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- Hi all! Im Riley. Ive been dressing for much of my life. Id say since about age 12. As Ive grown its gone from panties to full dressing. When we first met I told my wife about it right away. She saw me and said she thought it was hot and liked it. We dressed together at home when we could and even went to a drag club dressed and swingers Halloween parties where we had a great time. It came up many years later that she had not told the truth and only said that so I wouldnt not be interested in her. Make sense? She was afraid I wouldnt want to be with her. We had many great times dressing and have had many “date nites” over the years and still do when we can. I feel a sense if tension lately when I dress. When I try to talk to bet about it she gets tense. I am 5′-9″ tall 145 lbs and in verh good shape for 60. We share a lot of clothing and I have quite a wardrobe of my own. When I dress I do full make up, breasts, wig, etc. the only thing is now thag we dont go out in public anymore she does not allow me to shave my goatee. I can thin it down but not full shave. Shes ok with that. We have a great marriage, great sex both as “hetro” and dressed. Im giving a lot of background for anyone who reads this to understand. I LOVE to dress! It makes me happy. I love womens clothes. Theyre bright, cute, comfy and so fun!! Mens clothes are BORING! Ive always loved womens clothes and got along better with women then men. Ive had bi experiences. I am not “full on gay” ( for lack of a better term ) that hasnt been an issue. Let me say that I was NOT raised in a religious family. As of late Ive encountered some troubles And turned to God for help. As I talked to him I began to wonder if crossdressing was a sin and if God would not help me because I did it. Ive gone 1 month without dressing at ALL and its eating at me so bad I cant stand it. I usually dress every morning for an 1 1/2 hrs before I go to work. Its wonderful. This way I dont bother my wife with it and dont cause any tension between us. My biggest comcern roght now is if I dress am I sinng in the eye of God and am I a bad person who he will not help? I feel so guilty for wanting to do it after asking for his help and u understanding. If anyone has talked to a clergy member PLEASE help me with this. Thank you ladies
We all have our own views when it comes to God and religion. I have a strong belief in God. I also see Him as a loving non-judgemental God. I’m wondering if some of this confusion has been triggered by something your wife has said. At the end of the day you just have to ask yourself this: Is what you’re doing hurting or harming anyone. There are far worse things you can do than wear women’s clothing. My own personal CD journey started just over two months ago. I do not feel any conflict with my spiritual belief. I consider myself spiritual rather than religious. Religion is rather obsessed with the idea of sin. Religion uses guilt as a form of control.
Trying to ignore your desire to cross dress is just going to cause you more stress. You need to have a heart to heart talk with your wife to find out what’s really behind her change of attitude towards your Dressing. Have you been Dressing more than usual lately. I have a feeling this is the heart of your current confusion.
Actually my question has nothing to do with her. It has to do with is dressing bad or sinful in the eyes of God. Is asking for his help with a matter then dressing as a woman bad? Ive done a lot of research on this topic and it seems to be split. Shes ok with my dressing as long as its not more then 1-2 times a month with her. Thats why I do it alone in the AM without her.
Riley welcome. As a catholic for me I believe God accepts all no matter of our moral beliefs. Feeling guilty is a Feeling many experience and seeking help from a professional certainly will help finding your answers. A therapist, counselor or pastor. Sorry hearing about your wife and her difficulties with your fem. We understand life is certainly complicated but here things don’t have to be . Enter into a place where everything is hopefully easier to open up to. With others like yourself enjoy experiencing your love for dressing with no conflicts or judgements and to be comfortable with being who you are. With the support here will help you forward to express yourself with confinance. Hopefully better understaning from your wife to enjoy more girl time together. Happy to welcome you and I hope to see you around here soon. Hugs!!
