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  • #408517
    Bee Dee
    Participant
    Registered On: October 13, 2020
    Topics: 3
    Replies: 53
    Has thanked: 171 times
    Been thanked: 195 times

    Well, we did it. I was outed. My wife guessed I want to dress more. She knew only about my lingerie, not my other clothes or makeup. I had bought some hair bands as I’m growing my hair longer and it gets in my eyes, which I hate. I had it very long when I was young and have tried several times to grow it back since. I had put one on after a shower, went to show her hoping she wouldn’t be phased by it. She wasn’t at all bothered but something must have clicked.

    That’s when she asked me if I was Trans? I said “no” because I’m not and have no intentions of it, I just like having the fantasy of femininity for a while. I love the feel of feminine clothes and lingerie, I don’t want to be a woman.

    The conversation was a long one and lasted most of the day. It turns out that I had accidentally left my forms hanging about. She figured I used them to fill out my bra’s, complete my look but hadn’t said anything to me so I had no idea that when I showed her my head band it could lead to “the talk”. She doesn’t want any part in my dressing, which is a shame because I think we could have a laugh, lots of fun together with it but I can live with dressing by myself.

    I’m so sorry that I hurt her, I never intended that, ever. She knows this and said I’ve not done anything wrong but I still feel like I’m going behind her back. Our path together is a little more uncertain now but I think she deserved to know about my dressing and I hated that aspect of it.

    This was last weekend and we’ve not mentioned it since. Everything feels the same for me. Hopefully we will be able to endure this part of our lives and continue on our journey together.

    Thanks for reading.

    Take care, Bee.

Viewing 12 reply threads
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    • #411063
      Bee Dee
      Lady
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 53
      Has thanked: 171 times
      Been thanked: 195 times

      Thank you all for reading this and for the support you’ve given me. The caring attitudes of the people and community on this site have allowed me to express how I feel about my dressing – something which, I’d not otherwise be able to do.

      Thank you all for the comments and guidance.

      Take care, Bee.

    • #409265
      Rei Durden
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 28
      Replies: 1006
      Has thanked: 5710 times
      Been thanked: 4270 times

      Hi Bee Dee.

      I’m late to the conversation here so most everything that I could have said has been said.

      I’m happy that you’ve gotten rid of the burden of hiding, it’s a monstrous weight to bear.

      Be patient Bee, there’s sure to be plenty of day and weekend long discussions ahead, and that’s okay, at least you are still communicating.

       

      Best wishes, Rei

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409225
      Regine Kelly
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 40
      Replies: 1326
      Has thanked: 15764 times
      Been thanked: 5946 times

      Hi Bee Dee.
      It seems she is accepting, at least somewhat? My advice is patience, and, as has been stated, communication is key. Just little talks, are so much easier and just as meaningful as the “big” one,
      and above all, make sure she never doubts your love, or the male you, if you choose to keep him.
      Hugs, Regine

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #409227
        Bee Dee
        Lady
        Registered On: October 13, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 53
        Has thanked: 171 times
        Been thanked: 195 times

        Hi Regine thank you for the lovely advise, I’m gonna keep “him” as well.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #409126
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
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      Hi Bee Dee honey

      I echo what a lot of girls have already said….it’s out, no more hiding, no more lies, no more unwanted stress….

      now the next step??….so many posts on here quote ” she wants nothing to do with my dressing”….yet with time, so many couples end up sharing everything….I so hope you are one of those couples…

      best wishes, grace xx

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #409218
        Bee Dee
        Lady
        Registered On: October 13, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 53
        Has thanked: 171 times
        Been thanked: 195 times

        Thank you Grace, I hope so too.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #409084
      Bobbi Sue
      Registered On: September 15, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 114
      Has thanked: 142 times
      Been thanked: 711 times

      Ok, read all of this.  Don’t get mad and stop mid way.

      Don’t expect your wife to like it, or understand.  She simply wants you to be something she desires.  And none of her desires include you bringing femininity.  She’s already got that.

      But if she really loves you, maybe she’ll indulge your needs some.  Perhaps allow it at times, or maybe just turn a blind eye.  Who knows?   My point is, real love isn’t selfish, it’s about acceptance and affirmation.  Unfortunately in real life, love is usually what someone can get, not give.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #409224
        Regine Kelly
        Princess
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
        Topics: 40
        Replies: 1326
        Has thanked: 15764 times
        Been thanked: 5946 times

        Hi Bobbi Sue, Im sorry but I have to disagree ,to a point.
        I realize I am one of the luckiest girls here, but I do believe even if I hadn’t been, my wife could grow to love Regi as much as I do. if we take away hope, what are we left with?
        As it is,my beautiful bride not only embraces me, but encourages, and is sooo happy I am here(Regi)
        Regi.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409062
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 31
      Replies: 5443
      Has thanked: 10108 times
      Been thanked: 10109 times

      Communications is most important. Respect towards her feelings and trust that is now may have been questioned will take work to smooth out. Follow her lead and make sure she’s in control of where this may evolves to.   Best to you both on this journey through theses times ahead. 🌷

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #409048
      Cindy Lou
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 18, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 428
      Has thanked: 1852 times
      Been thanked: 2001 times

