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    • #353012
      Lisa Fox
      Lady

      Hello Ladies, as I have been reading, conversing and learning my way through CDH I have become quite interested and confused by Gender Identity labels.  Some of us write responses on the site how they do not like these labels, and even how unfortunate it is that we put labels on people. There is a bad downside to labels, especially when we place one on somebody else and in a derogatory fashion.  However, many of us here are eager to label themselves just to be clear to whoever they are communicating with and actually take pride in that identity.  To try to get a better understanding I thought it would be an interesting poll I hope you participate in.

    • #353019

      My identity is in my heart, my soul, my mind, my friendships, in my actions, and in my words.  I am a human being first and foremost and if we just all saw each other as human beings rather that labels, we the people would be so much the better; however, this is not reality.  Labels are only important in identifying, rather than in identity.  I identify as trans.  I enjoy crossdressing, and I am currently living as bigendered. I identify outwardly for many reasons such as fellowship, friendship, companionship, sharing, reaching out, and Pride, Pride of who I am in regards to my ever evolving gender journey.

      I love my sisters!….and brothers too.

      gabbi

    • #353022
      Mary Priscilla
      Duchess - Annual

      I have so much going on in my life as I strive to create and sustain my feminine identity.  Therefore, I do not want or need labels to define me.  If, upon meeting for the first time, a man or woman takes the time to get to know me and, they respond in a positive manner, that is all I need.

    • #353025

      I don’t fit in A box or wear A label. I am A very happy guy/girl who loves both sides of me. I feel good wearing dresses as well as coveralls when working on cars. I don’t need A label to know who I am.

    • #353065

      Great topic and poll Lisa. Until very recently I identified as an androgyne, then a crossdresser. I’m done worrying about what box I fit in. The thing about labels is they’re somebody’s opinion of what the label means, even if that opinion is very common. Too often it’s a case of you say potato, I say applesauce. I know I belong in the transgender community. If someone absolutely needs to know what I identify as, I’ll happily tell them: flying spaghetti monster. That’ll learn ’em. lol

    • #353070

      Yes, is is important, regardless of how one identifies. It serves as shorthand to get you close in understanding how things sit for a given person.

      It works only 2 ways: they tell or you ask. Assumptions get you into trouble…

    • #353077

      A label is just a starting point in a conversation.  It is a general categorization in which to start.

      We use labels all the time.   You may use it to describe your marital situation, whether you have children, your profession,  or your hobbies.  It is not an all-inclusive term.

      We are not one-dimensional, we are complex.  And in order for our brains to process things, we need to have these general boxes.  But no one fits completely in any of these boxes.  Once you have this starting point, you can go on to say I’m a little in this box, a little in that box, somewhat in none of these boxes.

      I do think labels are important, but they are no means the end of the story.  They are merely the beginning.

    • #353093

      Hi Lisa,

      I guess I really don’t need a label for who I am. Since I have always felt being a Gemini I had somewhat of a split personality way before Stephanie came to be and now she fills a void that I have always felt. I have friends here that use different names for me when we chat. All my life people mispronounced my last name on a regular basis. Because of my nature, I really don’t fit in any box whether male or female. I guess the point that I am getting to is summed up in a old country saying: call me anything you want, just don’t call me late for supper! Hugs to all… Stephanie

    • #353148
      DeLora
      Lady

      I have spent most of the last 10 months trying to figure what I am, where do I fit in this gender spectrum. I am a crossdresser, but this is just a reflection of some gender identity issue. I am happy as a man, but also like to, and need to dress in feminine clothing regularly.

       

      I don’t really understand this need I have, and because I don’t understand it I am not ready to pigeonhole myself into some other gender definition only to find that I don’t fit there either.

      I guess broadly I am gender-nonconforming, but that’s is as far as I am prepared to go.

    • #353206

      [postquote quote=353148]

      I would caution about “understanding”. At present, and likely for some time to come, no one knows exactly why people are crossdressers or transgender. Similar to being gay, which has had much more research then gender identity, people have offered theories, but that’s about it. So, if by understanding you are referring to the Why, I would say expectations are not good.

