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I have become content with the thought of being in the closet forever as I am not sure, unless I shattered my married life and left, I could be free and open. My wife is highly religious and anytime she sees anything related to man being “girly,” she acts disgusted. I haven’t been here long but I have seen that a lot of you have spouses that understand.
Has anyone had an experience where you know your significant other would not accept you, but it turned out opposite of what you had assumed?
Hugs,
Jamie
hi Jamie; I can tell you only from MY experience that 90% of women want a MAN, not anything that is remotely feminine. oh they complain that their mates don’t listen to them, or see them a weak little weepy things. now there is 5% of women who will tolerate their mate to dress, as long as THEY don’t see them dressed. and you have 5% that are ok with their mate dressing and even help them to learn dressing styles, make-up and how to be more feminine. many of the dom women out there are into it for the MONEY ONLY. but as I stated at the start most women want a manly man. hope this helps Jamie.
XOXOXO
micheleI have to disagree, in part, Michelle
Yes, my wife wants a manly man, and when he is needed, he is still available. To answer Jamies question, I was sure she would have a fit when I told her. But she also loves her new girlfriend, and wants her around more and more.
So, while she may be in the 5% you speak of, I dont think so. there are too many stories, on here and in the wide world, of spouses who accept their mates for who they are, be it a crossdresser, gay, or whatever
Regi👸💕
I been crossdressing secretly for years and now that I’m single I have managed to put one foot out and keep one foot in the closet. Th foot that is out is when I go out and be Paula and the foot that stays in is when I’m around family. My ex wanted a manly man and sot someone who was in touch with their feminine side. Now that I’m dating I tell them right away(I have nothing to hide) and so far it’s been half accepted and half not.
I don’t want to be a secret anymore buddy some parts of my life I’m gonna have to as with family.
Jamie Peterson wrote: Has anyone had an experience where you know your significant other would not accept you, but it turned out opposite of what you had assumed?
Yes, I have. We are a Pentecostal family; my wife believes in Deut.v 22:5, and used to believe that all CDs were gay. And yet, when we had The Talk, she was willing to tolerate Bettylou if I would accept her limitations. And over the past two years, she has learned to fully accept Bettylou; we go out to lunch, to movies, occasional shopping and recently to Ulta, where she had her hair colored while I had mine permed.Hugs,
BettylouI’ve been CDing for more years than I can count. When I met my now wife, I wanted to tell her but I was also afraid she would bail on me. She told me one of her past boyfriends was a CDer, he kept it kind of a secret, and after they broke up she said to me she would never date another CDer (or break up if she found out). When she told me that, I didn’t dare say anything about Wendy.
I kept my CDing secret for years. I went on forums like this to discuss CDing, and a common theme was if your spouse doesn’t know about your feminine side, it is not if she will find out but when. That point has nagged me for a long time.
I started out slow by wearing women’s one piece swimsuits in front of her (she was ok with it), then one day we talked and I disclosed Wendy to her. I thought that would be the end of our relationship, and I was thinking I would have to pack my stuff and move out. To my surprise, she said “go get dressed and let me see what you look like”. From that day on, I can be Wendy but within the confines of our home. I am totally ok with that constraint.
Hi Jamie I do not know what the percentage of GG accept their SO presenting a female image. It is only a image we were not born with the female body and we can only emulate what we see. I have been dressing since my early teens. There is a whole lot more to a female than we see that is for sure. I can emulate dressing, body movements to a degree. Unless you are committed to changing your body and changing your body chemistry the majority of us will never to pass as a woman dealing with the outside world full time. I believe the GG’s that do accept their partner presenting a female image and even help at time are GG’s that are self confidant in them selves. They have taken the time to understand it is something we did not ask for. It is just apart of who we are as a person. That is what they accept. Now being supportive that is up to the individual GG. MY wife is very self confidant in who she is a person. She loves me and she absolutely knows I love her and knows nothing will ever come between us. Certainly not clothing will never be the demise of our marriage. She finds a “cute and a little funny” those are her words not mine. She just does not want her man to look stupid or be made fun of, by anyone that is why she helps me present the best image we can put together. At the end of the day I am still the man she married and i do not studder when it come to do what a man is expected to do in the bedroom to the house repairs and every thing else in between. Communication, understanding each others needs and compromise Sounds easy but takes a lot of work If either of you are not able or are willing to do those three things. Then find some one that will. This part of you is never going away. You can deny, hide it pretend it does not exist it is simply just apart of you that you need to embrace in order to be a whole person.
