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My wife has never been supportive of my Bigendered life. When I came out to her, she tolerated but didn’t want to know anything about it. Yesterday I was careless and forgot to put away my wig, and she found it in the basement. It upset her and she told me “This is why i’m not comfortable down here.”
I couldn’t tolerate that, and i’ve decided to get rid if everything, because as comfortable as I am in my female clothes, as much as I absolutely love the feeling, I cannot put her through that sort of discomfort. I love her too much, and deep down I know i’ll never have the courage it takes to go out in public and truly live the life I wanted to live going down this path, so why prolong it?
I envy you girls so much, and I love you all. This place has been wonderful for me, and you all have been so supportive and loving, and I dearly cherish that kindness. I pray and wish for all of you to live your best lives, to fulfill your dreams, to be happy for the rest of your lives. I will never forget the sisterhood and love I felt here. Thank you so very much.
I love you all.
-Zoey LaVelle
Hi Zoey
Its unfortunate that we didn’t get to know each other in your time here.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re being put in this position but we all must make what we believe to be the best decisions at the time, knowing what we know.
Having enthusiastic support is not always possible but mutual respect and some acceptance even with Reasonable limits through compromise should be part of the relationship equation I think.
The allowing of each others comforts and desires should run both ways.
Best wishes and be well.
Olivia
Zoey,
I’m so sorry to hear about your problem. No, you can’t cause your wife discomfort if you can avoid it; but I fear you will only be moving the discomfort to yourself, rather than eliminating it. I hope things work out for you, and may I suggest you don’t rush too quickly with purging. Good luck to you, whatever happens.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Hi Zoey,
Years ago I did the same thing your doing now and eventually my life exploded over it. You can’t change who or what you are to satisfy another person, even a spouse. In time your going to resent her and it will manifest in your behavior and attitude.
I know what I’m talking about!! I eventually became addicted to substances and acted out against my ex, blaming her for the decision I made. Now, I am presently transitioning and I am not familiar with you and where your at in the trans spectrum, but I don’t think it matters. I strongly suggest you try to negotiate something with your wife and also educate, or encourage her to get educated about men who x-dress. It is not the horrible thing that society can view it to be.
Hon, in over 50 years I have seen so many people take the path your getting ready to take, and it does not work!!!!
Go see a professional therapist, preferably someone who specializes in CD, TG, TS individuals before you do anything drastic!! And, if you need some help, let me know and I will talk to her! I guarantee she will loosen up when I am done Not my first rodeo!!Hi Zoey same as other girls here sorry for your problems . But please don’t purge you girly stuff yet just hide it away as all of us can tell you your girly side will never go away she will allways be with you . Shes in your heart and sole as well in your mind and as Breanna said try and seek some professional help that hopfully your wife will agree to go to and work out her problem with Zoey as you don’t have a problem with her . Good luck and hope it works out for the both of you . Hugs Stephanie bass
Honey,
I am so, so sorry your having these problems but purging is not the answer!! Hon, I am 59 yrs old and I can’t even remember all the times I’ve purged complete wardrobes and I always regretted doing it!! Your not gonna “make your wife happy” by doing this. Happiness is something that comes from within and does not stem from the behavior of another!!! Your looking at this all wrong as you cannot “make” your wife happy by living a lie, by giving in to her wishes about who you are!! If you two are truly “in love” then she will encourage you to express who you are and not force you to give up your expression of your feminine side. I’m sorry but I have seen so many people, including myself, and it never works
I will however wish and pray that you find the right answer to your problem and understand that most members here have also experienced similiar problems and were able to overcome them and you can do the same!!!Hugs, T girl Bree, Breanna
We’ve all got to do what we’ve got to do. Goodbye, Zoey. I pray that you will find peace and happiness.
Unaccepting wives are the bane of a cross dressers life!
As the other ladies have said, purging is not the answer and will hurt you in the long run, and breed resentment and other mental health issues.
At least, this is my experience.
You don’t need someone else’s permission to be yourself. The road to happiness is not the easy one!
I wish you all the best – Zoey will never leave you or let you down, and she won’t mind being packed in boxes for a while, in fact, she will thank you for it.
Love Laura.
Hi Zoey My heart goes out to you. One thing you can count on is You are not alone. Please do not begin rejecting and denying your self again. Zoey can handle being put up and hidden for awhile. Stephanie went deep for over twenty years. I must admit it did take medication to do it. . That is definatly not the way to go. At some point in all our lives we all have to accept who we are.. Zoey is a part of you that is special. She will always be there no matter what happens she can handle anything. Rejection, denial,.shame what ever society throws at her she can handle . She is one tough lady. If i may suggest something. Look for a female therapist that has some credentials dealing with trans and crossdresing issues. You can learn more about your self but more importantly you can help your SO learn more about you. The whole you. You can invite her after several sessions or when you are comfortable that your therapist can best teach your wife about this special part of you that has no intention of hurting or jeopardizing the marriage. In my case my SO call the shots. I let her do that so that my marriage will survive. I have learned to never to say Good bye. I will say See you later. Hopefully sooner than later luv Stephanie
Zoey
I do wish I had a pound for every person I’ve seen going through issues like you are going through. I would be rather well off.
The evidence is that the female part of you can be suppressed for a while, perhaps even for years. Soooner or later though, the urges to express your female side will overpower you and you will then have to face a whole load of remorse and regret. You may even begin to feel bitter and resentful that your wife has made you suppress the female within.
