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  • This topic has 26 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Lucy.
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  • #371318
    stephanie plumb
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    I’m jealous of all you girls “over the pond” in the USA.  You post multiple stories of your amazing experiences going to the mall and bars;  where you seem to be accepted without any issues.

    I don’t think its quite so acceptable here in the UK.   I know there are less of us on CDH, but there are also very few accounts of girls going out shopping.  Does anyone know what the % of UK membership is? Maybe we need a poll.

    So, UK girls, I would love to hear of your experiences.  For myself I am quite happy to go out into the country fully en-femme, with my dog, because I can control “social distancing”,  and know I am acceptable at 25 yards + .

    But I could never go into a shop, or pub! Perhaps it just a confidence thing, but I wonder how many of you UK girls are brave enough ( I feel another poll might be appropriate).

    Please share your experiences or comments.

    Stephanie P.

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    • #377700
      Lucy
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      Hey girls,

      I live in Northern Ireland, so still in the UK, just across the Irish Channel.  I have been out shopping en femme multiple times, though not since COVID-19.

      I’ve been shopping for food and clothes.  I’m always very concerned if I have to use the bathroom though.  Though I can’t find any laws stopping me using the ladies, I try to use a disabled toilet and have even used the family room one just in case.

      Would love to go out more and I feel confident shopping solo, but would love to have someone to go to bars, parties etc with.  I feel being with others would help me blend in more.

      Totally agree with what others have said.  Stick to big cities, I found going round Belfast fine, but wouldn’t go round a small village dressed.  I agree that once you get over the fear of doing it once, you’ll love it.  Also, I think that other people don’t care.  They may shoot you a weird look now and again, but unless you’re approaching a group of teenage boys (cause they might not follow the same rules), most people will walk past you and forget they even saw you.  They#ve got their own live to deal with.  So et out there and have fun,

      Hugs,

      Isabel

      As Isabel says most people not only don’t pay much attention to anyone else they don’t even look once, never mind twice,  if you dress fairly normally and nicely and not too obviously erotically. Once you realise that although you feel nervous hardly anyone will care even if they do notice, let alone do or say anything, and that hardly anyone will look at you, let alone look twice or realise that you are TV/CD it is much easier.

      I have usually only been out for a walk in Oxford at night, but last weekend took my wife in shopping and went for a walk after dropping her off, and after the ‘breaking the ice’ moment it was a pleasant surprise how natural and easy it felt, although I would still be careful where I went and what I did. Very few people will care anyhow, and even if they do notice and don’t like it I think hardly any will say or do anything.

      I do avoid going past busy pubs or night clubs late at night, or groups of youths anywhere however!

      As Isabel says it is much easier in cities and bigger towns which are more impersonal and where people don’t expect to see people they know anyway.

      Lucy

      XXX

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    • #377685
      Isabel
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      Hey girls,

      I live in Northern Ireland, so still in the UK, just across the Irish Channel.  I have been out shopping en femme multiple times, though not since COVID-19.

      I’ve been shopping for food and clothes.  I’m always very concerned if I have to use the bathroom though.  Though I can’t find any laws stopping me using the ladies, I try to use a disabled toilet and have even used the family room one just in case.

      Would love to go out more and I feel confident shopping solo, but would love to have someone to go to bars, parties etc with.  I feel being with others would help me blend in more.

      Totally agree with what others have said.  Stick to big cities, I found going round Belfast fine, but wouldn’t go round a small village dressed.  I agree that once you get over the fear of doing it once, you’ll love it.  Also, I think that other people don’t care.  They may shoot you a weird look now and again, but unless you’re approaching a group of teenage boys (cause they might not follow the same rules), most people will walk past you and forget they even saw you.  They#ve got their own live to deal with.  So et out there and have fun,

      Hugs,

      Isabel

    • #375876
      Lucy
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      Getting a credit card for an additional user was very easy.
      I just did it online. There are a few provisos, you usually need to declare that your additional user is a family member and lives at the same address. You can use any date of birth as long as it’s 18+ years old.

