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  • #547986
    Anonymous
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    I don’t recall when I first joined CDH.  I believe that it was at least two, maybe three, years ago.  In the time since I first joined, I have created and deleted many accounts here.  Some of you have been my friends through multiple accounts.  Those of you who have known me for a long time are probably aware of my struggle with being a CD and accepting my feminine side.  There have been times when I was comfortable with being a CD and embraced my feminine side.  In the past couple of years, when I got into Stephanie mode, I went all-out in my efforts to present myself as a woman.  I even entertained the idea that I might be TG and considered seeing a therapist and looking into HRT and feminizing surgeries.  Ultimately, though, I could not follow through with any of that.  The real, masculine me could never and would never, act on the things that I thought, wrote or said while in Stephanie mode.  Regardless of the pleasure, satisfaction or relief I got from my escape into the fantasy world of Stephanie, when I returned to the real world of Steve, everything about cross-dressing felt wrong.  After trying to quit many times, and failing every time, I didn’t embrace cross-dressing.  I resigned myself to it.  While I gave Stephanie an outlet here and by actually getting dressed up and going out, in the back of my mind I thought that if there was a way I could quit, I would do it.

    I’ve finally found the way to quit.  It’s all a matter of having the right motivation.  I found the motivation through conversations with a couple of guys I met here who have also been trying to quit cross-dressing.  Serious discussions about trying to quit and not giving up when one fails have opened my eyes to some things that I hadn’t seen before.  These include:

    • by dressing secretly, I am not being fair to or honest with my wife
    • staying up late to enjoy Stephanie time is depriving me of sleep, and is not healthy
    • Stephanie is a real threat to the marriage in which my wife and I vowed to be until death
    • Stephanie detracts me from my roles as a man, a husband and a father
    • God made me a man and I have a duty to be the man He wants me to be.

    With all of that in mind, I am committed to quitting cross-dressing.  I know it will be difficult.  I planned to give it up for the month of September.  After 11 days, the urge hit me and I was back here.  However, something is different now.  The urge hits me and goes away after a short time.  It used to be that thoughts of quitting only lasted a short time.  I am certainly making progress.

    To help further that progress and achieve my ultimate goal, I am going to leave CDH, for the last time.  Thank you to all who have given me friendship and support here.  I’ve been through some good times and bad times as a member of CDH.  I appreciate those of you who shared those times with me.  I wish you all the best, and pray that you will find peace and contentment.

    I am going to keep my account active for another week.  Now that I am quitting cross-dressing, I won’t need my clothes, shoes, etc.  If any of you are in or near Detroit, Michigan and are interested in knowing what I have available, send me a message.  Also, if you are trying to quit cross-dressing and looking for help doing it, you might want to join the group of friends I mentioned earlier.  Send me a message if you are interested in that too.

    Thanks, again, and goodbye.

    Steve

Viewing 30 reply threads
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    • #559792
      Rhonda Lee
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Thanks for your thoughts! I’d like to stay in touch, even if you leave the site. You represent one of only a few I have known who have so eloquently expressed your reasons and determination to quit. While I think we are like-minded in terms of what we value, I found this personally impossible, but that does not mean it cannot or should not be done. Life is a learning process, few absolutes.
      I am co-founder of a local group of ministers and counselors and some, like me, who just want to reach out to the LGBT community to help others feel welcome and accepted. We represent a variety of faiths including atheism. We don’t seek to convert anyone, just to offer support and acceptance. We draw from our various experiences in an effort to understand why others believe as they do and, in the process, come to better-informed decisions ourselves after considering a variety of perspectives. In so doing, some have made radical changes in their lives and beliefs. We call ourselves “Seekers”… more questions than answers, but all willing to listen and learn from each other in respectful, loving ways.
      Elsewhere, I mentor CDs who struggle with their marriages, relationships, inner demons, and conflicts of faith. Having had to discard a lot of former personal beliefs and am far more accepting than I used to be… few answers, many questions, many friends in places I used to fear going. Also, many lost relationships among those who no longer accept me for who I am, someone who in truth is still trying to answer that question for myself. The older I get, the less I know, it seems.

      Please write me. Your quest has great interest for me personally.

