Has your personal situation gotten better or worse since you came out to your loved one(s)?

This poll asks if your personal situation has gotten better or worse since you came out to your loved one(s).

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  • Better
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  • #712727
    Holly Morris
    Registered On: April 15, 2022
    Topics: 117
    Replies: 311
    Has thanked: 3871 times
    Been thanked: 3874 times

    Hi ladies!

    We all know that once we come out to our loved ones, our lives (and theirs) change in innumerable ways. Often that’s for the better, but sometimes it’s for the worse. That’s because, once we come out, we can’t put the genie back in the bottle, she’s out there forever. And more likely, not only is she out there, but she wants to come out even more forcefully into the real world, where she can live, be seen, and be treated as a real woman. She wants to be able to shop as a woman, go out to eat as a woman, keep her clothes and makeup and shoes and everything else out where they’re easily accessible, go out with friends as a woman, and more. In other words, she wants to live as a woman, she doesn’t want to have to hide anymore.

    So for me, when I came out to my wife, my situation was a combination (because, let’s face it, nothing is ever black or white). While she accepts my crossdressing to some degree, she really doesn’t like it or want to participate too much in it (although she does buy me small gifts now and then). She prefers that if I go out, she’s somewhere else so that she doesn’t have to see me as a woman. I can understand and respect that, but I wish it were different and that she’d actually want to see me and do things with me so that we could go out as two women. But that’s not going to happen, so I’m not going to worry about it. I know that I have it a lot better than many of my sisters here on CDH, so I can’t really complain.

    So of course, that got me to wondering…

    Has your personal situation gotten better or worse since you came out to your loved one(s)?



Viewing 21 reply threads
  • Author
    • #714036
      Julianna Frances
      Registered On: July 29, 2022
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 99
      Has thanked: 24 times
      Been thanked: 473 times

      Im not completely out, but i am out to the point where i don’t have to hide my girl stuff in the garage anymore, which is a huge relief.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #713976
      Michelle Smith
      Registered On: April 1, 2022
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 43
      Has thanked: 138 times
      Been thanked: 508 times

      I have one female friend who knew about me, helped me, and encouraged me.  I thank her for giving me the strength to come out to my mother and it was the right move.  My mother and I are closer than we’ve ever been before and she is working very hard to view me as her daughter.  I think that I am lucky that she is in a stage of life where she really would have liked to have a daughter and I am filling that need for her.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #713533
      Dani Rostenkowski
      Registered On: March 22, 2022
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 34
      Has thanked: 224 times
      Been thanked: 180 times

      I came out to my wife. And she said, “I know.” At that point in time I had only figured it out. I’ve said this before but most of my life I thought I was some sort of weirdo. That I might be a CD or even what a CD is never occurred to me. But that didn’t mean my wife “approved” it’s more of a I know but I don’t want to know. I have no intention of telling any other family members. I don’t think I have anything to prove. I proved it to myself and I’m happy with that.

      I “came out” to my therapist. And I will say that was one of the most liberating things in my life. I think after that session, I walked out in the hall and said, “Whew!” Like I finally did that. Someone knows. And I didn’t explode or anything and they didn’t look at me like I was a freak. It had to be the biggest pressure release up to that time I had during counseling. (Just a short blurb – my counseling was not about being a CD – it primarily has to do with abuse as a child and my mother)

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #713405
      Michelle McQueen
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 31
      Replies: 1895
      Has thanked: 14588 times
      Been thanked: 9572 times

      Yes my life is better now since I came out to the wife over six years ago. We had our usual talks and ups and downs but things have settled where I dress at home in a limited fashion and she doesn’t care. She still doesn’t want to see me dressed fully but her limits I can live with.

      I dress every day and under dress every day too with no problem. I’ve let my hair grow out into a now 14in ponytail and recently got my ears pierced. These are things I could never have done before.

      One of the best things about coming out is I don’t have to hide anymore and can order online and shop in stores if I want. We even talk girly fashions sometimes and she has said she likes having a girlfriend because I’m a much calmer and happy person.

