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    • #527229
      Anonymous

      So me and my girl friend have been together for seven years now and have a child together. She recently discovered that I crossdress which I should have told her about and didn’t which obviously broke trust. It kills me inside knowing that I destroyed her trust in me I love her and never wanted to cause her any harm, and now I can sense her lack of enthusiasm with are relationship and I know she staying with me for are child. She puts on a great poker face looking in we are happy but inside its a mess and I don’t know what to do. I ask her if she wanted me to stop and she responded that she doesn’t want to take away so.ething that I enjoy and has bought me acouple shirts and a pair of leggings which is amazing. We talk about it randomly and she’s asked if I want to go full drag or be her gf or if I gay all reasonably questions which I told her I just like dressing in feminine clothing.  The thing that gets me the most though is she is questioning thing I saying. For instance she keeps asking I like thing she wear because I want to wear which some of it yes but she looks amazing in it too i love her and still thinks she is sexy as hell and she also has been questioning if I like her because she is manly looking which is far form what is going in she doesn’t have any manly features and I don’t like men so it crushes me knowing I make her think this way. I want her to be happy and I think I took most of it away from her I don’t know what to do.

    • #527230
      Anonymous

      I truly feel like I got her trapped and I’m holding her hostage I’ve never hated life so much as I do right now.

    • #527236

      I guess anyone who comes out might have to go through something like this – unless you’re really lucky and find your S/O is totally accepting.

      The reality is that society held you hostage – put you in a position where coming out to anyone didn’t seem an option.

      I certainly hated that life had dealt me this hand enough to try to take my own life aged just 13 – so yes, I blame society for making it next to impossible to be myself.

      You’re not holding your S/O hostage.

      The thing to do is really, really hard, yet simple at the same time – it’s what I have been doing for the 3 years since I came out, to my wife’s horror – and we have 3 kids.

      I am trying my utmost to be the best husband she can possibly have.

      No compromise is on offer – take me as I am or not at all – but what she gets is everything she wants except for me to be somebody different.

      I really can’t say fairer than that.

      In return, I cross dress away from the family at timed we both agree on – which, actually, is a massive compromise for me but don’t tell her…

      My Laura time has hugely positive feedback on my male time, and the feminine attributes I allow to show through gradually are welcomed – she loves the changes in me, although hasn’t fully accepted… yet (I can live in hope).

      It felt bad at the time, but it gets better every day, to paraphrase a Beatles song.

      It’s a lot of work, but gets easier as the situation improves – and it does improve, if you can find that important femme time.

      You need to be you, she needs you to be the improved you, and your kids deserve a full on you.

      Just get the timing right, think as positively as you can, even when it seems impossible, talk to the lovely ladies here, and you won’t just pull through, you can make it right.

      That’s the talk I gave myself 3 years ago, and it’s working.

      I won’t pretend it’s had good times and no bad times, but the good times get better and the bad ones easier to deal with.

      I know you can do this, honey!

      Love Laura

    • #527258
      Anonymous

      Thank you all sincerely I’m trying my hardest to stay positive and focusing a better times.

    • #529518

      This one is a little tough without any background information Sounds like you have turned her world upside down and she trying to get her bearings. Everything she thought about the world has changed. That can be a bit overwhelming for most people. She is staying with you and keeps asking you questions because she is trying to understand, that is a good thing. Most people have a false understanding of what cross dressing is all about including people who cross dress. CDH is not only fun but is a safe place where people can learn about themselves and others who enjoy cross dressing. I would invite her to be a part of CDH and be a part of the SO or wives section. Let her ask away any question that comes into her mind. Let her talk with other wives that have husbands that enjoy cross dressing and how they have worked it out so their marriage will stay together. There are a few thing we all know for sure. You are not going to change. This is just simply who you are as a person. You can try to hide it,or even deny it for years but who you are eventually surfaces. You can express it in private and alone for as long as time will allow. Some have decided to take their secret to their grave. That part is up to you and your wife Sounds like she wants to learn more about you and your desire to cross dress. So just give her time to learn. If she decides she can live with it with certain rules then its now up to you if you can live within the rules Its going to take a little work as others have said If you want to earn her trust back just be honest with your answers. Hope that helps

      Stephanie

    • #529546
      Anonymous

      Hi, you’re at a tough point in your relationship right now. It’s a point that all of us have reached though.

      Rest assured, you are not holding her hostage!  She knows where the front door is and she would leave if she wanted to.

      As others have said, her questions are a good thing. Answer them as honestly as you can.

      Hang in there, we’re all here to help if we can.

      Good Luck, Jillian

    • #529547

      My suggestion is that you try couples counseling. I am thinking you can just say she has trust issues with you and see if the therapist can guide the two of you. I would also send her a dozen roses to her at work or home if she works from home and take her someplace special where she can get really dressed up and work in as many compliments as possible. Finally perhaps tell her that you know you broke her trust and will show you can be trusted again however long it takes. However many times she asks questions to be reassured be sure to honestly and completely answer her.

    • #529594
      Anonymous
      Lady

      I can feel for your situation. I am going through many of the things that you are going through. Honesty and communication are the means to fixing this. This means both people need to be open and honest.

      It is very difficult to be open and honest when it does not feel like it is being reciprocated. Attempts to find out what your significant other thinks about it is the means to working through the feelings and coming to a place where both people know what is acceptable. When I find out I crossed a line when I don’t know where the line is does not allow for moving forward in understanding each other’s point of view.

      I don’t really have any advice for you on how to deal with your situation only support that others are going through what you are going through and we are here for you.

    • #553873
      Brielle
      Lady

      Hi, I just read your post. I hope things have gotten a little easier since the beginning of August. I came out to my wife about the same time as you, but we’ve been married 40 years! She never knew nor suspected I am a crossdresser. We also have been dealing with the same issues, although she was empathetic at the beginning. Now it’s “don’t ask don’t tell” (DADT). She is asking if I’m holding something back – I am seriously considering HRT so I don’t have to use so much makeup, hair remover, shapewear, etc. I would live as a woman 24/7 if I could, but my wife doesn’t want to be married to a woman.

      I’m visiting a trans-friendly doctor in 2 weeks to get a baseline hormone check and find out what my options are. Only then will the wife and I have “the talk” about transitioning. I wasn’t that serious about it until I came out.

      Hopefully, you can find the answers to your dilemma here – I am not in a position to give advice, but just share my story if it helps someone. 💕

      Hugs,

      Brielle

    • #554074

      I really think it’s going to take some long deep conversations before she ever begins to understand.

      My wife had all kinds of misunderstandings about it at first too. I know how frustrating it can be to get them to understand why we crossdress.  Hell! sometimes it’s hard for me to even understand why I enjoy it so much.

      You need to just continue to reinforce your love for her. Don’t through your crossdressing in her face, but don’t give her the impression you will just give it up and it will go away.  If you are like me, it’s not going away and trying to hide it again from her would be a disastrous mistake.

      Take advantage of it now being out in the open and take all the time in the world to explain it to her until she gains an understanding even if she never becomes supportive.

      My wife and I have learned to accept each other for who we are and there are no secrets in our relationship. We’ve been happily married for many years now and I enjoy my crossdressing when I feel the need to escape. I never hide it from her.

    • #565089

      Hi,

      It is really tough, but think you should talk with your partner. I know it can become tricky on what you have to say, but it is best you slowly tell how you feel to your partner. I am also talking to my wife as much as I can. I think eventually will be able to tell her everything about how i feel. Setting boundaries and rules are important is what i feel and am working towards that. Good luck

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