      The larger issue is our acceptance, how we integrate our gender identity into our lives and move forward…

    • #353213

      Hi Lisa!

      These are some wonderful questions and give us lots to think about!  For me, I don’t want any labels at all, not that I think labels are bad, I just don’t need a definition of myself!  I’m happy to be me, whatever that is at any given time.

      Thanks for the wonderful poll!  I found the results fascinating!

      hugs!

      Susie Blue

    • #353224
      Rayna Carlian
      Duchess

      At first I was going to click no…

      But I really wanted to click No & Gender Fluid(only one I chose).

      If I had it to go back and do all over again in TODAY’s approach to labels and thinking… I think I would be in the Non-Binary category. I met a fun person that is non-binary. Some days feels like a boy, some days feels more girly…dress accordingly…I think I would enjoy that freedom of expression.

    • #353238

      [postquote quote=353224]

      That isn’t entirely accurate. What you describe is Gender Fluid.

      From the National Center for Transgender Equality:

      Non-Binary Defined

      Most people – including most transgender people – are either male or female. But some people don’t neatly fit into the categories of “man” or “woman,” or “male” or “female.” For example, some people have a gender that blends elements of being a man or a woman, or a gender that is different than either male or female. Some people don’t identify with any gender. Some people’s gender changes over time. Unfortunately, non-binary didn’t seem to make the list…

      People whose gender is not male or female use many different terms to describe themselves, with non-binary being one of the most common. Other terms include genderqueer, agender, bigender, and more. None of these terms mean exactly the same thing – but all speak to an experience of gender that is not simply male or female.

       

      While a non-binary person’s gender identity may change over time, it is more of a drift as opposed to a back and forth, back and forth. Personally I liken gender fluid to multiple personalities in the sense that it is not known what causes the shift. It just happens…

      For disclosure, I identify as non-binary. I consider myself to be an amalgam of male and female energies and perspectives and not distinctly either one.

    • #353247
      Rayna Carlian
      Duchess

      I appreciate the info! Thank you!

    • #353256
      Lisa Fox
      Lady

      Hi Dala,

      I have to agree with DeeAnn’s definition taken from The Center fro Transgender Equality, only because I am in the same boat as you.  OMG, I was terrified to post this forum and poll so I did a little research first hoping I wasn’t going to offend anyone or screw it up.  That said I wanted to see where this would go and had faith in the compassion I have experienced with the ladies on this site.  We are learning together!

      And to all the ladies who have responded so far thank you!!!

      Hugs,

      Lisa

    • #353257
      Rayna Carlian
      Duchess

      Lisa,

      I agree with DeeAnn also. I was basing my “label” on what I got from an acquaintance.

      I should have done(and will do) more reading to ensure that I educate myself about this world that I have become a part of.

      It was a great poll Lisa, I learned from it and appreciate these discussions.

      Thank you all! 💓

      Dala

       

    • #353342

      [postquote quote=353247]

      Not a problem! Gender Fluid is really intriguing as we don’t know why some people are transgender, and on top of that, we don’t know why sensibilities and perceptions change between male and female. Sadly, being a marginalized community, there is interest in studies but a lack of funding exists.

      If we didn’t know someone was gender fluid, and we experienced them in one mode, it would be very surprising to experience them in another mode. However, if we knew before hand, it would not be a shock. That’s where understanding someone’s approximate gender identify is helpful…

    • #353399
      Anonymous

      Gender fluid , crossdresser 😊

    • #353455
      C

      Hi Girls!

      I’ve read a lot and thought a lot about this topic, and come to the conclusion that I (and many others when I read above) fit the category of “dual-role transvestite”. This is someone (of either gender) who dresses temporarily in the clothing of the opposite gender to experience what it is like to be or to take the role of the opposite gender. There is no desire for reassignment treatment, and it is not a fetish for clothing as such.

