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    • #440411
      Cynthia Hughes
      Lady
      Registered On: March 12, 2019
      Topics: 7
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      Do I feel guilty now? Not even remotely.

      Did I feel guilty when I was younger? For sure.

      I was doing things I knew that little boys should not do or be interested in. Back in the day, morning talk shows had Crossdressers on and they were never shown in the best light. I had no other frame of reference and it really hindered me from loving myself for the longest time.

      I thank my lucky stars I met my wife when I did.

      Cynthia

    • #440385
      Danielle Anaya
      Lady
      Registered On: January 3, 2020
      Topics: 1
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      I too have felt my share of guilt and shame regarding my lifestyle as Danielle. It cost me a wife, family, friends, jobs, and I have suffered ridicule and even hostility from others because of it. I have even felt self hatred and loathing over the feelings and desires that have led me to where I am today. I still have it even as I live life as Danielle. I wish I could really understand it all but I just don’t. It seems to be something that will always be a part of my journey.

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      • #440398
        Hilda Beaumont
        Duchess
        Registered On: March 14, 2020
        Topics: 6
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        Dear Danielle,
        I’ve had to come to terms with guilt and the advice that I was given was that “I needed to learn to be kind to myself about who I really am.” It wasn’t easy but this self acceptance went a long way to lessening the guild feelings. I am very fortunate that my sons (from a previous marriage) have been very supportive of my cross dressing although my current SO isn’t and we will be going our separate ways.I’m looking forward to a life where HildaRuth will become a much larger part of who I am and I’m not feeling guilty about this just a little sorry that it has taken me so long to arrive at this point in my life
        So Hugs and Blessings to you Danielle 💋💋

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    • #438810
      Emily Alt
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 11
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      There are girls that feel guilt….or myriad other negative emotions.  I’ve been there.

      I agree there’s nothing wrong with what we do.  But much of society begs to differ.  For the girl that’s suffering it’s real.  Avoiding the language that best describes how she feels would be dismissive.  Better to acknowledge her reality and do everything we can to improve her lot in life.  Pretty much what CDH does every day.

      Emily

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    • #438540
      Helene Bock
      Lady
      Registered On: September 17, 2016
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 74
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      Guilt??? never had that feeling as considered it “natural” for me to dress as it both pleased and de-stressed me…the only problem was the “fear” of wife discovering my dressing habits and what her reaction could be.  I had to wait almost 10 years before she discovered it – and “ofcourse” did not accept which complicated the matter – but I never felt any guilt – why should I as nothing wrong to dress (pending ofcourse how others react/think), yet I could not really care although more careful now with my wife not to upset her

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    • #438523
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 18
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      A more accurate term for how we feel would be “apprehension” (but that’s harder to say and spell). It’s not that we think what we do is “wrong”, but it will be seen as such by others, and we shy away from their expected reactions. Or that’s how it was for me until I embraced Bettylou. Now, it doesn’t matter to me what they think. It’s their problem, not mine.

      Hugs,
      Bettylou

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      • #438568
        Kimmie
        Lady
        Registered On: September 27, 2016
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 236
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        I think Betty Lou is right. I’ve never felt guilt or shame, but I have definitely been apprehensive about being found out. Those times that has happened, I have felt embarrassment and been uncomfortable. But it was not shame. Both guilt and shame imply that you have done something wrong. For me, dressing is not wrong; it is who I am and that is never going to change. Still, because dressing is not considered “normal” by the wider world it is emotionally difficult to discuss what I do and why I do it.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #438509
      Heather Jameson
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 1, 2019
      Topics: 7
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      I used to feel shame and guilt but since accepting who I am and realizing I’m doing nothing wrong those feeling have gone away. I still get strange looks when people see me but my saying is, if you don’t like how I look then don’t look. It kind of reminds of the old Groucho Marx bit, Dr. Dr. it hurts when I do that, don’t do that.

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      • #438516
        Inga Krasivaya
        Lady
        Registered On: January 18, 2021
        Topics: 10
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        LOL!  Always loved Groucho Marx!  “I wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member”…… except here I wouldn’t want to ever be anywhere else.  Loads of hugs:  Inga.

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    • #438486
      Anonymous
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      When I was a closeted CD I used to feel guilty all the time.Before I came out to my wife I used to take days off work in order to dress.I would go into town buy a few tops,skirts,pairs of shoes and loads of tights / pantyhose.Would take them home have a lovely time wearing them and then the next day the guilt would set in.I would then go back into town and throw all the clothes into public litter bins.I regretted it soon after.Of course I would repeat the same thing over and over.Nowadays I am out to my wife have been for ten years.I now only purge the odd skirt or dress that’s gone out of fashion or torn tights.As a result my femme wardrobe is more extensive than it’s ever been.And my wife fully supports my dressing and says I look nice as a woman so there is no more guilt.