    • #557571
      Anonymous
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      As Rhonda Lee suggested, I stuck around beyond the week after I put my post in the Forum.  I didn’t have a specific end date in mind, but figured that I would stick around as long as it took to answer her questions after quitting cross-dressing.  Well, I haven’t quit for good yet.  Still, I think that now is the time for me to go.  I had a minor setback last night.  I had been doing well, no pink fog around, not feeling any urge to get en femme physically or virtually.  Then, yesterday, something triggered me and I was back here doing some of the things that made me decide that I have to quit, staying up into the early morning hours in the chat room talking about doing things as Stephanie that I would never allow myself to do as Steve.  After logging off of CDH and getting back to reality, I knew that I must leave CDH.  Hanging around here is keeping me from my goal of quitting cross-dressing.  I’ll answer Rhonda’s questions, then delete my account.

      1. Did you succeed?  I went some time without feeling the CD urge, then I had a setback.  Past experience trying to quit tells me that I should expect that to continue.  In this situation, success isn’t measured by the days I’ve gone without dressing up.  It’s measured by me putting the setbacks behind me and continuing my effort to quit.  In that sense, yes, I’ve succeeded.

      2. Was it worth it?  Considering the things that are motivating me to quit and all that I have to gain by quitting, yes, it was (and is) worth it.

      3. If successful, what are the keys and what did you learn in the process?  Focus on that which is most important.  Don’t get discouraged when things get difficult.  Don’t quit quitting.

      4. What did you sacrifice and what did you gain?  I gave up (and continue to give up) the mental and physical pleasure associated with cross-dressing.  I gained (or will gain) healthier relationships with my wife, my kids and God; improved health, and improved ability to exercise self-control.

      5. Would you recommend it to others?  Yes, I would recommend it to others, but only when they are ready and if they want to do it.  I’ve been cross-dressing for about 30 years.  My dressing 30 years ago was not the same as what I’ve done more recently.  It is my recent activity, dressing up and going out in public presenting myself as a woman, that troubled me enough to decide I have to quit.  It might have been easier to quit back when I started dressing, but I didn’t have to motivation to do it.  Also, if my wife was receptive to my cross-dressing, I wouldn’t have to keep it a secret or take it outside of my home.  If it was an activity that we enjoyed together privately, I probably wouldn’t see the need to quit.  The bottom line is this, if you do not have the right motivation and a commitment to quitting, you’re not going to quit.  I believe that anyone who really wants to quit will know when the time is right to do it.

      I hope those answers help you, Rhonda, and anyone else who is following the comments on this post.  Thank you to all who befriended or otherwise helped me during my time here at CDH.  I wish you well and pray that you will find happiness.

      Steve

    • #551788
      Lucinda Hawkns
      Lady
      Registered On: September 1, 2015
      Topics: 6
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      hello and sorry to hear you are leaving C.D.H. hope the best for you.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #551769
      Anonymous
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      Thank you to all who have posted replies since my first “Thank you.”

      I’ve been thinking about Rhonda Lee’s (@rhondalee) post expressing an interest in knowing how things go for me and my thoughts on my effort to quit, and have decided to stick around longer.  Whatever Rhonda’s goals are, conversation about those subjects could be good for both of us, as well as others here at CDH.

    • #551506
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 20
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      Hi Stephanie One of many things I have learned in life is “never say good bye” but to say “see you later” Like you I have fought our desire, need, urge my entire life. I have gone to many therapist and two Psychiatrist. I even have taken medication to help me with these feminine feelings. I read here some say it has become a addiction. Hopefully one day there will be some scientific reason why so many of have us from all parts of the world and have grown up in so many different cultures through out history. Some cultures have just come to accept there is a small part of civilization that has a desire to present themselves in the sex opposite to way they were born. So the magic question WHY. Why is it so important to us to see a external vision of our internal feelings. I believe that is true for all people. We want to see a vision that makes us feel good about our selves as human beings. If you want to see a vision of a feminine sexy woman then you just work at it until you see just that. You can decide you do not want to see that vision any more and move on to something that may help you feel better about your self. I can only speak for myself. I have always felt there is a very feminine part of me that needs to be expressed in some way. Mostly western society has rules for those born with a penis. We all learned those rules very young long before puberty. So we learned to hide our attraction to the feminine and wanting to emulate and the population we most identify with. So I guess my question what is wrong with the female gender and why would you want to be a part of it? Some thing you may even want to quit. Most here have learned what is expected from you if you were born with a penis and have lived up to those expectations. There is small part of society maybe 1%{ meaning us feels} there is a  part of us that wants to express some thing different than what is expected. In order to do that we have to hide and keep it in secret and feel shame for doing it. The woman where we found love, feel  have to keep it a secret and are forced question there sexuality if they have found love in some one that has our desires. Stephanie, I truly wish you will be happy in all your decisions that may help yourself feel happy. You deserve it in fact we all deserve it. So I will get off of my pedestal and say SEE YOU LATER with much love and empathy.