      Thanks very much for that – I will give it a try!

      Lucy

    • #375201
      Stephanie Brown
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      Hi Stephanie I live in Canada but originally from the UK and in 2014 went back for a visit. I had never been shopping before and wanted to build my confidence up so I booked a dressing service. It was up in Blackpool it was a great experience as the person came with me and we spent the day together shopping and lunch out. As you have someone their with you who is comfortable going shopping it makes you at ease. It gave me so much confidence that when I was coming through customs back in Canada I was picked out to be search. As my passport was my male side I was dressed in drab so when the inspector was going through my case he comes across my femme clothes and asked who they were for I just turned around and said mine. I think he was more embarrassed than me. I think I had not gone shopping I would have died on the spot.

      Stephanie

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    • #375190
      ANDREA RAVEN
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      Well said Laura, our biggest fear is fear itself, once last that the world is yours!!!

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    • #375188
      Laura Lovett
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      Thanks Rachel, very encouraging.   So, how did it go?   Were you accepted as female?  Were you just ignored? Funny looks?    I’m sure you felt elated afterwards, but how did you feel as you approached the cash desk?  Any tips you can give me will be very appreciated.

      Stephanie P.

      Hi Stephanie

      Truly, in my experience, none of this matters – these fears are your own creation.

      In all likeliness, however good your makeup, you will be recognised for what you are – a man in drag.

      The quick fix is literally “So what if I am?”

      It’s not illegal.

      It’s really, really enjoyable, and it’s not because I’m Laura and therefore different.

      I had all these fears and worries about being clocked and I am here to say that if you are, it’s 99% no big deal – or any kind of deal.

      The 1% are usually prejudiced idiots.

      I went into Primark to buy some briefs, because I didn’t pack enough.

      Absolutely no-one gave me a second glance – well, maybe the odd smile here and there, which was lovely!

      Get past yourself – you are the biggest hurdle to overcome to realise yourself.

      I speak from my own experience – your mileage may vary, but I’d wager not much.

      I really hope this is helpful

      Love Laura

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    • #374537
      Lucy
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      I have shopped en femme a couple of times. In the UK, I ventured into M&S once and browsed the sale rails but didn’t buy, then went in TK Maxx for a browse. Bought a purse. No issues. After a visit to the cinema I popped into Asda, for tights or stockings but I I forgot the pin for my femme card. I’m sure the assistant that came over clocked me, but she didn’t embarrass me.

      Do you mind me asking how you went about getting a ‘femme’ bank card and whether it was difficult?

      • #375683
        Fiona Simpson
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        Getting a credit card for an additional user was very easy.
        I just did it online. There are a few provisos, you usually need to declare that your additional user is a family member and lives at the same address. You can use any date of birth as long as it’s 18+ years old.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #374204
      Dawn Wyvern
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      Registered On: February 23, 2019
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      Hi Stephanie

      I have been out for many years and often go shopping dressed. Its a lot easier now than it was in the 80’s as people are more understanding and accepting of TG/CD, and there are a lot fo laws in place to support us in the UK.  Just be proud of who you are and don’t worry about what other think.

      I go clothes, shoe and food shopping, out to the cinema and restaurants  while dressed and never have a problem, I have an attitude that I have money, they want my money in their till, so they will treat me nicely. If not then I’ll go somewhere else. Simples.

      The big stores like M&S and Primark have a very pro-diversity policy and are expected to treat you well. If not then you have good cause to complain and this will be taken seriously.

      Sadly one of the most supportive stores was Long Tall Sally who were very helpful to the TG community, but now they have closed all their stores and ceased trading.

      The annual Sparkle event held in Manchester each year has support from the big stores – M&S have a stand there offering  style advice, Primark offered free make overs in the store, Sainsbury’s and Asda actually sponsored the event last year … !

