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  • #569674
    Grace Scarlett
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    Registered On: February 16, 2021
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    I know it’s not the most uplifting thing to talk about….but it really does affect every one of us….now or eventually

    Just in case a certain person reads this ….thats…

    LBQTREDSUIOPH Cuthbert, dibble and grout…every bloody one of us.

    It was a sad anniversary for me this week…( Love you dad xx )

    I buried my mum and my dad…while I was in my twenties… ridiculously early!!!…don’t try to tell me they were going to a better place…….. crap!!!!!

    Heartbreaking….numbing my senses, the end of my life….but I’m still here.

    My dad first, I was woken by police in the early hours…to be told he was killed instantly in a RTA….stolen from me in a blink. I had said goodnight to him 7 hours earlier….

    My mum…slowly, the big C…I held her hand as she left me…

    Both gone within 5 years of each other….

    my go to’s …my rocks……my safe havens when a storm broke….nowhere left to run to…I was alone apart from my brother ..

    My father’s funeral was a blur…tears, handshakes and more tears….numbness. bless you dad!!

    My mother’s was different!!!

    my brother and i decided she would be remembered as she lived….we had a wake after the funeral, which turned into a party…..fun, laughs and happiness… of a life that affected everyone that knew her and loved her…..it was awesome, and I know she would have been there if she could….bless you mum.

    The reason for this post…..

    If you still have one or both of them……give them a big hugg and tell them how much you love them…whatever differences you have….think just what they have given you…..

    because tomorrow might be too late….I would give anything to speak to my parents again….speak to yours….

    and if you haven’t heard ” the living years “by Mike and the mechanics…you need to…

    Just my thoughts…and thanks for reading

    by the way…. I love you all.

    Grace xx

     

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    • #574742
      Raquel Smith
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      Registered On: August 26, 2021
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      Grace, and all who’ve lost their parents, hugs to you. Mom and Dad have both passed. Dad in ‘08 and Mom in ‘12.

      They both lived their lives with gusto.

      A little example.

      Mardi Gras is in my genetic makeup. My family was deeply involved in organizations and the festivities from before I was even born.

      Dad was in a particular Mardi Gras organization for over 40 years. I was inducted into that same club in ‘05, the last of his five sons to join. For the last three years of his life, he was in a wheelchair. Each of those years, my brothers and I would place his wheelchair on the Mardi Gras float, carry him up, and ride alongside him. It’s hard to describe the shear excitement of doing this to someone who isn’t familiar, but let’s just say it’s one of the most fun things I have ever done, and continue to do. (And, yes, much alcohol is involved).

      Mom was also in failing health towards the end, and had never seen her five sons ride (they separated and divorced around 2000) mainly because of her health and because she had moved away from our hometown. But in 2011, I asked our only sister to get my mother and drive her over, so she could see the five of us, decked out in our costumes and parading on the float. I truly believe this was probably one of her fondest memories.

      That’s all we have left, our memories. And remembering the good times, them both doing what they loved, keeps them with us.

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      • #574799
        Grace Scarlett
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        Great story Raquel…

        Mardi gras will be a life long reminder!!!

        I have many happy memories too….they are to be cherished xx

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    • #574697
      Tina Allen
      Lady
      Registered On: August 16, 2021
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      Hi Grace,

      After reading your post, and I am listing to Mike & Mechanics in the background while tying this reply. I have heard this song before, but its been awhile.

      You have remind me of when my dad passed away about 9 yrs ago now. When driving home from the hospital that night I heard 2 songs on the radio that have always triggered my memories.  Pink Floyd ”comfortable numb”, guns and roses Knockin on heavens door.

      I will see my mom tomorrow, and will be giving her a hug.

      Thank you for the memories.- xxxx-oooo -Tina

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      • #574698
        Grace Scarlett
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        Thanks Tina….

        just give her a big hugg…and tell her you love her !!! ..xxx

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    • #574627
      Cassie Jayson
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      Registered On: September 29, 2019
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      THANK YOU GRACE.
      you make me sad and comforted again
      Lost my mother earlier this year.

      . . . Cassie

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      • #574699
        Grace Scarlett
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        Hi Cassie.

        I remember reading your posts from those darker days …I hope it’s got maybe a little easier now for you….grace xx

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    • #574625
      Trisha Smith
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      Registered On: August 24, 2020
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      Love 💘 ya sweety.