      Give it time it’s not written in stone Bee. My wife is completely supportive. We’ve been together over 20 years, earlier this year we had the talk. Every marriage has its up’s and downs, but we truly have a great one. That being said I still waited over 20 years because either the time wasn’t right, I didn’t have the courage, or I didn’t think she was ready to hear it. I tried to bring it up about 15 years ago, got a lukewarm response, but it was progress. The next day I went so far as to shave my legs, put out a pair of black stockings, and surprise her. The response I got from her back then told me this was not going to work. In retrospect it was the right thing to do, my daughter was very young and needed a father not two mothers. The point I’m making is patience is a virtue. As I mentioned we’ve had a wonderful marriage even though I had to keep my crossdressing private, so there’s no rush, baby steps. Best of luck to you Bee, I’m here if you need help

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #409220
        Bee Dee
        Lady
        Registered On: October 13, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 53
        Has thanked: 171 times
        Been thanked: 195 times

        Thank you Cindy Lou, glad to hear it working for your family. Best wishes! Bee.

    • #409001
      Mandy Wife
      Baroness
      Registered On: September 12, 2019
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 230
      Has thanked: 151 times
      Been thanked: 996 times

      Well done for having the chat, even if is did come about accidentally and you were “found out” – honesty is the best policy but also giving your wife time to digest and process as well.

      It’s been a week you say, can you maybe find the opportunity to check in with her to just say “it’s been a week since we had a bit chat, and I know you and I know you will be mulling things over – I dont want you to worry or feel you can’t ask or say anything so what’s on your mind” – you are not trying to pressurise her into anything and you need to be clear about that, if she has her limits then you need to respect those, but you need to keep the channels of communication open.

      Mxx

      7 users thanked author for this post.
      • #409223
        Bee Dee
        Lady
        Registered On: October 13, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 53
        Has thanked: 171 times
        Been thanked: 195 times

        I know she’ll be thinking about it but it’s too early yet to bring it back up. I need to show her that I respect her wishes and give her more time. Thank you Mandy! Take care, Bee.

    • #408673
      Patty Phose
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 7, 2016
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 1742
      Has thanked: 1318 times
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      It seems like “the talk” can have different results. Worse case it puts and end to the relationship. Maybe next worse is, “I don’t want to know and don’t wear those clothes around me”.  Best case, it adds a new and fun aspect to a relationship. I’ve seen all of these cases with other CD’s. I’m fortunate in that I got the best case.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #408655
      Emily
      Lady
      Registered On: April 30, 2016
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 781
      Has thanked: 4552 times
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      At least it’s out there now. You had a chance to speak to some of her concerns.  That’s good! Perhaps in her time, she will become more accepting and want to share this important part of your life with you. Give her all the time she needs to process.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #408905
        Bee Dee
        Lady
        Registered On: October 13, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 53
        Has thanked: 171 times
        Been thanked: 195 times

        Hi, Emily. I’m glad in one way that it happened, like you say it’s “out there” now and as far as I can see, all is as well as I could have hoped for. On the other hand, I know she’s going to worry and over think things, so there’s that as well.

        Hoping it’s gonna be O.K.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #408620
      Robyn Devine
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 24, 2020
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 608
      Has thanked: 1920 times
      Been thanked: 2675 times

      Bee

      I truly wish it could’ve gone better for you.  In ways YES,  she’s missing out on being able to enrich both your lives.  With some women its just not meant to be.  Not to de-value your wife at all, but you needed to get that out in the open.  It may not feel like now, but its out there in the open and off your chest.  I hope you can still both move forward.

      Best wishes to you both

      xo – Robyn 🤗❤️

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #408906
        Bee Dee
        Lady
        Registered On: October 13, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 53
        Has thanked: 171 times
        Been thanked: 195 times

        Thank you Robyn, I hope so too.

         

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #408613
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
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      Hi Bee,
      I came out recently with my wife. I always had a special feeling about women not in a sexual but envious way. They are truly beautiful inside and out and what I always wanted to be. I know how you feel and I am so sorry your wife is having issues. I was lucky, my wife is supportive once she knew that I would never leave her or forsake her in any way. I don’t know what’s in store for you but I suggest you be honest and open. We cried for several days and after that the grief subsided and now we are day to day. I feel for anyone having to hide and dress in secret. The self shaming can be overwhelming at times and yet it never goes away the feminine side that yearns.
      Little deep huh?
      I’m sooo sorry but hang in there girl, you are not alone….
      Love
      Tammy

      8 users thanked author for this post.
      • #408907
        Bee Dee
        Lady
        Registered On: October 13, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 53
        Has thanked: 171 times
        Been thanked: 195 times

        Thank you Tammy.

    • #408528
      Olivia Livin
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 51
      Replies: 1700
      Has thanked: 8792 times
      Been thanked: 4732 times

      Its always a tough conversation to have Bee but even without the acceptance that we hope for sometimrs it still feels better no longer having to decieve by ommission. Congrats and hopefully over time your wife will ease into it a bit more.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #408908
        Bee Dee
        Lady
        Registered On: October 13, 2020
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 53
        Has thanked: 171 times
        Been thanked: 195 times

        Thanks Olivia.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
Viewing 12 reply threads
  • The topic ‘Had “the talk”.’ is closed to new replies.
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