Greetings & well met!

[Nikki Pink]

Hello ladies (members, SOs, & gents who have yet to accept) & gents,

My name is Nikki Pink, and it is my pleasure to make your acquaintance. *smiles and bows head slightly*
I must apologize in advance, as this one comes from other spaces of the Internet, and will work to learn the customs of this space.
As such, any offense is not intended, and would ask for opportunity to rectify if any is inadvertently presented.

I have lived for many years (hopefully with equal or more to come) at odds with myself.
In a story this one is sure is familiar with many, this one knew from childhood that she was somehow different.

While the boys were otherwise engaged in sports, this one rather preferred the pleasures of observing the world surrounding.
While the boys were very eager to stomp frozen puddles, this one rather preferred to enjoy the great works of art Mother Nature had captured in still motion in these same places.

Always one to have a soft and nurturing (where able) spirit (for family, friends, people & creatures of the world), she has suffered many blows in life (varied in type & severity).
Yet, new breath enters the lungs and this one continues on, though sadly from an early age she grew rather jaded & distrustful of those not permitted in her (rather small) inner circle.
Such is life when growing up “different” in rural Canada, despite having supportive parents (who at times did not know quite what to do with me.)

I have since “flourished” in some capacities once adulthood occurred, and have attempted to “proceed under my own steam”, and make the most of life possible.
I have been blessed to know true love (at least) twice in life, both times resulting in marriage after long relationships beforehand.

My current wife (and mother to our child) is sadly not open to cross-dressing, or non-standard gender roles (in the context of our specific relationship, at least at this time).
Unfortunate residue from past “hard experiences” in her own life, in part due to persons who made less than ideal choices (or methods of expressing / conducting themselves.)
The unsavory persons depart, but their marks remain, & continue to express at times unexpected (even after more than a decade of relationship).
The near immediate response when this one broached the topic in a very “light / passing capacity” (testing the waters) was less than ideal (suggestion of “instant divorce”.)

Aside from some experiences as a child in my grandmother’s closet, I have had little opportunity to explore this aspect of myself (which I am only recently coming to understand & address in a more realized capacity.)
For a year between marriages I enjoyed some freedom from social responsibilities (to another in a relationship context).
During this, I enjoyed many visits to local beach & lake (in a very natural & tasteful capacity), where I felt free to express as my inner-self (without the trappings of a gender I am unsure I ever fully accepted / related to.)
This was accepted without challenge or really of any immediate note what-so-ever (I won a community raffle for a gift-basked at one swim-night over winter :-P).

Since marriage, I have been slowly (albeit I feel unintentionally) ensnared with the burdens of my wife’s life complexities (multiple and varied, which she was up-front about).
The result is that I am but a “shade” of my former self, understanding and accepting that marriage requires something of all involved (its not all fun & games strictly.)

Thus, I continue on “as is” much like a Nestlie Egg (the gooey inside is the femme spirit in me), the shell is the male aspect I “wear” for the benefit of society & persons within it.

This went for longer than intended, and hope you found it informative.

A great day to you! <3

– nikki

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