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    • #573466
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
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      Grace, I lost both of mine in about 18 months back around 2004 and 2006. Dad slowly from mesothelioma, too slowly. Mom from a broken heart. I came to realize that dad hung on as long as he did because he couldn’t leave mom, and she died because she couldn’t be left behind. It took me years to start to get over it, but really I’m not completely over it yet and probably won’t be. My faith says they’re better off, but it offers no comfort. They were the most in love couple I had ever seen. I know what you feel. I also urge those who still have one or more parents to give them a hug. You just never know.

      Bridgette

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      • #573468
        Grace Scarlett
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        Thank you Bridgette 💓💓

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    • #573311
      stephanie plumb
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      Hi Grace,

      My heart goes out to you in your ongoing grief. Even with time it never goes away does it?  But it is tempered by fond memories, and even smiles, when a cherished memory comes to the fore, or a picture reminds you of what they looked like.

      Both my parents are long gone now. Gone from life but not from my heart or memory.  If you remember someone they are not completely gone are they? They will be with you until you go to join them. I still speak to my dad.  I know he listens.

      He died of a massive heart attack, outside the back door, on my mums birthday.  I was away climbing in the Lake District, and wasn’t contactable, though the police did try.  Poor mum was beside herself and needed me to be there. This was before mobile phones. My last memory of him was him waving me and my buddy Terry goodbye as we set off on our trip.

      Ten years later Mum died of a ruptured aorta, after a sudden collapse,  in the ambulance on the way to hospital.  I should have been with her, but needed to sort her dog out and lock her house, so I said I would follow in my car.

      I still feel guilty that I wasn’t there to hold her hand when she passed. I think she knew she was dying.   Just as I wasn’t there for the four days when she needed me after dad died.

      So I never got to say goodbye to either of them.   My only consolation is that they did not suffer a long illness.  God was kind and called them to His side suddenly.

      When their house was sold I visited it on the last day. It had been dark, and dreary and empty for some months. But that day it was strangely full of light and joy.  Dust motes were dancing in the sunlight streaming through the windows. It was full of peace and tranquility.  They were there!  In spirit. I could sense them.  I knew it in my soul.  They had come to say goodbye to the life we had shared there.  I will never forget that revelation.

      Steph xx

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      • #573367
        Grace Scarlett
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        Thank you Steph…a sad but beautiful story….and yes, they do stay with us….all those great memories xx

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      • #573341
        Amanda Burton
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        Hi Stephanie,

        That is as sad to read at the beginning there, but it was a beautiful ending. As I said to Michelle ‘s reply you have no guilt to carry Stephanie.

        Lol Amanda xx

    • #570041
      Barb Wire
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      I wish I could give my mom a real hug, but she passed over a decade ago at only 61 from a pulmonary embolism – too many smokes.

      Never knew my father – he left before I was born and I had no interest in connecting with him.

      I think about my mom every day I give her a big, spiritual hug 🤗 as often as I can! She loved her “daughter”!

      I hope everyone’s loving memory of their passed loved ones give you comfort.

      🤗 Barb

       

    • #569897
      Grace Scarlett
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      💐💐💐group hugg💐💐💐

      Thank you all for the wonderful stories and memories you have shared….and the support given.

      💐💐💐 Grace xxxx 💐💐💐

    • #569877
      Marti
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      My usual routine is to wake up, and get myself a cup of tea, and log in to CDH. And as it’s the weekend, I know to be careful if I open one of your posts, so as not to spill my tea laughing.

      Not today though.

      Thanks for making me cry – it sounds perverse, but I mean it. I’m thinking of my wife, who died far too young, as she explained to the kids whenever they were miffed and chorused “It’s not fair!”

      “Who said life was fair?” she’d say.

      Marti xxx

      • #569885
        Grace Scarlett
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        Thanks Marti…

        life isn’t fair sometimes…..

        I think it’s so important to think of those who have left us…I’m sure my parents are looking down from somewhere….could even be thinking ” what the ****”, but I know they will still be loving me. x

    • #569851
      Paula F
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      My mom passed in May of 1991, from a massive stroke, and was unattended at the time.  I had not talked to her in a couple of weeks and sis had been at her house the day before.  No warnings or symptoms of anything.