      So, my thoughts are – ‘ just do it’ … the initial fear of being out and about will soon pass as you find its  just another step along the road and you have every right in being there. I would start in a large town away from your home area if you are uncomfortable at first, but plan your day, have a shopping list and take some bags – and wear Comfortable Shoes !! Don’t rush, dress appropriately and enjoy! (- At the moment, the use of Covid 19 protective masks makes shopping a little more anonymous too ! )

      hugs

      Dawn

      x

       

       

    • #374020
      stephanie plumb
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      Thanks Rachel, very encouraging.   So, how did it go?   Were you accepted as female?  Were you just ignored? Funny looks?    I’m sure you felt elated afterwards, but how did you feel as you approached the cash desk?  Any tips you can give me will be very appreciated.

      Stephanie P.

      • #374129
        Rachel Williams
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        Hi Stephanie

        The first time at ALDI I did not experience any problems. Cashier did not show any reaction to me and avoided using any gender reference in the limited amount of verbal exchanges involved and this was in a situation where there was no attempt on my part to be passable as I have not yet used make up, wig, or breast inserts.

        The second time was not so pleasant . In the shop was not a problem and I had used a self service till but coming out of the shop there was what seemed to be an inebriated woman in a wheelchair immediately outside the shop who asked me the time and made an unpleasant targeted remark when I was unable to help. Can not remember the actual words used as whilst I did not run away  I did briskly cross to the other side of the road.

        Rachel

         

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    • #373974
      Rachel Williams
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      Hi Stephanie

      I am in the UK and have shopped twice whilst dressed Femme although not shopping for clothes. First time was at a. ALDI on my drive home from my first time out dressed femme. The second time as at a Tesco Express on my most recent time out dressed femme which was towards the end of last year  My excursions dressed femme are rare as they only happen when I have some days home alone

      Rachel

    • #373953
      stephanie plumb
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      Thanks Helene,   You are one of the lucky one’s who actually looks like a ‘mature lady’ in your public pics! So I am not at all surprised that you are accepted wherever you go.

      Alas! I am not so fortunate. At least not close up.   I know it is a matter of confidence – and I do have enough to walk my dog in the countryside, fully en-femme, as long as encounters are not up close face to face.   I just have this …. fear? …. that I will be outed.

      This is in spite of recent outings where I have been smiled at several  times by ladies about 25 yards off, in that way that happens between dog walkers. No looks of horror, or doubt, or even confusion.  So I assume I was accepted( I hate the word ‘passable’, so don’t use it.  I am not trying to pass myself off as a woman, I AM that woman they see.)

      But I  haven’t given up. I have set myself challenges and I will force myself to seek closer encounters if I feel comfortable with the situation.  I know that I shouldn’t care if  I’m made or not, as lots of girls are, but I am not at that stage just yet.    It is a big step.

      I need to develop some coping strategies should a negative encounter happen so any tips would be welcome.

      Stephanie P.

      Stephanie P.

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    • #373789
      Helene Bock
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      Hi, I have been to UK multiple times as “Helene”by car, I go shopping at M+S, Debenhams just to mention a few and ofcourse trying in the ladies fitting room. Been out in London to musicals – I have passed UK customs and immigration without any questions inspite my passport shows a bald male! Think it is a question of self-confidence as well as dressed appropriate for the ocasions.

      Also in France I have so far not had any problems when going out, however, must admit I never pick a “popular” restaurant and rather go for a more expensive as I recon it will be more polite guests and hence in worst case no rude comments!

      When out in public, I am a “woman”!

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    • #371866
      Fiona Simpson
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      I have shopped en femme a couple of times. In the UK, I ventured into M&S once and browsed the sale rails but didn’t buy, then went in TK Maxx for a browse. Bought a purse. No issues. After a visit to the cinema I popped into Asda, for tights or stockings but I I forgot the pin for my femme card. I’m sure the assistant that came over clocked me, but she didn’t embarrass me.

