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So many of you know I have yet to tell me wife about my cross dressing . Also those of you who know me know that I Christmas Day I had a mini start when surprised my wife and dressed in the outfit I posed in a picture for with my sister and gave my wife. For 5 hours I spent Christmas Day in a lovely dress black stockings heels, etc. and my wife seemed fine.
Unfortunately I have yet to capitalize on that event to have the talk. Lately when when watching tv I try to include some comments on how and what women are wearing always looking for an opening . The most recent discussions have been me commenting on the women wearing tights versus pantyhose (I love pantyhose!). Anyway today one women was wearing tights while another was wearing a pair of black pantyhose . I jumped all over that and said oh wow look honey how classy she looks wearing those black pantyhose. Her reply was you are just saying that because you wore black pantyhose with your dress on Christmas! I was shocked that she acknowledged it and I said unlike you i feel they keep my legs warm in the winter and they feel nice. She smiled and I froze once again missing the opportunity to open up more on the subject.
Why can’t I find the courage to do this ? I know I need to, want to etc.etc. but can’t seem to do it.
Ugh what to do what to do!!!
Hugs
Candace!!
Don’t sweat it. When the time is right it will happen. Your situation of having off handed discussions with her over time may be the best way to ease into it and ease her into it. These smaller discussions may be a good way to practice THE conversation. One of your biggest hurdle so far was her seeing you dressed. Done! Thats huge! I always worried that when I told my wife I would be a bumbling idiot and blurt out too much, too soon and it be too disjointed. I slowly broached topics with her over time to assess her comfort level and she became a little more at ease when talking about more feminine things with me. When it came to tell her the full story by way of a long well organized letter (i was not too confident talking through the larger topic for fear of ruining the message) I was fairly at ease with myself and what I wrote. Don’t feel you have to force it but let it flow when you are ready.
A written note seems like on the one hand you get to control your presentation of your points, and be able to edit it to get it all just right. On the other hand i can hardly imagine the pounding heart while it was read. On balance it does seem like a good method.
What i do believe though is that the longer you go without having The Talk, the more your wife will feel that you’ve been dishonest (lie of omission vice direct untruth) for a long time. The sooner the better.
When I realized I was really wanting to cross dress, it just got blurted out in conversation with my wife. It was before I had dressed or anything since I was like ten or something. So I had the talk before starting, effectively. It still took time for my wife to process. But giving her the chance to process in her own time, look at things then ask questions, and always being reassuring of love, devotion, and that you’re still you, she’ll have the chance to make up her own mind. Please give her that chance.
Bridgette
Candice,
Your wife has seen you dressed and hasn’t shown disapproval.
That’s a big first step and perhaps talking to her about that event might be the next step … You know when you saw me dressed up at Christmas, what did you think? A lot depends on her answer. You’ll know by her tone as well as what she actually says if it’s the right time to go further … Well actually I really enjoyed it …
The difficulty often comes when you have to reveal that you had been dressing in secret for however long it is. Often wives and SOs feel deceived and resent that you couldn’t have been honest from the start and it takes a lot of working together for you to show repentance and for her to show forgiveness. But it seems from what you have written you are in a much better position to take things forward than most of us. And as Cynthia says – baby steps and take your time
Wishing you all the luck you can possibly get plus hugs of course
HildaRuth xxxMy advice, is have the TALK, sooner rather than later.
Start with : how did you feel about my dressing on Christmas day, and tell her how it made you feel. It does seem as though she was/is ok with that, and the longer time you let lapse between the doing, and the talking, the less relative, and the more deceitful, things will seem.
Just my opinion.
Regi
Hello Candace I admire your courage and perseverance, I do think Rachel Housewife has got it right. When she said its not a simple process baby steps must be the way forward, remembering your wife’s is a woman too. I think thats good advice.
Best Wishes Candace I hope you get where you want be soon.
Sarah xx
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