Luv Stephanie
Several girls I dated and felt serious about were that way. My dad said to test the water about their feelings about guys in fem apparel, I came up with some good topics like you girls got it good wearing nice soft things and us guys get stuck with scratchy uncomfortable crap. Some of their answers were guys don’t deserve nice things like us or guys are supposed to wear rugged things. I was disappointed but found someone at last that guys should wear soft silky things if they wanted to she also said men’s under ware was nasty. I married her.
Hi Jamie Posted a poll question in the poll forums on this just would like to thank everyone that was part of it.
I wish I had a straightforward answer for you Jamie. My case was different in that I was at least 50% confident that she would accept me when I came out to her. It was wonderful…at first. She is still supportive and I am thankful for that but within about 6 months, I started sensing her pulling back. My point in sharing this is that for those of us talk about our supportive spouses, there are wide variations in that support, not just from one relationship to another, but within each relationship over time.
We are here for you Jamie and I hope you can find the right balance in your relationship.
💖Lola
Hi Jamie and welcome!
My wife does not accept what I do at all. I keep my body smooth, wear womans jeans/pants, underwear and shoes (flats) everyday. About 2 years ago I thought, “I’ve wasted enough time” and said screw it, and started buying the clothes I wanted (not all) and dressing openly in this manor.
The result, we are still together but have not been intimate with each other for more than 2 years now. She will not go there. I’ve accepted that to a degree, still somewhat hurtful, but it’s a result of my decision. I don’t know if she ignores it/me, just puts up with it, whatever. Not sure. When we are out shopping and she is looking at clothes, I’ve gotten to the point I’m shopping in the same section. Sometimes she seems okay with it, other times not. So I try to go out on my own to shop whenever possible.
I have more “gurly” things that are hidden (shoes and such) that she does not know about but I know would put her over the top, so I’m not out “completely”. Hope to be soon however!
Good luck on your journey, but don’t short change yourself!
Rebekka,
I just wanted to give you a hug. You said things that are so familiar to me!
So, a hug for strength and hope!
Valerie
Hi Jamie,
Sorry to hear your wife isn’t accepting, I feel blessed to have a great boyfriend who is very accepting and encouraging and has been from day 1 of our relationship and I feel for anyone in a relationship with a SO who isn’t accepting and supportive. I wasn’t sure whether or not my bf would be okay with it at first but he’s such a great guy and was immediately supportive, understanding and he encourages me to be me on a daily basis.
Hi, Jamie…!
I wish I could say yes, but sadly NO.
My ex was VERY over-bearing, and refused to allow ‘me’ to be, since she had teenaged children. I complied, and it hurt. A LOT.
I wish I had more for you, hon.
I REALLY hope your wife can learn to love and respect your feelings – after all, you’re with her because you love HER. I wish I had some good advice! I DO feel for you, having been in a similar position!
YOUR feelings matter too, though. I HOPE you can work them out with her, and you can begin a life of love and trust!
Hugs,
Valerie
Girls
I really appreciated the question and all of the responses. I know this is a challenge for all of us. My wife doesn’t know but soon will as I plan to tell her in Sept. I’ve come to realize that I’ve been carrying this weight for so long that I need to tell her. I’m working with a therapist on how to talk about and the sharing and suggestions by so many girls on CDH has been nothing but lifesaving. Going slow, listening, empathy, giving her time to absorb it all, getting her access to education and information are common themes. I will come back and share my results. My best guess is that she will tolerate it but will not want to see it but honestly I just don’t know. I think that is the best case.