I do also understand your wifes perspective but in making you feel that you cannot be the whole you, she is just building up problems for the both of you down the line.
If I was you I would find myslef a good therapsit who understands gender issues and take your wife with you on a trip of discovery of who you are and how, if she truely loves you as much as you obviously love her, she can support you to fulfil your need to be in touch with the whole you.
My very best wishes to you for your future. I do hope that you, together with your wife find a way that you can express who you are within the confines of a happy life together and that she can learn to be more accepting of you, her beloved.
I also hope that in the fullness of time, we will see you back here, chatting with your sisters, be that in male or female mode.
Take good care sweetheart. Good luck.
Anne-Marie.
I can’t add much to the good advice that’s already been said. My ex was unsupportive to the point of destroying all my clothes when she found them. I tried to deny myself as well and couldn’t. This is the person I am. A woman in the wrong body. The first time I packed my clothes away and hid them for a couple years. When she was gone for awhile I couldn’t take it and got them from my storage and started dressing again. Then I hid them in my lumber storage over my shop. For some reason when I was gone she went up there one day and destroyed everything permanently forms corset and all in the woodstove. And was pissed off for a couple weeks and never failed to bring it up. The relationship ended a couple years later for different reasons and being able to be Bethany full time I’ve never been happier. I’d say pack it up and see a counselor. And we’re here for support anytime you need us girls
It’s sad to see anyone of us be this unhappy. I totally understand the non-supportive wife issue. I’ve been dealing with it for many years now. Like so many others have said, purging may not be the best solution. It most always is temporary and can cause some serious emotional damage to who you really are. Denying it will not make it go away. We all make choices about how, when, where, and how often we express our feminine side.
I pray you will find happiness in whatever road you feel is best for you.Hi Zoey,
You have to do what brings you the most inner peace and makes you happy. We are all struggling with that, and just like the ladies here said, these desires will probably, more than likely, never go away. You have two competing needs here and only you can make your decision. However in doing so, you have to be true to yourself. If you are not, you will not be happy and in turn will not make your wife happy. I wish you all the best and Godspeed on this journey. Lisa
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I’m touched by the outpouring of support and advice here. I’d like to provide an update.Unfortunately, I purged my female belongings almost immediately after posting this. They’re in a public dumpster somewhere in town because I didn’t want her to see what I had in the trash, (not that any of this was lewd, but her seeing my wig was enough to freak her out, i’d hate to see how she’d react seeing a dress or god forbid, lipstick, which she doesn’t even wear).
I’m aware that these urges will probably never go away. I have been fighting to simply understand these urges since about 2009 in one form or another. I took great comfort in these clothes, but that comfort was dramatically outweighed by the sight and thought of my wife after she had seen the little she had seen. It wasn’t worth it.
I also agree, it isn’t fair for her to cause this sort of change in my life. She never asked me to stop. She told me “do what you gotta do,” but also said, “I wish you didn’t do that, but you said you need to, so…” Unfortunately, she also couldn’t answer me when I asked her, “Why does it bother you?” So there’s that.
Even after telling her i’m done, and i’m getting rid of my things, she wasn’t comfortable, and was convinced i’d come back to this again.
It is BECAUSE of all of this, the fact that she is so uncomfortable to the degree that it elicits these reactions, that I have to give it up. I’ve lived with this bottled up in one form or another, and going to therapy gave me the courage to open up about it and really experiment with it. My wife is not even open enough to go to therapy, so that’s a dead end. I did what I needed to do, and while I didn’t do nearly as much as I wanted to do of it, it’s going to have to be enough. I care much more about her than I do about my female side of myself.
I know these posts paint my wife in a negative light, but none of us are perfect, and she is a truly wonderful woman who has some form of insecurities that she is battling with herself. Without her, i’d assuredly already be dead, and I love her with all my heart and soul. While there will always be this in our history, i’m betting my future on the fact that everything yet to come will outweigh this pothole in the road. I love her so much. She is my angel.
Thank you so much for your support and advice. God I love this place and you people. Please do not worry about me. A lot of people have worse stories than me, and have ended up in tragic fashion. I’m a lucky person, luckier than I deserve to be.
Zoey;
While I don’t agree with outcome you’ve decided, (for very much the same reasons that have been previously mentioned), I do have the upmost respect for your reasoning and the right to do what makes the most sense for you. Thank-you for adding this post!
I wish you and your wife the best going forward and really hope that it works out for you (plural) the best way possible.
If either of you find yourselves reconsidering, we’ll be here to talk if you need it.
Love, hugs and best wishes for you.
-Molly
Dear Zoey , Consider this. If you told someone that you would not ever be happy unless they were committed to a life of unhappiness, wouldn’t you be engaging in the the worst kind of emotional extortion ?. Isn’t that what you are allowing to happen to you ? You sound like a kind and loving person who lives your life for others…but don’t forget to take care of yourself. Gloria
Hi Zoey,
I am sorry that you currently find yourself in the circumstances you are in. I hope your therapist has experience with CD, TG, TS individuals besides yourself. I hope that your wife decides to join you in therapy/marriage counseling. I wish you health and happiness. But I’m not going to say goodbye. I’m going to send a friend request instead. Just so you know, that if you ever change your mind, we’re going to be here.
Hugs
Autumn
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