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    • #327322
      Anonymous
      Lady

      Freedom of Expression- a holiday blog

      Three days after returning home from five glorious days as Gianna in Melbourne, I type this with chipped nails, as if the pale blue and fluro pink polish reflects my feelings, bright and pretty but no longer perfect in their  presentation because something is missing. The day we left Melbourne I dressed in a version of drab, with my femme caramel boots, femme grey pants and a colourful flower patterned shirt under a light blue femme denim jacket. I felt naked and uncomfortable because I no longer had my breast forms, bra, makeup and most crucially, my lovely long hair. Throughout the taxi journey to the airport I silently sobbed inside. It surprised me how upset I was feeling. This discombobulation remained with me all the way home. Even now, days later I flick my head and am disappointed that there is nothing brushing my neck and face as I do so. 

      Our holiday my first real experience of being true to myself for more than a day at a time and I just clicked with it all. I could be Gianna permanently was my biggest realisation. Living and presenting as a woman always would be a joy for me.There was the morning routine of shower, shaving all over, moisturising all over, makeup, adhering breast forms, bra, shapewear, dressing, makeup and last but not least putting on my hair. I don’t call it a wig, it’s MY hair and completes me. I can understand how distressing it is for cis women to suffer hair loss. But on the positive side of things, today’s hair choices are many and varied. It took me five bad choices before I found two similar hair pieces that suit me. Well, I think they do anyway. If you disagree, keep it to yourself because I don’t want to pop my bubble of contentment.

      It all started with a Sunday morning pedicure and manicure at the local mall. When I told my wife that I had made a booking, she gave me the look that said she didn’t want to miss out so we returned to the mall and booked her in as well. I’m so lucky to be able to share everything with her. She struggles with our public outings but we do have fun together. Despite having a booking, we had to wait until the pedicure guy finished with another customer. Fortunately he sat us in the massage chairs with a warm water foot bath as well as some fashion magazines to pass the time. The back massage was vigorous to say the least and after a few minutes I turned my one off. Looking round I could see that the salon was busy with five customers and only two manicurists. In fact, a steady stream of women came in to either wait or ask how long before they could be served. Eventually, the pedicurist started on us, washing, drying and then trimming toe cuticles before putting on base layers and top coats of polish. My wife always chooses a vibrant red that looks terrific on her but I chose the transgender flag colours of pale blue and a fluro pink. I didn’t add a white colour because it was getting too busy as a style. So the toes were all blue. 

      Then it was off to the manicurists who trimmed my very long finger nails too short despite me requesting she only lightly trim them. But after clipping one before I could object, it was too late. I wondered if she ignored my instructions on purpose and simply did what she thought a male should look like? The bottom line is that we will never go back to that salon. They lost not one but two customers. Anyway, on to better things as all fingers were painted blue except the pinky fingers which, yes you guessed it, the pinkies were pink. I will use this colour scheme again. 

      We flew in a Boeing 777 with its better legroom and generally more comfortable seating. We had our usual seats that we always book and the guy next to me kept smiling nicely as I chose a movie to watch on the screen, with my pretty blue and pink nails clacking on the choices. Maybe he was envious?

      I do love using Uber for many reasons but most of all it’s door to door and with our two big suitcases, easy for us. Checkin to our hotel took less than a minute and then it was up to our room at the top of the hotel to unpack and dress!

      Why are there never enough coat hangars in hotel wardrobes? Or maybe I simply pack too many dresses! As it turned out, we didn’t go to any dressy venues on this trip and the lovely formal wear I packed never was worn. Instead, my two denim skirts were the stable building block each day. Pink sneakers and suntanned legs were my daily lower half. I had enough tops for a month and wore a different outfit each day. (The excess tops remained sulking in the suitcase with a superfluous raincoat.)  A couple of days were chilly with a cool breeze and my two jackets kept me warm but the rest of the holiday was hot and a light cami under a nice top was perfect.

       In the evenings I would wear my sexy red Italian sandal styled heels or my gold heels. An evening bag on a gold chain was all I had in the evenings but during the day my navy blue kettle handbag was a godsend, into which I could pile my phone, purse, sunglasses, reading glasses, iPad and makeup. By the way, I now always travel with a large handbag and push it under the seat in front of me on international flights. I wish I started doing this years ago. Everything is close at hand and you don’t have to use the overhead locker for it.

       I do like to wear a bangle and I have a selection which I wear day to day when not on holiday. But my holiday bangles are bigger and heavier. A favourite is a red ceramic finish bangle with a brass metal diamond pattern. The other favourite is smaller, blue with fake diamonds. Coupled with different necklaces, it didn’t look too over the top. Being older allows a girl the space to wear jewellery younger girls no longer wear. Instead they seem to tattoo themselves which I predict, many will regret in years to come. Apologies for being a little judgmental but the full sleeve tattoos young girls have just don’t look nice to me. 

