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Registered On: January 18, 2021Topics: 10Replies: 252Has thanked: 293 timesBeen thanked: 831 timesI’ve noticed that some of the girls keep mentioning “guilt” in their postings. I’ve never felt guilty about my dressing, just worried about the potential effect on my friends and family (and often myself!) if it is presented to them. “Guilty”? No – it’s not a crime and as I try not to judge other folk, I’m not going to start feeling I’ve done something wrong. Not going to put this to a poll, seeing as I don’t think anyone would vote for “Yes, I feel guilty” but should we stop using this word completely?
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Do I feel guilty now? Not even remotely.
Did I feel guilty when I was younger? For sure.
I was doing things I knew that little boys should not do or be interested in. Back in the day, morning talk shows had Crossdressers on and they were never shown in the best light. I had no other frame of reference and it really hindered me from loving myself for the longest time.
I thank my lucky stars I met my wife when I did.
Cynthia
I too have felt my share of guilt and shame regarding my lifestyle as Danielle. It cost me a wife, family, friends, jobs, and I have suffered ridicule and even hostility from others because of it. I have even felt self hatred and loathing over the feelings and desires that have led me to where I am today. I still have it even as I live life as Danielle. I wish I could really understand it all but I just don’t. It seems to be something that will always be a part of my journey.
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Dear Danielle,
I’ve had to come to terms with guilt and the advice that I was given was that “I needed to learn to be kind to myself about who I really am.” It wasn’t easy but this self acceptance went a long way to lessening the guild feelings. I am very fortunate that my sons (from a previous marriage) have been very supportive of my cross dressing although my current SO isn’t and we will be going our separate ways.I’m looking forward to a life where HildaRuth will become a much larger part of who I am and I’m not feeling guilty about this just a little sorry that it has taken me so long to arrive at this point in my life
So Hugs and Blessings to you Danielle 💋💋1 user thanked author for this post.
- Registered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 490Has thanked: 394 timesBeen thanked: 2212 times
There are girls that feel guilt….or myriad other negative emotions. I’ve been there.
I agree there’s nothing wrong with what we do. But much of society begs to differ. For the girl that’s suffering it’s real. Avoiding the language that best describes how she feels would be dismissive. Better to acknowledge her reality and do everything we can to improve her lot in life. Pretty much what CDH does every day.
Emily
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- Registered On: September 17, 2016Topics: 1Replies: 74Has thanked: 56 timesBeen thanked: 258 times
Guilt??? never had that feeling as considered it “natural” for me to dress as it both pleased and de-stressed me…the only problem was the “fear” of wife discovering my dressing habits and what her reaction could be. I had to wait almost 10 years before she discovered it – and “ofcourse” did not accept which complicated the matter – but I never felt any guilt – why should I as nothing wrong to dress (pending ofcourse how others react/think), yet I could not really care although more careful now with my wife not to upset her
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- Registered On: May 26, 2019Topics: 18Replies: 1835Has thanked: 3390 timesBeen thanked: 6289 times
A more accurate term for how we feel would be “apprehension” (but that’s harder to say and spell). It’s not that we think what we do is “wrong”, but it will be seen as such by others, and we shy away from their expected reactions. Or that’s how it was for me until I embraced Bettylou. Now, it doesn’t matter to me what they think. It’s their problem, not mine.
Hugs,
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- Registered On: September 27, 2016Topics: 3Replies: 236Has thanked: 151 timesBeen thanked: 962 times
I think Betty Lou is right. I’ve never felt guilt or shame, but I have definitely been apprehensive about being found out. Those times that has happened, I have felt embarrassment and been uncomfortable. But it was not shame. Both guilt and shame imply that you have done something wrong. For me, dressing is not wrong; it is who I am and that is never going to change. Still, because dressing is not considered “normal” by the wider world it is emotionally difficult to discuss what I do and why I do it.
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I used to feel shame and guilt but since accepting who I am and realizing I’m doing nothing wrong those feeling have gone away. I still get strange looks when people see me but my saying is, if you don’t like how I look then don’t look. It kind of reminds of the old Groucho Marx bit, Dr. Dr. it hurts when I do that, don’t do that.
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- Registered On: January 18, 2021Topics: 10Replies: 252Has thanked: 293 timesBeen thanked: 831 times
LOL! Always loved Groucho Marx! “I wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member”…… except here I wouldn’t want to ever be anywhere else. Loads of hugs: Inga.