      Stephanie

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      • #551933
        Lucinda Hawkns
        Lady
        Registered On: September 1, 2015
        Topics: 6
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        wow very well said   why is the question and that can not be answered no matter what. you cab see a therapist and that will not help.  i see a  therapist for my open heart i had back in 2002 and that did not help me at all. i have to learn to except it and live on.  just like cross dressing learn to except it and move on,    i hope you decide to stay with us here at C.D.H , you drop a line once in awhile and say hello i am doing good. but for leaving us is a sad thing for us girls to see you leave us for some reason or another, you need some one to chat with no and then here on C.D.H. you have lots of friends here that care about you besides your family members if they know you cross dress fine if not you need some one who knows you cross dress and under stand why.   i know i need C.D.H to help me with my cross dressing and chat with people who know me and under stand . what ever you decide hope the best for you but dont forget us girls here, you can always come back  to us Lucinda

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    • #551370
      Araminta Purdy
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
      Topics: 6
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      Oh! In a way that’s kind of sad.

      I can’t refute your reasoning, however. Cross-dressing has significant drawbacks and you list some pretty important ones.

      Two things though:

      DON’T PURGE! Not yet.

      And, as always:

      Always be a lady.

      Araminta.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #551367
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 44
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      I respect your position, acknowledge your points you laid out for why, and wish you all the best going forward. I hope you genuinely find the happiness you deserve.

      Bridgette

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #551279
      Liara Wolfe
      Lady
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 3
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      I understand, everyone has to do what’s right for them. I struggled for many years, thinking there was something wrong with me. So, I suppressed my female desires for years but the desires would keep coming back. Just this past six months or so my feminine desires started to get stronger and stronger. I finally decided that this is who I am, part male and part female. So I will continue on my path to be the best woman I can while maintaining my male self.

      Good luck to you Stephanie. You are always welcome here.

      Hugs and love, Liara

    • #551040
      Rhonda Lee
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Wow! We are similar in age and years married but in my case I came out of the closet, hoping wife could accept. She could not and walked out without a goodbye. I did not understand crossdressing at the time, never met another, before revealing myself to her and was too naive to realize there were others. I started exploring after  she left and became convinced it is who I am and cannot be changed. Wife returned a year later, agreeing to accept my new reality but ultimately could not. That ended the marriage. If I thought it possible to give up my fem side and that could restore marriage and family, I would do it. No one I have ever talked to believe that is possible for me, and I have never met anyone who succeeded. But that does not mean it is impossible. I’d love to hear back from you from time to time to know if you have succeeded. I think you’d do a great service to many if you could stay in touch to let others who struggle mightily with this issue whether you succeed. If you do, you could be a great ambassador to many and, in my opinion, should encourage others and/ or advise how you are able to succeed where few would try, and whether you would advise others to follow your footsteps. I’m sure that even if it is possible it won’t be easy or without sacrifice. I have questions I hope you will answer in the future, perhaps on an installment basis:

      1. Did you succeed?

      2. Was it worth it?

      3. If successful, what are the keys and what did you learn in the process?

      4. What did you sacrifice and what did you gain?

      5. Would you recommend it to others?

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      • #551379
        Anonymous
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        Stick around and post updates on my progress.  That’s an interesting idea, Rhonda.  It’s not something I considered before.  I do like the thought that I could help others by sharing my experiences though.  I’ll think about it.  I’m not sure that those who run CDH and its advertisers would like me doing that.  If others are inspired by me and decide to quit, that would be bad for their businesses.  I’d appreciate it if someone from CDH would comment on this.

        • #551765
          Sa•man•tha
          Managing Ambassador
          Registered On: January 21, 2018
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          certainly hon,
          cdh is a support site for cd & tg individuals. you can’t quit being transgender any more than you can quit being human. i have a good guess as to who you’ve been taking to, you can tell them i said that.
          “business” has nothing to do with it. this is a support site.

          8 users thanked author for this post.
          • #551798
            Barb Wire
            Baroness - Annual
            Registered On: September 16, 2021
            Topics: 7
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            Agreed. Stopping is impossible, at least for me, so I’ve stopped stopping. And I give myself a hug now and then.

            xo Barb

            • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by Barb Wire.
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          • #551779
            Anonymous
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            @samantha_88:  Thanks, Samantha.  I apologize if my comment was taken as disparaging.  I didn’t mean it that way.  Based on my experiences here, I have no doubt that CDH is a support site.  I’m sure a lot of work goes into making CDH what it is.  I don’t know if anyone is getting paid for their work.  That’s none of my business.  I just figure that it is safe to assume that advertisers who support this site want to see membership numbers increasing, not decreasing.