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      • #438528
        Anonymous
        Registered On:
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        I used to do the same exact thing, feeling guilty for doing it and of course purging after. It’s a vicious cycle that only broke for me when I came out to my wife. Now I could care less who found out or knows. Basically the truth set me free!

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        • #438534
          Hilda Beaumont
          Duchess
          Registered On: March 14, 2020
          Topics: 6
          Replies: 190
          Has thanked: 457 times
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          Katie
          I so agree that it’s essential to be true to yourself and what you feel. Once I decided to do this and live a life in which HildaRuth could play a full and developing part the guilt disappeared and I was able to ‘come out’ as a crossdresser to friends, colleagues and family. I left it far too long to do this but am now committed to making up for lost time.
          HRxx

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          • #438536
            Inga Krasivaya
            Lady
            Registered On: January 18, 2021
            Topics: 10
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            “I left it far too long to do this”…  There are so many of us that agree with this.  Hopefully, the universe will move on and make that an obsolete term.  Loads of hugs:  Inga.

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      • #438503
        Inga Krasivaya
        Lady
        Registered On: January 18, 2021
        Topics: 10
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        Lovely to hear that – and yes, we all have to purge laddered tights and stockings every so often – these things happen.  I’ve found the evolution of this subject to be fascinating;  most girls feel no guilt, but no-one has shown anything but support, sympathy and sisterhood for those who do – either for their dressing or for not having owned up to their SOs and friends earlier.  There’s a wide range of views out there – but nothing less than sympathy, support, hope, pride and acceptance.

        You ladies are AWESOME!  Hugs to you all:  Inga.

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    • #438361
      Lee Ann Rakers
      Lady
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
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      Hi Inga,

      Never ever felt one iota of guilt or shame. I owe that to my mother. I always had her permission to dress, to wear her things. She never said “no”. She never said boys don’t wear girls clothing. She never told my father or older brother. It was our secret.

      I honor my mother by using her family name “Rakers”.

      Hugs and the best to all, especially those who still feel guilt or shame,

      Lee Ann

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #438342
      Alice Robinson
      Lady
      Registered On: July 3, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 16
      Has thanked: 39 times
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      Hi Inga,
      As others have mentioned, I also feel guilt but not for who I am or what I do. I love being Alice and I would not dream of losing this part of me. But I do feel guilty that I deceived my wife, albeit by omission of the truth by not telling her sooner, and I feel something like guilty that for so many years I cheated myself of who I am.
      If I had my time again, I would have fully embraced Alice and quite possibly transitioned. I feel guilt and deep regret that I denied myself that opportunity.
      Alice x

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    • #438331
      Abby M
      Lady
      Registered On: October 7, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 99
      Has thanked: 109 times
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      I don’t know if I feel guilty when I think about crossdressing, maybe it is more akin to shame. I think it has a lot to do with the societal standards we’re raised with, and when the two do not line up that is where the disconnect is. I think I feel shame sometimes because I feel that I am not conforming to the standards as to what is to be a male in today’s society. However, i’ve written before about toxic masculinity and that I wish more examples of what it means to be a man were more prevalent when I was a child. I think getting in touch with my feminine side allows me to more clearly express my emotions, something that I feel I was barred from doing. I have been chronically depressed in the past and being able to cross dress, even if it is not in public, has helped make me happier then I have been in a long time.

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      • #438334
        Inga Krasivaya
        Lady
        Registered On: January 18, 2021
        Topics: 10
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        Thanks for your note Abby; I really hope you’re feeling as well as can be.  I’ve never been clinically depressed – thankfully – but I know it’s not just a case of “feeling a little down.”  If dressing helps in any way, then that’s yet more proof that we’ve all made the right decision; certainly, putting on a pretty outfit always lifts my spirits a little.

        Take care, cutie:  Inga XOXOXO

    • #437266
      Rozalyne Richards
      Lady
      Registered On: March 10, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 387
      Has thanked: 701 times
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      Hi Inga i don’t feel guilty about crossdressing it’s part of my life and will be for the rest of my life,

      The only thing i feel guilty about is the fact that i never told my wife about my crossdressing life it’s been like a millstone around my neck for years,

      If i could go back all them years i would tell her about my secret crossdressing life and let her decide if she wanted to marry me,

      Hugs Rozalyne x

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      • #437281
        Hilda Beaumont
        Duchess
        Registered On: March 14, 2020
        Topics: 6
        Replies: 190
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        Rozalyn I so understand and empathise with your situation. To some extent it mirrors my own – cross dressing in secret, enjoying it immensely but feeling guilty about it. When my secret was revealed to my wife she found it completely unacceptable and we are now going our separate ways.