    • #371662
      Simone C
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      Girls,

      Having lived in the US, UK, Holland and Germany I think we can’t generalise about which is more accepting or not. There are places in the US I wouldn’t THINK about going out dressed, conservative towns in the southern states come to mind (no criticism, they are just rather conservative). California is different, as is New York. The UK I found very CD friendly actually, seems to be in the culture. Holland was so laid back no one even noticed me, same in most of Germany.

      Like all things, take care of the actual area. Parts of Berlin are fine, others parts can be an issue. Brighton in the UK is very laid back, as is Amsterdam. I have also enjoyed for instance New Orleans, and not just at Mardi Gras.

      Like all things, dress the part, walk tall and SMILE!

      S

    • #371618
      ANDREA RAVEN
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      Hi Stephanie

      I have been out quite a few times now, I was going to a TG friend club almost monthly until the pandemic closed it all down. Obviously during the lockdown I have not been out but as things started to open up I met a friend at Burghley House (the house is not open but the huge parkland is) we had a lovely few hours wandering around and sitting in the shade of a tree just chatting, no body took any notice of us at all. After that I met aa couple of friends for a night out, we went to a couple of (mainstream) bars, again no problem and then to a restaurant for a meal. The waitress was lovely she looked after us very well and we had a fabulous night! The fooling day (Saturday) we walked around the huge Milton Keynes Shopping Centre and stopped for a coffee, again no problems whatsoever!

      I do think our biggest fear is fear itself, once you overcome the initial fear you can get out there and to be honest for the greater part nobody takes any notice, they are all too busy getting on with their lives, those that do ‘make us’ don’t say anything, all you need is a bit of confidence…… PM me if you want to chat or find out a bit more about the places we have been to!

      Andrea x

    • #371544
      Bianca Everdene
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      Hi Stephanie

      Mine was a very gradual graduation building up my wardrobe, shoes, accessories etc. Trying them on at home in secret. Practiced walking in heels. Videos of myself, the walk, the posture, mannerisms. Fun. Then thought why not go out!!! Thought I would attract less attention if I looked like a woman in a dress than a man in a dress(although would love the day I could just be me wearing what I want and not attracting attention).So along came make up and wigs. Again lots of practice at home.

      Then one day packed all my Bianca stuff, jumped in the car, drove to a secluded spot and transformed into Bianca, and went for a drive. Nothing bad happened, such a buzz.

      Next came getting out the car en femme window shopping, again nothing bad. Fab.

      Next into supermarkets going through self service. Barely a glance my way. Such z buzz. Realised people are wrapped up in their own lives.

      Then a biggy. Met others from this site in an LGBT friendly club ( I’m not LGB or T it’s just these places are do accepting of people expressing themselves freely). Soooo much fun.

      Realised the biggest barriers are in our heads. As long as you stay smart and safe, avoiding potential flashpoints, then it can be so much fun just being who you want to be.

      ❤️B

    • #371508
      Clare Cowley
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      I’ve been out a few times, it is all about confidence

      first couple I just went into a charity shop in a village nearby, more recently went to Tesco’s is Rickmansworth.  Got a smile from the checkout girl but that was it

      these Last few days I’ve been in a hotel in Bournemouth en femme and nothing mentioned

    • #371354
      Carla Jones
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      Hi Stephanie, I’m sorry it is that was across the pond. Going out starts with small step to gain confidence then it grows to going out dressed anywhere. I know the first step for me was simply taking the trash bin to the end of my driveway. Then driving around and finally going to the post office. I went to the post office late in the evening and thought I would be the only one there but no my luck there were about 12 people there. I went in anyway and noticed that no one cared. From there I started dashing into some shopping stores, then taking my time and enjoying it to the fullest. I wish you well on gaining confidence and enjoying Stephanie.

      Carla

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    • #371335
      stephanie plumb
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      Registered On: November 17, 2018
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      Thanks for your encouragement.  As for you not “passing” particularly well?   You profile pic tells another story!   I wouldn’t give you a second glance.

