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As my femme side gets out more often, sometimes I run into people that know my masculine, married with children, side. I don’t run for cover, but instead greet them. They are often surprised but recover fairly quickly; at least appear to recover quickly. One of the first things that these acquaintances automatically conclude is that I must be into men, and that’s ok with them. Without being put off too much, I explain how gender identity and gender preference are two different things, and that my particular gender preference is women. I guess that makes me a lesbian, so their assumption that I’m gay is not completely off the mark, it’s just that they assumed what I’m gay for, if that makes any sense. I’m wondering if this is a common occurrence with the other girls in our community.
I think that people are often confused by the term transgender. For some time I was confused myself. How could I feel female and want to be a female and love women so much. The only person who really brought that up so far besides my self, is my wife when I came out to her. I struggled with trying to tell here I’m not gay and as my male counter part is very heterosexual. As Darcy I still love women and I am still attracted to woman, so maybe there is a certain homosexuality to it after all.
Darcy,
I feel the same way you do. Although not in a relationship right now, I do hope to one day find a woman who can handle me and all my quirks(of which my gender issues are just the tip of the iceberg!). Hearing so many of you ladies here with accepting wives gives me hope that tere;s someone out there for me too (if you all haven;t TAKEN all of them yet!). I don’t miss the sex (well noy THAT much) but the biggest thing missing is the person you can just “be with” and cuddle and takecare of eaxh other and…well you know what I mean!
Cynthia
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I am new here and in early transition and a friend to me more along in transition is happy to be married but I am very much bisexual. Sometimes I love being with both. My apologies for not having a photo as yet but radical changes next year forth coming for me. Now I am on fire for men and women and I will not change ever. Even other transgender women I am attracted to so I hope for companionship with someone who will have me soon no likes being alone thank u for listening. Brandie</p>
this is generally the first assumption/question I usually encounter. There is no ‘right’ way to answer but I don’t shy away from answering the question. Most seem to understand well enough, once you get the difference between identity and preference across to them. Some won’t understand a man wanting to be/dress as a woman, temporarily or otherwise, or a woman wanting to be/dress as a man for that matter. Sex is an entirely different matter and has nothing (generally) to do with how we dress and behave.
Hi,
Gender, in the terms given has no meaning at all for myself as a person, okay how do you explain to some one your a non sexual, that means you dont have any sexual organs male or female , so in a sence your nether male or female or both ,now when you get your head around that you,ll have some idear what its like being like i am , as we say here ( Kiwi,s ) your bloody different ,
so thats the physical side Mentally Emotionaly female dont know about males side ,
Now gender Preference I,ll take that as being you like males or females , Females in my case , as i dont know any other way , and i relate with females on all levels plus im not a lesbain as thats an another meaning and becomes a different issue ,
I know of one person who was born different again though i have not the details so cant say much other than it appears was born with out sexual organs and though different is nether male or female and to look at the person looked very female yet male as well , so a real mix and the xx and xy plus any of over 15 different types of had none
so was ether a mis match or some other detail i know nothing of as yet i may find out , i thought that was very interesting ,…noeleena…
I am gay and I have always been gay, yet I have had sexual experiences with females as well and actually my last one was like less than a year ago and it was with a female that was twenty years younger than me and I am 41 years old and she wanted a relationship with me but of course I got freaked out that I could be her dads age or older.
People don’t assume I am gay because I don’t display it or act any certain way like some gay folks you can just tell. I think even if I were to become full female that I still very much would be attracted to men. I have never been attracted to females at all exclusively, now watch porn with two females that actually does get me somewhat exciting so perhaps I do have a side attraction to females.
I guess more or less I want to have what they have, I want so badly to have breasts or a vagina and that is what I am always thinking about. Perhaps my attitude would change if I did become a woman fully and perhaps I would try and have contact with another female. All these feelings are beyond overwhelming and not sure which is which and what is what sometimes but I know that I feel so different even when I am just wearing a pair of panties, it just feels so right.
anyone taken the Cogiati test online?
http://transsexual.org/cogiati_english.html
I got a score and don’t know if it means much ? would love feedback of other members please.
