Canary in the coal mine

Or, why come out & talk about it?

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  • Couldn't hold these feelings in anymore
  • I hope my significant other will join me
  • My family / friends / both ought to know me
  • I was caught "flagrante delicto" / someone figured it out
  • I hope the people I'm out to will let me be myself around them
  • It just kinda spilled out one night...
  • Other (let's hear it, please!)
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    • #369720
      Katie Darcy
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      Registered On: July 27, 2020
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      I’ll try to keep my story short and to the point. My wife “knew” since we were engaged but she didn’t ask or talk about it. I’ve hidden it with lies the entire time. We’ve been having general marital trouble for years (not very intimate but still BFFs), and not related  to my dressing either.

      I got an apartment on the side around March of this year and was spending time there when I could. She found out about the apartment; but not my dressing.

      When she discovered the apartment, I could’ve lied like always and said I was thinking of leaving and maybe then tried to smooth things over like always to try and get back to “normal”; but I just couldn’t do it anymore and I spilled my whole story from 13 to today.

      We are definitely living separately now and have decided to be open to dating other people; but we agree to put off official divorce for now. We are closer now as friends and she has been extremely accepting of Katie. We talk about makeup and stuff all the time 🙂

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    • #365500
      Alexis Tresse
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      Update to my initial reply from July 10: I’ve told one grown child who noticed that I seemed distracted (hormone tests had just revealed abnormalities) that I’m transgender MTF, but not transitioning forward or backward.

      “I like myself the way I am,” I explained. All adults have excitements as evidenced by procreation but we should respect private boundaries about our details. I requested specifically no unannounced video phone calls.

      I said that while I did not want to be a subject of gossip, to answer questions truthfully, and not to fear that truth would hurt me or cause trouble elsewhere.

      My vote in this poll originally was and still is that I was caught.

    • #365471
      Gloria Renee
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      This poll has me thinking of Chicago’s “I can’t fight this feeling anymore”.

      Which is so true, I so don’t want to hide. But I do for the sake of my kids.

      Just wish I had some in person support.

      I will get through this, one way or another.  Just afraid it is going to the wrong way.

      If given the ultimatum, from the “Dirty Dancing” movie, nobody is going to put baby in a corner (again).

      -Gloria.

    • #365456
      Natalie Nervous
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      i agree honesty is always the best road , but when ive been honest its brutally backfired , but in the end was still the best way to go . let the ball bounce where it may.

       

    • #364895
      Ellie Hope
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      Registered On: October 3, 2019
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      I want to share the joy and happiness I feel as Ellie with most everyone, yet I fear possible rejection by people I respect. As time marches on and my self-confidence increases, I’ve been opening up to those who are significant to me. And it feels like a heavy weight is removed each time. I also find myself expressing my feminine side all the time, in public or not. Things like painted nails, jewelry, gender bending clothing are becoming my normal wear when not in full Ellie mode. Deep down, I get great satisfaction from letting the world know I feel somewhere on the gender spectrum shifted well over toward the female pole.

    • #364172
      T.J. Byron
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      T.N.T….

      Congrats on finding yourself at such a young age,44.

      I am 74 in October, and have been out in public, since the 1960’s in my 20’s.

      Love to chat about your journey. Here in the Puget Sound of WA I teach the ” Art” of CDing.

      Looking forward hearing from you…

      Dr.T.J.

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    • #364057
      Gloria
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      I chose other because once its out of the bag it turns to twisted rumors. To put the truth to rumors in a positive way. Someone you trust with your secret will let it out. Opening up and talking about the truth to being mtf crossdresser and explaining the many false ideas is the best for our community. People that don’t know the truth and facts think the worst. Once explained, they understand we are still the same great person we have always been. In most cases it is better to just tell the truth and be yourself.

    • #363998
      Trinity Nicole Tinsley
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      I voted other because, it may not always be best to come right out with it but once you do you will feel and have the freedom to finally be you.  I’m a 44 year old mtf transgender who has recently come completely out and it is a very liberating feeling to finally be able to be myself without hiding.

    • #363793
      Paula1
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      The answer that I gave was getting caught, I come home one day and my wife was standing with some of my underwear, That was the beginning of my coming out, there was a lot of tears and laughter that night, then the first person that I told was the ladies in the bra shop, as I went in for a fitting, then the next person that I told was my business partner, she has been awesome, then of course there is the girls on the makeup stand that do my make overs, They just love having fun, My wife has told five of her closest friends, I found that very hard at the time, It has been ok though, and they are all supportive.