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- Registered On:Topics: 21Replies: 157Has thanked: 690 timesBeen thanked: 771 times
When I was a closeted CD I used to feel guilty all the time.Before I came out to my wife I used to take days off work in order to dress.I would go into town buy a few tops,skirts,pairs of shoes and loads of tights / pantyhose.Would take them home have a lovely time wearing them and then the next day the guilt would set in.I would then go back into town and throw all the clothes into public litter bins.I regretted it soon after.Of course I would repeat the same thing over and over.Nowadays I am out to my wife have been for ten years.I now only purge the odd skirt or dress that’s gone out of fashion or torn tights.As a result my femme wardrobe is more extensive than it’s ever been.And my wife fully supports my dressing and says I look nice as a woman so there is no more guilt.
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- Registered On:Topics: 1Replies: 31Has thanked: 27 timesBeen thanked: 189 times
I used to do the same exact thing, feeling guilty for doing it and of course purging after. It’s a vicious cycle that only broke for me when I came out to my wife. Now I could care less who found out or knows. Basically the truth set me free!
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Katie
I so agree that it’s essential to be true to yourself and what you feel. Once I decided to do this and live a life in which HildaRuth could play a full and developing part the guilt disappeared and I was able to ‘come out’ as a crossdresser to friends, colleagues and family. I left it far too long to do this but am now committed to making up for lost time.
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- Registered On: January 18, 2021Topics: 10Replies: 252Has thanked: 293 timesBeen thanked: 831 times
“I left it far too long to do this”… There are so many of us that agree with this. Hopefully, the universe will move on and make that an obsolete term. Loads of hugs: Inga.
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- Registered On: January 18, 2021Topics: 10Replies: 252Has thanked: 293 timesBeen thanked: 831 times
Lovely to hear that – and yes, we all have to purge laddered tights and stockings every so often – these things happen. I’ve found the evolution of this subject to be fascinating; most girls feel no guilt, but no-one has shown anything but support, sympathy and sisterhood for those who do – either for their dressing or for not having owned up to their SOs and friends earlier. There’s a wide range of views out there – but nothing less than sympathy, support, hope, pride and acceptance.
You ladies are AWESOME! Hugs to you all: Inga.
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- Registered On: August 18, 2019Topics: 4Replies: 588Has thanked: 943 timesBeen thanked: 1893 times
Hi Inga,
Never ever felt one iota of guilt or shame. I owe that to my mother. I always had her permission to dress, to wear her things. She never said “no”. She never said boys don’t wear girls clothing. She never told my father or older brother. It was our secret.
I honor my mother by using her family name “Rakers”.
Hugs and the best to all, especially those who still feel guilt or shame,
Lee Ann
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Hi Inga,
As others have mentioned, I also feel guilt but not for who I am or what I do. I love being Alice and I would not dream of losing this part of me. But I do feel guilty that I deceived my wife, albeit by omission of the truth by not telling her sooner, and I feel something like guilty that for so many years I cheated myself of who I am.
If I had my time again, I would have fully embraced Alice and quite possibly transitioned. I feel guilt and deep regret that I denied myself that opportunity.
Alice x2 users thanked author for this post.
I don’t know if I feel guilty when I think about crossdressing, maybe it is more akin to shame. I think it has a lot to do with the societal standards we’re raised with, and when the two do not line up that is where the disconnect is. I think I feel shame sometimes because I feel that I am not conforming to the standards as to what is to be a male in today’s society. However, i’ve written before about toxic masculinity and that I wish more examples of what it means to be a man were more prevalent when I was a child. I think getting in touch with my feminine side allows me to more clearly express my emotions, something that I feel I was barred from doing. I have been chronically depressed in the past and being able to cross dress, even if it is not in public, has helped make me happier then I have been in a long time.
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- Registered On: January 18, 2021Topics: 10Replies: 252Has thanked: 293 timesBeen thanked: 831 times
Thanks for your note Abby; I really hope you’re feeling as well as can be. I’ve never been clinically depressed – thankfully – but I know it’s not just a case of “feeling a little down.” If dressing helps in any way, then that’s yet more proof that we’ve all made the right decision; certainly, putting on a pretty outfit always lifts my spirits a little.