      After having a rest, (age creeping up on us), we headed out to have an afternoon walk and renew our connection to this wonderful city. In all the time we were on holiday not one person was negative to me being Gianna. The closest to any such a thing was the infrequent stare on the trams or a second glance, usually by men when closeup, otherwise I was completely at ease and was ignored by strangers. The first day was quite windy and waiting at the traffic lights for the pedestrian green walk sign was a good test for my hair. It never let me down and stayed firmly in place on my head. However my fringe is a long one and my bangs and fringe flew all over my face as we waited to cross the road.  I quite liked it actually. My sunglasses provided something of a steadying influence and held the hair out of my eyes which helps when crossing a busy street! Sunglasses are a great confidence booster and if my mind went to wondering what other people thought of Gianna, I would just adopt what I call my “Anna Wintour” persona, ignore the world and do my own thing.

       Almost without exception, we were called “ladies” in markets, shops, cafes and restaurants. I had many pleasant conversations with shop assistants and felt respected and accepted which is all that we desire. I found a couple of summer tops on deep discounted end of season special and tried them on before buying. Using the dressing rooms was never an issue by the way. I use my tap and pay credit card which has my initials and surname. I don’t worry about what a cashier may or may not think. In any event, in my experience they are all polite and accepting. 

      Using bathrooms is something I try to avoid but frankly, whenever I have used the ladies, no one says anything. Holidaying with my wife does make it somewhat easier because she always accompanies me to the ladies. Even when putting on lippy in front of the mirror has never drawn any reaction from others. A small smile seems to go a long way to being accepted. I never hesitate to reply to strangers or to start a conversation. I speak in a soft voice and avoid dropping into a low octave but it’s still a male voice. I think voice exercises help and using short sentences and more expression with tonal pitch creates an impression of a female voice. It’s as much about your internal attitude that is allowed out through your speech as to raising your voice pitch. I’m no expert but that’s about the best I can do. I feel at ease and comfortable speaking as Gianna and that to me is who I am and if I’m feeling good then I just get on and enjoy life.

      Our morning ritual was to walk the two blocks to the Queen Victoria Markets which is a “must see” tourist attraction. The dairy hall is full of shops that include bakers goods and expresso coffee. A huge Italian custard creme horn pastry and a coffee kicked off the day’s adventures. Sometimes we would stand and eat and other days we found sunny seating outside with the pigeons. The fruit and vegetable stalls were full of tropical fruits that gave us something to snack on back at the hotel. The busiest crowds were reserved for the Wednesday night market when the food stalls bbq, steam, and otherwise cook and prepare ethnic foods from around the world. Cruising from stall to stall buying small helpings of different foods was fun as these places always deliver a great experience. I was crushed in the queues, the meandering crowd and even when seated on stools at busy tables. No one treated me different from themselves. I say this to reassure those who are nervous about going out in public. I feel more comfortable as Gianna than as my cis male self. It’s me as I want to be and therefore I am enveloped in my authenticity that means that I feel I belong. Nothing can take that away from me. Humility, gratitude and old fashioned good manners with a caring attitude for others around you goes a long way to being accepted and treated as a lady. I did enjoy walking out of the elevator ahead of any cis males and getting the door opened for me in shops. I could get used to that!

      One of the many great things about Melbourne is that the excellent tram system in the CBD is not only comprehensive but also FREE! We used the trams all the time to get around and they are so frequent that even doing a triple change tram ride to get somewhere, we never waited more than a few minutes. I must be showing my age because nobody groped me. Haha.

      A highlight of our visit was that the wonderful Caty took the trouble to come into the CBD and have a coffee with us. It was lovely getting to know her a little better and sharing things. She had another meeting and couldn’t join us for lunch but it was great to have time with her. By the way, the lunch was at Promenade, a lobby restaurant in the same building as the Audi dealership with a tower block of offices above. The place was always busy at lunchtime but we always got a seat and returned several days because the triple salad selection was simply delicious with different choices each day. And the coffee was excellent too. What more could a girl ask for? 

      Several evenings we walked to a hotpot Asian restaurant for a meal and having found a place we liked, we went back to it. Partly because by the end of the day, after a lot of walking, we were both quite tired and the thought of going to a more upscale dining choice was not worth it. We love to dress up and have a classy time in a nice restaurant or other venue but these girls had so much fun during the day we just wanted to take it a little slower in the evenings. Next time though we will focus more on the evenings. 

