on the outside that would be problematic. It would have meant changing job roles to be more office based. I loved what I did and liked being outside. There was also the point that some staff would grumble about being given favour for being trans. Should I have worried? I wasn’t worried about tittle tattle behind my back as that is common in workplaces.
Once I retired it hasn’t been an issue and I am not afraid of applying for jobs and attending interviews.
My knowing colleagues are still in touch and I have also re contacted other colleagues who didn’t know. All have been amazing and ask why didn’t I come out at work. The reasons are as above and what I tell them. What is humbling is that they show me great respect and admiration for being who I am.
I appreciate it is a tough thing to do as where you live, the people you deal with, what you do and the fall out are the critical features.
For all that posted that are now retired congrats on retirement mine coming up another year then be retired.
Exhilarating for sure! Which is why it’s such a dream of mine, but many wrungs up the ladder higher than where I’m at now… I finally have some Staci time and I’m not sure what to do next… It’s because the times that I get like this are so few and far between, it’s almost laughable! But I am struggling at what to do next or, first… I’ve started my afternoon with a nice cocktail and I’m warming to the task
I’m still mulling this over right now. I’m waiting to see how the results of HRT are going to affect me.
I had an anonymous conversation with Upper Management at work recently and informed them there is a transgender person in the workplace and almost immediately theymade a washroom gender neutral and have identified several other changes they need to implement.
The large company I work for has a pretty inclusive code of ethics, but I also know that on paper doesn’t always equal reality, so for awhile I’ll remain ‘one of the guys’Out to the other employees? lol
While I’m sure some people might think I have multiple personalities, its just me, a self employed contractor……
No your not and yes you do, what about us?
Shush up and get back inside lol
I’m dressed daily, as best fits the working environment and easily explain to any customers that are interested enough to ask. Its mostly very positive.
Olivia
Hi Donna, Congrats on coming out at work. Huge step.
I’ve been retired for almost 5 years. So I didn’t answer the poll. BUT, there’d probably not be a need for me to come out. I think a lot of the staff suspected that I was a CD. I’ve told the story previously of me attending a staff fundraiser luncheon dressed en femme. Over a hundred staff attended. Many told me I was looking and behaving too natural for it to be my first time dressed. I also dressed en femme at work for Halloween. And as I was the CEO, there was always gossip about me anyway. In terms of support for trans staff, our company philosophy was clear that support would be provided. Our HR team was pretty in tune with the latest issues, laws, etc.
Good luck going forward Donna, All the Best, Hugs, Krista.
Thank you Krista
Hugs
Donna
I say let them gossip lol if the company you work for allows it and support it and by chance employee does it. And others harass you Have company policy with you. Have few employees that like to pick at times but do same being a boss does have advantages could report them if wanted too. but How my crew and I work like to have little fun during the day.
Donna
I am semi-retired. I work in IT and now only work from home doing online service calls on old apps that I wrote years ago. All voice, no video. The IT department is now mostly young kids (to me) so they are cool with anything. There are a lot of LGBTQ+ types in the dept. No one even bats an eye when spouses come in for lunch or a quick visit. Since CD is a new thing for me no one is aware except my “work wife”. I work with a business analyst (BA) who screens my work and passes issues to me or coordinates fixes. I’ve worked with her for years. Being at home all day means I can go femme all the time. It was getting to be a pain to have to switch tops and such when the BA called. Our contact has been mostly zoom, so there was video. About 2 months ago I called and said I wanted to talk to her about something. Zoomed in as Michelle for the first time. Fortunalatly we have alwasy gotten along well and I just let her ask questions. She had all the ones you would imagine, but was accepting. SHe just said OK and on we went. The part that was hardest for her was the name switching depending on my look when I call. My favorite event was last week. We were arguing over a software change and I was my old self. She got frustrated and told me to get Michelle and call back. She is easier to work with!
What I found was the biggest ice breaker with women was to ask them for help with makeup or clothes. It is like a “girl switch” if activated and everything becomes much more natural. She now wants me to try my full makeup when I zoom. The usual comment “Let me see your eyeliner. Still isn’t even.”. Good to have an honest, critical eye.