Stephanie 🌹
Thanks so much foe taking the time to read and reply. Im just really jn a crappy place in my mind right now. Worried about what God thinks. Wanting to talk to my wife about it but not wanting her to be upset with me about it. Im just so confused. And the more I try to get away from dressing the more I need it. Its a prt of me for a very long time which tells me its not a fleeting fancy but more a lrt of who I am. I wont lie its FUN and SEXUAL! I love cute girl clothes and sexy undies/lingerie! Im very slim and kind of petite so I think I look good. She has even called me her “sexy bitch” lol. Just want her to be happy with me and do it a little more. She gets mad at me sometimes about it or says shes not but I can feel it. Ruins it for me and makes me sad
HI Riley,
As a member of a Pentecostal church, I have had to deal with the issue of crossdressing, and my wife believes it is wrong for me to wear a dress – though she is otherwise very tolerant of Bettylou. I mostly defer to her wishes, out of love and respect, but I have decided that I can Dress with a clear conscience. Dressing is of itself neither illegal nor “bad”. I don’t use it to commit any illegal or immoral act, and any deception is used only to permit me to exist in peace with those around me.
If you desire a theological argument, consider this: The prohibition against men wearing women’s clothing, AND VICE VERSA, appears just once, as part of Jewish Law…but we are not Jews; we do not live under the Law, but rather under Grace. And the reason that prohibition exists seems to be based on the fact that of the eight cities around the Israelis, seven were Baal worshipers, whose Temples featured Temple prostitutes, many of whom were men in women’s clothing.
If you do engage in gay or bi activity, it is not for me to be your judge; I’m only saying that your choice of what fabric you use to cover your body is in no way sinful, and I hope you will find yourself able to come to terms with this and accept it.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Hi Riley nice to meet you and sorry for your conflict . Im not very religous and dont get me wrong I believe in god and know hes here with us and helps us in everyday things we need help with. But with myself and my wife as she is very supportive of Stephanie and we have a very fun hubby to wife relationship and also a Stephanie to wife relationship im just hopeing you can work it out with your wife and enjoy Riley as she is in your heart and sole and she will allways be there to care for you and your wife so please take your time as we say here take Baby steps and lots of conversations to make things progress slowly . Good luck girlfriend and again nice to meet you and hope for some chat time soon .
Stephanie Bass
Stephanie Bass thank you SO MUCH!! Ive done a lot of reading about that passage and could not find the explanation you gave. Youve made me feel better then I have in a while. Big hugs!! When we have a chance Im gonna sit down with my wife and try and talk about things. Its a little confusing sometimes because out of the Blue she will buy me a cute skirt, top, or bra/pantie set. Its been a while bit she did do this. The last thing I bought was a super cute pair of suede high boots last winter. Again thanks so much!!
Hi Riley and welcome. This is a subject that I have touched on myself and beat myself up over a long time ago. Please dont do this to yourself girl, creating demons where there are none. Be it the Torah, Koran, or Holy Bible, there will always be those who will warp it to suit there own needs and agenda.
God created us, and i believe He has a pretty good idea of what it is He created. And nobody can really tell you what He thinks of you. He loves us all equally. Does anyone really think that God will judge a book by its cover?? Not likely.
Crossdressing is certainly NOT a sin, and do not let any zealot tell you otherwise. Good luck hon!!
Stevie
Hi Riley,
First, welcome to CDH! I think you’ll find such a great group of girls here and so much help, support and encouragement. I know I have. These gals here are great!