      S

    • #353482

      Truthfully, I don’t care what I call myself…I chose crossdresser and bigender. All I know is I love being Kathryn, yet I like being my male self as well.

      Hugs, ~Kat~

    • #353687

      I refer to myself as just a normal crossdresser.

    • #353889

      I have yet to find a label I can say fits who/ what I am. But I am OK with that because I am happy and at peace with who/what I am!

    • #353891
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess

      Hi Lisa, I answered I am a crossdresser and genderfluid.  I though like many here am confused exactly  why I do this.  Some of the options you gave are maybe somewhat offencive, and some are not well defined.  Are some persons who call themselves genderqueer just trying to stir the pot just to annoy others?  It might be to given time to explore my CD and my feelings about it I might change my mind down the road.  Maybe even to go all the way to HRT and further.

       

      X?O Sandy ?OX??

    • #353981
      Lisa Fox
      Lady

      Hi Sandy,

      Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond.  Please know it was not my intention to be offensive and upset anyone.  Because of that concern and my interest in learning everyone’s perspectives I did some research before posting.

      Both the Human Rights Campaign and The National Center for Transgender Equality clearly define all of the terms I listed here.  There are actually more, however, I had to draw the line somewhere and that is why I put “other”.  I do not think anyone is trying to stir the pot, I just think there are a wide range of expressions and drivers within our community.

      These organizations define “genderqueer” people as those that typically reject notions of static categories of gender and embrace a fluidity of gender identity and often, though not always, sexual orientation. People who identify as “genderqueer” may see themselves as being both male and female, neither male nor female or as falling completely outside these categories.

      I have found it interesting so far that just between “yes” and “no” on the importance of labels it is split 45%/55%.  It did not expect it to be this close.  From what I have read here and PMs I have received, what is not surprising is that most find it important when they need to convey their feeling or perspectives to others, but find it offensive when they are used to label someone else in a derogatory sense.

      I do apologize if you found anything offensive, again not my intention.

      Hugs,

      Lisa

    • #354076

      [postquote quote=353891]

      It is possible that some people have adopted genderqueer as a political statement, similar to how some women adopted lesbianism as a political statement, but I suspect that is not true for the majority. If you look at the definitions for genderqueer, non-binary, gender non-conforming and a few others, the definitions will all be close but with some subtle differences. However, be sure to use the same source as definitions can vary a bit between sources. These things are not written in stone…

    • #354236

      After having grown up dressing and being as femme as I could be for 55 years, I have worn and had probably almost every label I can think of applied to me.  A lot of them will not be repeated in print here as they were very offensive and hurtful.  Others were used, by myself and other’s, to try and put me in some box or folder for classification.  All the labels that have come down the pike in the last 10 years or so I just ignore, there are too many to even try to keep track of, IMHO.  The label of ‘Queer’ just sets me on fire at times as it was extremely derogatory for so many of us and for such a long time, and now, voila, we can say it about ourselves and others and it is okay.  Please, make up my friggin mind already, lol.

      If I must wear a label, how is this: Feminine Crossdressing, Transgender, Non-Transitioning (at least for now), Gay, Mattress Back, Slut (fe)male.  I guess those are the ones I am not ashamed of because I know it is who, where and how I am in my life.  I revel in feeling feminine, smelling awesome, being soft and even cuddly, and YES, I enjoy sex with my men friends.<<<<<plural.

      I am also friendly, hard working, dependable, keep my word, helpful, courteous, some what talented in a few things and helpless in others, vulnerable, emotional at times, quiet, introverted and sometimes no one can shut me up, and I am one of the best dancing, air guitar players of all time and can even sing in harmony with myself in the shower.

      Enjoy your self and life and don’t worry where everyone else puts you.  When ever you stop and sit to catch your breath, that’s exactly where you are, own it.

      PaulaF

       

      • This reply was modified 3 years ago by Paula F.
    • #354718
      Lisa Fox
      Lady

      Hi Paula, DeeAnn, Sandy and all,

      Thank you for the replies!  I really appreciate the clarification as I also find this quite confusing.

