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  • #468072
    Jennie James
    Participant
    Registered On: March 15, 2021
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 22
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    Edit:

    I should have added this. I might be more nervous about getting from the house to the garage! I live in the city with a detached garage.

    So I have a few days of alone time in a couple weeks. I’ve driven around at night, got out of the car for a couple minutes. I did actually take a quick walk in a park once during the day wearing jeans and a top. When I was driving there I remember seeing a woman in another car looking at me funny. She must have known. That made the walk scary and short!
    But I want to try again. So any tips on where to go, when to go, what to do, what to wear, or anything else I should know. And I’ll be alone.
    I’ll take all the help I can get!

Viewing 11 reply threads
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    • #468885
      Sandy Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 22
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      Jennifer, the first few times out can be the scariest. My earlier adventures were stopping at a nearby(less than 10 mi)rest stop off a busy interstate hyw. I stopped just after sunrise, parked as far away from anyone,then got out of the car to sit at a picnic table to read for 10 to 20 min. I wanted people to see me from a distance, more so I could get used to people seeing me than afraid of not passing. I did have a couple of cases were someone parked near my car then got out to walk their dog. To date everyone is so busy with their own lives to notice one crossdresser nearby. Each time out is such a rush and wouldn’t trade them for anything!!
      Sandy

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #469101
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
        Topics: 1
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        Thanks Sandy. One of the main ideas I’m hearing is that most all of the people just don’t care. Don’t pay that much attention. Which could be good AND bad! Us girls like attention! Thanks so much for your input!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #468860
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 29
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      As i drive along, I wear a sort of a half smile, as if I’m in on the joke too (whatever it might or might not be). Purple who are smiling, or look even a little happy, look confident. People who look confident make other people see what they’re expected to see… in my case, some hot blonde (or red head) chick driving a hot car. Ok, so what if I’m not actually a hot chick, I am in my head. The car is legit though, I can have my moments, lol! Once I get there, I get out and walk like I own the place (until my wife tells me, as usual, to “slow down, you’re walking too fast, Bridgette,” and I probably am. Bridgette’s walk tends more towards catwalk strut than bar room slink, but my wife walks more slowly due to a series of surgeries on recent years she’s almost over (about 95%, thanks for asking!).

      Have I been clocked? Oh, my, yes! I’m pretty sure of it on at least 3 occasions, but they didn’t say anything, just sort of looked closer, while pretending not to. Either that or they were just trying to check me out, lol!

      You’ll go out when you’re ready. At that point where the desire to go exceeds the damns you give about what all those other people think. At first you think “I hope they don’t notice me”… then later on you might even want them to see you, who knows?

      You just do you, and don’t worry a thing about those others out there. Just have a good time. When you do it, you’ll remember how exhilarating an exhorting it was.

      Bridgette… who hopes to go out today for a bra fitting (fingers crossed and praying nothing gets in the way this week)

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #469104
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
        Topics: 1
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        Thanks Bridgette! I’ve been ready for years! HaHa! But all the stories and encouragement I’ve gotten here has really helped. I think it will happen this time.!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #468763
      Jennie James
      Lady
      Registered On: March 15, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      focus on the task, not what’s going on in your head.

      I love that line Laura! So much good advice. Very encouraging.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #468579
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 1112
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      My very first time out as Laura was to drive to the station and pick up guests for the costume party… Laura Lovett is the name of the character I had, and I was wearing a mega-short dress, high heeled white knee boots and a blue wig.

      That party atmosphere sent my confidence sky high, so the buzz got me out!

      The next time was Laura proper, so to speak, and I was nervous, but I’d just had the talk with my wife, in my ordinary day dress with wig, make-up, forms and heels – and she acted non-plussed.

      I said that I would really like to go for a walk across the fields, and she simply asked “Why don’t you?”

      I couldn’t think of an answer, so off I set, believing that I was going with her full blessing – and I was euphoric the whole time. It was a moment of epiphany, and I really felt like “Hello world, Laura is here at last!”

      I was nervous about seeing people, but all I got were cheery “Hello”s from the two people walking dogs, and the lovely lady runner, who gave me such a big, sweet smile as I let her past on the narrow track.

      I decided to go further.

      I went to the village post office to post a letter.

      There was a queue, and a bit of a wait when a postman came in to collect his sacks, as there was only one lady behind the tiny counter. I helped him put the sacks in his van, and he just said “Thanks, darling”.

      So I decided to go further.

      Busy Reading (Berkshire, England). Christmas shopping in the big shopping centre. Wow! That was fun!

      Also the safest I felt anywhere – with all the people around me, and security cameras, I felt like I was in much less danger than a country path, miles from anywhere.

      I had many outings, and many occasions when I almost chickened out – if I am getting out of the car and there are people near, that will do it every time!

      I don’t know why that makes a difference, because I can walk down busy streets and in and out of shops, cafes, museums – anywhere, without a hint of apprehension, just the sheer joy of being alive and dressed in my chosen style.

      But getting out of the car is scary!

