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Sorry to hear this Erika. I too have been through a separation and divorce and it’s always tough.
Hope things work out OK for you and, as you say, more time to be the real you.
Gemma. X
Sorry to hear that Erika hopefully things will turn out for the best for you and for her. Does she know anything about Erika and your desire and or evolution? Separation and divorce can be very stressful times but also can be a healing time down the road. Wishing you the best in this and how it all turns out for you.
Hugs April
Sorry you are going through this Erika. Hopefully you find solace in your increased Erika time. Good luck.
Hi Erika I’m sorry to hear about your separation from your SO,
I’m sorry i can’t give you any advice about it as I’m still in the closet to my wife, i don’t think i will come out to her as she says she doesn’t understand why some men want to dress like women, the only thing i can say is if you happen to meet someone else i would advise you to tell them up front about your crossdressing life and let them decide, that’s what i would do if i got divorced i would tell them up front I’m a crossdresser and let them decide X
Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀
Hi Erika, I can sympathize – I came out to my wife in summer 2021. We were in separate bedrooms by January, separated this June, and divorcing soon. I won’t say it is mainly due to this, but it may have “tipped the scales”. I am also actively transitioning, which may be past where you are.
In defense of our SOs, when we change so radically, there are three possible reactions: tolerance, acceptance, or rejection/denial. We all dream acceptance and encouragement would be the expected reaction, but our SOs just found out the person they thought they married has a “secret life” so it feels like we are cheating, with our feminine persona being the other woman. I guess that’s not too far off, when it gets down to it. But what they don’t most times recognize is we didn’t feel safe coming out to them or anyone else until this moment. They don’t want change, while that is all we think about.
I’m sorry you are going through this. But use this time to have some very hard conversations where you both honestly tell the other what you want and need. The wants can be negotiated, the needs cannot without causing terrible psychological and physical damage.
Hugs,
Brie
I am so sorry to hear about this Erika. I hope that the process goes smoothly for you. So sorry.
Sorry to hear about this. I’ve been married 3 times (all 3 wives knew of my crossdressing before I ever asked them to marry me) the first wife left (or rather, I left her) because she didn’t think she should stop sleeping with other men even though she was married. She just wasn’t too keen on marriage, but was all for my dressing, we both enjoyed it. Second wife was fine with crossdressing until got involved (23 yrs into our relationship) with a very conservative church, whose main train of thought was if you’re not white, heterosexual, you’re a sinner and basically scum of the earth…that caused a lot of problems in our marriage. She also donated a lot of money to that church and so the downfall began. Still married to the third wife who varies in her thoughts on having a husband called Kristen, but we are compatible in most other regards. I hope this is the best thing for you.
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I’m sorry to hear this, Erika. When one door closes, another one opens up. Look towards that open door and find your peace. It may well be that Erika is that open door for you or you may find other doors. I got divorced about 6 years ago (not related to CD) and that opened up a host of new doors for me, including CD.
If you would like to chat, share or vent, please do reach out. We’re all here to support you in whatever way possible.
Love and hugs,
Jen I’m very sorry to hear this, Erika. On the other hand, it’s an opportunity for you not only to get more in touch with your feminine side, but also to understand your motivations. Through therapy, self-reflection, and talking to my wife, I have come to realize that:
- I get stronger urges to dress if I feel we’re apart emotionally and/or physically;
- This usually throws me in a spiral where I stop seeking her attention and count on my autogynephilia to find satisfaction, and we grow further apart; and
- The urges don’t go away when we’re closer, and in these situations dressing feels more like an empowering moment than an erotic one.
This means that nowadays, whenever the urges get stronger, I try to get closer to her because now I take it as a sign. It’s not only a sign that we’re growing apart, as dressing is actually the only moment I feel somewhat beautiful, but it’s definitely one of the signs.
I do hope you and she can find a solution, but in case you cannot I hope you get to understand yourself better so that in a new relationship dressing doesn’t get in your way.
Erika
I am sorry to hear this. How are you coping these first few months? I don’t like to pry, but is your wife separating because of your dressing?
I am sure things will work out…one door closes, another opens.
Hugs
ChristineI know how you feel Erika. It’s been 4 months since my divorce became final. My ex knew I was a CD, but she never saw me dressed in person. And it is not the reason she left. I’ve gotten used to living alone again. The good news is now I can keep Kerri’s clothes and lingerie in a closet and dresser instead of the attic. Good luck to you.
Having gone through that I have two pieces of advice
1) take your time. Don’t try and dive in full-fem overnight. Get comfortable with the idea and learn what you style and personality are. I spent a lot of money on styles and changes that really weren’t for me. Wish I had that back.
2) have fun. The pink fog will be very heavy in the weeks to come. (Wink)
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