    • #363779
      T.J. Byron
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      C.C….

      Enjoyed your comments in your recent post…

      keep IN TOUCH!

      Dr.T.J.

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    • #363690
      Brittney Andrews
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      I voted I couldn’t hold these feelings in anymore. I finally accepted myself as a CDer in 2016 after my wife almost caught/suspected me from the evidence of a finished intimates wearing session in the late months of 2015, her intimates. Started using the internet to do research on crossdressing and to find acceptance, especially in my local area. January 2018 I found a lingerie boutique that was accepting of CDers and transgenders. The owner was the first person I openly admitted to that I was a CDer. In June 2018, I found out about a support group in my area and that they would be at the local VA hospital PRIDE fair. I decided that was neutral ground and went to check them out. I approached one their representatives and introduced myself as a CDer. I attended my first meeting that September in drab and was welcomed into the group; two weeks later, I attended the next meeting dressed en full fem. August 2019 I decided to join CDH, somewhat due to that a member of my support group is a member here. Since 2018 I’ve revealed that I’m a CDer to some other local store owners where I like to shop for women’s clothes. Due to my wife’s reaction in 2015, I don’t ever see it possible to come out to her, our daughter, or anyone from her family. There’s a widow of my mother’s cousin, she’s like an aunt to me, that I’d feel comfortable coming out to. But with all the support I have from my support group and here, I don’t feel the need to explore that path just yet.

    • #363682
      ChloeC
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      Other than telling my wife right after our marriage (which I’ve mentioned before), the only other non tg person I’ve ‘come out’ to was my mother.  Back when I was a teen, she caught me but this was back in the early 60’s when tg wasn’t a thing, and the assumption by the general public (which is still shared, I’m sure, but a sizeable number of people today), is that if you’re not a manly man male, you must be gay. I knew I wasn’t but I didn’t say anything back to her and I got better at hiding and she let it drop. Fast forward(ha) to a few years ago and I knew she would be passing any time (which she did within a year or so) and I sat down and ‘came out’ to her.  She really didn’t bat an eye or want to talk it much except she told me that my father ( who she was madly in love with, but he died in an accident when I was young) had several friends (she named them) that she thought were gay. I really didn’t know what to say as I vaguely remembered them but to a youngster they were just my dad’s friends.  Anyway, I felt I needed to tell my mother as I didn’t want her to pass away not knowing the truth. It didn’t go bad…or good, just not what I was hoping for, but I’d do it again if I had the chance.

    • #363381
      Paula F
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      Kimmie, she is definitely a one of a kind young lady, and I would have been lost without her to keep me motivated.

      PaulaF

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    • #363314
      Kay Anderson
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      About 4 years into my marriage, my feelings kept bubbling up. So I thought I would take a gamble and come out to my wife. She was very supportive and was willing to let me buy clothes, a wig (the wig was ugly and tossed during a purge) and help me with makeup. That was about 20 years ago. We raised 5 kids so our household was never quiet and we had no privacy for a long time. Now the kids are grown and all out of the house. I had my feminine re-awakening last February. I came back out to my wife with a lot more self acceptance. No more purges! I can’t imagine keeping this a secret for my whole live. That would take a terrible toll on me. I also came out to one of my therapists. And to all the girls here!

    • #363257
      Kimmie
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      PaulaF,

      Your niece is a gift, cherish her.

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    • #362970
      Marianne
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      I came out to my wife as a crossdresser about two years into our marriage, so around 1997. I have always wanted to be a girl/woman though, and in recent years I have thought more and more serious about transitioning to female. In the fall of 2014 l started going out in public as Marianne on work trips and soon also around home and my workplace, sometimes commuting en femme. In 2016 l had a Model makeover and photo shoot at Model House Stockholm. Visiting my parents over New Year, I decided late one evening, to show my mother some photos of Marianne, explaining it was me presenting as female.some time later I talked also with my father and he immediately accepted me. Two colleagues at work already knew about the photo shoot as I had one photo as home screen on my phone.

      After that it was my children’s turn and they all were accepting and cool about having Marianne around. After a trip to UK in March 2018 I had a question coming back to work, and so decided to put the cards on the table and came out to everyone there.

      Currently i am on the waiting list for a gender identity evaluation and possible transition to female at the Anova clinic in Stockholm since early October last year.