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I retired early and have been for almost 9 years so I didn’t check the poll. I was self employed in residential construction and the employees and clients I had would never have accepted Michelle.
I did under dress occasionally but that was as far as dressing went in public. From my attitude of accepting and supporting LGBTQ issues and some other things that came out in conversations, I think some suspected I was either gay or a CD or both, but no one ever said anything to my face.
Donna, I’m so proud of you coming out in the workplace. That’s great news and I’m happy to see such a strong person do so. It takes an enormous amount of courage to do something like that.
I work in a very blue collar male dominated grunt type occupation. These guys are a great bunch of people but I see how some talk behind the back about two guys who are gay. The gossip and jokes I hear is very sad and I hate to say that we as a community have a lot to learn with coexistence with the LGBTQ community that’s why I haven’t come out. My ex girlfriend who works in the office knows of me crossdressing and fully supports me 100%, but she is the only one who knows.
I say let them gossip if one day I should come out. My family probably won’t support me I know that. I believe the only two that would is my young daughters. That’s why I’m keeping this hush hush for now.
Donna-my hats (or wig) off to you for showing your strength and courage.
Paula 😙❤️
Thank you so much Paula Know when something wanting for long time always dwell on it to make happen. As for people judging Say let them they don’t know nothing. until they decide to open their eyes to see. Many just still dwelling in old ways and stereo type of the community.
Donna
[postquote quote=510432]
That’s what happened at the place I worked when someone came out. Nobody ever said anything to her face, but for years there were comments behind her back. I tried to stand up for her to the extent possible among my peers, but they just didn’t think they were saying anything wrong. That workplace also just treated women terribly.
I have not come out at work. I have barely been outside my home as Abbie, though I’m hoping to change that soon 🥰. My work is very supportive though, a VP is openly gay and for pride month the whole place is decorated. Corporately there are regular “Diversity and Inclusion” emails. One girl recently transitioned (MTF). I’ve been working at home since March 2020 anyway but that might change this fall. As much as I underdress when I’m physically at work, I’m not sure I want to come out to them. That would mean walking many blocks downtown as Abbie and coming out to people I’ve known for 20 years, I’m not ready for that.
— Abbie 🥰😘
You will know when it time to do it. I am done it slowly for months before coming out at work. Actually the work coming out was a caught you moment due to a miss happening from a faulty valve on a chemical line. broke then and little sprayed on myself and few others. Was really not big deal to us but by safety from company were required the next day to see the company dr. so had to strip for exam few others were leaving as went in stripped of course were wearing a bra and some nice thong panties. few seen
Some after teased me some but others came up to me more one and one and said proud of you for standing up. Long story short with my HRT going on my breasts were sticking out where couldn’t hide them any longer. When told company of my transition. Everyone cool with it now As long don’t wear a skirt or whatever to be a safety hazard. Wear ladies skinny jeans and ladies v neck top and of course wear my bra and panties.
Donna
That’s awesome Donna!
— Abbie 🥰
Thank you Abbie feels awesome too and everyone don’t mind at all. Plus think the guys that work under me enjoy a woman being boss.
Hi Abbie,
Of course we all have different situations, but I would love for you to enjoy the affirmation and happiness which I have received by presenting at work as the person I feel I am inside. It has also given me more self confidence when in public. I wish to offer my encouragement to you to go for it! I think you will start to enjoy your walking commute to your employment as Abbie also.
I was on pins and needles at first also, but like going out in public the first few times, I quickly found out it just is not a big problem. Few people even notice or seem to care (and I am no way passable). Yet so many people have gone out of their way to offer their support and acceptance of ellie. When folks I have known from work for twenty years do that, It is very moving. A lot of the motivation for me is the fact that I don’t have a lot of life left. I don’t want to go out wishing I had let ellie out to the world while I still could. All the best to you moving forward.Hugs, ellie
Thanks Ellie,
the encouragement is always welcome 🥰. I’m definitely on a journey, maybe I’ll be ready for that someday. I know what you’re saying about life being short though. I’m coming out of my shell more and more as time goes on. I’m hoping to retire early in 3 years, maybe I’ll go in for my exit interview as Abbie. lol. With the fourth wave upon us here (West coast Canada) all the back-to-office plans have been put on hold and it sounds like we’re moving to a more flexible future anyway. I may rarely go in at all when the dust settles. I do want to get out more as my confidence grows though. Hugs back!
