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Hi All
One of my greatest fears has always been my children finding out I am a crossdresser. I recently came out to my wife and it went quite well. While she doesn’t want to see me dressed we can talk openly about my dressing and our marriage is as strong as it was before I told her about Denise. Now she is feeling in the same position I have for years terrified that if our children ever found out what I am what that would do to our relationship with them.
Our children are in their late 20’s and I had been thinking about attending a CD event for the first time. This terrified my wife as she thought what if someone who was there knew someone who knew some one else who then knew one of our kids and told them they saw you there as a woman.
It seems to me from all I have read on CDH and elsewhere that a lot of us reach those middle age years where we don’t tend to care so much what people think anymore and that is when our dressing increases and develops and where we start to reveal to people around us about our feminine side. (also interested to hear if you agree with this)
While I am wanting to get out as Denise more in public and would love to attend a CD event but the risk of discovery then getting back to my kids is stopping me. I am not really bothered too much if anyone else found out. I can live with that. Has anyone else had any experience with revealing your crossdressing to your grown up kids and how it went as I am now wondering should we tell them. Far better that than finding out any other way?
This younger generation are far more understanding of the whole LBTQ (can’t remember other letters) side of society than we ever were growing up in the 60’s and 70’s so maybe they could be far more accepting than we imagine.
Love to hear your thoughts girls.
Denise P
I am not te person to give you the info you are looking for. When my X found out the first thing she did was to tell our 3 grown kids. This week it has been 3 years since she told them. @ of them have seen me dressed, none of them want to talk about it. That is difficult as I am usually dressed 24/ inside my own home. The best part of this for me is I no longer have the stress and fear of them finding out. I am going to a little here and there have them see me as Cassie and get discussion going on me as Cassie.
I hope all goes well for you and possible coming out to you kids.. .Cassie
One of the biggest reasons I had for discussing my lifestyle with my adult children was exactly for the reason you put forward. I didn’t want them finding out through rumors. By giving them the knowledge up front, they then had the ability to come up with a response of their own (positive or otherwise) should somebody bring forward seeing me or hearing about me. I had a private and individual discussion with each of them that was scary but went well, they want us to be happy in life.
I am very much in the same position as you Denise. I am 70, my wife knows and is accepting and even participatory up to a point. I have just begun to venture outside and find it exhilarating. I do not care what others think, yet the subject of my adult children and their SOs finding out is a cause for concern. At present, they are not on my “needs to know” list, maybe they should be to avoid the accidental discovery. Both have a tendency to drop by unannounced, and that is definitely OK with me,but it does leave open the possibility of catching “Kris” at home, and I know the “Oh, it’s my sister from Minnesota” is not going to work with them. Just this weekend, the younger of the two (ages 34 & 37 by the way) caught me looking at a catalog online of women’s coats. I covered, saying I was looking for a gift for his mom. He bought it, and I’ll be more careful next time, but yikes I hate being sneaky. I think eventually that quality will get to me and I’ll break down and come out…not there yet, but that day is coming, so I will be watching this space!
That’s a great topic Denise! I guess you just have to trust your instincts to do the right thing and what works for you. After raising a family and putting the CD stuff on the side for many years, you should do what feels right. I have four girls ages 12-23. I have gone out en femme for the past two years (not close to home) a handful of times and my wife has said i should come out to them, but i disagree with her. For me there is no need to. Interestingly enough, my 16 year old found part of my CD stash – just clothes, not the undergarment stuff that would have been way more difficult to explain. She said she wanted to wear one of my dresses (thinking it was an old dress from my wife) to her senior prom! I was actually kind of flattered.
Thanks!
Val
I would think since you children are grown you would want to tell them, explain it your way and answer any questions. No more hiding, guilt or shame. Lets you explore this side of you.
Zenn
Hi Denise,
I am Not out to any body but all the wonderful Girls Here. I don’t have an SO, I
have been pretty much alone on this journey so no one to bounce things off of.. But I have
never felt the need to tell My kids(All adults), It seems from my observations that It is more
a “Need To Tell” then it is for them to need to know.. Most would probably rather not know if they had the choice(My Opinion). We are the best judge of how we think our Kids might react.. I don’t need to hurt
My Kids in order to clear My conscience because I know that is what I would be doing.. If I was going to live Full time as a woman, that would Def. be different but I’m not, I can’t no matter what I wish… at this point.. I will always try to keep My lives separated, It is difficult as we all know but that is the choice I make and if I was ever outed.. There is only one answer I could give them… This is who I am….. Jill 💖My two mid 40’s daughters found out some 20 years ago. Courtesy of my ex who told them when we split up….Thanks a bunch “B”
But few years later I”signed the pledge” and for quite some years put Caty away in a very secure “hidey hole”. The girls think this is still the case. But we all know “it comes back”. Thus my new and loving partner found out “the hard way” some years ago when I left some jewellery where I should not have.
So in summary, “she knows but does not want to know”.
Thus given we are in separate rooms and beds, much of Caty’s “Stuff” is “hidden in plain sight” in my chest of drawers and wardrobe. The rest is in a storage locker about 30 mins from home
As for my girls. One lives on the other side of the planet and I have no contact with her. The other lives about 40 mins from home but between her and my 10 year old granddaughter, they have enough health problems of their own without me coming out to daughter number 2.
Caty.
What’s that saying–It all comes out in the wash—-how many secrets Stay Secrets?–Not many-Besides Kids are smarter than we generally give them credit for–for instance–a young granddaughter-3 or 4 yrs old many yrs ago was visiting saw a couple of My dresses in the bedroom & asked Gramma if the they were grandpas’ dresses–She knew they would’nt fit gramma– grama came clean & told her & no big deal was ever made of it-If you had any clothes around when the kids were younger–the odds of them Not finding then & figuring it out are mighty slim no matter or how well you tried to hide them–Looking at politics is an easy way to understand things–A politician tries to hide something from their past–one person finds out & the rumor mill starts then everything get blown out of proportion–
Thank you so much to everyone who replied to this post. After having read your replies and thought about them for a bit I think it all comes down to these few things.
The extent to which I am planning on being in public as in my female form is attending an odd CD event and taking a country drive and at worst having to refuel the car in full femme as I was caught with once. One thing I have discussed before is that even someone you know would have to almost be having a face to face conversation before the recognised you when you are full femme. This leaves the chance of them discovering about Denise pretty low but still a chance albeit a remote one.
What tore me apart for decades was keeping Denise a secret from the world. I didn’t want to deceive my wife but assuming if she knew that would be the end of us I didn’t tell her till a few months ago and like Kris said I too hate being sneaky. The relief was beyond what words can describe when I told her and with that went decades of guilt and being ashamed of myself. Needing to tell my kids for me so that I feel like I am a totally open book and not hiding anything from them has to be balanced with the hurt to them doing that will cause. Definitely less hurt than if they found out not from me and my wife.
And finally I think Jane’s point of kids being smarter than we give them credit for is very true. I think explaining to them with all the facts and with honesty they might surprise us with how supportive they may be which is exactly what happened with my wife.
Still not sure if we will tell them about Denise but thank you everyone as I now understand better all the factors that contribute to deciding to tell them or not.
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