    • #362678
      Jemma Schumpert
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      Each year I watched everyone “come out” and be all happy, scared, excited, etc., and wished desperately that I could join them. Then in a series of misjudgements of loyalty, I blurted out my sexuality and inner struggle to three different people, who immediately betrayed me to others who then erased me from their lives.  On the one hand, I am glad to finally at least be out to a few of my loved ones who still talk to me and to my spouse.  On the other hand, my fear and theirs as well, have put us into a “frozen” state with no clear resolution on the horizon.  My eternal hope is that soon we can all come to some conclusion and find a path that leads to some level of peace and happiness for all of us.  Being out just to be out seems selfish to me if it ends up hurting every single person you have ever valued.  In fact, for me, it is equal to the betrayal I experienced at the hands of my so-called friends and family.

      If you can come out, by all means do.  Just remember that just as hard as it was for you to stay in the closet and hide your feelings, it will be equally hard for those who disagree with your choices/lifestyle/reality to keep their own feelings in a closet.  My mother will always love me and I know that for a fact, but if she ever finds out about my reality, it would cause her immense conflict internally.  For that reason, I will never come out to her and I am at peace with that.

    • #362541
      Alexis Tresse
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      I tell people I need for support: a cosmetologist; a wig expert; my physician; a hospice counselor about widowhood; and one grocery clerk who demanded my photo ID to explain why an apparent woman presented a male-name credit card. (Lesson: pay in cash if possible.)

      Admitting that I am male-to-androgynous transgender is easier than admitting how often I cross-dress MTF. The fun in CD is to pass as a woman!

       

       

    • #362469
      Paula F
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      I chose “being caught enflagrante delecto” and “other”.

      The “other” choice comes when I met my first true crush/bf/ daddy, whatever you would like to refer to him as.  Vincent was older than I was by like almost 17 years, was gay, and had been in a couple of relationships with CD girls out in California before moving here.  The day he found out I wasn’t a teen girl being friendly whenever I saw him, we had some very serious discussions about how I felt I should have been born as.  He offered me a safe place to be Paula and to keep my stash at so mom wouldn’t find it.  His rules were simple, I would call and let him know I was coming over (which became almost every day).  If I came to the front door and rang the doorbell, we would just visit and talk about things ( I promise, just talk, the serious stuff came later).  If I was going to dress and let Paula out, I was to use the garage entrance and go straight to the room he had set up for me and my things, and once changed and dressed and was ready, then I was to come out and be ‘me’ the rest of my visit.  He would never tell me when he had company, and if he did when I got changed, I had to present as Paula to his friends.  That is how I came out under “other” circumstances.

      Being caught was by my sister ( she is the one who first put panties and a dress on me at 5).  I had moved into our mom’s house after she passed away and had taken a day off from work.  I was cleaning, dusting  and vacuuming, and had never pulled my car out of the garage.  Sis came over and didn’t see my car so she let herself in and heard the vacuum, a big super loud Kirby, and was curious to see what was up.  We were both VERY surprised when she found a strange woman cleaning her brothers house.

      Needless to say, I almost peed myself when she tapped me on the shoulder as I had not heard her come in, and she almost freaked when she figured out it was me.  It took us several hours of talking and crying and laughing and lots more talking to get it across to her that I felt more like her sister then a brother.  She kept blaming herself for ‘making me’ this way when she put me in that dress and panties.  You should have seen the look come across her face when I told her “And thank you so much for doing just that.”  It still took a few personal discussions to get her to see this was really ‘me’ and hw I wanted to live.

      Her husband was a different story and it took him quite some time to accept me, but her oldest daughter made like it was no big deal and even suggested we could now play dress up when I babysat her, she was 4 then.  Her youngest, turned out to be my crutch and support when I was going through all my cancer junk and made sure I got my butt out of bed and to my appointments for 2 1/2 years.  To her, I am nobody but Aunt Paula.

      I have lost touch with a couple of cousins over time from coming out, and also gotten closer to a few of them too.  The people I knew in school were no loss and very few of them knew a thing until I went to my 40th reunion, the first one I made, because of my niece, but I went openly as Paula and shocked a few, offended others (unintentionally) and pretty much surprised the rest.  But I had a good time.

      That is what is important, to me at least.  That we enjoy our lives as we make them, for us, and have as much fun along the way as we can because we all know there is plenty of heartache out there too.

      PaulaF

    • #362175
      T.J. Byron
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      Honestly, had my wife not come home early, that day 6-7 years ago…not sure I would ever have” Come Out”.