— Abbie 🥰😘
Due to Covid, our office is still closed and just now, partially opening up. Many of my fellow coworkers I have seen as Ellie both live and online, but not all. This will be changing next week as I return to the office as Ellie. Most of the staff and Human Resources is aware and most (not all regrettably) ate totally fine with it. Our organization strictly enforces open gender policies and HR is very supportive. I have no worries or anxieties returning as Ellie. Undoubtedly, some will be put off, but no one I really care about probably. Life is getting short, time to be who you want to be.
Congrats girl happy to see getting back to the office and going back as your true self. More power to you and others that follow.
Donna
Thanks Donna,
I have been at work for a few weeks now and it’s all going really well. So far, everyone has been totally fine with Ellie. But still many folks not back in the office yet. I’ve been using the ladies restrooms, so far no others have been there while I am. This does cause me a little anxiety, but I think all will be OK. Hope you are well and thank you for your kind comment!
Hugs and Love,
Ellie
That great news Ellie happy to hear everyone is ok with youself. How it is where I work at. Was afraid when did would be teased and all but since my employer is LGBTQ friendly and now find out few more came out learned few weeks ago. Everyone is good. Think more need to come out all over. For me at work still can wear semi women’s jeans and t shirts and womens tennis shoes. I am happy with that. Plus t shirts shows my nice popping out breasts growing. Think those guys like me lol. Still tease each other here and there at times.
Donna
Yes been doing HRT 7 more days be out for little be getting facial surgery and voice. on the 13th of this month be out at least min of 2 weeks then work about 6 weeks
Donna
Hi Donna et al.,
I have been out at work for several years but don’t dress fully fem out here as I work on an oil platform in the North Sea.
I dress in androgynous coveralls with fem teeshirts & socks when at work. I have had nothing but support from my crew and all the management teams, so I am one of the lucky ones.
I’m not ‘full-time’ but spend a lot of my time fem when not at work.
This week we had one of the company directors out and we ended up having a long in-depth discussion on how I managed my life, how the platform had treated me and how they could help others in similar situations in the future.
I have been consulted on the company diversity and inclusion policy, and asked to help the oil and gas industry in improving how they support gender nonconformity and promote inclusion with in the industry.
Maybe we are lucky in the UK as there are laws and regulations to support us and prevent abuse and discrimination compared to other countries.
So, in one of the most perceived macho environments there are people who are there and helping to foster a culture of acceptance, inclusion and support.
Hugs
Dawn x
Oh wow girl working on a platform must be exciting for sure. Myself work for oil refinary on the docks uloading ships and loading ships with gas and oil products. As for dressing fem at work only allowed casual things like wear women’s jeans and t shirt can’t wear any type of jewelry and all. Unless wanting a cut in pay and work in office. hehe. All the guys that work under me since am the boss don’t mind having a woman is in charge. We all cut up at times and accept it. Plus if get out of line they know can fire them too.
Donna
Same here( my job would be gone faster than you can say Panties)–I need my job for luxuries like food & shelter-still paying for my mortgage-Labor & human rights laws are only for folks who have enough(Extra) money-I couldn’t afford to be out of work for weeks-let alone months or yrs -esp while paying a Lawyer-Living in Canada I’m sure I would win in the end but only after I lost my house-went bankrupt ect ect-
I work in a mine.
Miners are a special bread where is necessary to be rough, tough and crude. It’s the culture.
Showing up for work dressed would be dangerous.
Thankfully I work 14 days and have 14 days off to be myself.
Heading home today and I’m dressing all day tomorrow 👗
Caroline
Oh wow enjoy your 14 days off. Know earned it hun.