I’ve been reading the responses to your question and find myself nodding in agreement with so much that has been said. Believe me, your question is not an uncommon one and it IS a valid question. I believe sin is real. Heck, it’s about the only part of Christian theology that can be seen on the street. Ask someone who’s just been mugged if he believes the concept of sin is a mere human construct! That being said, you didn’t mention what faith tradition you are coming from, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, etc. I can give you my perspective as a Catholic Christian. As has been mentioned already there is really only one place where “crossdressing” is mentioned in scripture, Deuteronomy 22:5. That verse, however, likely has to do with Moses warning the Jewish people not to “do as the pagans do.” Take a look at the rules listed before and after that verse and ask yourself “Are Christians bound to any of those other rules today?” The answer is no. So if someone is going to hold us to one particular rule in Deuteronomy then they better hold us (and themselves) to all the other old testament laws of Moses too. (they won’t)
So does that mean crossdressing is OK? Well, maybe yes, maybe no. I have been told by two seperate priests that mere crossdressing is a moral neutral. It’s what we use it for or where we allow it to lead us that can cause the problem. Use it for good things, stress relief, emotional support, creative expression (even for occasional consentual sex play with one’s wife) it’s probably fine. BUT, if we always find it leads to things that are objectively wrong (self-centeredness, adultery, pornography, selfishness, lying) then things need to be reassessed or maybe even stopped. Like any moral neutral, sports, money, hobbies, (as opposed to things that are always wrong) it’s how you use it that determines if it’s a sin. If you want a relationship with God, don’t let your dressing become more important than God and it will fall into it’s proper perspective.
Now, it seems to me also from your post that you need to keep talking with your wife. It sounds like there are unresolved issues there. One of the things that could make crossdressing wrong is if it is truly endangering your marriage. It doesn’t SOUND like it from your post but only you guys can know that. Hope this helps you Riley. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.
All the best!
-Jen
Hi Riley, I feel your pain. I would suggest reading a couple articles. Under Advice and Encouragement, ‘Judging, Self-Acceptance and Empowering Others’ and ‘Do Not Let the World Tell You God is not for Cross dressers’. They have helped me a lot. My current concern with all of this is howis my small Catholic church going to react, it will be very hard to hide some things for me. Thanks to covid I had an excuse to let my hair grow out and last week had it colored( mainly to hid the gray) then the next day I had my ears pierced. These things will be very hard to hide or excuse away after covid and the masks are over with. I know many individuals will be unaccepting and others will not care or be curios.
At this point my CD activities make my feel good and more relaxed – HAPPY. As many here at CDH have observed purging and denying their CD desires causes them much angst. Letting the CD desires go makes a much happier and at ease with others.
Take care Sandy
Thanks for opening this sensitive and taboo topic, Riley. I imagine a lot of us struggle in different ways about this.
I still love and find strength in God and I go faithfully and lovingly to Sunday services. I have never felt that God has turned away from me. God will always love me no matter what I think, choose or do. I remain in prayer about both my crossdressing and homosexual desires, but I leave the power of the urges in God’s hands. If God wishes to take away these urges, then it God’s job to change me.
I am open to truth. I am not looking for voices to echo what I want to believe. I am willing to change if that be the course, but so far the attraction to female attire remains strong.
Our journeys are all so personal and intimate. They also remain on a continuum and never end. Can we accept that the only path is a seeking heart, not fear or condemnation?
I hope this helps.
Throughout human history, the idea of a vengeful, restrictive God or gods has kept people from reaching out, learning, and changing. Lives of ordinary people did not evolve for thousands of years. Then a new idea took hold- a loving God. It took awhile for this idea to fully be understood, really until the advent of the printing press and the revolution in the spread of knowledge. A loving God allows His children to grow, to change, and to love. All we see around us, human and nature, reflects this. All He asks is that we treat His children well.
Hi Riley….I agree with so many other girls here….please believe what we do is not a sin…I look at it like this…half the world is female and they can wear virtually any type of male clothing and be called everything from smart to sexy when wearing it….they are certainly not sinners!!…..all we are doing is the opposite yet we are chastised….go easy on yourself girl….what you/ we are doing is harmless, there is so much more evil going on in this world…..now I am getting off my soap box…haha….big huggs. Grace xx
Everyone here seems so positive and sure about the answer. No one really knows the answer. I hope its what in our hearts that gets us in, but thats all it is is hope. There are so many questions that will only be answered at death. At least I hope they are answered. We just can never know till that moment. You must do what you feel is the right thing. As for your wife, complete honesty on both your parts is the only answer. And welcome.
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