Celine,
While this is a fun and entertaining test, it is NOT at all scientific and you should take any results with a whole shakerful of salt. Certainly do not base any decisions on the results! IT is designed based on societal stereotypes and is not truly indicative of “true” gender.The best thing to do if you are not already doing so is to start seeing a counselor who specializes in gender issues and can help you safely explore your feelings and options. You can also PM or chat with several of the members here who have been through or are in the midst of transitioning and are usually more than willing to talk with people who have questions about it. Vanessa herself as well as Denise are good people to ask and there are more whose names escape me at the moment. And ofcourse you can also contact me of tany of the other AMbassadors as well.
Luv ya,
CynDear Cynthia, that is so helpful, you’re a gem!
Hugs
Celine
Hi Celine. With regards to the Cogiati test and a few others I have seen on countless searches over the earlier years of my own self-discovery and eventual decision to fully transition, I can only echo what others have said here. Take the tests and measure the results for what they are…….designed to fit the “masses in general”. It can be perhaps an “eye opener” for you, conversely perhaps making you doubt what you deep down and honestly know of yourself. Find the courage to find a therapist who has experience dealing with gender identity issues. Be honest with them and yourself. Then, and only then, can you start to find out who and what you are and take steps that will help you in whatever your path may be.
When I first recognized that I needed to talk to a “specialist” (therapist) I called their office 5-6 different times, they would answer and I would hang up. I understand the fear of it all! When I actually had the courage to reply when they answered the phone, I then had to find the courage to actually go there (in male mode none-the-less), THEN find the courage to respond to her question “why are you here,” with me having to utter the words out loud, to another real live, in-person, for the first time ever: “I’m a transgender woman.” WOW, did I actually say that out loud I thought to myself! She was very accepting and we just started talking about me, and why, when, etc. Me being s open and as honest about everything we talked about. Some of it was uncomfortable as I had to face myself sorta speaking. She never told me I was anything, she helped me realize for myself who I was, and that it was ok to be myself. I’ve just grown and grown so much since then. Do your due diligence, your own research of the resources in your area, find the courage, you can do it.
I finally decided to start seeing a therapist about my gender identity. I was convinced that I was transgender but also totally confused about my gender. for most of my life I identify as a cisgender male. But I also knew that there was other feelings too.
It was a hard decision to commit myself to therapy and to truly admit to having transgender feelings. I was actually ashame to admit this truth about myself.
My own sexual preference has caused me great confusion over the years. Being single since 2004 and not really interested in finding or having any new “relationships” I’ve often found myself asking “what am I interested in?” Guys? Girls? Both? Being on hormones for the last 6 years (yes, I’m fully transitioned, living as a woman in all aspects of life 24/7) I’ve found that my own thoughts and feelings have dramatically changed. Yes, I know women, what they like, how to please them (I’ve been married 3 times-all women) and have never been with a man. The idea of being romantically involved with a male used to disgust me. Today, while still not looking for a relationship with anyone, I find myself not revolted with the idea like I once was. I think I actually would prefer a male today over a female. Now, I still find women to be quite attractive, and wishing I had “that body or that face, etc” being romantically involved with one again is not as wanting as it once was. So, do I think I am gay wanting a man? Not at all, that makes me (in my mind at least) to be heterosexual. Being with a female would make me conversely a lesbian. Being with both makes me of course bi-sexual. Hell, we go through so many head trips and feelings just figuring out who we actually are, having the additional head trip of figuring out who we are because of who we desire romantically is just another mind blowing head trip again……least it has been for me.
Denise, thanks a lot for your input, however, I am still interested in your opinion on the online tests for gender such as the Cogiati test. any thoughts?
Celine
My wife and I had quite a chuckle over this question recently. We came to the conclusion that I’m dualsexual. I’m not bisexual as that suggests both men and women. I am ‘dualsexual’ because sometimes I’m a man attracted to women, and thus heterosexual, and sometimes I’m a woman attracted to women, and thus lesbian.
Heck, if I’m honest, I’m monosexual because there’s only one person for me anyway.
🙂
One of the biggest hurdle for me to clear to accept that I was transgender was to understand that gender and sexuality was different. I have always thought that transgender women were guys wanting to be with other guys. Yes, it’s a politically incorrect thought now. It wasn’t always.
When I accepted that I wasn’t a CIS male, I started to question my sexuality as well. I was relieved to finally figure out that I was a woman and also am attracted to women. I guess that makes me a lesbian. Which I still haven’t figure out how to approach dating right now. It’s alright. I still need to work on myself and get myself in a good place. Before I start dating again. Hopefully, by that time, I would be able to find some resources (Internet dating or accepting social scenes) to help me find someone.
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