Hugs
Donna
So, I chose Yes because I told a few people and I joined to PRIDE support groups at HP.
I’m actually the co-founder of the 2nd one that I am part of.
So, to the members of the support groups, I’m OUT….
But my Mgr only know that I am a part of this and I am sure that he believes that I do it as simply an ally.
I haven’t shared my status with anyone in my immediate work circle save for one person.
So, HP knows, but not my Mgr and coworkers, lol….
Some day…
xoxo
Rayna
Congrats Rayna for coming out some. Know it takes time. Took me over year to finally come out at my work place. Actually first time was a accidently spill had over a faulty valve at work. Had to strip next day when needed to be checked for chemical burns. And few people seen was wearing panties and bra on.
Then other time was since been on HRT no longer can hide the breasts.
Hugs
DonnaThanks Donna! I’m hoping to find the courage to say “THIS is me, and screw you if it doesn’t work for you”
But I’ll take my time…LOL
xoxo
Understand that Rayna Another thing wanted to test the company policy too since they are LGBTQ friendly and worked out great. Plus like said before kinda started a trend more coming out. Just take your time and will know the time to do it.
Hugs
Donna
I answered that I have not come out at work, officially.
The other security personnel know that I am “different” than hey are, with the 3 GG guards knowing my intentions and preferences. I do not know if our captain knows, suspects or is just turning a blind eye.
He is quite a religious person, so I am sure he would say something. It could also be that with hospital EEO policies that he has no choice other than to remain silent.
The company we work for is based in California, so corporate is also in a tough place if they aren’t accepting also, since they have to uphold that states policies also.
Our uniforms are unisex, the men’s uni’s are exactly the same as the women’s, except for a little personal tailoring, so there is no issue with what I wear.
Very soon though, everyone will be dealing with the truth. My work record will stand the weather, it will be up the other guys to make a little adjustment.
PaulaF
Congrats Paula for the coming out. Knowing took myself to stand up at my workplace and others decided to follow. Not like neither of us can not do our skilled job.
Donna
I dare say–only a tiny %age of Gurls work for a company that would accept our “”Differences”” Most of us would be unemployed faster than the time it takes to process the paperwork to fire us- Yes–there are some laws that “Protect” us–however you have to have enough money to tide you over til your court case goes through & usually money for a Lawyer–
I just came across this poll and answered yes! I really can’t believe it is happening! I work in government building as the site supervisor for security. I’m the first person you see when you come through the front entrance. I have been there for almost 5 years and all the staff – almost 95% women – know who I am and I’ve become quite close to many of them. Recently I had several of the women come right out and ask me if I was trans. I said yes, and with their full support, they encouraged me to come out at work saying I need to be true to who I really am, a woman. Like I said, I can’t believe this is really going to happen. So now the decision of when to present as a woman is really the only thing to be decided. I already have a nice feminine cardigan sweater to wear over the uniform shirt and a camisole to wear underneath, I bought some very nice fitting pants to wear – they do fit!! 🙂 All I need to find is a pair of the right kind of shoes, they have to be black, closed toe, and comfy enough for an 8 hour shift. I have several wigs and ample makeup, I need to practice doing a daytime “no makeup” look. The trick is going to be getting ready in the morning as I work from 7am to 3pm. Do I get ready at home and take the bus enfemme or bring everything to work and get ready there? Like I said, am I dreaming? I really can’t believe this can be happening when I wasn’t even looking for such an opportunity. It literally fell into my lap!! Now I want to think about “coming out to the world”, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! Face the world as a trans woman ‘loud and proud’!
I am the same way for cracking jokes at times at work same for the guys that work for me. We all have good clean fun. Guess having thick skin at times helps. But they know if goes overboard they could get in trouble by me since do have the power to write them up or fire them. Know not for everyone to come out. But those employers that does have the rules for the LGBTQ friendly workplace should come out.
Hugs Donna
what really surprise me about that is everyone pretty much consertives Even more came out recently. So IDK if tells you something or what. Just know have bad ones too and good ones. Bad ones know better to start any crap.
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