I do wish for hope and luck for all that are going through this as well as my heartfelt thanks to all that have commented.
hugs
Jamie, thanks for your post. Notwithstanding Michelle’s quite reasonable opinion, I think I will start to plan my disclosure, or at least consider it as an option. Despite the fact that my wife has often made disparaging remarks about camp or girly men, I felt some light at the end of the tunnel yesterday (as stated in another forum). When she noticed that my arms were stubbly, she asked if I had shaved. I said yes (though I had actually waxed them), because I thought they were too hairly. To my great surprise, she suggested that I should get them professionally waxed! I really feel like there is room to expand what she considers to be acceptable behaviour for men! Zsazsa in Oz
Jamie , I wish I had a happily ever after story to tell but I don’t . I’ve enjoyed being a cd for as long as I can remember. While dating my first wife I related a story to her about a friend of ours who played in a rock band and whose girlfriend liked when he wore her panties underneath while playing (I was son envious) the look on my girlfriends face told it all . “ that’s weird” she said and went on talking about how he must be gay. Any idea of telling her I enjoyed wearing panties went right out the window. When we married two years later I purged and thought I could give it up. We all know that’s impossible. Before long I was hiding panties and nighties around our house. Figuring maybe with time her thoughts on that had changed I decided to come clean , well I told her I liked wearing panties , nothing else. There was that same look on her face, nothing had changed. She refused to want any part of it or see me wearing anything but men’s clothing. For years we went DADT and finally divorced after 30 years . At which time see outed my crossdressing to our children, family members and friends. Life goes on and I’m doing ok. I’m always happy to read when a wife or so accepts. Unfortunately I wasn’t so lucky
Sadly no. I told my ex after being married for a few years. She flipped and we eventually divorced.
Caroline
When I came out to my wife this summer just before our 40th anniversary, I fully expected her to turn her nose up and either pack her things or mine and we part company. She was surprisingly empathetic b/c she could see how broken I was. That empathy lasted all of two days and abruptly turned to anger and distrust (perfectly understandable and what I expected before). Since then we vacillate between almost acceptance and more anger. I want to talk about things, but she gets to a point where she says if I push her too far, she’ll be gone. So, we haven’t really talked more than once or twice in 10 weeks.
Brielle
I’m one of those apparently rare, lucky gurls who has a tolerant and accepting wife. She would certainly rather I be more conventionally masculine, but from my perspective, that makes are acceptance that much more precious.
I asked her recently, if my dressing has any redeeming value for her. After a few moments, she said doing so has made me more understanding of what it’s like to be concerned with fashion, what it’s like to wear a bra and a skirt. She also said she has enjoyed discussing clothes with me, and she’s amused (and also relieved) how different her style and mine are.
Very interesting question and thread. My wife is turned off by a girly guy but she loves me and understands that CD is a part of me that will not go away. As such I keep my dressing to myself so it is not in her face so it is kind of a dadt kind of situation.
Has any one. tried an approach where you take over the household duties like cooking, cleaning and laundry as a kind of bribe to allow you to dress while doing the chores? Seems like that should be an incentive for some ladies but don’t know if that is true.
Hugs,
Michelle
I guess that I am one of the lucky ones. My wife has been supportive since I have come out to her. She even has bought me several things, bras, nightgowns and even sexy underwear. We go for walks when I am dressed. She even has pretty much given up worrying when she notices me steering at other females (she has figured out that most likely I am looking at what they are wearing and or their makeup). Since in most things she has always been the dominant one in the relationship it works out rather well. As I tell her I am her lipstick husband. She has even gotten fairly comfortable with us holding hands when we are out on our walks. But she also KNOWS that I love her very much and still lust after her body on a regular basis! I hope things have either worked out well for you or at least are in the process of working out! I know that I had a great deal of trepidation when I first approached my wife about the life style I wanted! But it was worry about nothing, her reaction was what what was and would be.
Hugs
Leslie
Hi Jamie,
My CD ing started with my wife and I adding some spice to our romantic life.
After I discovered I liked to dress en femme my wife was supportive but as the pink fog over came me it changed.
It turned to barely tolerable and killed our romantic side.
It’s really hard to say what will happen but as I told my wife I couldn’t quite if I wanted to I have a woman inside me now.
Huggs Patty
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