      Its no more a burden and fear that was constantly on my mind for decades with stress and wondering if I might be caught any day. I have a wardrobe now. Yes things are much better now.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #713201
      Lucinda Hawkns
      Registered On: September 1, 2015
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 1454
      Has thanked: 93 times
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      i had to choose between for my wife will let me dress up but will not let me sit in same room as her and talk like 2 woman and see what a different person i am and also how pretty i can be dressed up, could use some help with foundation and cover up make up and maybe a little more help on eye shadow. but other then that i dress up to look as pretty and some what passable as a female.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #713164
      Ashley Konners
      Registered On: August 15, 2020
      Topics: 45
      Replies: 773
      Has thanked: 2712 times
      Been thanked: 3888 times

      Oh so much better since coming out to my wife. Sure she took some time to process everything but had been great with Ashley and is supportive, understanding and sometimes encouraging.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #713060
      Registered On: March 9, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 18
      Has thanked: 33 times
      Been thanked: 83 times

      I voted Yes !

      I have kept my dressing a secret only I knew for way too long, I have been living with my S.O. 4 years that’s 4 years I should have told her sooner, keeping it a secret from her was something I couldn’t continue to do any longer, there were times I would accidentally leave something out and always worried she would find it, you don’t want your spouse to find panties that don’t be long to her ? The worry it caused me was crippling honestly a nervous wreck,  it always interfered with the pleasure and my feelings  being dressed as Dayna yeah kind of a buzz kill.

      Moving forward I told her last February she reacted in a way I wasn’t expecting its out I just told her ? She didn’t seem bothered at all and in fact said whatever?  it’s your thing if it makes you happy enjoy it, then to my surprise she asked me do you have any pics LOL I sure do she asked to see them, right from the start she was considerate and sweet about it one thing lead to another so before you know it I’m dressing for her I change clothes many times and wigs too she was unfazed and even told I look good, so I dress anytime I want with no bad comments or criticism only compliments it’s Great ! we go out together with no problems she spoils me and buys Dayna plenty of things, I don’t have to ask she does it too help her girl out infact I have told to stop so oddly enough I see something I like or comment on she somehow manages to see it comes home with us me not knowing till we get home how lucky for me,  Telling her was a great relief, I no longer hide I don’t have to worry about leaving things out or being busted any longer what a Great feeling!  I like to tell ppl I’m Blessed when Dressed my significant other helps to make it all possible I’m Grateful.. to all my girlfriends reading this I wish you the best on your journey make the best of it and only look forward it gets better..

      I wish all those in the closet could come out and be themselves… Good luck ladies your CDH friend Dayna..

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #713000
      Sherri Remington
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: August 8, 2018
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 235
      Has thanked: 197 times
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      Holly it’s been 35 years since I shared Sherri with my wife, didn’t go over very well at all. So here we are that many years later and I’m writing this in my robe and nightgown, about to go and put on my bra and panties, girly jeans and go shovel the snow so we can go run some errands together. She’s fine with it and I’m happy with it, because the older I get, the more I want to dress and be out there and she seems to be giving me that freedom to do so.

      So I would say very much better.


      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #712918
      Kris Burton
      Registered On: August 6, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 129
      Has thanked: 572 times
      Been thanked: 796 times

      My situation has improved.My wife and I have always had a great relationship, 42 years. I worried that when I began to crossdress actively it would compromise that. I could not hide my crossdressing from my wife for very long, the stress was just too much to bear, so I came out very soon after I began. I am very glad I did not sell my wife short; after a period of time (“adjustment” to the idea she termed it) she was accepting, with some reservations such as not going out publicly or wearing women’s attire when she was home. After a time though, she became more interested – even participatory – helping me with makeup, helping me choose which pictures to post, and allowing it to be part of our usual conversation in a comfortable way. She has warmed to the idea of my “outings” which I now do. Although she has seen Kris on several occasions ( she likes seeing my new outfits) I have no interest in wearing women’s clothing around the house as a rule when she is home, so that works.  It’s much like we have a new common interest. I am very pleased with where my life is now on all levels, and our relationship is a big part of that.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #712917
      Registered On: December 5, 2020
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 609
      Has thanked: 1462 times
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      Much better for me. My Dad lives with me, and I kept my cross-dressing a secret for two years. Finally on October 31st (Halloween) 2020, I transformed into Revel, and revealed that I’m a CD. It worked perfectly, and my Daddy has been accepting, supportive, and loves his daughter “Rev” as he always call me. I wrote an article about how Halloween helped me with acceptance. I also revealed Revel to my Mom (RIP) before she died, and my sibling sister (Rev’s Sis) is now a CDH member. I’m very happy to have a family who loves, accepts, and supports me. I revel in it. Haha.