      She always lived how she wanted, a free spirit she always told us.  Sis and I have never known our father’s, and that was mom wanted it.  She told my sis that she doubted if the men even knew about us.

      She worked exceptionally hard to provide for the three of us, and she did pretty good at it after a few years.

      My biggest regret is that I never let her meet her 2d daughter.  My sis says they talked at length together about me being gay, but neither had a clue about Paula.  Mom’s oldest sister Kathy suspected about me, but kept it to herself until the day I came out to her.  She told me that mom would have loved to meet me, but during those years I was on my own, I was very stubbornly independent and not as close to family as I should have been.

      I live in her house now, and I do feel her presence from time to time.  Sometimes I swear I can hear that awesome laugh she had, letting us know things weren’t as bad or tough as we thought.

       

      PaulaF

    • #569836
      Krista
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      Registered On: January 24, 2017
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      Sweetest Grace, my condolences for your heartbreak. I share your sadness.  Both of my parents passed due to cancer.  Dad, 26 years ago and Mom 6 years ago.

      My Dad was at work one day (he never missed work even when he was sick) and told his boss he wasn’t feeling well. Went in to see the Doc and was told he had pancreatic cancer and had 6 weeks to live. He was 62 years old. He died pretty much 6 weeks exactly.  I live several thousand miles away from parents and no one told me he was sick.  I was just heading to bed and I told my wife that I have an eerie feeling that something is wrong and that I have to phone home.  So I did and that’s when I found out about my Dad. So I flew home to see him right away and it was Christmas time.  That was the last time I saw him.

      My mom was also told she had pancreatic cancer and given 6 weeks to live.  So I rushed home to see her.  She lived for another 8 months.  So I got to see her twice. the Doc was amazed she lasted that long and  I think she would have lasted even longer if she hadn’t fallen out of bed and broken her arm. That really did her in.

      So I make sure I tell my wife and my kids that I love them every chance I get. I’m not afraid of dying (takes a great weight off of my shoulders); instead I’ll be pissed off that I won’t be around to see them and the grandkids anymore.  I don’t know the Mike & the Mechanics song but I’ll go listen to it right away, Thanks for your post Grace, as always, a super huge Hug, Krista.

      PS I just watched the official video for The Living Years by Mike and the Mechanics – thanks for the suggestion. Very moving.  I forgot to mention that my father never ever phoned me.  BUT he phoned me and we talked the day before he died.  I have always been grateful that I was home to answer that phone call; helped with closure.

      • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Krista.
    • #569827
      Clara Cross
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      Registered On: December 7, 2020
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      I am touched Grace. Your post brought a tear just like the song does.

      I learned a lot from my mother as she fought and beat, then fought again but finally succumbed to cancer. Watching how she lived that “extra life” between the two episodes was very powerful.  Being able to share those extra years as well as those last moments with her was a tremendous gift.

      I only hope I can live and die with as much grace as she did.

      C❤️

      Also, a huge debt of gratitude is owed to all of those saints who make hospice their life’s work.  Incredible people.

       

      • #569886
        Grace Scarlett
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        Clara…

        hospice workers are very special. To dedicate your life to making dying people comfortable and not feeling “alone “…. amazing x

         

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    • #569821
      Stephanie Bass
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      Registered On: November 30, 2019
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      Miss Grace my condolenses to you as i feel your pain also as Have lost both parents and my grand parents  My wifes parents and a  daughter at age 17  then my older brother also  please know that i take nothing lightly of your feelings and wish you all the love you deserve girlfriend..

      Hugs Sweet girlfriend ..

      Stephanie

    • #569810
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
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      Thanks for sharing Grace, hard times.

      I can’t listen to that song. When it starts I have to switch it off or leave. Would just descend into a distraught wreck. Again to do with my parents, dad in particular, who died suddenly when I was 13. The song just fills me with regrets about missing us finding things out about each other just as I was starting to grow up.

      Guess it has kind of driven me to live life for today. If you love somebody tell them, if you have something good to say about somebody tell them, if you want to do something with somebody, ask them, Don’t live with regrets, and if you can do something good today with somebody don’t put it off until tomorrow.