      I’ve chickened out of service stations quite a lot – but also thought how disappointed I would be not to have a coffee and egg muffin for my journey – not to mention a restroom break…

      Sometimes sense overrides fear!

      I think the thing to do is set goals and achieve them.

      Like getting a drive through meal, maybe you need a new lipstick.

      Just buy one, even if it’s the wrong one – focus on the task, not what’s going on in your head.

      The majority of people either don’t care, love it, or hate it silently.

      The minority are idiots – don’t worry about people knowing, as, chances are, they do.

      Be a cross dresser, so if people know, it doesn’t matter.

      Love Laura

      • #468767
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
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        Hey Laura! I quoted part of you response but my reply didn’t go under your post. I’ll get the hang of this eventually!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #468564
      Sandy Honey
      Lady
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 7
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      Hi Jennifer,

      Small steps lead to giant leaps. I was dressed one evening and realized I needed to mail something so off I go to the Post Office. I thought at 7pm no one would be there. When I pulled in there were about 7 cars there. I sat and sat glued to my seat. Maybe some would leave and I would just dash in. As some left other drove in. I just got out walked in and dropped my letters off in the bin. Then another time I thought I would dress and go to Walmart. After sitting in the car I finally realized that I have as much right to be dressed in what I want and to shop anywhere I want to shop. Got out went in and had a great time. After that I couldn’t get enough, malls, driving, shopping and eating out. I realized that no one cares, that they are in their own little world. So gain that confidence and eventually you will be a wonderful beautiful woman out in the world.

      Sandy

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      • #468652
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
        Topics: 1
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        Has thanked: 18 times
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        Thanks Sandy! Sounds like everything worked out well for you. That’s great! I’m hoping it does for me too. Thanks for the encouragement and for sharing your story!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #468545
      Billyj Jean
      Lady
      Registered On: April 19, 2020
      Topics: 10
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      I know how you feel….Go for it Jennifer. I saw you pic on your profile, you have nothing to worry about. I wish i could look that good! I’m still trying to get out. Keep me posted on your progress.
      Hugs….Billie

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #468550
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
        Topics: 1
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        Thanks again Billyj! I responded somewhere else but I’ll do it again anyway! You’re sweet. I’ll let you know how it goes. We’re friends now so let’s chat sometime soon!

    • #468512
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 152
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      Look the best you can – as femme as possible. Then go for a walk in a park or open space. It is super easy to avoid people.  After a few minutes you will calm down. As Grace said – no one is interested in you, they are going about their day. They will see you, but if you are dressed you will tick all the “its a woman” boxes, and you will be ignored.   At 25 yards you won’t be outed.   There really isn’t a huge finger floating above you saying “Alert – man in a dress”- its all in your mind.  The key is confidence! I call it “hiding in plain sight.”

      I walk my dog fully femme 3 times a week for up to two hours on some heathland/woodland and as far as I know I haven’t been made.  I pass by joggers, walkers and cyclists.    My next door neighbour jogged past me once! That was scary!  He wasn’t expecting to see me in a dress – so he didn’t!    And apart from smiles and a few “hello’s” no one has given me a second glance.    And if I have been spotted?  So what.

      Go on you can do it!

      • #468530
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
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        Good thoughts Stephanie. And very encouraging!

    • #468252
      Paula Here
      Lady
      Registered On: April 13, 2020
      Topics: 5
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      Jennifer,

      My fist outings were to the gas station, the second hand store, the  to dinner, and then the mall.  Each time I upped the about of dressing.

      I started with just heals,

      To makeup and heals

      To skinny jeans, and a pink sweater,

      To fully dressed at the mall at dinner time during the week.

      No one cared.  The sales clerks were great. I felt alive.  I was referred to as Ma’am, and sir.  It didn’t matter.  I figure with more people around less people will be willing to make a fuss.  Most people don’t want any attention so they would bring any to you for feat of being in the spot light them self.

      Just go out where you will just be another person.

       

      Paula

       

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      • #468261
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
        Topics: 1
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        Great thoughts, Paula. I like that idea of adding things gradually. And I have a few days to work with. I’ll probably give that a try!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #468207
      Effie Jayne
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 7, 2021
      Topics: 27
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      Just yesterday I made my second outing,🌸 I went to a drive through where they stand outside and take your order, face to face. And bring the food to your car.
      🦋🌸

      I was super nervous, but they were polite, friendly, and smiled. Asked for my name for the order, I told them Effie, he asked how do i spell that 😅

      All in all, it was nice…nobody screamed or yelled out “ that’s a man!”

      so you can do this ! Go for it and enjoy it!

      🧚‍♀️🌷🌺

      • #468222
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 22
        Has thanked: 18 times
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        That’s so great Effie! Very encouraging. And another good option.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #468206
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 16, 2021
      Topics: 65
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      Has thanked: 4816 times
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      Jennifer.

      In your account, you said…

      When I was driving there I remember seeing a woman in another car looking at me funny. She must have known.”….