          • #551786
            Sa•man•tha
            Managing Ambassador
            Registered On: January 21, 2018
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            this site is not owned by advertisers. i’m not taking your comments as disparaging, but i put my heart and soul into this & i don’t care much for transphobes.
            Best of luck on your journey, Stephanie ❤

            3 users thanked author for this post.
          • #551789
            Anonymous
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            @samantha_88:  Understood.  Thanks.

            1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #551803
            Sa•man•tha
            Managing Ambassador
            Registered On: January 21, 2018
            Topics: 542
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            thank you darling. and seriously, Stephanie i do wish you the best hon. whatever you feel is best for you in this mean ol world. you got a good heart, be careful with that 🤗

            1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #551031
      Anonymous
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      Wow!  Thank you, all, for the kind and supportive replies.  It’s going to be a little bit harder than I had anticipated to hit “DELETE” on my account on Saturday.

      There’s a typo in my post that I have to correct.  Unfortunately, I can not find a way to edit it.  “While I gave Stephanie and outlet here…” should be “While I gave Stephanie an outlet here…”.  I can’t leave here with a mistake like that not corrected.  Ha ha!

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      • #551757
        Anonymous
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        @gabrielainamor:  I see that you fixed my typo, Gabriela.  Thank you.

      • #551290
        Barb Wire
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: September 16, 2021
        Topics: 7
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        Unlike my French classes from high school, no one here will fault you for a misplaced accent, letter or word. The only time we use a red pen is when we draw a heart.

        Again, all the best Stephanie,

        💓 Barb

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #548231
      Alice Underwire
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 88
      Replies: 4308
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      Hi Stephanie,

      Good luck on your journey.  Your CDH friends are here if your need arises.

      Alice

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #548152
      Donna
      Lady
      Registered On: January 17, 2021
      Topics: 143
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      HI Stephanie Wishing you the best in your journey and success what ever decide  on doing.

      Know that the light is always on at CDH and always welcome to come back.

      Big Hugs Hun

      Donna

    • #548145
      Debbie Werner
      Lady
      Registered On: September 12, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 61
      Has thanked: 457 times
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      Stephanie,good luck,I do respect your views. As a married crossdresser of 43 years I know that is hard to lead a double life. I came out of the closet to my Wife last year but,there has not been  any sharing  of Debbie with her. For me at 70+ years old, it’s too late to change.

      Debbie

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #548133
      Katie Time
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 34
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      Hi Steve and farewell, I wish you the best of luck in your decision. I found in the past when I was in not dressing that exercise filled the gap, I was and still am a runner. It is a great stress reliever. Always remember though that you don’t need to dress to let your feminine side help in life. I try to let my natural ways guide me and it seems to work for me. Your always welcome back if you need us. Hugs Katie

    • #548131
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 43
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      Good luck but you will be back if not here then elsewhere and to dressing as it’s a part of who you are. That’s especially true if you think or thought you were transgender. You’re best shot to a happy full filling life would be to find a qualified gender therapist to help you. Again,Good luck.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #548121
      Patty Phose
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
      Topics: 0
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      Best to you. I wish you well.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #548090
      Michelle Davis
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 19, 2021
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 66
      Has thanked: 750 times
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      The responses to Steve’s post have reinforced my feelings that I have found a very special community.  People who care and support one another and want to help one another achieve what they desire in life no matter what that is.  No group think or judgement needed.

      Steve,

      I admire the sacrifices you have made and continue to make in your life to support your marriage and wish you success and happiness with your decision.  Remember that this great community is here to offer continued support anytime you need it.

      Hugs,

      Michelle

    • #548085
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 13
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      Good luck to you Stephanie. All of us here know the conflict and struggles of being who we are and its not easy understanding or being a CD. I hope you are successful and your life is more complete and happy with your decision. Be strong and form the life you need. Please don’t forget us here and if you see another CD out in the world then I hope you will have sympathy and be kind to her. You are not a bad person or have anything at all to feel shame or guilt about. Its just not your thing. Remember that.

    • #548084
      Barb Wire
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: September 16, 2021
      Topics: 7
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      Wow! That is powerful writing and sincerity!