      ❤️Bianca

    • #569785
      Lucinda Hawkns
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      Registered On: September 1, 2015
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      i hear you   i lost my mom then my dad  68 days apart from each other, my mom died from lung trouble, 1 lung then she punctured the other one. had to drive her home from Florida to war saw hospital were she passed away later on, but she hung on till all the family was there. 68 days later my dad passed way from broken heart syndrome, a friend called me from where my parents lived in the county and told me that my dad is gone. i told him on the phone he might be out, No the friend said No he is gone. my mouth dropped to the floor and i drove 95 miles an hour to get out to war saw and be there. but they did not let me in to see my dad on the floor, they told me it would be better if i did not .  so its been since 2013 since they both left me and my brother.    i have lost a few of my family members and cousins since then and its been a long ride to forget but not forget its to keep them in my hearts and soul.    I play the song by mike and the mechanics in the living years and i sing it out loud and cry at the same time. so you are right about seeing people and saying hello to family members and friends before its too late.   thanks for sharing your story and prayers to you many blessing   Lucinda

    • #569774
      Amanda Burton
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      Grace sweetie, my heart breaks for your grief. The loss never goes away. Sadly both my parents are gone too. Obviously the most devastating loss as you know most recently was that of my beloved wife from  a tremendous battle with cancer that she fought with dignity and courage. Myself and two daughters were there at the end holding her hands as she slipped away peacefully, then all that pain and frustration of watching someone you love deteriorate over a long time period and not be able to stop it, just opens the flood gates and all comes pouring out. Yes I still cry, and there is a wound in my heart that will  never heal,and I often find myself talking to her picture beside the bed about the girls and their children I certainly get a great deal of comfort out of this, that some how she still is involved and connected. As for your parents Grace, i’m sure they are looking looking down with enormous pride and love at such a beautiful person you have matured into.,

      Lol and massive hugs  Amanda xx

       

    • #569723
      Angela Booth
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      Oh gosh Grace it is always a sad day. I can only share your grief. My mother is still with us at 94 years of age. I  lost my dad some years ago. All I can think of is the things he gave to me and my siblings. I had to write his eulogy and after writing it we realised what each of us gained through him that was never obvious when you were young. Reading it out at the funeral was a joyous eulogy but I was in tears, as I am now.

      They can take the person but not the memories. Cherish the time with those you have.

      Hugs to all.

    • #569705
      Beth Green
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      Registered On: February 24, 2021
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      Losing loved ones before their time is tragic and unfair. I lost my father suddenly when I was 20. He was set to retire in 45 days and had grand plans of traveling. It hurt, it still hurts almost 40 years later. Mom continued on for another 30 years. Bless her. Another painful loss was my niece. Only 5 years younger than me we grew up almost like brother and sister. Cancer took her 20 years ago, only 43 years old. At least we got to hug and say goodbye. I miss my tomboy Molly. She could ride a horse better than most guys, definitely better than me.

      I think I will cry with you Grace. 😢

      Love and hugs,

      Beth

    • #569696
      Anonymous
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      Hi Grace,
      That’s understandable and I share a little bit of your pain.
      I lost my Mum when I was 23. That wasn’t fair. My Dad died in 2012. I spoke to him on the day he passed away. He had a good life. He lived without his partner twice over. His second wife died too. Yet above all he was a man of action. His humour was sharp. He was loved by those who knew him. He didn’t suffer fools gladly.
      He gave me my life and my confidence and he was a fine grandparent. I miss him. But I’m so glad he didn’t live through the last two years of misery. We all have lost friends during this awful period of time. There is no right solution or answer. However I know their lives were not pointless. I am certain they left there precious mark on many folk. And we were blessed to know them.
      I watch young children grow up and I have more concern for their future lives. I hope and pray that they will be fulfilled.
      I can’t explain why I have a faith but it won’t let me go. So I choose to go with it, wherever it takes me.
      I have been here before and I know many have had similar journeys.

      Grace, all I can give you is my love. I do not have to force it on you because you are gracious ( pun INTENDED ). You value people and when you hurt we hurt too.
      So all I say is – we are here and we hear you and we care for you. I wish you peace and I wish you to feel our love.
      You are strong and even the strong need support.

      Time I stopped.

      Love Anya xox

    • #569694
      Donna
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      So sorry Grace for your lost. Know still having both parents now have mended many things with them over the years. actually mending many things from the past now. Some say why other say thank you and being forgiven.  Still feel bad for not able to mend some things with my grandmother that passed away few years ago.