      I do not know any others. But I am sure I would have more …. a lot more …. confidence,  if I could meet up with others.  My circumstances (wife knows but does not approve) means that I can’t go to CD events, or stay away from home, so that avenue is closed to me.  It will have to be a nervous solo flight I am afraid.   I have been out in the dark, or very early in the morning,  in the town centre, and have been accepted. And I am 100% confident out in the countryside, even passing close by other people, but the thought of having to engage face to face in a shop fills me with  trepidation.

      Stephanie P.

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    • #371334
      Laura Lovett
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      Hi Stephanie

      I live in a small village just outside Maidenhead.

      I went shopping only last week – while the family were away on holiday, I had a blissful week en femme, and saw no reason to change in order to go to a supermarket or anything else.

      The only comments I had were lovely, admiring ones, and I noticed how quick people were to rush to my aid if I looked like I was having difficulty finding something, or apologising if they inadvertently got too close.

      That never happens in male mode!

      I have been to various shops in various villages, towns and cities, here in the conservative South of the UK, and hardly had a snide remark.

      Brighton is definitely the best place, but I have had no issues anywhere else, and plan to branch out (In a socially distanced way, of course!).

      Love Laura

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    • #371332
      stephanie plumb
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      Thanks for your words of encouragement.  I think, outside of the big cities here (I live in a small provincial town), it is rare to see CD’ers out shopping or even out walking. In fact I have only once seen a  couple whilst  shopping at the Supermarket.  Never in a local pub. I haven’t seen many posts on CDH about girls having makeovers etc.   Perhaps in London it is more common, or Brighton where they have a larger trans population.

      If I knew for sure there were more of us out there,  going out in small towns/villages, my confidence would increase enough for me to try it.  As it is I feel I would stand out too much, even though I know I am quite acceptable as looking female.    Also, of course, in a small town the risk of being recognised is much higher.   But who knows? One of theses days……..

      Stephanie P.

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    • #371329
      Anonymous
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      Hi, Stephanie!  I’m an American girl and have never been to the UK, so I can’t comment on the way things are in the UK.  However, I can comment about going to a shop or pub.  It is about confidence.  I’ve been out shopping a couple of times en femme.  I even went out for a makeover once.  I was very nervous stepping out in public all dolled up, but I got over it and had a good time when I was out.  If you really want to go out, I’m sure you could do it.

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    • #371323
      IsabelB
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      Hi Stephanie,

      I’ve not tried going shopping in Ireland (where I live), but have done it a few times in the UK (where I’m from).  First time was in the company of a couple of others while at a CD event in the UK – we went to a large shopping centre, browsed around for a while and made a few purchases.  Obviously, I was a bit uncertain, but all went well, no issues, no strange looks (that I saw).  All in all, remarkably uneventful!
      That gave me the confidence to do it more and have been out a few times in different places on my own, whether just out walking or going to shopping centres etc – including making use of the ladies when necessary.  The one thing I haven’t done yet is go to the shops in Ireland – entirely driven by the possibility of being recognised as I’m not ‘out’ to most people I know.  Dublin would be a possibility, but I’m in the UK more than there – or was prior to this pesky virus putting in an appearance.
      Going into a pub, I’m not sure of, the influence of alcohol could make people less tolerant or more vocal.  I have been into cafes without issue.
      I don’t think I ‘pass’ particularly well and certainly don’t as soon as I open my mouth!
      Personally, I’d suggest you go for it sometime – it is exhilarating!  But maybe in the company of others first if you can.
      Isabel x

    • #371322
      Seren
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      hey Stephanie!!
      I’m from the U.K. but currently living in Germany. My experience isn’t as adventurous as some here, but I’ve done a few supermarket trips dressed (I’m quite happy that mask wearing is still taken seriously here…. it’s good to hide my most masc features!!)
      One of the most important things I’ve learned from the other girls here is ‘confidence’ , act like you’re meant to be there, shoulders back, head high, it’s unlikely that anyone will see anything other than what you are: a strong confident woman out shopping 🛍 💪👗

      Seren xx

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