      Since then…Thank God for that release of decades of pent up angust, fear and emotions.

      I am freer now than ever, to do what I want, when I want, with whom I want.

      Freedom doesn’t come without a cost,however. There is always a price to pay.

      Now,at 74 in October, married 35 years…things are as good as they are ever going to be. I will live the short remainder of my life , Free.

      Dr.T.J.

    • #361891
      Alison Anderson
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      The reasons for coming out are all over the map, depending on who it was.

      My ex (spouse at the time) discovered it.  It wasn’t a talk, it was a fight.  It lasted a long time on and off, including her blackmailing me that she’ll tell on me if she was losing a fight about something else.  It’s funny how she was so unaccepting for so long when she would tell me all the time she liked man-tailored clothing.

      I came out to a woman who runs a transformation business (including makeovers and lessons in femininity) from her home.  The reasons here are obvious.  She held many parties over the years in her home, and we became friends.

      My youngest daughter found my clothing, so I came out to her.  She later came out to me as either asexual or lesbian.  My opening up to her made her comfortable to open up to me.

      My (ex) SIL found a picture of me on the web.  She said something about not approving to my ex (wife) but never said anything to me, nor did I bring the subject up with her.

      I came out to my son (oldest child) when driving home from college.  I had already started going out the parties mentioned above, and wanted to prepare my son before.  He tells me he has probably seen me sneaking around late at night or early morning times.

      I came out to my other daughter when helping her find her wedding gown.  She was planning on coming over on the weekend late in the evening.  I already had made plans to be with my friend and several others going to a dungeon that night.  I wanted to warn her in case we crossed paths.  She has never seen me dressed, whereas I dress in front of the other two all the time.

      I came out to the woman who did my waxing, because she was curious, particularly why I was getting my legs waxed.  After she left, I came out to her replacement.  Partly because one day I was getting waxed, I had a party so I did some foundation makeup and then got waxed.  I noticed later some makeup on the table.  She didn’t say anything but the next month I came out to her.  She is the only one who knows me exclusively as a guy that I have shown my female pictures to.  I think

      The people who attend my friends parties or my support group have seen be in both male and female mode, even though most of the time I come dressed to these events.

      One time I was performing in a show, and one role was as a schoolgirl.  While waiting for the color in my hair to process, I got a french manicure.  I showed my hairdresser the pictures from the show the next time I was in, but never said that I did this all the time.

      Some of my daughter’s friends from the pride center, and also part of an erotic hypnosis group, have seen be both as a male and female.  I went out dressed en femme with some of them to the New York Renaissance Faire.  When going in to see Kinky Boots on Broadway with my daughter, I met one of her friends and her mom.  They were going to see a different play on Broadway that night and we met to eat together at Burger King.  Her mom knew I was a crossdresser, but didn’t realize that I was her friend’s father until my daughter and her friend were texting each other on our respective bus rides home.

      So while I had a couple of “I got caught,” most fall into the “other” category.

    • #361889
      Bettylou Cox
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      Stephanie,

      I found that it feels good to acknowledge to others that you’re a CD, with no feelings of guilt.  I was very nervous the first time, when I went for my first makeover; but by #4, when I had my hair done at Ulta, I was simply stating the obvious, and it was part of a normal conversation.

    • #361868
      Bettylou Cox
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      I told my wife because I couldn’t hold it in any longer, AND I was hoping she would join me.  She hasn’t done that yet, but I’m now free to roam the house in my denim skirt and flats – letting the girl inside me be reflected on the outside.

    • #361853
      Heather Jameson
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      Hey Sam, my wife and I had separated and she spilled the beans to the world so I just said yes I’m a crossdresser, so what. I had to talk to my kids about it, obviously, my sister had known for a longtime as well as my mom and I had a few friends approach me and ask me what was going on, some offered support and some said get lost freak. Oh well, those that said get lost, best of luck to you and may you enjoy life to the fullest. No time for regrets or grudges, life’s too short for that stuff, on with the show.

    • #361829
      Molly
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      Hi Sam, Great Poll;

      I feel that I could almost have used @seraphina ‘s wonderful response.  The only difference would have been that when I ‘just couldn’t hold the feelings‘ , I had the closest thing to an out of body experience where “It just kinda spilt out one night’ .   I was both appalled and feeling relieved as I explained to my dearest wife that I wanted to wear women’s clothing and related items.  It was almost as if Femme me had the driver’s seat and male me was the one in the back of the mind.    Hasn’t felt that way again, but it was a shock and a surprise.