      Melbourne is blessed with the Yarra River with boardwalks along it, lots of bridges over it and gardens close by as well as shops, bars, restaurants and the casino. We visited all of these including the Royal Botanic gardens which are a huge park like area with many and varied botanicals. I refused to wear jeans or yoga pants or leggings and found my skirts perfect for long walks and wanderings amongst the trees and open spaces with lakes, cottages and other distractions. The test of a good botanic garden is strategically placed seats or benches to rest the weary legs and have some water before venturing onwards around the corner to discover new delights. I calculated that we were walking about six kilometres a day plus hours of standing; so it was understandable that we were happy to rest in the evenings. 

      Watching the evening tv news was sobering and concerning as the dreadful Covid19 spread its tentacles amongst the community. Australian Fashion week barely got a mention and the F1 motor racing was cancelled as were many other events. As it turned out, we arrived back in Auckland only six hours ahead of the deadline. Thereafter all arrivals have to self isolate for 14 days. We chose to be responsible and on arrival home went into voluntary isolation. Since then the New Zealand border has closed to all except Kiwi passport holders and permanent residents. The human population is is for a long wait before things are normal again and we can have another overseas holiday. 

      May you all be safe and care for each other and your loved ones. Kindness has taken on a whole new meaning in these troubled times. 

      Photos- see my private gallery, the black dress and red shoes gallery for pics of Melbourne.

    • #327350
      Anonymous

      Thank you for sharing your adventure, Gianna.  I can only dream of having a holiday en femme but I just know I would love every minute.  I loved the photos in your gallery!

    • #327379
      Anonymous

      I am so envious of your holiday as Gianna and with your wife too!

      A lovely story and so well presented; congratulations and I just hope that you have many more trips to

      Australia  and that next time you fit in a visit to Tasmania; I would love to meet you.

      Hugs from Michelle xx

       

    • #327450
      Anonymous
      Lady

      Well, Michelle, I too hope to get to Tassie some day. Goodness knows how long it will take for travel to get back to what it was. We are in self isolation for another week, but no symptoms, and the sun still shines, the flowers still bloom, Spotify still plays music and I can dress at home. I am grateful for all of that and my wonderful wife. Gianna

    • #327831

      At least once every summer we get away for a week. Eve has me leave home as a girl, packs only girl things for us, never tells me where we are going until we get there.

      She has kept me a girl at home for a week or longer on occasion, but going away adds the vulnerability aspect to the adventure.

    • #328071

      In 2013 I had two opportunities to stay en femme, one for 3 days and one for 4 days.

      In late January, the college marching band was going to head from Ohio to Washington, DC to perform in the inaugural parade.  The problem was my daughter wasn’t at college that semester; she was getting ready to study abroad.  She contacted the band director and was told to report the Friday before, they would get a little practice in, head to DC, stay overnight a few days, and march on Monday.  They were supposed to come back late Monday night.  Tuesday was travel home, and Thursday she left for 6 months in Japan.

      So after dropping her off on Friday, I headed back towards the motel,I don’t believe I ate en femme that night, I don’t recall now.

      But the next day I was en femme all day.  After breakfast en femme, I spent half a day at the Wright Brother’s museum.  In the evening I had a dinner, and the waiter kept calling me sir despite being dressed en femme.  Later in the evening, I went to a drag show.  Sunday I didn’t go very far; I spent an hour or so in Walmart, and picked up a dinner to eat in the hotel.  Monday I worked remotely part of the time while watching the inauguration and the subsequent parade.  Late Monday evening I changed back to drab.  But they had problems, and didn’t make it back til Tuesday morning.  So I had to drive an hour out of my way to pick her up before heading home just about midnight, less than a day and a half before her overseas trip.

      At the end of April, I attended (what turned out to be the last) Empire Conference.  It was a 3 1/2 hour drive from me.  On the way up, I took a quick detour to visit the grave of my dad.   I just don’t get there very often and wanted to take the opportunity, even though en femme.  My parents never knew about my crossdressing.

      I got a manicure on Wednesday afternoon (and ruined it before even getting home; the polish is dry on the surface but not cured all the way through; one reason I tend to avoid nail polish is that it takes hours to dry all the way to the nail bed).  I spent Thursday through Sunday at the conference en femme, including a lot of time with a GG friend who was teaching several sessions at the conference.  I got up there, and discovered my makeup was all packed and left at home.  My friend gave me some to use, and I bought a few extra items as well.  I had almost no male clothing on this trip.  The only male (or perhaps unisex) clothing I had was some tee shirts, a pair of plain black canvas sneakers and low rise socks.  These were used with a pink skort to do some exercise in the hotel gym.  On Sunday I had a late breakfast with some friends before heading home.  I remained en femme on the return trip as well as the rest of the day at home.  My spouse was working out of town the whole time, and only my son was home.

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