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I’ve been out and about quite a bit lately. It’s been difficult for my wife. She wasn’t keen. We went out a couple of times together and it freaked her out. We agreed that I should go out alone. This is something I have been doing whilst she was away, and a couple of times whilst she was home. I dressed sensibly ( a pic in the public photos. Red skirt and long boots), put on my new coat, double checked with my wife, and out I went.
Normally, I walk with a f*** ’em attitude and don’t care who sees me. This time I suddenly found myself very afraid. I nearly turned back, but decided to press on.
I got to my local park. I walk around the edge of this park, where there are street lights. My heart was pounding. Not in an excited way, in a scared way. I kept telling myself that I was safe, and that even if people did clock me, they wouldn’t say or do anything. I was scared. I nearly dipped into the park to find a bench where I could phone my wife and ask her to come and get me. I didn’t. I pressed on. On two occasions I “phantom-ed” Like the phantom of the opera, I scurried away when I saw people heading my way. I have never phantom-ed before. I was really scared. I pressed on and eventually made it home. I an normally sad when my walk ends. This time, I was so relieved. I was shaking when I sat down. So much so that my wife thought that I had been attacked. I felt like I had. The walk is nearly two miles long. It was the longest two miles of my life.
I have no idea what brought this on. The only thing I can think of is that it has become “normal”. My wife is fine with it, and I’m normally fully OK with it. This normality has stopped the adrenalin build up. Normally I prepare for my walks. This time I just put my coat on and went out. Not checking for neighbours. No checking that there was anyone around. Coat on, walk out. Like it was perfectly normal for a man in a skirt and boots to be going for a walk.
Could it be that the lack of the adrenalin, that normally accompanies me on my walk, has allowed for fear to creep in? This is the only thing I can think of.
Later, my wife suggested that we go for a walk together. We did, and all was fine.
Today we have been shopping, and I’ve been trying stuff on in shops with no fear.
What caused me to feel so afraid, so nervous? This sudden reaction has scared me.
Has this happened to anyone else?
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