      I agree going out is a confidence thing, but when you first go out, a big mistake is to ” look for problems”. Try to keep calm and not to think the world is just out to get YOU….just do your thing and let everyone else do theirs….it sounds silly, but virtually nobody is interested in you, they all have their own worries and cares.

      Good luck on your next trip, so well done for trying again, and just be….

      Jennifer, a girl out and about.

      Huggs, grace xx

      • #468217
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
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        Thanks Grace. That’s such good advice. I know. I was looking around to see who was looking at me. That woman probably noticed how uptight I was. She could probably smell the fear, not the perfume!

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    • #468200
      Kelly Terry
      Lady
      Registered On: February 26, 2018
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 236
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      Rule #1 is confidence!
      No matter what you wear or where you are just be confident as if it’s the most natural thing to do, same as you whee in drab.

      Yes, that’s easier written then done but if you work with that in mind you get there. Personally I started like you, deserted places late at night and so on. I figured that no one is around and even if someone is it is several levels of barriers to break down before it becomes an issue for me.

      • They are far away
        • =can’t see you at all
      • They may see you and think “another women” (or man depending on what they see/you wear)
      • They see that you are a man in womens clothes
        • so what?, They don’t know you and it’s not like it’s a crime (at least I hope not wherever you are).
      • They are close enough to see you and talk to you
        • still so what.
      • Far away you see someone you know.
        • they probably don’t see you and if so they probably don’t recognise you. Making a connection that the person that looks like a women and “that guy” requires some extra steps most wont take.
        • You possible have a chance to avoid meeting up
      • Close and someone you know
        • I guess this is the most scary part, lets hope you are ready for it once it happens.

      Good luck in your outing, I think the best way to build confidence is to practice and be more and more daring each time.

      /kt

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      • #468202
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 22
        Has thanked: 18 times
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        Thank you so much for taking the time to write. Yes. All of those possibilities come to mind. I agree. Confidence and “so what” are two big items!

    • #468195
      Alice Underwire
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 26
      Replies: 3083
      Has thanked: 2932 times
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      Hi Jennifer,

      I’d suggest a public place with security nearby.  Let the security handle any outburst should any conflict arise.  If you decide to start on a small scale try getting gas at a self serve station or a drive through coffee shop or restaurant.  Going inside and having the attendant say thank-you miss or mama is a day brightener.

      Shopping is fun too as the pandemic relaxes the restrictions currently in place.

      Alice

      • #468205
        Jennie James
        Lady
        Registered On: March 15, 2021
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 22
        Has thanked: 18 times
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        Safety is a big thing for me. I hadn’t thought about security though. I might want to stay away from the places that need security. lol!
        i do like the idea of getting gas. That seems easy enough and should be pretty secure. Drive though too.
        AHH! I’m nervous already!

        • #468209
          Alice Underwire
          Lady
          Registered On: September 16, 2019
          Topics: 26
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          Has thanked: 2932 times
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          Hi Jennifer,

          No need to be nervous.  You’ll have fun and enjoy the outing.  We all love the clack clack walking in ladies shoes, the fragrance of our perfume, the feel of the fabrics we don.  Even if you have leggings and a tunic on you’ll have a blast.  You’ll be behind a mask so no need to be nervous.  Think about how much fun you’re having and just let those jitters go.

          Alice

          1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #468224
            Jennie James
            Lady
            Registered On: March 15, 2021
            Topics: 1
            Replies: 22
            Has thanked: 18 times
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            Thanks Alice for bring those sounds and feelings into it. That helps. I love that! I generally don’t like the masks no matter what. Not sure if I would use one if I don’t have to. I’m more concerned about my body than my face!

          • #468235
            Alice Underwire
            Lady
            Registered On: September 16, 2019
            Topics: 26
            Replies: 3083
            Has thanked: 2932 times
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            Hi Jennifer,

            Some areas do require the masks and we do want to remain safe.  Plus you want to protect yourself fro someone who is a carrier.

            often the fear of “the what if” gets the best of us.  So let that go and take a short trip.  Enjoy yourself and take that first small step.

            Alice

            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #468757
      Jennie James
      Lady
      Registered On: March 15, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 22
      Has thanked: 18 times
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      I would love that Laura! Road trip!

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #468330
      Jennie James
      Lady
      Registered On: March 15, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 22
      Has thanked: 18 times
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      I know it’s a lot easier than I’m making it. I just have to remember that!

    • #468303
      Kelly Terry
      Lady
      Registered On: February 26, 2018
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 236
      Has thanked: 228 times
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      As first step towards really shopping as Jennifer try to just walk outside the stores. One of my early outings where across the parking lot outside a mall.
      Later I walked in, made a loop in between all malls and back to the car (one of the cheaper shopping trips 🙂 ).

      As other say, don’t look for trouble because there is none. Everyone is to busy with them self to even notice you and when they look at you it’s more to avoid colliding with you than what you look like.

      /kt

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #468219
      Jennie James
      Lady
      Registered On: March 15, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Has thanked: 18 times
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      Thanks Laura. I love that idea but as of THIS moment, I’m not ready for that. I do shop in drab. Looking forward to the day when I can hit the stores!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
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