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So I told my Girlfriend about my crossdressing, its the first person I ever told that I know personally and I have been in a few LTR, Married and divorced ect.
I chose to tell her as I would like it not to be a secret anymore, I prefer women over men so i’d rather have a female partner that I can dress with than hide and try to satisfy my compulsions in secret. There must be many that can relate to this.
She was very understanding at first and we’ve had some exciting time in the bedroom.
However it is not all rainbows and sunshine. I have relaxed my self around her in terms of not been so regimental hiding bits and pieces like the clothes, lingerie that I wash. But when she realises that I have been doing it alone, she gets very upset.
A – She feels like the work she has put in to accommodate my fetish in the bedroom is not sufficient otherwise I would not be doing wanting more when she is not there.
B – She thinks I should see a Psychiatrist as its not normal behaviour for me to enjoy wearing woman’s clothes other than for sex.
On top of this she has explicitly said she does not want to see me in makeup and wig, which is another reason she gets upset with me dressing alone.
I tried to explain to her my feelings about why I do what I do in terms of compulsions but she has said that she does not want to have a boyfriend that wants, wear makeup dress in public with her ect
I dont know what to do?
Tanya,
Every situation is different, we are as individuals different as are our relationships with others. You are in the best position to understand all the various aspects of yourself and your relationship with your girlfriend.
Though we all in here share much in common, we also have significant differences, and because of that I think you’ll find many of us hesitating to ‘tell you what to do,’ with any kind of specificity even though we very much support you in trying to figure that out! Hopefully that makes sense?
The basis by which so many of us, me included (and just recently BTW), seek counseling regarding our crossdressing is going to be varied, but I believe if you do it, it must be YOUR choice, and on your terms. Our significant others may influence that certainly, and that is the case with me, but thought it may be their suggestion (or even demand), the choice is yours alone to make and I would suggest you reflect on what you would like to learn about yourself and/or what outcomes you might expect or desire from such an engagement with a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist. There is much ground there – from you and your crossdressing to the relationship(s) you have or have had with others, to include your current GF.
Sorry if that isn’t particularly helpful, but know that you are not alone in the journey even though these decisions are yours alone to make. We’re here for you Tanya!
Marcellette
I don’t have a good answer for you but can tell you about my experiences. My ex thought I should also see someone. Best thing I ever did. She convinced me that there was nothing wrong with myself or my actions. I eventually left a long term marriage with a controlling non emotional unforgiving woman. Not a bad person. Just not a loving caring one. The experience actually really served to bring Michelle out of her hiding spot. Not what I was expecting but led to me becoming confident enough to venture out as Michelle. Completely changed my life for the better. I realized the problem was my relationship with my wife not my dressing. It was difficult for a while but I am now married to a kind compassionate loving woman. I didn’t realize life could be this good. Love going out as girlfriends every so often.
Yup-this is where Communication comes in -as well as Empathy for Her thoughts & feelings–As with Any subject–it can be difficult to totally understand the Other persons views–But- that is what you need to do–Think back to when you were Dating–Did you make an effort to make her feel Special? Are you still doing it? Or are you Too Focused on what YOU want?–It’s not (or should’nt be about Money–it’s about Emotions– If she feels good Emotionally–It will be better for You–that’s why the saying–It’s better to give than Receive–Change can be difficult for humans–If she wants you to see a shrink–consider IT–Most do not consider CDing a bad thing these days–& she just needs conformation that the world she knows is not falling apart-Just changing & that’s Not a bad thing- or something to Fear–
If you decide to go to counseling then she should also go too. Relationships should be a two way street and not just what a SO wants or orders their partners to do and how to live. I understand give and take and compromise but without that it’s not a relationship but a dictatorship. This is my thoughts only and does not reflect how others should feel about their relationships. I will never ever be in a one way relationship, either my way or the SO’s way only. It’s not fair to either person. Been there done that and will not again.
Sandy
Hi Tanya,
You do have a problem, there. Your GF approves of your Dressing as foreplay, but NOT as part of your normal life. Yes, Dressing is “different” behavior, but it is not a mental illness, and not something you can give up. Maybe you can explain this in a way which she can accept or at least tolerate; but if your GF simply refuses to deal with Tanya, you two cannot have a satisfactory relationship, and you need to look elsewhere. Good luck.
Bettylou
Hi Tanya, That’s a lot of info to work out. We all enjoy sharing how we feel, especially with our chosen partner. The part of you that enjoys expressing that feminine side of you in the bedroom or even alone does not need to be fixed it just has to be understood by both you and your partner. There is no medication that you can take that can make that part of you go away nor should you want to make that part of you some how go away. It is just apart of you that she does not know about and she is a little concerned or even scared she may not like that part of you. Do you blame her? If she does not want you dressing alone then dress only when you are with her. Let her get know Tanya that part of you that needs to be expressed and blended into a whole. True love for each other will be the foundation for exploring and learning more about each other. She will have to take the time to learn more about her self. You will have to do the same. You have introduced another woman into your the relationship that was not invited or expected by her. She would like her to go away and you can not make her go away. She is a part of you that has to be accepted by the both of you. That takes hard work not medicine, maybe a therapist could help who has experience with gender identity and all the issues that may arise with someone dealing with that issue. Take it slow and learn to love that part of you that needs to be expressed.
Luv Stephanie
I’d say Darned cheek of her to suggest that you need to see a psychiatrist, like it’s a mental illness or something.
It’s probably worth injecting some humour into the conversation, doing some girl things together, with some femme time – no objections allowed.
If she really hates it, then the front door should be held politely open. You’re not going to stop, so if she hates it that badly, then it’s for the best.
You haven’t introduced a woman into the relationship – it’s all you. Unless you actually feel like a woman inside, and not a man, there is no other woman. This is an urban myth that I get so tired of heating. I am not a woman, I just love the clothes.
There are plenty of women who love CDs and get that the person is the most important thing in a relationship, not the packaging.
I know – I’ve met plenty!
Love Laura
Awww bless you all for your thoughts and counsel.<br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” /><br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” />So…..<br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” /><br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” />we’ve come along way since my original post.<br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” /><br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” />Opening up and being honest is the best way. I chose to do this with my current partner and none of my previous because I really do love her and I know she does too.<br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” /><br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” />I guess what we both agreed is that it does a go beyond sex and maybe I was not being honest with myself. That being said, I don’t want to look like a hooker all of the time and moreover I don’t want to look like a tradesman all the time either. however I do enjoy being both and moreover she enjoys being mistress and dom’ing her sissy slut (me) just as much as she like getting spanked and pounded by her daddy (also me)<br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” /><br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” />The middle ground is what needs be ironed out.<br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” /><br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” />I really hate mens clothes for anything other than work and my casual clothes are alot like my work clothes.<br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” /><br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” />the solution: adjustments to my casual wardrobe to incorporate my female side. In a casual femboy style. Occasionally I maybe allowed to wear make-up, if we go out ect. As long as Daddy keeps her in check with plenty of spankings she is happy.<br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” /><br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” />We have both worked together to find the solution and we are both very excited about the future.<br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” /><br style=”font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11.5px;” />Flossy x
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