      Love you Daddy and sis. ❤️❤️


      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #712905
      Registered On: February 8, 2016
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 69
      Has thanked: 461 times
      Been thanked: 292 times

      Better for me, but it has been a long, hard process. My wife found out about 15 years ago and life is better. Our children don’t know, and she is determined to keep it that way (I would like to tell them before they discover on their own). A limited number of friends and family know.

    • #712896
      Registered On: March 19, 2021
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 151
      Has thanked: 47 times
      Been thanked: 405 times

      My situation is better. My female wardrobe for cosplaying and every day wear honey can be washed. With the every day wear wardrobe I can express my inner woman the woman Julie I want to be now a days sweetie. My family, friends, online community and friends of the family all accept it as you know so my life is better with it getting even better after transitioning if my New Years resolution for 2023 comes true.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #712878
      Alison Anderson
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 1017
      Has thanked: 796 times
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      I have to reply other. I’m divorced, but it’s not because of my dressing. Other is closest to Not Applicable.

      Since she moved out (even before we were divorced), I have more opportunities to dress and to go out dressed.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #712871
      Lauren Mugnaia
      Registered On: November 1, 2021
      Topics: 28
      Replies: 698
      Has thanked: 12651 times
      Been thanked: 4065 times

      For me, it’s in between, but there’s quite a difference between coming out as a CD and transitioning as a trans woman. I am out to the world as a trans woman which means virtually everyone who is acquainted to me knows I’m transgender and am living as a woman. My situation at work and where I live couldn’t be any better. I am viewed as and treated as a woman. But the situation of acceptance isn’t that good with some family members and many acquaintances have vanished or have ‘ghosted’ me. I am currently separated from my spouse as she is having a difficult time dealing with my transition, as she says, “I married a man.” and I am now legally a female.
      But when all is said, now that I’ve experienced the sheer joy of living as the person I always knew I was, there is no way I would ever consider returning to living as a man, just ain’t never gonna happen gals!

      Big hugs girls,

      Ms. Lauren M

    • #712794
      J J
      Registered On: September 13, 2019
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 709
      Has thanked: 0 times
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      Definitely better. The few who know are fine with including my spouse. She just says “it’s just clothes.” I had started with panties then bras, and never an issue. I was worried when it progressed, but when I came out to her about it, she just repeated the just clothes point. She has always said about my lingerie wearing that it doesn’t do anything for her, but if zi get pleasure out of it then fine. I don’t dress in front of her often, but when I do it is never an issues, and the evening usually ends in bed and quite passionately. She knows what a turn on it is for me, and I make sure to please her in multiple ways, so it is win/win.

      I came out to my cousin and she was a total sweetheart about it and let me drive her to the airport en femme. The only other direct person to know is my wax tech. and she once told me, “If a person has a problem with it, it is their problem, not yours.” Nobody else “needs` to know, though others may suspect.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #712789
      Michelle Brown
      Registered On: August 23, 2015
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 291
      Has thanked: 9043 times
      Been thanked: 1274 times

      Hi Holly,My personal situation has always been great.I live alone,both of my parents and all of my aunts and uncles have passed.I am in Arizona and my sister and brother live in Illinois.My sister knows of Michelle and accepts it totally,my brother and his wife do not know of Michelle and I dont know if they would accept it or not.My brother keeps talking about moving here and if that happens ,he will have a very big surprise.I am not worried,if it happens,so be it.Michelle is very happy being Michelle and does not plan to change.