      Donna

    • #569684
      Connie Twirl
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      I lost my Mum to Polio – I don’t remember her, sadly. My Dad died a couple of years ago, but we were estranged, thanks to my step-mother. I wish I’d seen what she was doing rather than just assuming it was random nastiness.

      If you still have either or both parents, please mend any broken fences before it’s too late.

      Connie

      xxx

    • #569680
      Regine Kelly
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      My Condolences, Grace, I feel for you, I lost both parents some years ago, as well.
      How timely, though.
      My oldest friend, we were brothers for over 50 years, and brothers-in-law for 40, passed yesterday from the damn C. We shared everything in life, for so many years, but the past few we had only seen each other occasionally. He knew how I felt about him, as I did about his feelings, but the loss I feel, and the regrets over recent years, is pretty hard.
      So girls, as Grace said, only on a wider basis, hug those you love, make sure they know how you feel, and don’t ever forget, the reaper can come far too quickly, enjoy every moment you can
      Hugs, Regi👸💖

      • #569783
        Amanda Burton
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        Regi,

        Please accept my condolences.

        Lol Amanda xx

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      • #569689
        Grace Scarlett
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        🙏🙏🙏🙏 xx

        • #569849
          Elizabeth
          Lady
          Registered On: October 7, 2021
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          Read your post Grace,2 things. My father died on 19th July 1980 in Hospital just after turning 70. He had MS. I’ll never forget the night. We hadn’t long moved horse and hadn’t a phone. My elder sister was in Fermanagh on holiday, she’d a phone. The police came to our door at 3.30 in the morning,I opened the door and shouted up to my mum that my dad was dead. My mum immediately got up and ran down to my granny’s who lived a few doors down from us in her nightdress with no slippers on.
          My mum died on April 6th 1990, a year and a few months after I got married in our local Hospice. I spent the whole night with her and left to come to get changed out of my working clothes as I’d gone up immediately after finishing work on the Thursday. My sister came in to the war’s to relieve me. I had just reached home when the phone rang, it was my sister to tell me she was dead.
          This may sound daft, but I blamed myself for not being there when she died. I felt I’d failed her as a son, I was supposed to be the man of the house, I felt I’d let her down. Does that sound stupid?x

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          • #569891
            Grace Scarlett
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            Elizabeth.

            ..to put it bluntly, yes, it is stupid to blame yourself….you did all you could…..I held my mum’s hand when she died, but even though I was told she was near her time, it was still quite a long period….I dozed by her bed and i had to use the men’s room….I could have missed it too….don’t be hard on yourself x

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    • #574749
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
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      Hi Grace and hello Amanda.

      Thank you both for your kind replies. As you may know and to inform others who might read this, I asked the moderators to delete my entire post because it was just too painful and too detailed concerning my parents. Sometimes I tend to go overboard spilling myself out on these forums. This thread hit a nerve for me. Let me just say that I never really knew my parents. Sorry if this caused any confusion among readers.

    • #573374
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 17
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      Has thanked: 3605 times
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      Hi Amanda. Thank you for your kind words. Guilt is a hard thing to overcome.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #570108
      Amanda Burton
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 76
      Replies: 2444
      Has thanked: 13311 times
      Been thanked: 10037 times

      Hi Michelle,

      I was very moved by you post, and the self persecution of guilt you have carried. I would just like to say that you were no way in any form responsible for the outcome of your mum. The decision to have a child is the responsibility of the woman who wants one, the risks are always there in any pregnancy as some ladies will always take that risk Michelle, sadly some fail, but she gave you the biggest gift a human can give “Life” born out of love, and I bet she would do it all over again even if she knew the risks. Michelle sweetie she would lay not guilt on you, and you have no guilt to carry, enjoy the “Gift” she gave you, that’s her love to cherish sweetie.

      Lol Amanda xx

    • #570082
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 16, 2021
      Topics: 164
      Replies: 3915
      Has thanked: 14673 times
      Been thanked: 23632 times

      Bless you Michelle.

      It is a dark anniversary for me, but it’s clear from some of the beautiful replies that there’s lots of us in exactly the same position……so what can we do????

      …..we can hugg each others broken hearts…..

      Grace xx

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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