Take care, cutie: Inga XOXOXO
- Registered On: March 10, 2018Topics: 0Replies: 387Has thanked: 701 timesBeen thanked: 1271 times
Hi Inga i don’t feel guilty about crossdressing it’s part of my life and will be for the rest of my life,
The only thing i feel guilty about is the fact that i never told my wife about my crossdressing life it’s been like a millstone around my neck for years,
If i could go back all them years i would tell her about my secret crossdressing life and let her decide if she wanted to marry me,
Hugs Rozalyne x
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Rozalyn I so understand and empathise with your situation. To some extent it mirrors my own – cross dressing in secret, enjoying it immensely but feeling guilty about it. When my secret was revealed to my wife she found it completely unacceptable and we are now going our separate ways.
Love and hugs
HRxxx
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- Registered On: January 23, 2020Topics: 5Replies: 306Has thanked: 442 timesBeen thanked: 1055 times
Some people do experience strong feelings of guilt. I believe those feelings are not justified and are the result of inequitable, societal pressures and irrational attitudes. To free those who do feel guilty from blaming themselves their guilt needs to be acknowledged and the source and genesis of that guilt examined, explored and then dismissed.
I would not say that one should abandon the term as such, but attempt to see it in context and to deal with the issue constructively and beneficially. For example, those who have successfully relieved themselves of the guilt impressed upon them by others can show us to also how to deal with guilt and to set those feelings aside. By acknowledging the shame and fears of people still discovering themselves we can assure them that there are no rational reasons for those self-deprecations and to find their gender(s) and their expressions to be joyful, healing and beneficial personally and to society in general. Only by such self-assurance combined with knowledge and the ability to express ourselves meaningfully will the desired ‘normalization’ be achieved.
Araminta.
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- Registered On: January 7, 2017Topics: 84Replies: 933Has thanked: 530 timesBeen thanked: 1986 times
Hi
When I was a teen and even early 20’s and would dress and “pleasure” myself that was almost always followed by an intense feeling of guilt. Like I had done something very wrong and shameful. What I know now is, that was society talking.
I’ve come to ignore that and no longer have that feeling when, during or after dressing. It makes me feel good and that is what I focus on.
I do think this is a very common emotion but as the societal reins loosen, these emotions fade.
Love and Hugs,
Rebecka
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- Registered On: January 18, 2021Topics: 10Replies: 252Has thanked: 293 timesBeen thanked: 831 times
Everyone who has replied to this topic seems to have a very deep insight – whether from the point of view of “Guilt – we must support” or “Guilt – we shouldn’t feel it”. I feel so lucky to have such lovely sisters: hugs and kisses to you all. Inga.
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This is a very interesting question Inga. In the past when I was dressed I did not feel at all guilty. I felt almost deliriously happy. When I was not dressed I did feel guilty because I was concerned about the consequences of being found out – hurting the feelings of loved ones and friend, their ‘probable’ alienation towards me, the impact it would have on my marriage etc. Then I had “The Talk” with my wife and she found my cross dressing completely unacceptable. Hence we are going our separate ways and in this process I became very, very depressed and needed significant psychiatric help. However I came through this and realised that cross dressing was a fundamental part of who I am and could be. As a result I came out to friends and family and they have without exception been loving, kind, supportive and affirmative of the HildaRuth that is a significant part of me. Soon I will be living on my own in a small flat in Brighton where there is a high acceptance of LGBT folk. I am really looking forward to this next phase of my life in which HildaRuth will play a much larger part. So I would say that it is not unusual for cross dressers to feel guilt but that this is a counter productive emotion and we need to be honest with ourselves and our friends and loved ones. There may be some unpleasant and life changing consequences but from my own experience I believe that we can only be truly happy and at peace with ourselves if we take this bold step. The community of sisters on CDH are a tremendous, loving and positive affirmation of us and how we want to live our lives.
Love to all on CDH
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- Registered On: January 19, 2019Topics: 68Replies: 1262Has thanked: 2106 timesBeen thanked: 4365 times
HI Inga,
I do feel guilty,
NIt for crossdressing I love every thing about my girl side.
My guilt is more about what it has done to our marriage and could possibly do to my daughters and friendships if they find out.
Yes you can say its not my guilt it should be theirs for not accepting me.
However they have all loved and accepted my male side for many years and to change this in a matter of a few years is a super shock you must say.