      Paula, I am with you that the term “queer” sets me off.  I haven’t voiced all of my opinions as I am trying to learn from all of you. And as DeeAnn said there is inconsistency in definitions and use of the terms, and may very well be a political statement in some senses.

      All of that said, I recently binged watched “We’re Here” which was enlightening, entertaining, and at the same time left me more confused.  Although focused around Drag and targeted toward the gay community, the message was strongly inclusiveness which appeared to  involve any walk of life.  One of the things that threw me was how often they used the term “queer”, not in a negative sense.  I don’t recall every time they used it, however, they may have meant it in more of a sexual orientation then a gender identity connotation, but with all of the overlapping that occurs, I am not really sure how to delineate the difference.

      Felt like I should sign this “Confused in Pennsylvania” LOL

      Hugs,

      Lisa

       

    • #354747

      [postquote quote=354718]

      Yes, Queer is one of those words that has morphed over time. I don’t know if it was a conscious thing or something that just happened, but people have embraced the term in more recent years and that has deflated nearly all of the stigma. However, as expected, people have moved on to other negative terms.

      Another interesting thing is how word meaning is sometimes a function of location. In the US, the term Transvestite has fallen out of favor and other terms are in use; often crossdresser, for example. However, in the UK Transvestite is still in wide use.

      Once again, two countries separated by a common language…

    • #355162
      Stephanie
      Lady

      I absolutely abhor labels for two major reasons. I have had so many labels glued to me I sometimes feel more like a pack of sticky notes.
      I have worn labels so much in my life that I come to believe the application of labels are so others can find the right box for me to fit in.  Over the years, I have noticed that my personal tendency is to defy the labels others attempt to classify me into.  For the sake of the reader, I won’t list any of the labels assigned to me over the years, but I can say, I have surprised many of people.

      The secondary reason I find labels difficult is because there is so much overlap, nuances and misunderstandings when applying them.  Labels have a tendency to create this fit all category for me to be dropped in. I am unique.
      I don’t feel male, nor do I feel female. I don’t dance between my “two selves” anymore because there is only one of me. Born with the genetics of a male, similar body structure that bears strong resemblance to both genders, the strength that is afforded to me as a male, the emotion and feelings capabilities that strongly represent the female in me.
      Today, I will allow others to attach a label to me (it’s their label not mine),I will smile at them, I will speak with them, and I will treat them with the respect and dignity they are deserving of as a person.  If affixing a label to me helps you be comfortable, then put lots of glue on it, I assure you, it will come off at some point and if you are still around when it comes off, then you will see me for who I really am.  Nether male or female and yet, BOTH

       

    • #355300
      Dawn Wyvern
      Managing Ambassador

      In the UK and most of the rest the world use the term ‘Transgender’ as an umbrellas to encompass all those in the non-specific gender spectrum. ” I am Trans, I am Transitioning, I am non-binary, I am a Transvestite, I am a Crossdresser,   I am M2F,  I am Gender Queer …’’  apparently there are 48 terms that are used at the last count I made and its often hard to keep up! In the US it seems to be used to say I am transitioning … its a language thing.

      The term transvestite is no often used nowadays, nor is transexual as these point to the old ‘medical/mental health’ markers that have been superseded with the transgender spectrum.

      It’s  a minefield when you start diving into the sub-devisions and trying to put yourself in a box. – in the past when I first came out I used clarify myself as ‘non-op TS’ when I lived full time – but now I am no longer full-time, the TS bit is still there and part of me but has yet to be fulfilled. – its an attitude to your own self make up.

      So now – ‘I am Me’, a simple unique statement and reflects I am a simple unique individual.

      As the song go – ‘I am what I am …’ and ‘This is me’’  seem to meet my requirements, and having been out as transgender for over 40 yrs I have seen this same discussion every few months … its not important to put yourself into a box, its important to be comfortable with being yourself.

      Hugs

      Dawn x

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