    • #712787
      Kerri Smith
      Registered On: November 21, 2022
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 75
      Has thanked: 33 times
      Been thanked: 509 times

      I replied:  it’s complicated. I was outed to my wife when she was snooping on my iPad and saw a photo of me dressed.  We have since divorced, for a variety of reasons, but I don’t think my crossdressing had a lot to do with it.  Now I am alone and can dress when I want. I guess in some ways my situation is better because I’m free to do what I want. It does get lonely tottering around in a big mostly empty house.

      I hope your situation is better.


      • #713209
        Polly Stewart
        Registered On: January 2, 2021
        Topics: 13
        Replies: 958
        Has thanked: 1478 times
        Been thanked: 3284 times

        Ahhh… my ex was my greatest supporter and persuaded me to transition then suddenly I was shown the door on the pretext that she couldn’t live with a woman… go figure.


        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #712786
      Carolyn Kay
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: August 25, 2016
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 508
      Has thanked: 1949 times
      Been thanked: 2407 times

      I had “The Talk” with my wife about 15 years ago. I was very fortunate that she, after a while, was accepting. Although she had a lot of rules and restrictions about my dressing, I am so much happier. She is the only one in my family that truly knows, but still my life is so much better. She buys me clothing and other items, and allows me to fully dress at times.

    • #712781
      Fiona Black
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 23, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 537
      Has thanked: 391 times
      Been thanked: 2342 times

      I live alone and voted better because, since starting to live as Fiona eight months ago, my life has improved dramatically and I am happy with the direction my life has taken.


    • #712764
      Wendy Swift
      Registered On: May 11, 2020
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 943
      Has thanked: 1021 times
      Been thanked: 4327 times

      Since I introduced Wendy to my wife, I was surprised that she was ok with it.  I was prepared for a long discussion that would not be in my favour.

      Our relationship was rock solid, and after introducing Wendy, it has still remained the same, solid.   My dressing hasn’t changed my situation.  The only thing she has gotten on my case about (and one time she totally reamed me out big time) is my spending on Wendy.  It has been over a year now and I’ve kept my spending under control, that is I have barely bought anything.  The only things I’ve bought are from amazon, but my wife has bought me amazon gift cards and she said I could buy anything I want with it.

      So I’m inbetween.  Situation was good before, and has remained the same after.

      She has stated she doesn’t want me to leave the house as Wendy, and that is something I’ve more or less abided by.



    • #712758
      Kathy Jackson
      Registered On: September 3, 2015
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 125
      Has thanked: 6331 times
      Been thanked: 532 times

      My bride and I see a counselor who is very up to date with the whole gender dysphoria and crossdressing issue. Wifey caught me when she found a pair of my panties in my Levis pocket. I spilled the beans and convinced her the panties were mine and not “another woman’s”. Over time the counseling has opened her mind to my secret desires and she gives me time to spend dressed as “Kathy” while she is out of the house. I also am allowed to be Kathy in the mornings in our master bathroom where I read the news paper and explore my e-mail and listen to morning radio talk shows. etc.

      While she does not want to see “Kathy” walking around the house in a dress, she allows me to under dress, as I wish – which is nearly all day, every day. I can put my dainty’s in the common wash and they end up atop my dresser to be folded and put away. So, while it is not perfect, it gives me lots of freedom to do my thing, without fear.

      One promise I had to make was to not dress and go out and about dressed. She objects to any thought of me shaving off my facial hair. Obviously a way to keep Kathy at home. I miss having the opportunity to meet with other girls and attend meetings and get-togethers. Sometimes ya gotta give a little to get a little.

    • #712743
      Susan Talbot
      Registered On: June 28, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 327
      Has thanked: 5128 times
      Been thanked: 1369 times

      For me it is great.  My fiancée and I are closer than ever.  It was great for our relationship plus it felt so good to stop hiding and lying everything.

      Anyways, my Fiancée has taught me a lot about makeup and fashion.  She buys me stuff and shops with me.  All of my boy stuff is put away. I only need a tiny bit out.  I am free to dress as much as I want or as little as I want. I can sleep in nightgowns or lingerie or nada she is fine with it all.   Frankly, my fiancée is super accepting of me being me or being Susan.

      The only caveat is to not leave the house or go out dressed right where we live.


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