      From there it’s been a slow burn and I’ve had to let my daughters know (recently accomplished) because I couldn’t stand the idea that  one day they would say: “We didn’t really know our Dad”, and finally the freedom of being able to be myself without spending the energy on hiding everything is definitely now a motivator as it feels so much better for having less fear of discovery.

      Having only the “being caught’ option left unchecked, I’m really interested in what qualifies as ‘Other’ from girls who have something else to explain it.

      -Molly

    • #361775
      Stevie Steiner
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      I had to vote ” other “.  Almost voted couldn’t hold it in anymore, but that’s not accurate.

      I had held it in for several decades, I could have continued….  so, I could have held it in, but I DIDN’T WANT TO anymore.  Just got tired of living by the ” normies ” rules….

      Instead of me dealing with the ” squares “, they have to deal with me now!!

      Stevie

       

    • #361772
      Sandy Jayson
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      I myself got caught one night wearing one of my XO’s discarded bras and a pair of flats near my feet.  I admitted everything to her at which time she immediately told my 3 kids.  My deepest wish is that my kids would accept this part of me and allow me to dress as I felt at the moment weather that would be completely in drab of 100% in fem.  After that I would hope to come out to my brothers and  coworkers and be accepted by them in a similar way and of  course by society at large.

      OX Sandy  OXO

    • #361770
      Olivia Livin
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      Good morning miss backasswards lol,

      The reasons for telling differ depending on the relationship to the person or group. I’m big on telling, so great subject.

      Background: I fall somewhere on the spectrum of carrying and enjoying both genders, so I’m not trying to be a women or any longer feel the need to hide my male identity. I save the hair/wig and most makeup tricks for certain going out occassions.

      For those that are close to me, they expect honesty and I would rather be upfront, explain it to them and have them hear it from me rather than as a rumour. It allows them the opportunity ask questions, gain some knowledge and probably come up with a more positive response for when somebody does come up to them and says “So, your so and so’s a crossdresser eh?”, it also takes the awkwardness out of them somehow breaching the subject with you after finding this out.

      I enjoy, and to a certain degree, need to be ME, therefore I am underdressed, half dressed, or dressed most of the time. By having them know, it allows me the freedom to be out and about, making stops as I wish or require at family, friends or clients without having to run home and change first, or change into other clothes on the side of the road(which can be fun, or really suck BTW).

      It can provide an avenue for others to gain a better understanding, if you don’t tell them why would they bother to even try. We as humans, tend to search out and learn more deeply about things more easily when they are part of our lives, if you’ve never owned a horse why would you look into feeding or looking after one, right? This also helps them grow, allowing for some further acceptance for any alternative lifestyles within our society.

      Most of the people you’re going to tell already know you as the good person you have always been, not a dangerous deviant. Although that provides no guarantee of a great response, for the vast majority it will be met by acceptance, or at least tolerance. Their reaction can then give you the opportunity to gauge your future interactions and depth of relationship with them. Tolerance is reserved for acquaintences, DADT is Not acceptance, and is not ok for friends and family in my opinion, this IS me.

       

    • #361764
      Seren
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      Hey Sam 👋

      mine started off as a ‘I cant hold these feelings in anymore’ with a bit of ‘I hope my s/o will join me’

      Buuuut, having opened that particular Pandora’s box of wtf, I think it’s more like ‘the people who know me should Know Me’ (although I’m not sure I would ever be able to tell my parents)

      Stay cute mes amis

      Seraphina xx

    • #361760
      Stephanie Kennedy
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      Hi Sam I had to really think about this one. I am not sure if i got tired of hiding or i just got careless or both. I remember joining a private club for CDs and transsexuals [ trans people were called transsexuals at the time].  I remember being interviewed by a staff member and she asked a series of questions about when i first started dressing ect ect. I remember saying for the first time I guess i am a cross dresser to some one else. I remember it felt good to say it, I was so happy to find others that enjoyed the same things i did. I said for a second time when my wife found my clothes in the trunk of my car. I remember saying to her ‘I am interested in cross dressing’ that story is a fog I was so scared and ashamed I did not know what was going to happen. I think we all have to come out one way or another. I think coming out can mean telling the people here at CDH that can be considered “coming out”. It can be the first time for a lot of us here. It can be the beginning of finally coming out to others and feeling comfortable enough to say I guess” i am a crossdresser” if that’s what they want to call it  Luv Stephanie

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