Yes it has effected my marriage in a negative way.
The intimacy is gone.
My wife loves a masculine man and to see him en femme is not her thing.
we all have things we like ,so yes I do feel guilty a lot.
Its part of my nature too.
Hugs Patty
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My guilt went away when I started to identify as trans. But when my wife discovered pictures of Jenna, she flipped out! There is a whole new level of guilt now. Speaking to my therapist, she identifies it as trans guilt, which is quite normal in a marriage like mine. It is something that we need to overcome and realize that we are being ourselves gurls! There is nothing wrong with us. There is a reason we do what we do…. embrace it and never let it go, because you will be letting a part of you go. That is never a good thing. I have finally realized that and hope to help as many gurls as I can get through times like this. I love you all!
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- Registered On: January 18, 2021Topics: 10Replies: 252Has thanked: 293 timesBeen thanked: 831 times
Jenna Desire; one of the most genuinely beautiful ladies to ever appear on CDH: tells me that we all need to listen to her……
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Inga, thank you so much for you kind words. As I have gone through the bottom lately with my wife, I know how guilt feels in this world. We are who we are. There is no changing us, no matter what anybody thinks. This is not a choice for us, it is what we are. There is so much emotion in our lives, and some of us have nobody to share it with. That is why Crossdresser Heaven has saved me from all of the fears that I used to face. I am here for you anytime you need somebody to laugh or cry with.
- Registered On:Topics: 58Replies: 1713Has thanked: 7773 timesBeen thanked: 9459 times
Hello Inga…
Welcome!!
Guilty???.. for what exactly???..for looking pretty and dressing nicely???
surely that is everybody’s right???
I live alone, grace is everywhere in my life, nothing to hide and no one to upset. The only time I use drab is for work, and the odd shopping trip..
After so many years, I have never felt guilty, grace is her own woman, proud and living her dream…and I am so lucky. no guilt at this girls door!!!
Grace xx
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- Registered On: January 2, 2021Topics: 5Replies: 581Has thanked: 728 timesBeen thanked: 1706 times
Hi Inga…
I’ve always thought of guilt as being particularly catholic… But I’m assured by my Protestant friends that guilt is their burden.
Guilt is a purely poisonous problem for the one who feels it’s burden. My thought is that one has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. If you crossdress the burden of guilt (if there is such a thing) is on their shoulders not yours! You don’t have to accept other’s problems… they are not your problems and you have no need or, indeed, no right to engage with them…Just do your thing, Sister and let others look after their own problems…
xxx Polly
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- Registered On: October 9, 2020Topics: 21Replies: 600Has thanked: 6289 timesBeen thanked: 2593 times
Hi, Inga and welcome to our home.
Myself I don’t feel any guilt, a I did not hide it from my SO, once I admitted things to myself.
However, I do see and acknowledge the guilt, for those that do choose to hide it, for whatever reasons each of us may have. It truly is a life changing admission, whether for good or bad.
Just my thoughts,
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- Registered On:Topics: 2Replies: 227Has thanked: 298 timesBeen thanked: 920 times
Hello Inga,
Many on this site truly struggle with crossdressing.
Many purge.
Yes it is guilt.
Guilt for keeping a secret
Guilt for hiding their feminine side.
Guilt of hurting their loved ones.
On this site we support each other so that guilt can be talked about. And support each other.
Hugs
Jessica
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- Registered On: January 18, 2021Topics: 10Replies: 252Has thanked: 293 timesBeen thanked: 831 times
Hi there, Jessica; not sure what happened there – I was typing out a reply when it all went blank. If this gets posted twice, then sorry, ladies! You’re quite right that support is the key thing; I just don’t like the idea of feeling guilty for doing nothing wrong. “Worry” – well, yes but unless we stop feeling guilty, will anything change? And unless we stop using that word, I’m not too sure. Thank you for replying; I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad – just hoping that one day society will develop to the point where no-one needs to feel ashamed in any way for being who they want to be. Loads of hugs, sister: Inga.
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- Registered On:Topics: 2Replies: 227Has thanked: 298 timesBeen thanked: 920 times
Hi Inga
I agree you should not feel guilty for crossdressing.
But the guilt is real.
And on this site it is important to recognize it, acknowledge it and help each other get through it.
Jessica
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