        Love and hugs

        HRxxx

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #437232
      Araminta Purdy
      Lady
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 306
      Has thanked: 442 times
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      Some people do experience strong feelings of guilt. I believe those feelings are not justified and are the result of inequitable, societal pressures and irrational attitudes. To free those who do feel guilty from blaming themselves their guilt needs to be acknowledged and the source and genesis of that guilt examined, explored and then dismissed.

      I would not say that one should abandon the term as such, but attempt to see it in context and to deal with the issue constructively and beneficially. For example, those who have successfully relieved themselves of the guilt impressed upon them by others can show us to also how to deal with guilt and to set those feelings aside. By acknowledging the shame and fears of people still discovering themselves we can assure them that there are no rational reasons for those self-deprecations and to find their gender(s) and their expressions to be joyful, healing and beneficial personally and to society in general. Only by such self-assurance combined with knowledge and the ability to express ourselves meaningfully will the desired ‘normalization’ be achieved.

      Araminta.

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    • #437191
      Genevïéve
      Lady
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
      Topics: 22
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      Have never felt guilty/ashamed of my feminine side… it’s something that gives me great pleasure… and nobody will convince me different…

      L❤VE

      Gen… ❤

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #437141
      rebekka moore
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 84
      Replies: 933
      Has thanked: 530 times
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      Hi

      When I was a teen and even early 20’s and would dress and “pleasure” myself that was almost always followed by an intense feeling of guilt. Like I had done something very wrong and shameful. What I know now is, that was society talking.

      I’ve come to ignore that and no longer have that feeling when, during or after dressing. It makes me feel good and that is what I focus on.

      I do think this is a very common emotion but as the societal reins loosen, these emotions fade.

      Love and Hugs,

      Rebecka

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #437189
        Inga Krasivaya
        Lady
        Registered On: January 18, 2021
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 252
        Has thanked: 293 times
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        Everyone who has replied to this topic seems to have a very deep insight – whether from the point of view of “Guilt – we must support” or “Guilt – we shouldn’t feel it”.  I feel so lucky to have such lovely sisters:  hugs and kisses to you all.  Inga.

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    • #437132
      Hilda Beaumont
      Duchess
      Registered On: March 14, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 190
      Has thanked: 457 times
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      This is a very interesting question Inga. In the past when I was dressed I did not feel at all guilty. I felt almost deliriously happy. When I was not dressed I did feel guilty because I was concerned about the consequences of being found out – hurting the feelings of loved ones and friend, their ‘probable’ alienation towards me, the impact it would have on my marriage etc. Then I had “The Talk” with my wife and she found my cross dressing completely unacceptable. Hence we are going our separate ways and in this process I became very, very depressed and needed significant psychiatric help. However I came through this and realised that cross dressing was a fundamental part of who I am and could be. As a result I came out to friends and family and they have without exception been loving, kind, supportive and affirmative of the HildaRuth that is a significant part of me. Soon I will be living on my own in a small flat in Brighton where there is a high acceptance of LGBT folk. I am really looking forward to this next phase of my life in which HildaRuth will play a much larger part. So I would say that it is not unusual for cross dressers to feel guilt but that this is a counter productive emotion and we need to be honest with ourselves and our friends and loved ones. There may be some unpleasant and life changing consequences but from my own experience I believe that we can only be truly happy and at peace with ourselves if we take this bold step. The community of sisters on CDH are a tremendous, loving and positive affirmation of us and how we want to live our lives.
      Love to all on CDH
      HR xxx

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    • #437112
      patty williams
      Lady
      Registered On: January 19, 2019
      Topics: 68
      Replies: 1262
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      HI Inga,

      I do feel guilty,

      NIt for crossdressing I love every thing about my girl side.

      My guilt is more about what it has done to our marriage and could possibly do to my daughters and friendships if they find out.

      Yes you can say its not my guilt it should be theirs for not accepting me.

      However they have all loved and accepted  my male side for many years and to change this in a matter of a few years is a super shock you must say.

      Yes it has effected my marriage in a negative way.

      The intimacy is gone.

      My wife loves a masculine man and to see him en femme is not her thing.

      we all have things we like ,so yes I do feel guilty a lot.

      Its part of my nature too.