      I am only qualified to offer you my heartfelt best wishes for your journey. I hope you find your peace.

      Good luck, Steve!

      Barb

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #548080
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
      Topics: 447
      Replies: 255
      Has thanked: 243 times
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      Steve,

      I’m glad to see our community expressing support to your decision, beyond the “common knowledge” of “it can’t be done”.

      Over the years I have interacted with thousands of cd/tg individuals. Many of whom decided at one time or another to “quit”. And while it is true most were back after different periods of time, I never heard back from many others. True, doesn’t necessarily mean they succeeded “all the way”, I hope and pray they did. And I hope and pray you do too!

      Godspeed!
      Gabriela

    • #548078
      JillianW
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 13, 2019
      Topics: 7
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      Steve,

      I wish you all the best in the future. I hope that you find all the happiness that you seek and a long a successful marriage.

      Good Luck
      Jillian

    • #548077
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
      Topics: 7
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      Steve,
      If something in one’s life is not right, only that Person say what it is. I hope and pray you can do what you need to do to make Your life right.

      I would like to add, that the God I believe in, made me who and what I am. And part of me is Raquel.

      May God bless you, Steve, and help you do what is right for you.

      Much love,
      Raquel

    • #548062
      Connie Twirl
      Lady
      Registered On: August 18, 2021
      Topics: 12
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      You do whatever you feel happiest doing.

      Good luck!

      Connie

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #548031
      Kelli Marlowe
      Lady
      Registered On: August 4, 2020
      Topics: 11
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      Best of luck in your decision to quit, it sounds as though your reasons are solid.much more difficult to be a married closet crossdresser, it must place an inordinate amount of stress on you.

    • #548029
      Amanda Burton
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 71
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      Has thanked: 12518 times
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      Hi Stephanie,
      Wishing you all the best in the direction that you choose to follow. Like any addiction it’s often hard to leave it behind.
      Are you going to be missed absolutely, but you are right an evaluation of what is most important in your life must come first, especially your health, and relationship.
      I know all us here send our love and best wishes to you, and hope you have a beautiful future. Take care, look after yourself, and if you get any dark moments remember there is a lot of people you can chat to here at anytime regardless. Wishing all the best for the future,
      Lol Amanda xx

      8 users thanked author for this post.
    • #548017
      Regine Kelly
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 42
      Replies: 1413
      Has thanked: 17140 times
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      All the best, to you, Steve, I wish you well.
      We must all choose our own paths in life, some are harder than others,, but you must be happy, with the path you choose.
      Hugs, Regi👸💖

    • #548008
      LisaT
      Lady
      Registered On: January 31, 2021
      Topics: 104
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      Good luck Steve. So many good reasons to stop crossdressing and the conflict of being two and partially secret is hard whether it’s crossdressing or just projecting a persona for society. Just be true to yourself it doesn’t need clothes to be a nice person.

      Hugs

      Lisa xxx

    • #548004
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 16, 2021
      Topics: 137
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      Has thanked: 12369 times
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      Hi Steve….

      I have watched you come and go, and have read of your struggles. If you are so determined this time, all I can say is ….good luck on your journey. I hope you have a long and happy marriage and a successful life…..but I suspect like any other addiction, Stephanie will always be just below the surface…..you will always need to keep on top of it……

      Best wishes honey

      Grace xx

       

    • #547996
      PrincessByDawn
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 4, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 56
      Has thanked: 192 times
      Been thanked: 167 times

      I think everyone here would support the decision you make. If CD is something you want to quit, so be it. Just be proud and not apologetic. Whatever brings peace and happiness, one should pursue that.

      In any case, should you decide to invoke this side of your personality again, you can always do so at any point in time in your life. You are absolutely right to focus on other important realities, now.

      Wishing you the best.

    • #547995
      Prudence
      Ambassador
      Registered On: January 7, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 276
      Has thanked: 1101 times
      Been thanked: 1067 times

      O Steph, I support whatever you decide. But Please know, you are a true and special friend. And I am honored I got to know you! May you find Peace Dear!!   Hugs and Love Pru!!

    • #547993
      Marti
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 5, 2019
      Topics: 41
      Replies: 654
      Has thanked: 2763 times
      Been thanked: 2749 times

      Hi Stephanie,

      Thanks for your post. It says a lot about CDH, that you can feel free to post your thoughts here.

      Everyone’s on their own journey in this life. All we can do is to try and be true to ourselves. I wish you well.

      Marti xxx

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