      Hugs Patty

      • #438539
        Jenna Desire
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 11, 2020
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 4
        Has thanked: 16 times
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        My guilt went away when I started to identify as trans.  But when my wife discovered pictures of Jenna, she flipped out!  There is a whole new level of guilt now.  Speaking to my therapist, she identifies it as trans guilt, which is quite normal in a marriage like mine.  It is something that we need to overcome and realize that we are being ourselves gurls!  There is nothing wrong with us.  There is a reason we do what we do…. embrace it and never let it go, because you will be letting a part of you go.  That is never a good thing.  I have finally realized that and hope to help as many gurls as I can get through times like this.  I love you all!

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #438547
          Inga Krasivaya
          Lady
          Registered On: January 18, 2021
          Topics: 10
          Replies: 252
          Has thanked: 293 times
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          Jenna Desire; one of the most genuinely beautiful ladies to ever appear on CDH:  tells me that we all need to listen to her……

          1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #438554
            Jenna Desire
            Baroness
            Registered On: December 11, 2020
            Topics: 1
            Replies: 4
            Has thanked: 16 times
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            Inga, thank you so much for you kind words.  As I have gone through the bottom lately with my wife, I know how guilt feels in this world.  We are who we are.  There is no changing us, no matter what anybody thinks.  This is not a choice for us, it is what we are.  There is so much emotion in our lives, and some of us have nobody to share it with.  That is why Crossdresser Heaven has saved me from all of the fears that I used to face.  I am here for you anytime you need somebody to laugh or cry with.

    • #437107
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
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      Hello Inga…

      Welcome!!

      Guilty???.. for what exactly???..for looking pretty and dressing nicely???

      surely that is everybody’s right???

      I live alone, grace is everywhere in my life, nothing to hide and no one to upset. The only time I use drab is for work, and the odd shopping trip..

      After so many years, I have never felt guilty, grace is her own woman, proud and living her dream…and I am so lucky. no guilt at this girls door!!!

      Grace xx

      • #437109
        Inga Krasivaya
        Lady
        Registered On: January 18, 2021
        Topics: 10
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        And more power to Grace!!!

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #437102
      Polly Stewart
      Lady
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
      Topics: 5
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      Has thanked: 728 times
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      Hi Inga…

      I’ve always thought of guilt as being particularly catholic… But I’m assured by my Protestant friends that guilt is their burden.
      Guilt is a purely poisonous problem for the one who feels it’s burden. My thought is that one has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. If you crossdress the burden of guilt (if there is such a thing) is on their shoulders not yours! You don’t have to accept other’s problems… they are not your problems and you have no need or, indeed, no right to engage with them…

      Just do your thing, Sister and let others look after their own problems…

      xxx Polly

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #437096
      Regine Rich
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 600
      Has thanked: 6289 times
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      Hi, Inga and welcome to our home.
      Myself I don’t feel any guilt, a I did not hide it from my SO, once I admitted things to myself.
      However, I do see and acknowledge the guilt, for those that do choose to hide it, for whatever reasons each of us may have. It truly is a life changing admission, whether for good or bad.
      Just my thoughts,
      Regi.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #437101
        Inga Krasivaya
        Lady
        Registered On: January 18, 2021
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 252
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        … and I think you’re lovely for giving them to us all.  Inga XXX

    • #437094
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
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      Hello Inga,

      Many on this site truly struggle with crossdressing.

      Many purge.

      Yes it is guilt.

      Guilt for keeping a secret

      Guilt for hiding their feminine side.

      Guilt of hurting their loved ones.

      On this site we support each other so that guilt can be talked about. And support each other.

      Hugs

      Jessica

       

      • #437099
        Inga Krasivaya
        Lady
        Registered On: January 18, 2021
        Topics: 10
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        Has thanked: 293 times
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        Hi there, Jessica; not sure what happened there – I was typing out a reply when it all went blank.  If this gets posted twice, then sorry, ladies!  You’re quite right that support is the key thing; I just don’t like the idea of feeling guilty for doing nothing wrong.  “Worry” – well, yes but unless we stop feeling guilty, will anything change?  And unless we stop using that word, I’m not too sure.  Thank you for replying; I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad – just hoping that one day society will develop to the point where no-one needs to feel ashamed in any way for being who they want to be.  Loads of hugs, sister:  Inga.

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        • #437104
          Anonymous
          Registered On:
          Topics: 2
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          Hi Inga

          I agree you should not feel guilty for crossdressing.

          But the guilt is real.

          And on this site it is important to recognize it, acknowledge it and help each other get through it.

          Jessica

           

          3 users thanked author for this post.
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